Guest davethebear Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Well, I have now been in Oz for nearly 3 years and at the moment I am seriously thinking about returning home. I think that Australia is a really beautiful place (places to visit, that is)...but I don't feel that that is enough to keep me here. I actually believe that I came to live here too late in life; I am now 45 years old. I am the kind of person who loves to travel, and have travelled far and wide for years. However, I do believe that I can live anywhere, which I can, but I also believe that to live anywhere you have to be happy where you are living. The dilemma that I face is the fact that my partner of 10 years has always wanted to live in Oz, and she still does. We get on really well and have always had a great relationship, but I have felt myself getting more withdrawn, especially during the last 6 months or so. I have always been an upbeat, social character; I love to be out and about, going for drinks, theatre, football matches, galleries etc. I also perform stand up comedy, but the fun within me has diminished. In some ways I feel that this is to do with my surroundings and the differences with humour and normal every day life compared to the UK. I don't tend to find the intelligence within general conversation with people here as I do back home; therefore, after a while I tend to switch off because I know that it is not going to go anywhere. Yes, I do feel that people here are always open and want to chat, but I feel that there is something lacking. I don’t mean to be disrespectful and negative towards the people of Australia, I just think that it is an entirely different culture and a very different way of life compared to what I am used to. I feel that when you have been brought up and educated in a country for over 40 odd years, it is more difficult to get used to an entirely different way of life in a new country such as Oz. During my travels I have spent a great deal of time in Europe over the years, but have always felt at ease and able to converse with the local population, even if the language is different, that always made it a bit more fun. I also think that learning a new language in order to live within a country would be a great challenge, and also a large part of my integration into a new community. I always new that I wanted to leave the UK, and go and live elsewhere, but before I met my partner, Australia never really entered my thoughts as a country that I could possibly live. Maybe if you are born and bred within the European community, then there are more similarities than what you are really aware of. If I do return to the UK, then there are plenty European countries that I can choose from in which to live, with a more interesting culture and historical background. Both culture and history are two of my great loves, something else that I have missed since being in Oz. I suppose I just wanted to write this short piece to try and convey my thoughts and feelings and get things off my chest. I don’t want to come across in a negative way, but to reassure folks who are thinking of moving here, that these feelings I believe to be normal. It takes time to adjust, people I have spoken to have stated that it normally takes around 3 years to get things into any kind of order. Some people who read this may totally disagree with what I have said, but at the end of the day, everybody is different, some adjust quicker than others. However, if you are thinking about moving here because the weather and climate may be better than back home, then also be aware that there is more to life and happiness than the weather issue. But from a totally stereotypical, pommie view point, I bloody miss a proper pub and a real game of football. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 It is a difficult dilemna. Reading between the lines it sounds like you are contemplating breaking up with your partner if you decide to go back to the UK. It is hard to get advice in a forum such as this from people who don't really know you so I would encourage you talk about it with someone you trust, family or close friend. At your age it would be tough to effectively start again on your own, so best of luck with your decision making. It is never to late to start again if that is what is best for you in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Dave, it must have been hard for you to write down what you've said here and I can sense your desire not to upset anyone or to be seen to be 'Oz-bashing'. Does your partner know how dreadful you're feeling, or are you putting on a brave face? Maybe playing down how you feel in the hope your feelings will pass eventually? Do you think a change of scenery would be viable/useful - each state in Australia is very different and so you might find you get on better in a different part of the country - I hear from my husband that Melbourne has some "proper pubs" for instance :laugh: I think you should sit down and let your partner read what you've written here, because in my opinion you sound like you're getting more and more down, and the things you miss are becoming more and more important to have in your life. I know a little of how you feel (I won't go into detail here again but my other threads give an insight into how hard I initially found living here) and you definitely need to talk to your partner and discuss the best way forward. It might not be a conversation you're relishing having, but you really need to get it off your chest so you don't end up in a downward spiral. I wish you all the very, very best - it's not an easy situation to be in. Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest davethebear Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Dave, it must have been hard for you to write down what you've said here and I can sense your desire not to upset anyone or to be seen to be 'Oz-bashing'. Does your partner know how dreadful you're feeling, or are you putting on a brave face? Maybe playing down how you feel in the hope your feelings will pass eventually? Do you think a change of scenery would be viable/useful - each state in Australia is very different and so you might find you get on better in a different part of the country - I hear from my husband that Melbourne has some "proper pubs" for instance :laugh: I think you should sit down and let your partner read what you've written here, because in my opinion you sound like you're getting more and more down, and the things you miss are becoming more and more important to have in your life. I know a little of how you feel (I won't go into detail here again but my other threads give an insight into how hard I initially found living here) and you definitely need to talk to your partner and discuss the best way forward. It might not be a conversation you're relishing having, but you really need to get it off your chest so you don't end up in a downward spiral. I wish you all the very, very best - it's not an easy situation to be in. Sue x Thanks for your kind words......I haven't obviously gone into every defining detail within my private life.........there are other factors to do with health etc...........but I have taken onboard what you have said........thanks for the support x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Thanks for your kind words......I haven't obviously gone into every defining detail within my private life.........there are other factors to do with health etc...........but I have taken onboard what you have said........thanks for the support x No worries at all Dave, I sincerely hope things work out for you. :hug: Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boganbear Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your situation and can sympathise with you. Australia is not England with sunshine. Neither is it Spain/Italy/Greece with English. At least Cyprus has a bit of both. We are sticking it out here until the UK economy improves and then go home. Australia is rather like France - very nice but unfortunately it is spoilt by the French. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest davethebear Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Cheers Boganbear for your humorous thoughts and comments........made me laugh....cheers...all the best to ya..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your situation and can sympathise with you. Australia is not England with sunshine. Neither is it Spain/Italy/Greece with English. At least Cyprus has a bit of both. We are sticking it out here until the UK economy improves and then go home. Australia is rather like France - very nice but unfortunately it is spoilt by the French. So you'll be here for the next 10 years at least ? (Sorry couldn't resist) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest davethebear Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Thanks for that............are you guys trying to give me more comedy material? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your situation and can sympathise with you. Australia is not England with sunshine. Neither is it Spain/Italy/Greece with English. At least Cyprus has a bit of both. We are sticking it out here until the UK economy improves and then go home. Australia is rather like France - very nice but unfortunately it is spoilt by the French. Now there's a typical English comment for you. Have you watched he English "comedy" Benidorme? I tried a couple of times but it made me cringe as it's so close to the truth for some. I remember when we used to go to Spain in the 70's and 80's and you would get English holidaymakers over complaining about "foreign muck" for the food and "you can't get a decent pint" and "can't anyone speak English. They thought the answer to the language problem was just to shout louder at the person you were talking to. The same thing is spoiling Australia as happened in Spain. Too many Brits who want everything to be like bogan says "England with sunshine". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chris955 Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 I thought it sounded like the Aussie in Bali :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 To the OP Life's too short to be unhappy ... there's a saying that we ask for advise when we know the answer but wish we didn't. It feels like you know what you want to do already, because we don't know you or your circumstances as strangers we really can't say what to do for the best (for you), we're each influenced by our own subjective experiences. Those who have thought of returning to the UK will be able to empathise with you more than those like myself (who moved in my 40's), who hasn't even contemplated a holiday back to the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fleabo Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 OP. You have articulated your dilemma well so I feel confident that between yourselves will find a solution wherever that may be. Have you been back to the UK recently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andromeda9 Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 OP. You have articulated your dilemma well so I feel confident that between yourselves will find a solution wherever that may be. Have you been back to the UK recently? I have been in OZ almost four years, went back to the UK because I was feeling so homesick, left my husband here as he loved it, stayed in the UK for nine months with various friends just loved it, then came back knowing I love the UK, but do not want to live there, in such a short time it had changed so crowded so different than the Manchester i loved and still do, but wow Australia to me is feeling more and more like home even though i still do get homesick, I know I would not wish to return for good, think I miss being able to pop over to Spain more, go back If possible for a holiday first if you have not been back ,best of luck with whatever you decide to do as the way you feel right now is not good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 I have been in OZ almost four years, went back to the UK because I was feeling so homesick, left my husband here as he loved it, stayed in the UK for nine months with various friends just loved it, then came back knowing I love the UK, but do not want to live there, in such a short time it had changed so crowded so different than the Manchester i loved and still do, but wow Australia to me is feeling more and more like home even though i still do get homesick, I know I would not wish to return for good, think I miss being able to pop over to Spain more, go back If possible for a holiday first if you have not been back ,best of luck with whatever you decide to do as the way you feel right now is not good We went back on holiday about 5 years ago. I didn't bother going into Manchester myself as I hate shopping but my wife went and said she hardly recognised it. What she noticed most was how many foreigners were there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andromeda9 Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 We went back on holiday about 5 years ago. I didn't bother going into Manchester myself as I hate shopping but my wife went and said she hardly recognised it. What she noticed most was how many foreigners were there. didn't like saying that, because I like all nationalities ,but its not British white any longer, so got to say it wasn't like being home at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest davethebear Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Now there's a typical English comment for you. Have you watched he English "comedy" Benidorme? I tried a couple of times but it made me cringe as it's so close to the truth for some. I remember when we used to go to Spain in the 70's and 80's and you would get English holidaymakers over complaining about "foreign muck" for the food and "you can't get a decent pint" and "can't anyone speak English. They thought the answer to the language problem was just to shout louder at the person you were talking to. The same thing is spoiling Australia as happened in Spain. Too many Brits who want everything to be like bogan says "England with sunshine". Yeah, I have watched Benidorm on TV and I bloody hate it, it also makes me cringe to the point where after 5 mins I have to turn it off. I don't want Oz to be the UK, nowhere can be like the UK, well I bloody hope not. The thought of returning back to the UK fills me with dread, but there is plenty of europe to try without any brits. I don't even like to mix with brits if I can help it when I am away anywhere in the world because they are always moaning that they can't get a decent cup of tea, good chips, or moan about hot it is. I just wanted to write to say that I have tried it, have enjoyed some of my stay, but still feel as though I am craving for something. Maybe I will never find the utopia I am looking for, but unless you look, then you will never find the answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest davethebear Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 OP. You have articulated your dilemma well so I feel confident that between yourselves will find a solution wherever that may be. Have you been back to the UK recently? Went back for 3 weeks last year...............some of it was good, some not so good..............but there are many differences between countries, some good, some not so good............just lacking here in Oz, just doesn't have the b*****ks....I feel a vast emptiness, and wish I didn't.........Craaaaazy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andromeda9 Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Yeah, I have watched Benidorm on TV and I bloody hate it, it also makes me cringe to the point where after 5 mins I have to turn it off. I don't want Oz to be the UK, nowhere can be like the UK, well I bloody hope not. The thought of returning back to the UK fills me with dread, but there is plenty of europe to try without any brits. I don't even like to mix with brits if I can help it when I am away anywhere in the world because they are always moaning that they can't get a decent cup of tea, good chips, or moan about hot it is. I just wanted to write to say that I have tried it, have enjoyed some of my stay, but still feel as though I am craving for something. Maybe I will never find the utopia I am looking for, but unless you look, then you will never find the answers. fancy that, we both just love Benidorm on telle, because it makes me more smug living here ha but love it all the same :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fleabo Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Went back for 3 weeks last year...............some of it was good, some not so good..............but there are many differences between countries, some good, some not so good............just lacking here in Oz, just doesn't have the b*****ks....I feel a vast emptiness, and wish I didn't.........Craaaaazy It ain't crazy - it is just the way you feel. Good luck in your deliberations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andromeda9 Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 just wondered where in Australia are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest davethebear Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 just wondered where in Australia are you? sydney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 sydney Plenty more places to check out yet then mate. Each one is different and sometimes worlds apart. Almost like moving from England to Spain maybe, apart from the language problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest famousfive Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 It is hard to give anyone advice on such a huge life changing decision,having said that you seem to give the impression you know what you want to do but feel bad about doing it perhaps?All I can say is.....sometimes you come to a point in life where you have to be true to yourself and make the tough decisions that allow you to be who you are meant to be.At times the easy choices are the ones that leave you resembling a shadow of yourself and the hard choices are what set you free.What I am trying to say I suppose is be true to yourself and listen to what that little voice inside is suggesting,whether this be stay or go,only you will know.Good luck to you,it is a tough one.I will have a drink for you to make the thinking process easier...lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andromeda9 Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 If possible have a holiday in Australia,In Melbourne stay at Batmans on the hill hotel, a stones throw from everywhere, go to Brisbane, catch up with my sons for a drink one been here 16 years other eight months age 38 and 36 both love it, dont let them take you to the tittie bar ha, joking apart stay in caravan parks in units thats where you meet some of the best people if all fails and you still feel unsettled then a visit back to the UK to see how you go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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