Jc86 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Hi all, we have been in Australia 10 years, me and hubby came as back packers and never left. We have a beautiful home right on the Gold Coast, the pool the car and a gorgeous 3year old. We did 5 years in Perth and now 5 years on the Gold Coast. We have had somW wonderful times. My husband has worked away mostly for 7 years in the mines, I haven’t worked since having our daughter. We have no one to look after her, she has bad asthma and I had to leave constantly to pick her up from care, it was too stressful and emotional to continue working. We have tried him working locally but he doesn’t want to and it doesn’t pay for the lifestyle he likes. We have a couple of friends here, but only one or two. I’m so tired of feeling alone, hubby is always away and when he’s home we don’t do anything. We don’t take advantage of where we are... who knows why. My whole life is cleaning the house which is too big, looking after a toddler, trying to complete A nursing degree, waiting for hubby to come home. It’s been this way for years and I’m so so done. I have suffered with depression for years and I can’t get control of it. I miss my family dearly, my relationships with family are dwindling as we don’t see each other, too busy for Skype or messages etc... so we’re thinking about going back for 6 months to a year to test the waters on the other side. So many pros and cons to stay or go, we just don’t know what to do anymore. Fortunately hubby can change his roster for a while so he can come back and forth from England to Oz 3weeks on and 3 weeks off. He like me, wants to be sure that we either love or loath living in England. We moved here @ 23 years old so we don’t have much to compare to. We would have to find a rental, and thinking of Air BnB our home out or renting it out completely. Theres also another catch,... my parents. They retired last year and sold their home in order to buy a caravan at the coast in the UK and spend 6 months in oz and 6 months in the UK. I have been told i would be ruining their future if we move back. HELP SHOULD BE STAY OR GO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenki75 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 I read your post and it was almost an eerie coincidence. Your post was almost my life 10.5 yrs ago. The problem is not the location that you live in. You will have the same problems in the UK or Australia. You need to look at the relationship and what each of you want, as both your priorities appear to be very different from what I have read. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Will things change when your parents begin the 6/6 thing? Would that solve the family relationship deficit? It might also (if they're going to be closer to you) take some of the toddler care and leave you with time to get your life back in track with study or even work perhaps which might help you feel like you belong. Depression is insidious and it makes moving forward so hard and it certainly sounds like counselling for yourself to help you get your head around coping strategies and as a couple to make sure you're in the same page would be the way to go. You're in quite a different situation from most of us who can't stand Australia in that your parents have also got their Australian plans organised and that's a huge other pressure. My parents did the 6/6 thing but they never pressured one way or the other and they would certainly never have sold their home. My parents did it for 15 years before they got too old so you could be there for the long haul. Bottom line though, is your life to do with as you wish and if moving on to UK is what you want to do then go for it. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 I do wonder how your husband could feel he liked/loathed the UK or not if he was doing a 3/3 swing and travelling back to Aus - i'm sure the long haul flight so regularly would become a major problem. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 11 hours ago, Jc86 said: Hi all, we have been in Australia 10 years, me and hubby came as back packers and never left. We have a beautiful home right on the Gold Coast, the pool the car and a gorgeous 3year old. We did 5 years in Perth and now 5 years on the Gold Coast. We have had somW wonderful times. My husband has worked away mostly for 7 years in the mines, I haven’t worked since having our daughter. We have no one to look after her, she has bad asthma and I had to leave constantly to pick her up from care, it was too stressful and emotional to continue working. We have tried him working locally but he doesn’t want to and it doesn’t pay for the lifestyle he likes. We have a couple of friends here, but only one or two. I’m so tired of feeling alone, hubby is always away and when he’s home we don’t do anything. We don’t take advantage of where we are... who knows why. My whole life is cleaning the house which is too big, looking after a toddler, trying to complete A nursing degree, waiting for hubby to come home. It’s been this way for years and I’m so so done. I have suffered with depression for years and I can’t get control of it. I miss my family dearly, my relationships with family are dwindling as we don’t see each other, too busy for Skype or messages etc... so we’re thinking about going back for 6 months to a year to test the waters on the other side. So many pros and cons to stay or go, we just don’t know what to do anymore. Fortunately hubby can change his roster for a while so he can come back and forth from England to Oz 3weeks on and 3 weeks off. He like me, wants to be sure that we either love or loath living in England. We moved here @ 23 years old so we don’t have much to compare to. We would have to find a rental, and thinking of Air BnB our home out or renting it out completely. Theres also another catch,... my parents. They retired last year and sold their home in order to buy a caravan at the coast in the UK and spend 6 months in oz and 6 months in the UK. I have been told i would be ruining their future if we move back. HELP SHOULD BE STAY OR GO On one hand there is very little chance of replacing your home , in terms of size - the space you have , or to an extent ,the weather . But if you have no work/ life balance- WHATS THE BLOODY POINT , YOU ARE ONLY HERE ONCE . I miss my house in oz , I miss my aussie mates ( irreplaceable ) . On the upside , Europe offers so much , London on the doorstep - so much to see and do . In terms of parents , we have dealt with that very subtle form of selfishness and emotional blackmail Materially , would I have been better off , staying in oz - yes But on the other hand , we have done so much , my daughters have seen so much And when the dust clears , we will have looked after to the end , and buried 3 of our 4 parents .. There will be no tears of regret , and no looking back ,in my old age . In terms of your hubby , I honestly don't get it - busting your arse at work , for a big house . Live your life now , while you are young ,and sod the house and the pool Come back for a month or two , and keep your options open . Tell your hubby - bunbury said IT AINT WORTH IT 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jc86 Posted June 6, 2019 Author Share Posted June 6, 2019 Thank you so much for this reply. It’s made a difference in my mind. my hubby is a very financial person, he is isn’t close to any of his family, he cares but he doesn’t if that makes sense. His focus is me and our daughter. I think with my heart, I love deeply and adore my loved ones. I think I need more in my life than I have to be happy. we have the passports, we can always come back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rammygirl Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Needing the job for a lifestyle? If he is always working away, what lifestyle? You both need to look where your priorities lie and what is most important to you both. If there is a real gulf then you need to address it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 5 hours ago, Jc86 said: Thank you so much for this reply. It’s made a difference in my mind. I notice that you say you've had some wonderful times here, so I wonder if Australia is really the problem. I have a friend who's going through a very similar experience. She's Australian, but her parents live in another city and her husband's in the forces - and she's bringing up a toddler. She adores her little boy but she's struggling, and this is what she posted on a social network recently: "Having a baby has meant losing ME. It’s not forever, it’s just for a little while but it’s still a very difficult, never talked about, lonely place to be. If you have a mamma in your life - no matter what age she is or you are, please let her know that you ‘see’ her. It’ll feel like a BIG hug to her, trust me." You might also like this article: https://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/opinion/open-letter-to-mom-who-feels-like-she-did-nothing-today/ It sounds as though you urgently need to see a counsellor, even if it's just to have someone's shoulder to cry on. Try to persuade your husband to come to the sessions. Men are often resistant to the idea of counselling, because it suggests there's something wrong with them - a good strategy is to say, "my counsellor thinks it would help ME sort myself out if you could come along to a couple of sessions". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zack Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 What do poms living in Australia , think of the Aged poms that are being deported ,by the Australian Government for being a burden on the Australian Health Service,? We see another one Aged 93 that has lived in Australia with her family for over a decade is being deported. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 7 minutes ago, Zack said: What do poms living in Australia , think of the Aged poms that are being deported ,by the Australian Government for being a burden on the Australian Health Service,? We see another one Aged 93 that has lived in Australia with her family for over a decade is being deported. She came on a temp visa knowing full well this could happen, no sympathy. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 The question is how has an 82 year old lived in Australia for 11 years? What visa was she on? Also Alan Collett has posted on the parent thread that there is a visa you can apply for in this situation. In these emotional news stories you only hear a small part of the true facts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 Just a reminder to keep on track, feel free to start new threads discussing different things. Cal x 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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