Guest Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Hi all, I apologise in advance because I am not a UK citizen, and I am not intending to live in the UK either, so please let me know if I shouldn't be in this forum, I just need some help please...I cannot find a forum as good as this... I have read many many of the stories here and I thought it was me who couldn't "fit" in Australia, until I realised that many people are going through the same. I explain more. I am a gay male, 40 yo and have been in Australia for 12 years and originally from South America and I am single. I had a great time in the first few years but in the last few years, I need deep connections, 24/7 friends if you know what I mean... I feel friendships in Australia are very superficial for some reason... I am a very social person, imagine we South Americans are very social, but I feel here even I have met people, friends are more for drinks but you don't have them there when you need them. I just feel there is no "soul" in Australia, like there is no ambition, every day is the same, and the same and the same. Life feels so monotonous. This has got me so depressed and with a lot of anxiety, as you can imagine, many people suffer here from anxiety and I blame the "lifestyle" here, it is like a lack of connection, I don't know how to explain you... I am on antidepressants but I don't feel better... Last year, I went to visit my family back in South America, and I was surprised all the depression disappeared, it was like magical, I felt amazing, so much better, I felt good like I was feeling before I became this type of person. However, my country of origin is going through a dictatorship and I cannot go back to live there, so you are extremely lucky that the UK is in a good position, I must say... My family cannot pay to come to Australia, as it is expensive, they are middle class, but still not enough to come to visit me, they have never been here... Now, I have the chance to move legally to the United States and get a job (I will need to quit my job) but I don't know if I will adapt or not, I feel in 12 years I have become "Australian" in some ways, but I feel I don't belong here, if you know what I mean... The advantage to move there (at least for a few years) would be that I will be closer to my family, even they are not in the US, but flights will be cheaper at least... I have tried to keep being single I think on purpose, I refuse to put roots here, I am very confused... Cheers, appreciated... latino79 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 You are most welcome to post on the forum to get support, irrespective of your country of origin I think others very much will share the sense of displacement and not fitting in that you've described. It sounds as if your depression and anxiety are situational and one of the things to improve that is making choices that will improve your situation. I certainly think (from the outside looking in), that moving geographically closer to your family and the lifestyle/roots you can access more easily is something that's worth considering. I've never lived in the states, but do like visiting and when I first arrived her in Aus. felt it had a more American than British feel to it .. so you may find that it provides you with a bit of familiarity that makes it easier to settle. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vickie78 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Plenty of Aussies here too As for your predicament, Go to the U.S.A, What do you have to lose? Don't like it, come back to Australia? or go somewhere else? Having a job to go to makes it a little less stressful! I wasted a long time here in Australia and off back to the UK Early 2020. I finally realised that life is too short, that I need to my mental health first, and my kids and what's the point being stuck somewhere you're never going to be happy in? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Rose Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 I love Sydney and Australia but get where the OP is coming from. This is very subjective so don’t shoot me down, but for me Australia doesn’t quite have the soul that the UK does. Anyway, Latino79 you will regret not giving the US a shot. You’re still young so don’t waste it living in a country which is making you unhappy. As Wayne Gretzky once said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Success only comes to those who take action. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Rose Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 1 hour ago, latino79 said: Hi all, I apologise in advance because I am not a UK citizen, and I am not intending to live in the UK either, so please let me know if I shouldn't be in this forum, I just need some help please...I cannot find a forum as good as this... I have read many many of the stories here and I thought it was me who couldn't "fit" in Australia, until I realised that many people are going through the same. I explain more. I am a gay male, 40 yo and have been in Australia for 12 years and originally from South America and I am single. I had a great time in the first few years but in the last few years, I need deep connections, 24/7 friends if you know what I mean... I feel friendships in Australia are very superficial for some reason... I am a very social person, imagine we South Americans are very social, but I feel here even I have met people, friends are more for drinks but you don't have them there when you need them. I just feel there is no "soul" in Australia, like there is no ambition, every day is the same, and the same and the same. Life feels so monotonous. This has got me so depressed and with a lot of anxiety, as you can imagine, many people suffer here from anxiety and I blame the "lifestyle" here, it is like a lack of connection, I don't know how to explain you... I am on antidepressants but I don't feel better... Last year, I went to visit my family back in South America, and I was surprised all the depression disappeared, it was like magical, I felt amazing, so much better, I felt good like I was feeling before I became this type of person. However, my country of origin is going through a dictatorship and I cannot go back to live there, so you are extremely lucky that the UK is in a good position, I must say... My family cannot pay to come to Australia, as it is expensive, they are middle class, but still not enough to come to visit me, they have never been here... Now, I have the chance to move legally to the United States and get a job (I will need to quit my job) but I don't know if I will adapt or not, I feel in 12 years I have become "Australian" in some ways, but I feel I don't belong here, if you know what I mean... The advantage to move there (at least for a few years) would be that I will be closer to my family, even they are not in the US, but flights will be cheaper at least... I have tried to keep being single I think on purpose, I refuse to put roots here, I am very confused... Cheers, appreciated... latino79 By the way Latino which part of Oz are you in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LouDYorkie Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Hi Latino79,Do you have citizenship in Australia? If so, it would be easy to go to the US to try and see if that suits you better. You would always be able to return to Australia if you realise you do prefer it here after all!It must be difficult that your home country is not really somewhere you feel you can live currently,yet that is where you felt better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Hola. Como estas I know South America fairly well (my wife is from Peru and I have worked in other parts, so understand what you mean). I would have to say head for the US. As you alr day know, it is much easier to travel to from the US, but has a much bigger Latin / South American culture than Oz and I think that is what you are understandably missing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rammygirl Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 10 hours ago, LouDYorkie said: Hi Latino79, Do you have citizenship in Australia? If so, it would be easy to go to the US to try and see if that suits you better. You would always be able to return to Australia if you realise you do prefer it here after all! It must be difficult that your home country is not really somewhere you feel you can live currently,yet that is where you felt better. Second this. Get citizenship of Australia, otherwise if it doesn’t work out in US you may be going home! If you don’t have citizenship you will need an RRV anyway as the travel portion of your visa has expired by now, that will give you 5 years to return. Important as US visas are usually attached to jobs, it is harder to get PR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 14 hours ago, ali said: You are most welcome to post on the forum to get support, irrespective of your country of origin I think others very much will share the sense of displacement and not fitting in that you've described. It sounds as if your depression and anxiety are situational and one of the things to improve that is making choices that will improve your situation. I certainly think (from the outside looking in), that moving geographically closer to your family and the lifestyle/roots you can access more easily is something that's worth considering. I've never lived in the states, but do like visiting and when I first arrived her in Aus. felt it had a more American than British feel to it .. so you may find that it provides you with a bit of familiarity that makes it easier to settle. Thanks very much, yes this is the way I am heading to... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 14 hours ago, Vickie78 said: Plenty of Aussies here too As for your predicament, Go to the U.S.A, What do you have to lose? Don't like it, come back to Australia? or go somewhere else? Having a job to go to makes it a little less stressful! I wasted a long time here in Australia and off back to the UK Early 2020. I finally realised that life is too short, that I need to my mental health first, and my kids and what's the point being stuck somewhere you're never going to be happy in? Hi there thanks, well I am an Australian citizen and I won a green card through the US visa lottery, but I don't have a job to go to, I will need to find one... cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 14 hours ago, Red Rose said: I love Sydney and Australia but get where the OP is coming from. This is very subjective so don’t shoot me down, but for me Australia doesn’t quite have the soul that the UK does. Anyway, Latino79 you will regret not giving the US a shot. You’re still young so don’t waste it living in a country which is making you unhappy. As Wayne Gretzky once said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Success only comes to those who take action. Thanks for your honest feedback Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 14 hours ago, Red Rose said: By the way Latino which part of Oz are you in? Hi there, I am in Melbourne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 14 hours ago, LouDYorkie said: Hi Latino79, Do you have citizenship in Australia? If so, it would be easy to go to the US to try and see if that suits you better. You would always be able to return to Australia if you realise you do prefer it here after all! It must be difficult that your home country is not really somewhere you feel you can live currently,yet that is where you felt better. Hi there, thanks very much, yes I am an Australian citizen, I can come back, I agree with you. My issue is I thought I was the problem making proper friends, etc, all the things that have been said before in this forum and I thought by moving there I was running from something, but I realised is the place, not me, I never felt like this when I was living in South America 10 years ago, it's like I haven't settled, weird to explain it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 3 hours ago, rammygirl said: Second this. Get citizenship of Australia, otherwise if it doesn’t work out in US you may be going home! If you don’t have citizenship you will need an RRV anyway as the travel portion of your visa has expired by now, that will give you 5 years to return. Important as US visas are usually attached to jobs, it is harder to get PR. Thank you yes I am an Australian citizen... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 9 hours ago, VERYSTORMY said: Hola. Como estas I know South America fairly well (my wife is from Peru and I have worked in other parts, so understand what you mean). I would have to say head for the US. As you alr day know, it is much easier to travel to from the US, but has a much bigger Latin / South American culture than Oz and I think that is what you are understandably missing. Hello, yes this is what I think, I don't think I will ever settle here... thanks for writing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 28 minutes ago, latino79 said: Thank you yes I am an Australian citizen... And I have a US permanent residence I got through the US visa lottery... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rammygirl Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 3 hours ago, latino79 said: And I have a US permanent residence I got through the US visa lottery... Wow. Lucky you. Grab it with both hands I say. Can’t hurt to have thee passports! I agree that you should find more of a Latin American community, especially in the Southern states like California or Florida. Housing is generally cheaper but medical insurance essential really. And much nearer to your family and without the time difference will make it easier too. Hopefully you will feel more at home and your depression will lift. Moving forward on a new adventure....... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vickie78 Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 20 hours ago, latino79 said: Hi there thanks, well I am an Australian citizen and I won a green card through the US visa lottery, but I don't have a job to go to, I will need to find one... cheers Sorry must have misread your post. I still say go, you won a USA PR, use it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 16 hours ago, rammygirl said: Wow. Lucky you. Grab it with both hands I say. Can’t hurt to have thee passports! I agree that you should find more of a Latin American community, especially in the Southern states like California or Florida. Housing is generally cheaper but medical insurance essential really. And much nearer to your family and without the time difference will make it easier too. Hopefully you will feel more at home and your depression will lift. Moving forward on a new adventure....... Thanks, true, I wanted to keep my options open now I have them... I have really struggled with the "settle & belong" thing in Australia, I don't think I will ever feel like I belong here tbh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 31 minutes ago, Vickie78 said: Sorry must have misread your post. I still say go, you won a USA PR, use it! Thanks, I know, it'd be silly not to use it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gummygirl Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Hola Latino, Like you, I am not originally from Australia nor the UK but moved to Sydney almost twenty years ago and got citizenship. I felt lonely during the first few years, even bored, but that changed when I met my husband and started a new chapter. Over time I started to feel disconnected. Day to day is quite busy when you have a young child so it took me a while to realise that I was in fact, quite lonely. Met lots of nice people but didn't necessarily feel that they could really...understand. Many of my close friends live in the US, a few in the UK. My husband is British, and it was on a holiday to the UK in 2015 when we realised that, even after all those good years of living in Sydney, we still had more fun chatting and connecting with UK friends. And being in our mid-forties, we thought forward to the future and realised that we didn't want to find ourselves old in Sydney. I have no desire to return to my country of birth although I am fortunate enough to travel there on a regular basis. And so we began to look at the UK and moved in summer of 2016. In short, we are very happy here. But what might be more interesting for you is that I have been pleasantly surprised by the number of my good friends from the US and elsewhere who I've seen since we moved here. In Sydney our spare room was pretty much empty the whole time. People either found it expensive to visit once they had kids and mortgages, or they'd come once and never again because they had crossed Australia off their bucket list. What I've realised from living here is that there's always some reason for people to come to the UK. So even if people wouldn't normally come over just to see us, we've met up with friends who were 'in the area' for other things like watching Wimbledon or plays, visiting other parts of Europe, visiting their kids at university, etc. Even our Australian friends have dropped by as part of their annual three week 'pilgrimage' to Europe. I've also found it easier to meet friends even when the UK isn't on the itinerary (e.g. Eurostar). In fact our summer was so busy seeing visiting friends that I haven't had much chance to spend time with local friends. Which brings its own challenges but I wouldn't have it any other way and our lives here feel fuller in a way that they didn't in the UK. So I think you're on the right track by recognising that you will be more likely to see family (and old friends) by being based in the US than Australia. And don't underestimate the positive effect of that on your mental health. Sometimes just knowing people are that bit closer can make all the difference. Of course it helps if you're somewhere that's easy to visit. I'm sure it helps that we're an hour away from London and not miles away (although we live in a little village that feels miles away and I love that aspect of it too). I agree with previous replies that Florida is a good bet, even California or New York. Lots of cheap(er) direct flights. Anyway you'll never know unless you try. It may not be easy but you'll have peace of mind knowing that you tried. Ask yourself--where do you see yourself growing old? And if the answer is not Australia, then it's time to pack those bags and start your next adventure. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gummygirl Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 19 hours ago, Gummygirl said: Hola Latino, Like you, I am not originally from Australia nor the UK but moved to Sydney almost twenty years ago and got citizenship. I felt lonely during the first few years, even bored, but that changed when I met my husband and started a new chapter. Over time I started to feel disconnected. Day to day is quite busy when you have a young child so it took me a while to realise that I was in fact, quite lonely. Met lots of nice people but didn't necessarily feel that they could really...understand. Many of my close friends live in the US, a few in the UK. My husband is British, and it was on a holiday to the UK in 2015 when we realised that, even after all those good years of living in Sydney, we still had more fun chatting and connecting with UK friends. And being in our mid-forties, we thought forward to the future and realised that we didn't want to find ourselves old in Sydney. I have no desire to return to my country of birth although I am fortunate enough to travel there on a regular basis. And so we began to look at the UK and moved in summer of 2016. In short, we are very happy here. But what might be more interesting for you is that I have been pleasantly surprised by the number of my good friends from the US and elsewhere who I've seen since we moved here. In Sydney our spare room was pretty much empty the whole time. People either found it expensive to visit once they had kids and mortgages, or they'd come once and never again because they had crossed Australia off their bucket list. What I've realised from living here is that there's always some reason for people to come to the UK. So even if people wouldn't normally come over just to see us, we've met up with friends who were 'in the area' for other things like watching Wimbledon or plays, visiting other parts of Europe, visiting their kids at university, etc. Even our Australian friends have dropped by as part of their annual three week 'pilgrimage' to Europe. I've also found it easier to meet friends even when the UK isn't on the itinerary (e.g. Eurostar). In fact our summer was so busy seeing visiting friends that I haven't had much chance to spend time with local friends. Which brings its own challenges but I wouldn't have it any other way and our lives here feel fuller in a way that they didn't in the UK. So I think you're on the right track by recognising that you will be more likely to see family (and old friends) by being based in the US than Australia. And don't underestimate the positive effect of that on your mental health. Sometimes just knowing people are that bit closer can make all the difference. Of course it helps if you're somewhere that's easy to visit. I'm sure it helps that we're an hour away from London and not miles away (although we live in a little village that feels miles away and I love that aspect of it too). I agree with previous replies that Florida is a good bet, even California or New York. Lots of cheap(er) direct flights. Anyway you'll never know unless you try. It may not be easy but you'll have peace of mind knowing that you tried. Ask yourself--where do you see yourself growing old? And if the answer is not Australia, then it's time to pack those bags and start your next adventure. typo although prob obvious -- *our lives here feel fuller in a way that they didn't in Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 On 23/10/2019 at 10:09, latino79 said: Hi there, I am in Melbourne Try moving to Sydney, around Kings Cross area. It'll be right up your ally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 On 24/10/2019 at 10:02, latino79 said: Thanks, true, I wanted to keep my options open now I have them... I have really struggled with the "settle & belong" thing in Australia, I don't think I will ever feel like I belong here tbh... I lived in the USA and never felt I belonged. I have also heard the same thing from people who have migrated to New Zealand and Canada. Some people settle and are content and happy. Others don't. For those who manage to return 'home' life is a lot more content. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted October 28, 2019 Share Posted October 28, 2019 On 22/10/2019 at 11:08, latino79 said: Hi all, I apologise in advance because I am not a UK citizen, and I am not intending to live in the UK either, so please let me know if I shouldn't be in this forum, I just need some help please...I cannot find a forum as good as this... I have read many many of the stories here and I thought it was me who couldn't "fit" in Australia, until I realised that many people are going through the same. I explain more. I am a gay male, 40 yo and have been in Australia for 12 years and originally from South America and I am single. I had a great time in the first few years but in the last few years, I need deep connections, 24/7 friends if you know what I mean... I feel friendships in Australia are very superficial for some reason... I am a very social person, imagine we South Americans are very social, but I feel here even I have met people, friends are more for drinks but you don't have them there when you need them. I just feel there is no "soul" in Australia, like there is no ambition, every day is the same, and the same and the same. Life feels so monotonous. This has got me so depressed and with a lot of anxiety, as you can imagine, many people suffer here from anxiety and I blame the "lifestyle" here, it is like a lack of connection, I don't know how to explain you... I am on antidepressants but I don't feel better... Last year, I went to visit my family back in South America, and I was surprised all the depression disappeared, it was like magical, I felt amazing, so much better, I felt good like I was feeling before I became this type of person. However, my country of origin is going through a dictatorship and I cannot go back to live there, so you are extremely lucky that the UK is in a good position, I must say... My family cannot pay to come to Australia, as it is expensive, they are middle class, but still not enough to come to visit me, they have never been here... Now, I have the chance to move legally to the United States and get a job (I will need to quit my job) but I don't know if I will adapt or not, I feel in 12 years I have become "Australian" in some ways, but I feel I don't belong here, if you know what I mean... The advantage to move there (at least for a few years) would be that I will be closer to my family, even they are not in the US, but flights will be cheaper at least... I have tried to keep being single I think on purpose, I refuse to put roots here, I am very confused... Cheers, appreciated... latino79 California , might be the place for you ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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