Returning to U.K. At aged 18

[RachaelS2000]

Hi there, I've joined this site, as I'd really like  some advice, or even just to be able to have a chat with people who understand. In 2009 i left with my mum and dad to live in Australia, I was 11 at the time. We lived on the Gold Coast, Queensland for 6 years. So we have all our passports and dual nationality. Then In 2016, when i was 18, just finished high school, we decided to move back to the UK. 

I expected it to be easy settling back in, as during my child hood, always hoped to return to the UK. But to my horror, I wasn't eligible to go to University, to join the police or the armed forces, as I hadn't been in the country for 3 years. This was abit of a blow, because everyone who was my age in the U.K seemed to all be at university. 

So I was stuck in a limbo, as I knewwhat I wanted to do, but my residency was hindering me. I'm pleased to say, I've waited out those 3 years, and will be eligible to apply for everything beginning of next year. I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone my age? Or how they've found moving back to the uk at 18-20 years of age. As I feel like I've been the only person this has happened too. 

Currently, after being back for almost 3 years, my parents are debating on whether to return to Aus. They have applied for jobs. Just wanted to get this out, just incase anyone has been through anything similar. I'm grateful to hear from anyone. 

Many thanks 

[Gbye grey sky]

I cannot offer anything to help but my thoughts on this are that your parents are seriously letting you down - and I am impressed that you make no mention of this at all.

We moved to SE Queensland in 2015 with our then 11 year old daughter.  On a personal level moving out a few years later would have been our preference but we were conscious of the potential disruption to our daughter’s education and social development.  Your parents seem as though they are not factoring your needs at all.  I hope that there are mitigating reasons behind this but if not I am pretty disgusted tbh.

Before moving we carried out a recce and satisfied ourselves that this was a one way trip.  The thought of dragging our daughter back to the UK in 3 years time and then not funding her university education there leaving her in limbo for 3 years because of our selfishness is just beyond my imagination.

And now they are planning to ping pong again!.  Words are failing me and as anyone who reads my posts will tell you that is uncommon.

[TazG]

Not quite the same as me but.... I am planning on returning to Scotland after 29 years over here.  We moved when I was 14.  I am returning with my 3 children (dual nationals) and my eldest will be half way through grade 12 here.  I contemplated waiting until she finishes grade 12 then going but then she would have to wait almost the full 3 years to be able to apply for uni.  If we go say this time next year then any time you arrive before Oct is considered the first year of residency, she then repeats 5th year, completes 6th year, finishing in July 2020 and will only then have to wait until Oct until she has completed the 3 year residency and can apply for university. 

[NickyNook]

29 minutes ago, TazG said:

Not quite the same as me but.... I am planning on returning to Scotland after 29 years over here.  We moved when I was 14.  I am returning with my 3 children (dual nationals) and my eldest will be half way through grade 12 here.  I contemplated waiting until she finishes grade 12 then going but then she would have to wait almost the full 3 years to be able to apply for uni.  If we go say this time next year then any time you arrive before Oct is considered the first year of residency, she then repeats 5th year, completes 6th year, finishing in July 2020 and will only then have to wait until Oct until she has completed the 3 year residency and can apply for university. 

So you reckon that if you go to the UK this time next year (so in September 2019) that your daughter will qualify for domestic uni fees by October 2020? 

That doesn't sound correct to me by any stretch of the imagination..

[TazG]

27 minutes ago, NickyNook said:

So you reckon that if you go to the UK this time next year (so in September 2019) that your daughter will qualify for domestic uni fees by October 2020? 

That doesn't sound correct to me by any stretch of the imagination..

the new year starts in Oct.  If we get there before Oct any time served before Oct is considered to be the first year.  Then she will have oct 2019 to Oct 2020 - 2nd year.  Oct 2020 till Oct 2021 3rd year.....  Sorry you are right.  I was forgetting that she wanted a year off study before uni.  

[Dasha_Dee]

18 hours ago, RachaelS2000 said:

Hi there, I've joined this site, as I'd really like  some advice, or even just to be able to have a chat with people who understand. In 2009 i left with my mum and dad to live in Australia, I was 11 at the time. We lived on the Gold Coast, Queensland for 6 years. So we have all our passports and dual nationality. Then In 2016, when i was 18, just finished high school, we decided to move back to the UK. 

I expected it to be easy settling back in, as during my child hood, always hoped to return to the UK. But to my horror, I wasn't eligible to go to University, to join the police or the armed forces, as I hadn't been in the country for 3 years. This was abit of a blow, because everyone who was my age in the U.K seemed to all be at university. 

So I was stuck in a limbo, as I knewwhat I wanted to do, but my residency was hindering me. I'm pleased to say, I've waited out those 3 years, and will be eligible to apply for everything beginning of next year. I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone my age? Or how they've found moving back to the uk at 18-20 years of age. As I feel like I've been the only person this has happened too. 

Currently, after being back for almost 3 years, my parents are debating on whether to return to Aus. They have applied for jobs. Just wanted to get this out, just incase anyone has been through anything similar. I'm grateful to hear from anyone. 

Many thanks 

I just signed up so I could reply to you! I feel like I can understand at least a little bit of what you're going through - my parents moved us all to Australia in 2008 when I was 18 (to Brisbane!) just after I finished college. I know all about the feeling of limbo (because I really wanted to go to university but permanent residents had to pay fees up front, and there was no way I could afford the ridiculous amounts of dollars each semester). I found it really difficult to make friends too, because all the people my age had just finished year 12 and already had all their friendship groups/inside jokes and no room for an awkward northerner with crippling homesickness. And I felt completely alone because I felt like nobody else understood me and what I was going through, because it seemed like the kids of people who moved to Australia either did so really young or at 11 (like you, and my brother) for high school. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

For what it's worth, I'm really glad that you managed to stick out the three years and can apply for stuff next year. How are you feeling about your parents applying for jobs back here? Do you think you'll stay in the UK?

-Dasha_Dee

 

[Tulip1]

Totally agree with Gbye Grey Sky, what are your parents thinking?  They take you back at 18 without checking whether you would be able to go to uni and then you have to sit around 'stuck in limbo' for three years waiting.  Then they decide to apply for jobs in Oz. I feel for you as parents should put their children first. You need to focus on what you want in life now and not what anyone else wants, I wish you luck 

[tea4too]

Hi Rachael, I haven’t any personal experience to offer but as a parent your post struck a chord with me too, and it is to your credit that you appear so philosophical about the ups and downs that you have been forced to deal with.

As you haven’t mentioned returning to Aus with your parents, I assume you have decided to let them make their life choices while you get on with yours – probably a wise move in the circumstances.  And fwiw I don’t think you should worry about being a late starter at University or anything else, as ultimately a few years age difference will make no difference to the overall experience. You are on the threshold of new and exciting times and while there will still be ups and downs, they will be yours to deal with. Even better, all that you have coped with so far will help you to manage any future challenges. All the best.  Tx

[RachaelS2000]

On 18/09/2018 at 20:17, Dasha_Dee said:

I just signed up so I could reply to you! I feel like I can understand at least a little bit of what you're going through - my parents moved us all to Australia in 2008 when I was 18 (to Brisbane!) just after I finished college. I know all about the feeling of limbo (because I really wanted to go to university but permanent residents had to pay fees up front, and there was no way I could afford the ridiculous amounts of dollars each semester). I found it really difficult to make friends too, because all the people my age had just finished year 12 and already had all their friendship groups/inside jokes and no room for an awkward northerner with crippling homesickness. And I felt completely alone because I felt like nobody else understood me and what I was going through, because it seemed like the kids of people who moved to Australia either did so really young or at 11 (like you, and my brother) for high school. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

For what it's worth, I'm really glad that you managed to stick out the three years and can apply for stuff next year. How are you feeling about your parents applying for jobs back here? Do you think you'll stay in the UK?

-Dasha_Dee

 

Hi, thanks so much for replying. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this. At the moment, on a bit of a low. I do feel as though, now I don't really belong in either country. Didn't get a home "feel" connection with Australia, but then returning to my birth country, feel I've been totally let down by the system, even though I'm a British citizen. I just really want this year to be over already. Feel like I can't settle or even intergrate properly. I wish you all the luck with everything out there! You too, are doing extremely well under these circumstances. I feel like we do have to adjust very quickly in these situations. And some times, I don't think that's always fair. As it's a huge change!! 

I do envy some people I know. They've been living with their parents, have their friendship groups all sorted, just finishing uni. They've had the luxury to feel settled. Yeah, I wish I was them sometimes. But then, I am so lucky and grateful to have that Aussie passport. I just want to get on with things here in the uk. Take care and thank you for your reply! 

[Paul1Perth]

On Tuesday, September 18, 2018 at 08:57, Gbye grey sky said:

I cannot offer anything to help but my thoughts on this are that your parents are seriously letting you down - and I am impressed that you make no mention of this at all.

We moved to SE Queensland in 2015 with our then 11 year old daughter.  On a personal level moving out a few years later would have been our preference but we were conscious of the potential disruption to our daughter’s education and social development.  Your parents seem as though they are not factoring your needs at all.  I hope that there are mitigating reasons behind this but if not I am pretty disgusted tbh.

Before moving we carried out a recce and satisfied ourselves that this was a one way trip.  The thought of dragging our daughter back to the UK in 3 years time and then not funding her university education there leaving her in limbo for 3 years because of our selfishness is just beyond my imagination.

And now they are planning to ping pong again!.  Words are failing me and as anyone who reads my posts will tell you that is uncommon.

You can't live your life worried about your kids. They have to make their own way and adapt. They'll be gone soon enough and with a lot of them without a look back or thought about what parents did for them.

You only get one chance at life and maybe the parents have realised that the UK isn't the best option for them or their daughter. At 20ish you should be able to readjust pretty quick and fit in wherever. It's a great quality to learn at a young age and as you get older and maybe go travelling, like a lot of youngsters do these days, it will be an invaluable lesson.

University isn't the only option. 

[ramot]

I only have a bit of sympathy as we were in the RAF moved constantly and then expats for years as were many of our friends, and all our children had to adapt to either living with us in different countries or being in boarding schools in UK only seeing us in the holidays.

Our youngest was 13 and and in boarding school in UK when we were nearly a 24hr flight away.

Like many of her friends she had to adjust to moving around and making it home.

Of our three, 2 didn’t settle back in UK, and the oldest has stayed there.

Then we the parents moved to Australia leaving all 3 in UK. I’m not saying it was always easy but tthey all survived, they were grown up and made their own way in life. 

It is hard when even though you are British you don’t qualify for uni, quite a few of our friends in the forces had the same problem if their children had lived with them overseas, I think they are exempt now? but those are the rules and there are options for further study apart from uni, work experience isn’t wasted, and it’s always worth applying to uni to see if they would wave the 3 year rule. It has happened.

Hope it works out for you Rachel, you aren’t alone, somehow you have to learn to compromise and accept nowhere feels completely home, just which one ticks most of the boxes. Good luck.

[Scousers1]

On 18/09/2018 at 10:57, Gbye grey sky said:

I cannot offer anything to help but my thoughts on this are that your parents are seriously letting you down - and I am impressed that you make no mention of this at all.

We moved to SE Queensland in 2015 with our then 11 year old daughter.  On a personal level moving out a few years later would have been our preference but we were conscious of the potential disruption to our daughter’s education and social development.  Your parents seem as though they are not factoring your needs at all.  I hope that there are mitigating reasons behind this but if not I am pretty disgusted tbh.

Before moving we carried out a recce and satisfied ourselves that this was a one way trip.  The thought of dragging our daughter back to the UK in 3 years time and then not funding her university education there leaving her in limbo for 3 years because of our selfishness is just beyond my imagination.

And now they are planning to ping pong again!.  Words are failing me and as anyone who reads my posts will tell you that is uncommon.

I have to say i think your comments about the parents are a little rough. I know i am in a position where i am wanting to go home to UK and my Ausie daughter (20) does not. This is giving me that much stress on top of that my elderly parents are here in oz also wanting to go to the uk before its too late which it may be now. I feel dreadful for my daughter but i am now at a stage where i hate being here 30 years. I think everyone goes through their own journey, pain etc. this can be very difficult for people in these situations. Just my thoughts

[Marisawright]

34 minutes ago, Scousers1 said:

I have to say i think your comments about the parents are a little rough. I know i am in a position where i am wanting to go home to UK and my Ausie daughter (20) does not. This is giving me that much stress on top of that my elderly parents are here in oz also wanting to go to the uk before its too late which it may be now. I feel dreadful for my daughter but i am now at a stage where i hate being here 30 years. I think everyone goes through their own journey, pain etc. this can be very difficult for people in these situations. Just my thoughts

The "rough comments" were made because the parents were "ping ponging" back and forth after only a few years in each country, even though it damaged their daughter's education.  That's a very long way from your situation.

[ali]

12 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

The "rough comments" were made because the parents were "ping ponging" back and forth after only a few years in each country, even though it damaged their daughter's education.  That's a very long way from your situation.

The OP was 11 when she moved and spent 6 years in Aus before returning to the UK - like many others, they probably didn't realise that there was a residency rule for Uni in the UK.  The OP comments 'we decided' .. perhaps it was a decision taken by the entire family and the OP says she feels let down by the system not her parents.

[Marisawright]

2 hours ago, ali said:

The OP was 11 when she moved and spent 6 years in Aus before returning to the UK - like many others, they probably didn't realise that there was a residency rule for Uni in the UK.  The OP comments 'we decided' .. perhaps it was a decision taken by the entire family and the OP says she feels let down by the system not her parents.

The OP didn't criticise her parents for the decision at all.  I was referring to why GGS made that comment.

[Gbye grey sky]

4 hours ago, ali said:

The OP was 11 when she moved and spent 6 years in Aus before returning to the UK - like many others, they probably didn't realise that there was a residency rule for Uni in the UK.  The OP comments 'we decided' .. perhaps it was a decision taken by the entire family and the OP says she feels let down by the system not her parents.

Like you say, it could be simply a matter of lack of research....though personally I feel that is a poor excuse when you are moving countries voluntarily and taking school-aged children with you.

It is not the same thing as parents necessarily moving because they are in the armed services, diplomatic corps, or whatever.

I fully admit that emigrating was a selfish decision on our part but, having made that decision, it was incumbent on us, in our view, to minimise the negative impacts on the child we were bringing with us.