My horrible nightmare migration story.

[Guest]

I moved to perth 5 years ago. Carried on my job as a roof tiler until i got sick of sunburn and heat stroke. (About 2 years)

 

I then got a job in a fitness equipment store where i was.bullied by the manager. She would tell customers and other staff that i was a drug dealer, or that im on steroids etc. It was pointless making a complaint because i was full time casual so she could bin me off without any hesitation.

 

Then i worked for a motorcycle dealership who would swear at me (and others) infront of anybody and put me down telling me I was a stupid ****ing waste of space. I eventually quit when he refused to put my wage up to the agreed wage after 6 months.

 

While i was then unemployed i somehow herniated a disc in my lower back which did not heal and eventually ended up having surgery because i couldnt control my bladder (blocked nerve)

3 weeks later the sciatica came back and i had to wait 4 months for an mri and another 8 months for a second operation because the disc reherniated. While i was in the hospital an aboriginal stole 700 dollars from my wallet ( i sold my guitar the day before) while i was asleep in my hospital bed.

 

 

4 months later i am back in hospital with a bladder full of piss but i cannot for the life of me wee because yes you guessed it i have anothrr herniation pushing on my nerve. I am laying in a hospital bed in agony with a cathita waiting for an mri and most probably another operation.

 

The past 18 months of this bullshit has left me confused, financially ruined, mentally broken and badly depessed. I havnt worked since that day of the 1st op. I drive a rusty car and women look at me like im a loser. Ive put on weight through inability to train and turning to alcohol for solace.

 

 

I am just glad that i have no children or a wife that depend on me, and also that the áussie benefits has been there to pay my rent.

 

Australia is a great country and has been on the whole good to me. I have just had so much disfortune with my physical and now mental health.

 

The black cloud of suicidal thoughts still looms over me.

 

Not good

 

Jack

[Booma]

jack i dont know you & dont understand exactly how you are feeling right now but i do care that you are having a hard time & i wish there was something i could do or say to help you. please dont do anything rash.

[flag of convenience]

I hope the cloud lifts. Life can be a bugger. You have it would appear been very unfortunate. Do you have 'friends' you can get some solace from? All important not to be alone in times of difficulty. Feel free to send a PM if you wish to discuss more. Best of luck for a speedy recovery.

[BacktoDemocracy]

I moved to perth 5 years ago. Carried on my job as a roof tiler until i got sick of sunburn and heat stroke. (About 2 years)

 

I then got a job in a fitness equipment store where i was.bullied by the manager. She would tell customers and other staff that i was a drug dealer, or that im on steroids etc. It was pointless making a complaint because i was full time casual so she could bin me off without any hesitation.

 

Then i worked for a motorcycle dealership who would swear at me (and others) infront of anybody and put me down telling me I was a stupid ****ing waste of space. I eventually quit when he refused to put my wage up to the agreed wage after 6 months.

 

While i was then unemployed i somehow herniated a disc in my lower back which did not heal and eventually ended up having surgery because i couldnt control my bladder (blocked nerve)

3 weeks later the sciatica came back and i had to wait 4 months for an mri and another 8 months for a second operation because the disc reherniated. While i was in the hospital an aboriginal stole 700 dollars from my wallet ( i sold my guitar the day before) while i was asleep in my hospital bed.

 

 

4 months later i am back in hospital with a bladder full of piss but i cannot for the life of me wee because yes you guessed it i have anothrr herniation pushing on my nerve. I am laying in a hospital bed in agony with a cathita waiting for an mri and most probably another operation.

 

The past 18 months of this bullshit has left me confused, financially ruined, mentally broken and badly depessed. I havnt worked since that day of the 1st op. I drive a rusty car and women look at me like im a loser. Ive put on weight through inability to train and turning to alcohol for solace.

 

 

I am just glad that i have no children or a wife that depend on me, and also that the áussie benefits has been there to pay my rent.

 

Australia is a great country and has been on the whole good to me. I have just had so much disfortune with my physical and now mental health.

 

The black cloud of suicidal thoughts still looms over me.

 

Not good

 

Jack

Terrible , terribly difficult and I'm sure you are feeling very low and I'm sure going through all of this on your own is even worse, I'm not very good at the support stuff but my one suggestion would be that you need someone to whom you can talk openly to.

I think the first thing you need to do is confide to the nursing staff or doctor that you need someone to talk to confidentially, with some luck they may have a counselling service or at least a chaplain.

You do not need to do this on your own, you may be feeling that you have to get through this on your own because your a bloke, forget that there are always people out there who know how dispiriting this kind of thing can be and you will be find that counsellors and chaplains encounter people feeling like you do all the time, you just have to grit your teeth and keep on talking until you find the right person to help you through what must be feeling like the worst time ever.

You don't have to do it on your own and I'm not surprised you are feeling down, you need to get some support and not let this misfortune drag you down.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

Jack, I am so sorry to hear what you have and are still going through. I can relate to most of what you are saying especially as I've had over 25 operations in the last few years and 2 of these have been in the last month and I'm being admitted again tomorrow. I feel exactly like you although I am not brave enough to post or talk about my feelings in fact there are only a couple of people who do know, one is my husband and the other is like a sister to me. I don't even tell my husband everything. If people ask how I am I say I'm fine.

Im not trying to make this thread about me but I want you to Please know that you aren't alone, if you open up to people like you have here there will be plenty of people who will help you through the bad times either via messages or maybe even meeting up with you.

 

Do you have any friends that you have made in the time you have been here? Have you any family or friends back in the UK where you could go for a holiday or they could come over here? Take one day at a time, forget the past and don't think too much of the future.

Myself, I'm taking each day as it comes. I think there must be a syndrome called post operation depression like there is post natal depression.

Have a huge hug :hug:

[Bungo]

I don't really know what to say to you, but didn't want to read and run. My younger sister took her own life and we always suspected it would be the case, but I never knew what to say to her either, to make her demons go away that is. But she gave no warning (other than an attempt 15 years earlier) and that you mention the s word makes me think, and hope, that you want somebody to talk you out of it. I think you are someone that doesn't want to end their life but wants to fix it and simply does not know where to start.

 

Do you have family in Australia or in UK even? How about friends and have you confided in them? They will want to know. Please confide if you have not already.

 

You mention a number of issues, physical health, mental health, employment, women. Why not break them down and tackle one at a time. Forget about employment and women for the time being and focus on your physical and mental health. Address the alcohol immediately, find an alternate and less damaging vice to make you feel better. Whenever you feel like opening a bottle turn to the alternate vice instead. I know after my sisters first attempt alcohol was absolutely forbidden and not something we would ever consume in front of her.

 

Employment and women can be dealt with later. You actually sound quite versatile in the employment space and you are probably reading things into women's reactions that are not there.

 

I met my husband 12 years ago when I was a high flying career woman and he was unemployed. I had taken a sabbatical to travel Asia and he was travelling Asia because he decided after umpteen job rejections that he needed to get away. I never thought the worst of him because he was (is) a good, gentle and kind person. When we got back to the UK, I waltzed back into a high paying job and he continued to struggle and I will never ever forget an email I read from a recruitment agent that said "I don't want to waste my time or yours". It was the cruelest email I have ever read in my life, sent to a man who was already down. To this day I would love to take that guy on and tell him what I think. It sounds like you have also met some cruel people in the work place. But it is their issue not yours, it is them that should be ashamed. My husband went on to forge a new career for himself and twelve years on we are mortgage free and he has a six figure salary in London. Yoh just don't know what life has in store for you, ride out these bad times. I am sure there is better round the corner.

Edited October 9, 2016 by Bungo

[Guest]

I have been put on strong antidepressants for the past 3 months and was seeing a shrink for 2 months until we hit a wall and couldnt move forward from there so i stopped going back.

I have less friends these days then i started with when i first got here, thry either moved away or met a girl and turned there back on friends.

 

I was in bunnings a few weeks ago looking at the rope after learning to tie a noose.

I have applied for jobs and i either hear nothing back or i turn into a sweaty anxious mess in the interview and i keep looking at the door just waiting to leave. I have some sort of work/interview phobia now from the bullying ive suffered and im the first person to doubt myself.

When i talk to girls and they find out im on the dole with a dodgy back that is about as attractive as syphilis. I havnt been laid in nearly a year and im a good looking young guy.

 

My family all live in the uk. I cant go back there,too many bad memories froms violent upbringing.

[Quokka2005]

[MENTION][/MENTION]Im really sorry to hear this Jack, please dont give up. Could you go back and speak to another doctor? Things will get better

[Bungo]

I have been put on strong antidepressants for the past 3 months and was seeing a shrink for 2 months until we hit a wall and couldnt move forward from there so i stopped going back.

I have less friends these days then i started with when i first got here, thry either moved away or met a girl and turned there back on friends.

 

I was in bunnings a few weeks ago looking at the rope after learning to tie a noose.

I have applied for jobs and i either hear nothing back or i turn into a sweaty anxious mess in the interview and i keep looking at the door just waiting to leave. I have some sort of work/interview phobia now from the bullying ive suffered and im the first person to doubt myself.

When i talk to girls and they find out im on the dole with a dodgy back that is about as attractive as syphilis. I havnt been laid in nearly a year and im a good looking young guy.

 

My family all live in the uk. I cant go back there,too many bad memories froms violent upbringing.

 

There is nothing unusual about not hearing back from jobs. Apply and forget about it, it is quite normal. In 2016 to not hear back,don't take it personally. Do your best for every job, by tailoring your application but then don't worry about it. We all get ignored or knocked back. Personally I find being ignored more palatable.

 

And please don't worry about girls. They are not your priority, get back on your feet first. Having said that, as I mentioned, my OH met me whilst downtrodden so it is by no means out of the question. I met a wonderful, kind, humorous, intelligent and gentle individual that also happened to be unemployed and without prospects. I was a 34 year old chick in 2005 commanding a six figure salary and he was unemployed but I could not have been more lucky to bag this man. He is so wonderful he deserves better than I could ever give him.

Edited October 9, 2016 by Bungo

[Quokka2005]

Ive been in a similar position with jobs and it does really get you down. End up feeling worthless, you arent though. Like bungo mentioned - forget about girls. You'll meet one that wont be put off that you're going through a rough time but the most important thing is your mental and physical health.

 

Maybe think about going to another psychologist, there might be one that you'll find easier to talk to

[Guest]

I feel like i must have been a bad person in a previous life.

I have so many demons. I have terrible tinitus in my left ear, i have terrible self esteem. I over analyse everything.

I have been told that im too good looking for my own good. (This is not me being big headed ) girls think im a player, or 'you must say that to all the girls' etc.

 

I dont know what i wanna do for a career. Unfortunately in WA you need 20 years experience and 4 tickets for an entry level job- it is so difficult.

 

Would anybody like to gift me some money ??

[Guest]

Heres my scan

[dxboz]

I feel like i must have been a bad person in a previous life.

I have so many demons. I have terrible tinitus in my left ear, i have terrible self esteem. I over analyse everything.

I have been told that im too good looking for my own good. (This is not me being big headed ) girls think im a player, or 'you must say that to all the girls' etc.

 

I dont know what i wanna do for a career. Unfortunately in WA you need 20 years experience and 4 tickets for an entry level job- it is so difficult.

 

Would anybody like to gift me some money ?

 

You have had some seriously bad luck and hard times. I know you said you didn't want to go back to UK due to family history but maybe you still have some friends there? Sounds like you need friends right now and UK is a much easier place to be when you are in your situation. Maybe have a rethink about going back to UK - you definitely need to change something. Good luck Jack x

[tea4too]

Jack, the posters on your thread offer sound and caring advice, perhaps as good an indication as any that you are not a lost cause, and there are good and caring people in the world. But support from a forum is limited and there are others better placed to provide that practical steer you may need to get back on track. If you cannot talk to staff in the hospital, perhaps talking to someone anonymously would help.

 

The Samaritans on 13 52 47 www.thesamaritans.org.au/get-help-support/for-adults/ or Beyondblue on 1300 22 4636 would welcome the chance to talk to you and would understand the difficulties you are struggling with. Take care T x

[Guest The Pom Queen]

I have been put on strong antidepressants for the past 3 months and was seeing a shrink for 2 months until we hit a wall and couldnt move forward from there so i stopped going back.

I have less friends these days then i started with when i first got here, thry either moved away or met a girl and turned there back on friends.

 

I was in bunnings a few weeks ago looking at the rope after learning to tie a noose.

I have applied for jobs and i either hear nothing back or i turn into a sweaty anxious mess in the interview and i keep looking at the door just waiting to leave. I have some sort of work/interview phobia now from the bullying ive suffered and im the first person to doubt myself.

When i talk to girls and they find out im on the dole with a dodgy back that is about as attractive as syphilis. I havnt been laid in nearly a year and im a good looking young guy.

 

My family all live in the uk. I cant go back there,too many bad memories froms violent upbringing.

 

 

Firstly, forget girls, they will only cause you more heartache for now. Forget employment, you say you are on benefits which is hopefully keeping the wolf from the door so put this on a back burner. Concentrate now on health. I know easier said than done and unfortunately our health is something out of our hands and we rely on the Drs to sort us. I spoke at great lengths with my dr as basically he as told me I am unfit for work and I disagree. In my head I could run a marathon my body speaks otherwise, most parts have been removed and it's one thing after another.

 

Once you are discharged why not have a chat with Centrelink to see if they can find you work with a disability, or even volunteer this may put you in the right place at the right time for when a job comes up and most importantly get you some friends.

Getting rejected for jobs is enough to knock anyone's confidence so for now try volunteering or even going back to retrain. Do you know that everyone on a PR can get a Cert 111 with little or no cost. Even look at setting up your own business.

[bell123321]

I was going to also suggest as Pom queen suggested. Tackle one thing at a time. Start with your health, cut down on drink slowly and do as much as you can for yourself. Then maybe look at volunteer work as this can help with the social aspect even if not paid but looks great on your cv for a paid job later on. Sometimes things are bad and we don't know what to do and can't be bothered anymore, but it takes just one change that can see us through and when your feeling that low it can only improve. Stay positive easier said then done but concentrate slowly on making small changes. Good luck I hope it improves soon!

[newjez]

I feel like i must have been a bad person in a previous life.

I have so many demons. I have terrible tinitus in my left ear, i have terrible self esteem. I over analyse everything.

I have been told that im too good looking for my own good. (This is not me being big headed ) girls think im a player, or 'you must say that to all the girls' etc.

 

I dont know what i wanna do for a career. Unfortunately in WA you need 20 years experience and 4 tickets for an entry level job- it is so difficult.

 

Would anybody like to gift me some money ?

 

You've had a hard life mate - do you have a website we can Gift money too, and how much do you need to get you back on your feet?

[Huntersmummy]

Harvey, Ive started a thread for you. Guys, please have a look and donate your wisdom. Its called "Harvey88's personal get well thread"

 

I can't offer you advice because I could talk myself into suicide when i decide if i should have a tuna sandwich or ham sandwich.

I can't offer you money because LOL Im skint. Kids manage to spend everything i earn and whats left, the husband takes......the git.

I WILL say though when it comes to women, pfffft, long as you got your hand, you don't need that extra stress that us women bring. Right one will come along when you least expect it.

 

So i thought id start a thread JUST for you and hopefully everyone can help. Something to make you HOPEFULLY laugh and make ya feel a bit better. But yeah, i do agree with what folks have said about one thing at a time.

 

Get well soon bud.

[Guest]

I cant believe i asked for money last night. I was so high on pain meds i wasnt even aware of what i was writing!

 

I dont want to take anybodies money, i have enough centrelink income to pay my rent.

 

Thanks to everyone for your kind words.

Unfortunately i cant stop thinking about a girlfriend, i simply have nobody to show me any affection

I dont even know the last time i had a hug from somebody and was told 'everything is going to be ok'. I honestly am more isolated here than i would be in the moon.

[Quokka2005]

I cant believe i asked for money last night. I was so high on pain meds i wasnt even aware of what i was writing!

 

I dont want to take anybodies money, i have enough centrelink income to pay my rent.

 

Thanks to everyone for your kind words.

Unfortunately i cant stop thinking about a girlfriend, i simply have nobody to show me any affection

I dont even know the last time i had a hug from somebody and was told 'everything is going to be ok'. I honestly am more isolated here than i would be in the moon.

 

Dont worry about that! Focus on the health first and once you're a bit better maybe you could go along to one of those meet up groups? Theres some cool ones and it doesnt havw to be a expensive day or anything, im going to go to one here to try make some new friends too

[Parley]

May seem like strange advice but get yourself a dog or cat.

 

A dog will be your best friend, love you unconditionally just for being you, and cheer you up.

You get out of the house walking which is good for you as well.

[Quokka2005]

As much as i usually dont like agreeing with parley, a pet might be a good idea. Having my 2 dogs to walk helped me a lot when i was depressed. They are there for cuddles too

[Guest The Pom Queen]

As much as i usually dont like agreeing with parley, a pet might be a good idea. Having my 2 dogs to walk helped me a lot when i was depressed. They are there for cuddles too

Totally agree, only the other day I took one of mine for a walk and just laid in the middle of the field cuddling up, it's a good job people couldn't see me they would think I'm mad.

 

Although Jack may have a problem if renting as some landlords won't accept pets only a goldfish and unfortunately you just can't cuddle a goldfish

[Quokka2005]

Thats true, i always forget about landlords! We were always so lucky with ours especially considering we had 2 staffies and some people dont have the best opinion of the breed. Maybe the landlord would allow a cat if he had a chat

[supercow]

With your financial situation and health issues, I guess this is a bit of a redundant question … but, are you getting out on the MX bike at all? I’ve not had nearly the same run of bad luck as you, but I know what it is to feel lonely and empty, even though I had a girlfriend (who then became my wife) at the time.

 

See, I was mortally unhappy in the UK, until I was able to find something that made me happy. In my case it was Downhill mountain bike riding / racing, and I made the best mates I could have asked for through it. Many of these mates also rode crossers… so I know the kind of people you meet in those circles.

 

Find something that makes you happy, preferably a hobby shared with others … and the rest will fall into place