Going Home!

[FirstWorldProblems]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

even pre-Covid, they were growing up without grandparents for 90% of the year by the parents' choice. 

I would have said the same, but our experience has been quite different.   We bring my wife's mother to the UK for 10 weeks every summer, and have done for 20 years, along with our annual 3 week visit there.   That concentrated time with the kids, being in the same house etc, has given them a closer relationship than they have with my family here in the UK who live 40 mins away and my mother in law is closer to my kids than her other grandkids in Australia.   My 16 year old is adamant he is going to university in Sydney and living with his grandmother.  Which is nice.

 

 

[Marisawright]

47 minutes ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

I would have said the same, but our experience has been quite different.   We bring my wife's mother to the UK for 10 weeks every summer, and have done for 20 years, along with our annual 3 week visit there.   That concentrated time with the kids, being in the same house etc, has given them a closer relationship than they have with my family here in the UK who live 40 mins away and my mother in law is closer to my kids than her other grandkids in Australia.   My 16 year old is adamant he is going to university in Sydney and living with his grandmother.  Which is nice.

 

 

Lucky you, but to me that sounds like a rich person!s lifestyle 

[ramot]

50 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

Lucky you, but to me that sounds like a rich person!s lifestyle 

Pre covid We went most years for 3 months as our only 2 grandchildren are in UK. It was expensive as we rented Airbnb, but usually at a reduced rate. Ok we can afford it,  we are comfortable but certainly aren’t rich, depending on anyone’s definition of rich.  I certainly don’t consider it a rich person’s lifestyle. We are retired, have worked hard for our money, never had a handout, and  chose to spend our money, making sure we are part of our grandchildren’s lives. We certainly don’t live an extravagant lifestyle. 

We both leave our UK state pension in our UK bank and that goes nicely  towards the cost especially as it increases quite a bit while we are there.

Edited May 21, 2021 by ramot

[FirstWorldProblems]

45 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

Lucky you, but to me that sounds like a rich person!s lifestyle 

What is the point you are trying to make with this statement?  I don't understand.

 

 

[Marisawright]

17 minutes ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

What is the point you are trying to make with this statement?  I don't understand

 

I'm making the point that it is (appropriately, given your username) very much a first world problem.

[FirstWorldProblems]

1 minute ago, Marisawright said:

I'm making the point that it is (appropriately, given your username) very much a first world problem.

As is everything beyond food in your belly and clothes on your back.

And whilst not being able to spend time with loved ones is indeed a first world problem, it is nonetheless a problem for people and terribly upsetting for many on a daily basis.   "rich" people have feelings and emotions too and are equally deserving of empathy.  

Not that it matters, but we certainly weren't rich.   We needed the childcare over the holidays as we both had to work and had to make many other sacrifices to retain our connection with the family.

[Jon the Hat]

We can only hope we get back to the normal world of being able to travel freely once we are vaccinated.  (Especially as I had my second Pfizer jab today!)

[bowbow]

On 21/05/2021 at 10:42, FirstWorldProblems said:

As is everything beyond food in your belly and clothes on your back.

And whilst not being able to spend time with loved ones is indeed a first world problem, it is nonetheless a problem for people and terribly upsetting for many on a daily basis.   "rich" people have feelings and emotions too and are equally deserving of empathy.  

Not that it matters, but we certainly weren't rich.   We needed the childcare over the holidays as we both had to work and had to make many other sacrifices to retain our connection with the family.

Excellent post. Some people are just plainly lacking in empathy unfortunately. 

[Craig Colas]

I would say it's a first world problem to have but not a problem just for the rich. Pre-Covid my parents planned to be out to Australia for 3 months every year. Flight is what £3,000 maximum for two people. Stay at our place for the duration so just the expenses you would pay for at home anyway. Invaluable time taking the grandkids to school while we are at work etc. Most people have a holiday a year anyway so for them that's their holiday. A lot harder going the other way though with kids, just for a few weeks if you managed to do that every year I might of consider you rich.  But seriously if you have been accustomed to seeing your family every year then to have that stopped and not know if and when you will get to chance to see them again is going to be very troubling for a lot of people. Especially if your parents are older, mine are early 50's so am quite fortunate and hope there is plenty of trips to come.

[ramot]

7 hours ago, Craig Colas said:

I would say it's a first world problem to have but not a problem just for the rich. Pre-Covid my parents planned to be out to Australia for 3 months every year. Flight is what £3,000 maximum for two people. Stay at our place for the duration so just the expenses you would pay for at home anyway. Invaluable time taking the grandkids to school while we are at work etc. Most people have a holiday a year anyway so for them that's their holiday. A lot harder going the other way though with kids, just for a few weeks if you managed to do that every year I might of consider you rich.  But seriously if you have been accustomed to seeing your family every year then to have that stopped and not know if and when you will get to chance to see them again is going to be very troubling for a lot of people. Especially if your parents are older, mine are early 50's so am quite fortunate and hope there is plenty of trips to come.

As I wrote in my post, we do the reverse and pre covid went to UK for 3 months annually fo the same reasons as your parents as our only grandchildren are there.. Sadly we are in our late 70’s so not as optimistic as you about our future visits. It’s not a rich lifestyle, we are lucky we can afford it,  but it’s money well spent to maintain a close contact with family.

[Paul1Perth]

On 18/05/2021 at 14:49, emanyalpsid said:

Yes it's ok saying it costs the govt. money but as @Paul1Perth alludes to I think a large part of it is keeping industries afloat. Surely with the amounts we are talking the traveller is paying the full cost of the hotel/food and the govt is paying for the infrastructure test/trace/organisation and claiming this is a quarantine cost? 1 Million for 6 months of a govt program doesn't shock me tbh.

Heard on the news last night that lots of the quarantine bills haven't been paid so the tax payer is going to be a long way out of pocket. 

Debt collectors were mentioned last night.

[Paul1Perth]

On 21/05/2021 at 14:09, Marisawright said:

I can understand these families being annoyed, because they came to Australia with a specific expectation that they'd be able to have a visit, one way or the other, every year - and now they can't.

However when you think about it, it is such a middle-class first-world problem.  Most migrants I know are not rich enough to afford a long annual visit in either direction. My first husband and I were both working with no kids, but we found it expensive to visit every two years, let alone annually.  Besides, it makes little sense to complain that children are growing up without their grandparents - even pre-Covid, they were growing up without grandparents for 90% of the year by the parents' choice.  Do they really think a few weeks a year makes such an enormous difference?

I do think Covid is making many people reassess the importance of being close to family.  Just look at the large numbers of Australians choosing to return to Oz permanently, for that reason.

In reality how many people would return annually? We were here 13 years before we felt we were settled financially to be able to afford it.

On top of that we only get so many holidays a year and there's a lot more nicer places to go and see in Aus or close by. Kids being close to grandparents and family is overrated in my opinion. I don't think mine have missed out, maybe financially as we know that grandparents in the UK have given money to the rest of the family that our kids didn't get. Out of sight out of mind, not done out of spite or anything, so we've never got upset about it.

[Paul1Perth]

12 hours ago, Craig Colas said:

I would say it's a first world problem to have but not a problem just for the rich. Pre-Covid my parents planned to be out to Australia for 3 months every year. Flight is what £3,000 maximum for two people. Stay at our place for the duration so just the expenses you would pay for at home anyway. Invaluable time taking the grandkids to school while we are at work etc. Most people have a holiday a year anyway so for them that's their holiday. A lot harder going the other way though with kids, just for a few weeks if you managed to do that every year I might of consider you rich.  But seriously if you have been accustomed to seeing your family every year then to have that stopped and not know if and when you will get to chance to see them again is going to be very troubling for a lot of people. Especially if your parents are older, mine are early 50's so am quite fortunate and hope there is plenty of trips to come.

3 months with the in-laws, under the same roof would be tough. No matter how well you get on.

We had my parents for a month then my wifes for a month. My parents were older and TBH my Dad was never easy to live with. We were happy to see them and happier when they went back.

My wifes Dad suggested that they might come for 3 months when we'd been here for a couple of years. We had a chat and me and the wife decided we would have to speak to our own parents with the idea that a month was do-able, any more than that they were dreaming.

Luckily our son who was about 4 at the time picked up the phone when my wifes Dad rang, my wife was still trying to psych herself up to tell them. My son said he'd heard grandad wanted to come for 3 months and said that's fine by me Grandad but I don't think Pauls too happy.

He never mentioned 3 months again.

[ramot]

1 hour ago, Paul1Perth said:

3 months with the in-laws, under the same roof would be tough. No matter how well you get on.

We had my parents for a month then my wifes for a month. My parents were older and TBH my Dad was never easy to live with. We were happy to see them and happier when they went back.

My wifes Dad suggested that they might come for 3 months when we'd been here for a couple of years. We had a chat and me and the wife decided we would have to speak to our own parents with the idea that a month was do-able, any more than that they were dreaming.

Luckily our son who was about 4 at the time picked up the phone when my wifes Dad rang, my wife was still trying to psych herself up to tell them. My son said he'd heard grandad wanted to come for 3 months and said that's fine by me Grandad but I don't think Pauls too happy.

He never mentioned 3 months again.

We are retired Paul, so time away isn’t a problem, and wouldn’t expect our son and family to come here as it’s not worth the cost and distance for 2 weeks. They have been twice in 18 years, both times for both their brother and sisters weddings. We never stay with our son, I actually think that’s a recipe for disaster.  We rented Airbnb  and on return visit contact them direct and negotiate a good rate, 

[Paul1Perth]

1 hour ago, ramot said:

We are retired Paul, so time away isn’t a problem, and wouldn’t expect our son and family to come here as it’s not worth the cost and distance for 2 weeks. They have been twice in 18 years, both times for both their brother and sisters weddings. We never stay with our son, I actually think that’s a recipe for disaster.  We rented Airbnb  and on return visit contact them direct and negotiate a good rate, 

Yep, good call. If our parents had come and stayed in air bnb for 3 months that would have been fine. 

They wanted to stay with us though and just presumed they could.

It's not worth the cost for a couple of weeks, that's for sure. We've had my Sister and nieces and the wifes Sisters and husbands stay with us. They've all been for month visits though. My Sis is retired now and she's hanging out for a longish holiday here.

[Craig Colas]

6 hours ago, Paul1Perth said:

3 months with the in-laws, under the same roof would be tough. No matter how well you get on.

We had my parents for a month then my wifes for a month. My parents were older and TBH my Dad was never easy to live with. We were happy to see them and happier when they went back.

My wifes Dad suggested that they might come for 3 months when we'd been here for a couple of years. We had a chat and me and the wife decided we would have to speak to our own parents with the idea that a month was do-able, any more than that they were dreaming.

Luckily our son who was about 4 at the time picked up the phone when my wifes Dad rang, my wife was still trying to psych herself up to tell them. My son said he'd heard grandad wanted to come for 3 months and said that's fine by me Grandad but I don't think Pauls too happy.

He never mentioned 3 months again.

We are very close with my Mum and Dad and they are still young and active so we are very lucky. Will see how the first 3 months go you may be right though . Agree with Ramot when your retired its a lot easier to travel and take time and the costs aren't as bad. Two working parents it would be hard to go back every year for just a couple of weeks and wouldn't feel like it was worth it. Will see what the future holds, not getting to optimistic at this point though.

[psuwara]

On 27/05/2021 at 14:00, Craig Colas said:

We are very close with my Mum and Dad and they are still young and active so we are very lucky. Will see how the first 3 months go you may be right though . Agree with Ramot when your retired its a lot easier to travel and take time and the costs aren't as bad. Two working parents it would be hard to go back every year for just a couple of weeks and wouldn't feel like it was worth it. Will see what the future holds, not getting to optimistic at this point though.

Everyone has their own unique story. There's no one definite way and answer to complex social interactions. The best thing I have found is to listen and discuss things with your partner as a team. Being mindful and vigilant of situations and interactions, conflict resolution and stepping back, take a breath and think things through when they get difficult.

 

Good luck and have fun in your journey!