aconcannon Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 It's like I said in a post earlier on - it's very bitter sweet! You as the person moving is excited, but those you're leaving behind are sad so finding that right balance is imperative! I'm a sensitive soul too - hence the guilt I'm starting to feel for leaving those behind who I know will/are sad & that I've caused it, but I guess you just have to find that balance! Where abouts in the UK are you based? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 We have just done the move (see timeline below) and arrived 2 weeks ago. The farewells were more emotional than I expected but mostly in a nice way really. People said a lot of nice things that they would normally keep to themselves as you do all take thise close to you for granted really. I said that it was a little like being at your own wake lol. Since arrival we have used Skype and Facebook to keep in touch and certainly do not feel that we are missing anyone as such (we saw more of people in the last few weeks than we had in years lol) and have even reconnected with some friends. I think that being on the other side of the world takes the pressure off friendships as you don't have to organise visits etc. Oh, and by the way, loving it here so far! David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Cheers David that's really nice to hear a positive experience, pleased it's all going well for you! We had our main leaving party on Saturday & I'm still feeling a tad ropey so that's probably contributed to the range of emotions that has hit me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Perfectly normal to feel these emotions - it is a very tough thing to do. I was all prepared to turn back at Hong Kong when a visa cock up made hubby's entry into Australia iffy.... you will miss people, but it will be exciting - only time will tell if Australia is for you..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Thanks Chortlepuss good to hear your story! My hubby & I had a gap year in Australia in 2007 & we decided when we were there that we wanted to return permanently one day...just didn't think it'd take us this long! We're positive it's the right decision & we're fortunate that we'll have family & friends around us when we arrive so that'll make things a bit easier...but we have no home or job yet so that's a bit of worry! I'm sure it's all work out ok! Where about a are you based? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catarina Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Emotional implications of emigration My son emigrated in 2007 to Oz. I'm at the end of another visit (my 4th) after having a month here in Queensland. Me and my husband came to visit our first grandchild. When he first left for Oz with his Australian girlfriend, it didn't sink in really but when it did, the thought of not sharing his life anymore and missing him calling in to see us left a massive void. It's not unlike a "bereavement" because it's so final him not being here anymore. It hurt physically knowing that were not altogether as a family. His sister here has two children so he's missing out on their growing up too. He's just had a child too so we can't see her grow up. Every time I leave him, my throat hurts for not letting him see me upset but then I have to show him that's how I feel. I know he feels sad too when were gone but then when we return to the UK ,we relive our lives but the ache never leaves us. I guess that's how it will always be but we just have to learn to live with it. I'd love to know how other people cope with this experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I'd say that is a mother's lot and it is never easy. You love them but sooner or later they leave you- whether it is overseas or somewhere else in the country you live in. They make their own family and their first loyalty is to that family. It is how it should be and you should be proud that you have an independent adult who is making his own way in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catarina Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Thank you. Yes, you are right it is a mother's lot and I am proud of him truly but I suppose it's selfish but I'm human! We don't own our children either. I'm lucky to have been able to visit him a lot. I guess it will get easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Catarina it's great to hear you're story & thoughts from a mothers point of view...although sad to read at the same time! My parents are both very strong people who have always supported my brother & I in everything that we do, however, they have a complete inability to show emotion. For example rather than say "I'm going to miss you when you've gone" they'll just be quiet & not approach the subject - my mother & I are very similar in lots of ways, although I wear my heart on my sleeve! My brother moved abroad about 14 years ago & have since had a family of their own. Luckily they are only an hours flight away so they come & see my parents & vice versa at least 5 times a year but I know how much it hurts my mum not being able to play nana on a daily basis - she's retired now & would relish doing school runs & babysitting etc. My husband & I don't have children & so we were the last hope in that sense! We will have children but it will of course be in Australia & I feel guilty for depriving my mum of being able to play nana! My parents will come & visit & vice versa but it'l be a maximum of once every 2 years I'd have thought! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseRenders Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I am extremely close to my parents and my siblings, I have 2 sisters and a brother, and I know I am going to be heartbroken to leave them. We are all grown up and have our own lives, but spend a lot of time with each other. My sister is due the first baby in our family too, so as much as I look at the situation and think that is my saving grace during this visa period, I will be gutted to bond with my new niece/nephew and then be so far away and watch it grow and bond with everyone else through facetime whilst I'm the other side of the world. Saying that though, I cannot wait for the day that our visa is granted and Benn meets me at the arrivals of Perth airport and we can finally start our life together. Being apart from your family is hard work, but being apart from your soul mate is harder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseRenders Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Catarina it's great to hear you're story & thoughts from a mothers point of view...although sad to read at the same time!My parents are both very strong people who have always supported my brother & I in everything that we do, however, they have a complete inability to show emotion. For example rather than say "I'm going to miss you when you've gone" they'll just be quiet & not approach the subject - my mother & I are very similar in lots of ways, although I wear my heart on my sleeve! My brother moved abroad about 14 years ago & have since had a family of their own. Luckily they are only an hours flight away so they come & see my parents & vice versa at least 5 times a year but I know how much it hurts my mum not being able to play nana on a daily basis - she's retired now & would relish doing school runs & babysitting etc. My husband & I don't have children & so we were the last hope in that sense! We will have children but it will of course be in Australia & I feel guilty for depriving my mum of being able to play nana! My parents will come & visit & vice versa but it'l be a maximum of once every 2 years I'd have thought! I have this guilt as well. My mum can't wait to be a granny and I always thought I'd have her around me when I have kids. This kills me to think of! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 GooseRenders I'm glad you feel my pain! I've spoken to friends about this & they thought I was a bit crazy feeling guilty about so etching that hasn't happened yet, but I see the sadness in my mums face every time my brother leaves & I know with us being on the other side of the world it'l be even harder for her! When do you leave the UK? We leave 4 weeks today!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseRenders Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 (edited) Oh I'm so Jealous!! I have until April, that's the earliest I'll be going so a few months yet. My mum is lucky to have to four of us, but us elder two who are in the 'stable adult' relationships won't be around with our kids. My sister is actually moving to NZ with the baby in a few years so I know that's going to be pretty tough on mum, actually getting to know him/her properly and then them not being around at all. My mum lives for us and I feel just that tiny bit selfish to be leaving. Edited August 12, 2015 by GooseRenders Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I feel exactly the same re the guilt of leaving people, I guess it just means we aren't made of wood hey I'm sure things will be a great deal easier once we've all made the move & are settled, but the emotions will no doubt appear again when visits home / people coming to visit you come to leave! All part & parcel of moving away I guess, it's just a shame we can't bring everybody with us! My dad said he'd consider moving to Australia in a few years as my brothers children are 12 & 14 & will no doubt be moving on with their own lives soon, but I know my mum would never agree so it'l remain only a dream for me! The next few months until you fly out will go so fast! Our permanent residency visas were granted mid Nov, we booked our flights the following day & to think that was 9 months ago is crazy as it only feels like a few weeks ago! Where about in Australia will you be settling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseRenders Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 My mum would move at the drop of a hat, but her husband has never been and he has kids of his own so yeah, I don't think that would happen either! I know that we'll have constant visitors but it makes me sad to think we may not all be in the same room together after the wedding for a long time. Better make this Christmas a bloody good one eh?? I know once Christmas and NYE have been and gone i'll be wondering where the time went. I'm going to South West WA, my fiancée lives in Bunbury. What about you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Ah that's a shame about your mum too! But you never know, if your sister is moving to NZ she might just change her mind after her first visit to see you - you'd just have to plan an awesome few weeks of stuff to show Australia in it's best light haha My advice would defo to make the most of every day in the build up until you leave - we certainly have & it's cost us a bomb but been worth it! We're starting off in Sydney as we've got quite a few very close friends from our hometown living there, but I don't think we'll stay any longer than a year! Property prices are SO extortionate that we wouldn't be 'living the dream' that we hope to live once we arrive, so we're treating the first 6-12 months as a bit of a 2nd gap year & then we'll hopefully head to the Gold Coast & knuckle down! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I survive by being a sort of "out of sight and out of mind" kinda gal. It worked when we emigrated in the first place and then again when DS1 came to UK "on holiday" and never returned and then again when we came to UK on holiday and havent gone back. I have grandkids in UK and Aus - grandparenting via Skype sucks so we dont do it that much (as the Aussie ones now live in the bush again it isnt really an option anyway). We write to the kids and they write to us, we go and visit when we can but if we agonized over every little thing we'd be cactus by now. As long as they are happy its all good, we get pics, they know us and not much you can do about it but I did bawl my eyes out when the granddaughters left. You get over it though and make the most of the time you do get together. I think it must be a nightmare if you are an enmeshed kind of family, we are just strongly networked without having to live in each others' pockets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catarina Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 As a mother I was so enmeshed in my feelings of pain. I didn't acknowledge how my son was feeling really when he emigrated. He surely missed us and still does and must have felt guilty too. I don't want him to feel guilty cause that's not fair. Love for his girlfriend took him away, he didn't have a choice really. I don't feel he would have left otherwise. I'll be saying goodbye again later as we leave once again but I will be strong this time and think of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janlo Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 You might find yourself returning quicker than you'll like so don't feel too sad at the airport! Australia is a little different now than 8 years ago. It's still has the outdoor lifestyle of course so if thats what attracted you then great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) Just adding my piece about farewells... I didn't live close to my parents, so I spent my second from last weekend with them, did some nice activities (stately home, country walks etc) and then I said goodbye and went home again! We've spoken on the telephone and Skyped since I've been in Australia. It's not the same but it's never going to be. I'm going back to UK in May for my Mum's (special) birthday but until then it will be calls or whatever, every few weeks. I found that preparing to leave the UK, focused me in certain things (health, the future, would I need to come back unexpectedly etc). I don't have siblings, so dwelt on that for a bit too and how I was "abandoning" my parents. They were sad to see me go, but happy that I have the opportunity etc. Since I've been gone, my parents have been on several breaks / holidays and are thinking about relocating to NE coast. So I don't feel too sorry for them at the moment :wink: I tend to compartmentalise things so went through the process quite calmly and still don't feel amazingly excited to be in Australia... Don't get me wrong, I do like it here though! Edited August 13, 2015 by vickyplum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 32 days or so till we set off for out hotel at Heathrow! My emotions are all over the place... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) I think you have to be very independent ( obviously ) but actually also a little bit selfish. You are after all doing what you feel is best for your family unit. You aren't doing what's best for extended family obviously again. But if your family and friends you're leaving behind have your best interests at heart they will wish you well and wave you goodbye on your adventure. Now this may sound harsh but I have been on both side having waved goodbye to two Daughters, then also making the move too. Edited August 13, 2015 by Que Sera, Sera Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 We moved in with my in-laws for a while before we left. We had sold the house so it worked out well. We were both ready to leave when the time came though. As well as we get on with them it's wearing all under the same roof. I was better than my wife, she got more stressed than me as the parents still saw her as their little girl. Even though we had a 2 year old when we left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 When I had 4 little kids I used to look around and envy all the other Mums who had their Mums to help- felt very sad at times and quite overwhelmed. You do get through it, though and then your kids become adults and you grow through it all and see things from the other perspective. As someone said, life is never easy ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GooseRenders Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 When I had 4 little kids I used to look around and envy all the other Mums who had their Mums to help- felt very sad at times and quite overwhelmed. You do get through it, though and then your kids become adults and you grow through it all and see things from the other perspective. As someone said, life is never easy ! Oh this made me a little sad I'd love to have my mum around with me. Luckily have a wonderful MIL so will be blessed with her help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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