Did returning home lift your sadness?

[Guest Caitmelbourne]

88888

[olly]

Most time your instinct is right, are you here by yourself or have you settled a family here, that's the hard bit. If you are solo, you could just go home, you've had a four month holiday ! If it's a whole family experience, maybe talk it out and go home before time might be an issue in moving everything again. Best of luck.

[Quoll]

I go home every year and feel quite different when I arrive - the euphoria steadily builds until it hits a crescendo as we fly up the Thames. I dont think the smile leaves my face until a couple of days before I am due to get on the plane to return then I get seriously depressed again.

 

My DIL commented last year when she came back with me, just how different a person I was in UK. I thought I put a pretty good face on being stuck where I absolutely do NOT want to be (most people dont pick it) but she said it stood out like a sore thumb. Note to self, act better for the rest of the time!

[byrned]

Olly-Nope it's just me, myself & I which I guess makes things alot less complicated! I really feel for those who have families to consider especially when there's a conflict of interests. However it also means that I don't have the support of people close by, there's always my mum at the end of Skype though :biggrin:

 

I wish I had come out with the holiday mindset!! It certainly hasn't been a break, but I do feel I have learned ALOT about myself at a point in my life I really needed to.

 

Quoll-Ah the good old Thames. I daydream about London all the time...Borough Market, St James' Park, Greenwich Park, Brick Lane, Kew Gardens....

 

Sounds to me you need to get back to blighty, if you are young and age is not a problem, you could always come back later in life. I am from Yorkshire but used to spend weekends in London for theatre and stuff and will always remember breakfast in covent garden on sunday morning (bliss) lots of weekend trips I used to do all over Uk I just used to take them for granted, (why)

[Guest Gollywobbler]

Hi guys

 

I just wondered if those who had felt depressed out in Aus (maybe situational depression) felt better soon on returning to the UK? Did you have any doubts when you arrived, like you'd made a mistake?

 

I've only been here for 4 months but thinking about heading home already & cutting my losses. I'm on a work hol but had hoped to go for PR through 175 or 457 but I have been affected by the May 8th changes & to be honest...didn't even feel all that gutted, just despondant & almost like fate is trying to tell me I am not destined to be happy here! I have some 457 opportunities but they don't fill me with joy.

 

My stomach does a little flip whenever someone mentions London. I miss it, but I'm scared of going back & then regretting it. I do love Melbourne, but I'm not myself here & I'm not making the most of an opportunity....there must be some reason for that & i think I am depressed. I hate saying that because I'm usually a happy person.

 

Any experiences? How did you honestly feel in the immediate period after returning? How about when UK gets freezing & dark & you know a sunny life is existing where you chose to leave

 

Hey, Waterkitty

 

FWIW, I can understand your anxiety, despair, homesickness and worry. You are in the thick of the Minister for Immi's latest round of changes and the man is causing more confusion, annoyance and misery to people than either he or Australia are bluddy well worth imho.

 

Sit tight, hon. There will be some clarity before too long and it might work in your favour in the end. I can't promise that it will be OK because neither you or I know for sure.

 

However I feel sure that right now is not the right time for you to cut your losses and to bale out.

 

Hugs :hug:

 

Gill

xx

[Guest Pete and Lou]

My personal experience of being homesick was when I was backpacking several years ago and it got to a point when all I could think of was home and the places I could go and the people I was missing and I cut my trip short to return home. After 2 weeks of catching up with everyone I hit rock bottom.....what had I done coming home now, this would have all been here for me in another 6 months but that trip wasn't now so easy to do. London, etc will always be there, travelling round Melbourne etc will never be as easy as it is now.

[Guest Aldo]

It was like this for me...

 

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[olly]

Olly-Nope it's just me, myself & I which I guess makes things alot less complicated! I really feel for those who have families to consider especially when there's a conflict of interests. However it also means that I don't have the support of people close by, there's always my mum at the end of Skype though :biggrin:

 

I wish I had come out with the holiday mindset!! It certainly hasn't been a break, but I do feel I have learned ALOT about myself at a point in my life I really needed to.

 

Quoll-Ah the good old Thames. I daydream about London all the time...Borough Market, St James' Park, Greenwich Park, Brick Lane, Kew Gardens....

 

Have you made some acquaintances in a social group of some kind, because that of course can make a difference. It did for me. Once I made some friends to go to the theatre with, have coffee with, movies, etc in any country, I found that you more or less do the same type of things as your place of residence most of the time. I guess too, that four months isn't a lot of time to see much of Australia, and the UK will always be there as home, but will you go home to the same thing you have always known and feel 'safe, fuzzy and warm' and be happy. Living away from 'home' is not for everyone, gee I wish sometimes I felt like that, I have got to travel the world every chance I get and I love every second of it, good and bad, but I understand the need to be with family and friends too at times. But, if you feel you have seen enough of Australia and Melbourne, perhaps it is time, only you know that of course.

 

[Guest rayman1]

I went home after 5 months from Brisbane. My family supported the decision and am 100% happier. In fact we all are. Australia wasn't the place for me.

[emmaroo]

Hi guys

 

I just wondered if those who had felt depressed out in Aus (maybe situational depression) felt better soon on returning to the UK? Did you have any doubts when you arrived, like you'd made a mistake?

 

I've only been here for 4 months but thinking about heading home already & cutting my losses. I'm on a work hol but had hoped to go for PR through 175 or 457 but I have been affected by the May 8th changes & to be honest...didn't even feel all that gutted, just despondant & almost like fate is trying to tell me I am not destined to be happy here! I have some 457 opportunities but they don't fill me with joy.

 

My stomach does a little flip whenever someone mentions London. I miss it, but I'm scared of going back & then regretting it. I do love Melbourne, but I'm not myself here & I'm not making the most of an opportunity....there must be some reason for that & i think I am depressed. I hate saying that because I'm usually a happy person.

 

Any experiences? How did you honestly feel in the immediate period after returning? How about when UK gets freezing & dark & you know a sunny life is existing where you chose to leave[/

 

Hi

 

Your post is exactly how I feel just the other way about- I am depressed about being in UK and can't wait to get back to Oz. It's horrible regardless and I really hope that you feel happy again soon whatever you decide to do because it's horrible feeling miserable when as you say you are usually happy!

 

Good Luck

Emma

x

[jenki]

Hi guys

 

I just wondered if those who had felt depressed out in Aus (maybe situational depression) felt better soon on returning to the UK? Did you have any doubts when you arrived, like you'd made a mistake?

 

I've only been here for 4 months but thinking about heading home already & cutting my losses. I'm on a work hol but had hoped to go for PR through 175 or 457 but I have been affected by the May 8th changes & to be honest...didn't even feel all that gutted, just despondant & almost like fate is trying to tell me I am not destined to be happy here! I have some 457 opportunities but they don't fill me with joy.

 

My stomach does a little flip whenever someone mentions London. I miss it, but I'm scared of going back & then regretting it. I do love Melbourne, but I'm not myself here & I'm not making the most of an opportunity....there must be some reason for that & i think I am depressed. I hate saying that because I'm usually a happy person.

 

Any experiences? How did you honestly feel in the immediate period after returning? How about when UK gets freezing & dark & you know a sunny life is existing where you chose to leave

 

Hi there

Wow, reading your post brought back memories. I was just 'not myself' in Melbourne. I thought it'd be easy to meet people coz I have kids, I did meet a lot of people and made a few friends but still just didn't feel right.

After 8 months I came home (with my kids) and my husband finished the year of his contract. He was happy there - mainly because the job/work/commute was better for him so we had him around for more family time.

Socially it was different and strange for me. Everyday living too. Generally 'different' for me didn't feel good.

I've been back in the uk about 17 months and usually feel glad to be back. Sometimes I wonder what might have been (especially as hubby was happy in oz) so I look at PIO, which doesn't necessarily help the confusion. I think hubby would go back tomorrow.

On a day to day basis I'm happy I came back. I have all my family and friends around and all the familiarity. Last week one of my kids broke her arm and I was so relieved to be in England and know where to go, not to mention the support available to me should I need it.

BUT that's me and my family. What's right for you, only you know. There were other issues that may have affected my time in oz (like my mother becoming unwell at home and friends going through traumas etc) for me the pull was to go home.

If you stay it may be worth seeing someone like a councillor to ease your mood and if you leave you'll be able to say that you tried and it wasn't for you.

I hope that you are able to find your answers and wish you luck on your journey.

Take care.

[caramac]

Do you think that getting some treatment for your depression (and a proper diagnosis) might help you to see things more clearly?

I had a similar thing when we went back to the UK after living in Perth a few years ago and I thought nothing would make me feel better, it was just the situation I was in. My husband eventually persuaded me to take some St John's Wort and after a few weeks I did start to feel ok again. It didn't alter my opinions, but it did change the way I dealt with things and meant I could go and meet people and make a social life for myself - if that makes any sense??

Don't start to take anything without seeing a dr first, but it might be worth a shot before making any really big decisions.

 

Good luck - it's a horrible feeling.

[mrsindecision]

Both OH and I have felt very concerend about our mental states at various times during this experience. The feeling of being alone even when you're not is overwhelming. For the first time in my life I actually had moments when I felt completely worthless ( that's a scary and very powerful feeling) and almost like I was nothing _ hard to describe but I guess I have heard people say those words before but I had personally never felt anything close to that before in my life. I guess having your very foundations gone really does un-nerve you. I managed to soldier on and have a busy life in many ways here but as soon as on my own - feel alone again. My mum is visiting now and I feel perfectly happy even though she can drive me nuts - I feel quietly loved and supported - in a way that i dont when she is not here ( the phone and skype just cant do it). So some of this stuff runs really deep - I think those who fair well in Australia are often those who do have some family links here (even in-laws) - it really does make all the difference. Make sure you take care of yourself first - nothing is worth your health.

[mrcatania]

I know exactly how you feel. I pray for my old life back in London every day, job, friends, family....even the bloody tube ! The only thing I can liken it to is having a great holiday then coming back to the UK in the middle of winter to a cold, empty house. That deep sad, depressed feeling you get that lasts a day or 2 until you get back into your normal routine...... but here, I have just felt like that for the past 10 months. Its really not nice.

[Guest ozboy]

Hi guys

 

I just wondered if those who had felt depressed out in Aus (maybe situational depression) felt better soon on returning to the UK? Did you have any doubts when you arrived, like you'd made a mistake?

 

I've only been here for 4 months but thinking about heading home already & cutting my losses. I'm on a work hol but had hoped to go for PR through 175 or 457 but I have been affected by the May 8th changes & to be honest...didn't even feel all that gutted, just despondant & almost like fate is trying to tell me I am not destined to be happy here! I have some 457 opportunities but they don't fill me with joy.

 

My stomach does a little flip whenever someone mentions London. I miss it, but I'm scared of going back & then regretting it. I do love Melbourne, but I'm not myself here & I'm not making the most of an opportunity....there must be some reason for that & i think I am depressed. I hate saying that because I'm usually a happy person.

 

Any experiences? How did you honestly feel in the immediate period after returning? How about when UK gets freezing & dark & you know a sunny life is existing where you chose to leave

 

If you were'nt depressed and were happy before you came to OZ and only became depressed when living in OZ then moving back should solve it.

[Guest emmawaterton]

Oh Huni

You need to listern to your heart

[Guest emmawaterton]

Oh Huni

You need to listen to your heart

[Guest treesea]

Hi guys

 

I just wondered if those who had felt depressed out in Aus (maybe situational depression) felt better soon on returning to the UK? Did you have any doubts when you arrived, like you'd made a mistake?

 

I've only been here for 4 months but thinking about heading home already & cutting my losses. I'm on a work hol but had hoped to go for PR through 175 or 457 but I have been affected by the May 8th changes & to be honest...didn't even feel all that gutted, just despondant & almost like fate is trying to tell me I am not destined to be happy here! I have some 457 opportunities but they don't fill me with joy.

 

My stomach does a little flip whenever someone mentions London. I miss it, but I'm scared of going back & then regretting it. I do love Melbourne, but I'm not myself here & I'm not making the most of an opportunity....there must be some reason for that & i think I am depressed. I hate saying that because I'm usually a happy person.

 

Any experiences? How did you honestly feel in the immediate period after returning? How about when UK gets freezing & dark & you know a sunny life is existing where you chose to leave

 

I spent 16 years in Australia, 5 in Sydney and 11 in Melbourne, and thought they were both great places to live, especially Sydney. But compared to coming back? No comparison. The minute I stepped off the plane in Heathrow, at terminal 3 (looked third world when I left the last time, in '85, and still looks third world even now), I felt like a million quid. We planned to live in London, but in the end I couldn't live away from the sea. We did experiment, in Cambridge, for a while, but maybe we only know what it is we really miss when we don't have it. So now we live in Edinburgh, in the inner city, with a good view of the sea.

 

The dark's cosy, and the cold can be rugged up against. It's easier to put more clothes on than peel skin off in unbearable heat. And today it was 18C, sunny, and blue skies. There's heaps I miss about Australia - the food, independent bookshops, the A1 Middle Eastern Bakery (west side of Sydney Road, near Moreland Road, - they do the best meat pizzas I have ever tasted, definitely worth a visit), Brunetti's for cakes and coffee (just off Lygon Street) Adyar's bookshop (Sydney), the Theosophical Bookshop and society (Russell Street), SBS, Aussie Rules football, going to the cricket.

 

For all I miss Australia, I am glad I came back. Somehow, being back in Britain is comforting. I've missed most of my friend's and family's lives, being away for so long. At least I won't now miss their chidlren and grandchildren's lives.

[Guest kimberleyphelan]

Hi Kitty,

 

I have been here for 3 months....i remember before i left the UK my mom said to me, your friends will all be doing the same stuff in 10 years time and that nothin will really change except you will get older and life will pass you by if you stay at home. this made me realise that moving to oz, as painful as it has been to leave my family behind has been the best decision i have made.

 

good luck x

[Guest maxxangel]

Sorry, I know this isn't what you asked, but I think most of the people who have gone back to the UK don't come on here much any more.

 

However, I can say that the first year (year and a half for my OH) is an absolute emotional rollercoaster. I experienced depression to the point of grieving and wondering what the point was in life. The only thing that kept us here was deciding on a 4 year plan. We'd stay to get citizenship then head back. The citizenship was in case we made a mistake and changed our minds when we got back to England. We are now coming up to our 2 year anniversary and can't imagine going back.

 

On the other hand, I know a chap who has been here about 14 years. He married a local and they have a son. They have tried living in England, but because she is well known in her job here it makes more sense for them to stay here. He still misses England and would return in a heartbeat (Quoll - I often think of you when I hear his situation).

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can't be certain about what you want until you have given Australia enough time. First you need to fight that depression though. Make time to do things that will make you happy. Even if you have to force yourself (and sometimes you do...). Surround yourself with people even when you just want to avoid them. I ended up volunteering at my children's school and I'm not good with other people's kids. It helped a lot though. I know what you mean about the sponsorship and not wanting to work somewhere you hate. My mum is in that position now and I think she would agree that you shouldn't rush into that and should only go somewhere you are happy. You have another 6 months after all. How did that interview go on Monday, BTW?

 

Cara

[Paul1Perth]

I go home every year and feel quite different when I arrive - the euphoria steadily builds until it hits a crescendo as we fly up the Thames. I dont think the smile leaves my face until a couple of days before I am due to get on the plane to return then I get seriously depressed again.

 

My DIL commented last year when she came back with me, just how different a person I was in UK. I thought I put a pretty good face on being stuck where I absolutely do NOT want to be (most people dont pick it) but she said it stood out like a sore thumb. Note to self, act better for the rest of the time!

 

Why do you stay? You only have one life. I can understand you being bored in Canberra by the way.

[Guest lifeinmono]

My wife's Great-Aunt (who is a Brit and lives in London) was over in Australia a few months ago visiting her sister (my wife's grandmother) and commented to me how I seem ''duller'' in Australia than in the UK. I thought that summed it up quite well really. I just feel sort of like I am living a half-life here in Australia, probably because quite a number of my favoured pastimes and so on are not fully available here.

 

I find living in Australia to be like a set menu at a restaurant. You can choose from A and B and that's it. A & B may both be quite nice but, at the end of the day, that's the limit of your choice. In the UK/Europe you can choose from, say, two dozen different things. That for me is the difference in ''choice'' in Australia and accounts for why I seem ''duller'' in Australia than in the UK - cos I feel duller here.

 

I too feel delighted when I know I am over the UK on the flight over there (seeing London out the window, Wembley etc almost makes me want to cry) and feel like committing suicide (quite literally at times) when it's time to return to Australia.

 

What a miserable existence this expat **** is.

[Quoll]

Why do you stay? You only have one life. I can understand you being bored in Canberra by the way.

 

LOL, no, Canberra is one of the better places to live in Australia! I couldnt stand the isolation of Perth or even Adelaide (and too hot) and I dont like the Qld summer heat. Vic is alright and if I had to live somewhere else I could cope with Gippsland for a little while before I went stir crazy.

 

I stay because I have had the DH for nearly 37 years now and life here with him is distinctly better than life there without him (which would be the other option) and I am too old to train up a new one:biglaugh: He knows though that if anything were to happen to him I would be gone before the funeral (well, almost!)

[byrned]

Maxangel, I was offered the job! Thanks for asking, they are a lovely charity & wanted to sponsor me.

 

I felt happy (ish) for one day & thought I would give it 6 months-year. But the following day after waking up & the harsh realization that I was still in Aus & would be for a while to come, I was straight on the phone to tell them I couldn't give them the commitment they required & booked my ticket home.

 

I'm going home in 2 weeks & last night...I SLEPT!!!! I may regret 'not giving it longer' but if I'm only alive for another 50 years, why on earth would I want to spend 2 or more of those wishing I was somewhere else?! I'm happy to trade in some future regret for the consuming and crippling daily regret that I have had being here. This simply was not going to go away because I made a few friends here, had a stable job & could drink beer in St Kilda.

 

My sister wants to move here for a couple of years, I'll be back for holidays I'm sure of that. But for my day-day life, the ups & the downs, I want to be around the people I love.

 

Hey waterkitty well done for coming to a decision, weather good in uk so my mum was telling me, have a great journey home and have a great summer with your friends and family.

[Paul1Perth]

My wife's Great-Aunt (who is a Brit and lives in London) was over in Australia a few months ago visiting her sister (my wife's grandmother) and commented to me how I seem ''duller'' in Australia than in the UK. I thought that summed it up quite well really. I just feel sort of like I am living a half-life here in Australia, probably because quite a number of my favoured pastimes and so on are not fully available here.

 

I find living in Australia to be like a set menu at a restaurant. You can choose from A and B and that's it. A & B may both be quite nice but, at the end of the day, that's the limit of your choice. In the UK/Europe you can choose from, say, two dozen different things. That for me is the difference in ''choice'' in Australia and accounts for why I seem ''duller'' in Australia than in the UK - cos I feel duller here.

 

I too feel delighted when I know I am over the UK on the flight over there (seeing London out the window, Wembley etc almost makes me want to cry) and feel like committing suicide (quite literally at times) when it's time to return to Australia.

 

What a miserable existence this expat **** is.

 

You have to be a bit more explicit about what's available and not in the UK and here. Personally here i swim in the sea just about every weekend and nearly all year round. I can go to a pool and know it will be laned off for swimming and won't just be a "free for all" like the UK and it won't cost me an arm and a leg to get in either. I can remember going in the sea in the UK a few times and when the water is clean enough (Bournmouth has a great beach) it's still freezing. No matter how hot it is outside. I have a surf ski which I leave at the local club and use that a lot too. It doesn't cost me anything to store it there and the parking is free. My wife and I have a lot of friends with common interests, mostly sports oriented, so we go bike riding regularly, do triathlons and generally do things here we would never be doing in the UK. Mostly because the weather is too unreliable.

 

I know everyone doesn't like sport and participating and if you're not into that it might be a problem. I certainly find there is lots more to do here than in the UK and most things that I enjoy are free too.

 

It would be interesting to know what your favoured pastimes are.