The emotional roller coaster of emigrating - how did you feel?

[Catarina]

At the airport saying goodbye to my son and won't see grandchild for 2 years accept on Skype. Feeling very sorry for myself. Will try and see the positives!

[GooseRenders]

Oh Catarina, I do feel for you! Keep your chin up x

[Catarina]

Thank you so much x

[starlight7]

Catarina you are so brave going to the airport- none of our family did when we emigrated,they couldn't. May I suggest some retail therapy- spoil yourself, go out and have a lovely meal.

[Jacaranda]

At the airport saying goodbye to my son and won't see grandchild for 2 years accept on Skype. Feeling very sorry for myself. Will try and see the positives!

How did it go Catarina?Are you ok?

[MARYROSE02]

So with only 30 days until my husband & I depart the UK a range of emotions are now starting to kick in!

 

In no way do I doubt we're making the right decision, but with leaving parties & goodbyes to people imminently approaching I'm starting to feel quite upset about what is to come!

 

We're currently living back with my parents, which is nice & we've valued all the extra time we've been able to spend with them, but at the same time I think it's going to be harder to leave them & when we have gone the house will no doubt feel very empty & lonely for them!

 

How did everybody else feel & cope in those final weeks??

 

Thirty seven years ago, in October, 1978, my parents and my grandmother drove me to Gatwick to see me off on my Aussie adventure. I remember my grandmother clutching my mother's arm, and I never saw her again. Imagine my home in England as an anthill, and I was the rogue ant, who picked up a stick and poked it and poked it and poked it until all the other ants were in a frenzy, and they never went back to normal, and that is how I sometimes feel about uprooting myself to come to Australia.

 

But, my brothers both followed me to Sydney, and one married into an Aussie/Italian family and has had two Aussie kids, and I'm as happy as I could be anywhere, and I've let my British passport expire, which is a symbolic way of saying 'I am an Aussie' (and who cares if someone wants to call me a 'plastic' Aussie!

 

My Mum and Dad made frequent trips to Australia, something they would never have done had I not come here, and they also re-established contact with family in New Zealand, another thing which would not have happened if I had not come here.

 

Is it hard to say goodbye? Of course, but we all do it, all go through with it, all experience sorrow and guilt, but, and it's a cliche,'life goes on'. so don't regret anything, don't listen to those who hated it in Australia and hate it even more that others might want to come here, get ready for an adventure, and remember that it is almost spring here!

[Gbye grey sky]

Catarina you are so brave going to the airport- none of our family did when we emigrated,they couldn't. May I suggest some retail therapy- spoil yourself, go out and have a lovely meal.

 

I think you will find that Catarina was going to the airport returning to the UK following a visit to Australia and that her son is probably taking her there.

[srg73]

Goodbyes are difficult. We had a meal with each side of the family and found our own way to Heathrow.

 

Make sure you find time for everybody and say real goodbyes not just a casual see you later as in many instances you will not see people again for a long time, maybe even ever. Phones, Skype etc make people seem closer and don't forget you are moving to better yourselves, this may not have every bodies approval but sometimes you simply have to put yourself first.

 

S

[Que Sera Sera]

Thirty seven years ago, in October, 1978, my parents and my grandmother drove me to Gatwick to see me off on my Aussie adventure. I remember my grandmother clutching my mother's arm, and I never saw her again. Imagine my home in England as an anthill, and I was the rogue ant, who picked up a stick and poked it and poked it and poked it until all the other ants were in a frenzy, and they never went back to normal, and that is how I sometimes feel about uprooting myself to come to Australia.

 

But, my brothers both followed me to Sydney, and one married into an Aussie/Italian family and has had two Aussie kids, and I'm as happy as I could be anywhere, and I've let my British passport expire, which is a symbolic way of saying 'I am an Aussie' (and who cares if someone wants to call me a 'plastic' Aussie!

 

My Mum and Dad made frequent trips to Australia, something they would never have done had I not come here, and they also re-established contact with family in New Zealand, another thing which would not have happened if I had not come here.

 

Is it hard to say goodbye? Of course, but we all do it, all go through with it, all experience sorrow and guilt, but, and it's a cliche,'life goes on'. so don't regret anything, don't listen to those who hated it in Australia and hate it even more that others might want to come here, get ready for an adventure, and remember that it is almost spring here!

 

 

This is is as I've always said. Life is a fluid thing . When I waved goodbye to my daughter at Heathrow as she made her way to Australia I never dreamed in a million years that 5 short years later we would be following her, it never crossed my mind. Who knows what the future brings .......

[MARYROSE02]

My parents made frequent trips here, even buying a home and staying for two years but for some reason, they did not apply for residency.

 

You are so right about not knowing what the future holds?!

 

I lost my job after 15 years and I was really upset but I because of that happening, I went back to England for a holiday that lasted.12 years, helping to look after my parents.

 

My mum had an accident within a year of my arrival, knocked over by a dog. What a @@@@ing way to end your life? So I helped my Dad thru that and probably postponed him having to go into a home.

[ramot]

We did the opposite to most posters, typical of us some might say.

We retired to Oz with no family here, after living in Asia, all 3 of ours in UK, but we felt it was our time to do what we wanted to do, not live our lives through our children.

Fast forward 12 years, and 2 of ours have followed us here, so as QSS said above you never know what might happen.

We visit UK most years to see UK based son and our only grandchildren. Unlike other posters we have no problem withSkypeing regularly, and love keeping in touch that way, the 2 grandchildren, boys age 5&7 just chat away, there is no pressure on them to stay and chat if they don't want to, but we do keep upto date that way.

Very different to the snail post days when I lived in Africa and kept in touch with family.

[Catarina]

Thanks for your good wishes. Goodbye at the airport was quick and it was better that way. My son agreed too. Just arrived back in the UK and what a long journey. It really brings it home how far away he is.

[jumpingjellybean]

How did everybody else feel & cope in those final weeks??

 

There was no emotional roller-coaster for me. Loved Australia from two previous holidays, and very excited about migrating here.....I could not wait to leave.

 

Family was use to me gallivanting around the world, so they were pretty blase about it too. I didn't have leaving parties....I just said goodbye.

 

Maybe your parents will be happy to be empty nesters again. Maybe they will eventually come out here to join you. Maybe you may go back. Lots of maybes but don't stress and just see where the journey takes you.

 

You are only a 24 hour plane ride away ~ its not like you are going to Pluto :smile:

[jumpingjellybean]

That's another interesting question actually...did anybody have to deal with any nonsense from jealous/bitter friends & family members, or was everybody fortunate enough to have supportive people around them??

 

One jealous friend who I basically ignored. She tried to rain on my parade. I was too excited to bother with her. Everyone else was supportive.

[JockinTas]

There was no emotional roller-coaster for me. Loved Australia from two previous holidays, and very excited about migrating here.....I could not wait to leave.

 

Family was use to me gallivanting around the world, so they were pretty blase about it too. I didn't have leaving parties....I just said goodbye.

 

Maybe your parents will be happy to be empty nesters again. Maybe they will eventually come out here to join you. Maybe you may go back. Lots of maybes but don't stress and just see where the journey takes you.

 

You are only a 24 hour plane ride away ~ its not like you are going to Pluto :smile:

 

That's more or less how it was with me too. My family and friends were used to me gallivanting and working all over the place before I came here.

[MARYROSE02]

We did the opposite to most posters, typical of us some might say.

We retired to Oz with no family here, after living in Asia, all 3 of ours in UK, but we felt it was our time to do what we wanted to do, not live our lives through our children.

Fast forward 12 years, and 2 of ours have followed us here, so as QSS said above you never know what might happen.

We visit UK most years to see UK based son and our only grandchildren. Unlike other posters we have no problem withSkypeing regularly, and love keeping in touch that way, the 2 grandchildren, boys age 5&7 just chat away, there is no pressure on them to stay and chat if they don't want to, but we do keep upto date that way.

Very different to the snail post days when I lived in Africa and kept in touch with family.

I used to write to my parents at least once a week, sometimes twice, and a picture post card every Friday. I still have a large box of cards.

 

Maybe your grandkids would like to get some picture postcards? I still buy packs of them from the PO, First Day of Issue, prepaid for worldwide. I use them at Xmas in lieu of Xmas cards, and birthdays. I buy ordinary cards as well, free ones from cafes.

 

As long as you have correct postage, you can send anything. I send pub coasters to my cousin's pub in Deal "The Just Reproach " which he puts on the wall.

 

Photographs work, drawings, picture out of the paper, maybe stuck to a bit of card. (I've never done that, just thought of it as I type!)

 

I should learn to Skype!

[Que Sera Sera]

I must be honest I don't Skype or FaceTime I don't like it very much not even with the OH when he works away. Can't be bothered to look tidy for a phone call :wink:. My OH used to Skype with his family Sunday nights, always when I was in my P.Js so I'd hide out of shot :laugh:

[jumpingjellybean]

think you need to be independent person to really make it work n not overly reliant on old friends n family.

 

I agree 100% with this comment. You have hit the nail on the head. Maybe that is the difference why some people settle better and some head back. I have always been independent and actually never missed my family or friends. The only thing I occasionally think about and miss is plaice as in plaice and chips.

[aconcannon]

Thanks everybody for sharing all of your own personal experiences & advice - it's been really helpful & really interesting to read! However I'm not so sure I agree that worrying about missing family & friends makes you somebody who isn't independent & therefore it's probably not right for you to emigrate.... I'm exceptionally close to my family & I will miss them but it doesn't mean I'm not independent & I won't make it work in Australia!!

[jumpingjellybean]

.... I'm exceptionally close to my family & I will miss them but it doesn't mean I'm not independent & I won't make it work in Australia!!

 

I would never say "its not right for you to emigrate", and nor is anyone else.

 

I have been here for over 20 years now, and in that time have seen a lot of ping ponging. And in a high percentage of cases, it has been from people who are emotionally attached to their relations and friends. You need to cut the apron strings and many don't.

 

I love my family. But I don't need them daily in my life to survive and thrive. But some people do and they are usually the people who ping pong.

 

So it would be helpful to have some independence. So when the going gets tough, you are able to fall on your own resources to get through.

 

Tough times are normally when ex-pats start to crave support from the UK. And often that is when they go back too - as they feel too alone here to cope and miss their families too much.

 

So just being a bit independent in mind-set or nature from that; will hold you in good stead.

[MARYROSE02]

I agree 100% with this comment. You have hit the nail on the head. Maybe that is the difference why some people settle better and some head back. I have always been independent and actually never missed my family or friends. The only thing I occasionally think about and miss is plaice as in plaice and chips.

It's a subjective thing. I wanted to stay in Australia from day one, but I also missed my family from day one, and never stopped missing them.. You can always make new friends but you can't replace your family, hence my feeling like I'm an orphan at 61!

 

I've never understood when I've read about one partner wanting to live far away from the other partner's family, for what seems like selfish reasons.

 

When you're sick you often have nobody else to look after you. Friends so their bit but they often don't have the commitment.

 

I've had blues with my brothers, but I'd drop everything if something happened to one of them.

 

I was fortunate too to be able to spend nine years or of a total of twelve helping my parents in England. Many people suffer much anguish when something happens at 'home' and they are so far away

 

And some of the most "successful" migrants I know, with zero desire to live in the UK or Ireland, make frequent trips back to see their family.

[Guest Bobajob]

Hated it on arrival and for years afterwards. Now you couldn't get me out in a pine box!

[MARYROSE02]

Hated it on arrival and for years afterwards. Now you couldn't get me out in a pine box!

Now my parents have gone there is no reason for me to return. They died when I was in England and I carried on over there on my own OK, but if I went back now, there is nothing for me. Go round my old haunts, look up some friends, that's it. I left in Dec 08 second time, and not been back since.

[milliem]

Yes the emotional roller coaster goes on afterwards. I was coming to Oz to be near my sister so didn't really have the family issues too much. However my friend went to great lengths to be negative, saying it wouldn't work out and talking about people who went to Oz and only lasted 12 weeks and another lot who only lasted 6 months. Three years later the odd comment is still there. I let it go though as I knew it came from an emotional place.

 

good luck

[Guest]

So with only 30 days until my husband & I depart the UK a range of emotions are now starting to kick in!

 

In no way do I doubt we're making the right decision, but with leaving parties & goodbyes to people imminently approaching I'm starting to feel quite upset about what is to come!

 

We're currently living back with my parents, which is nice & we've valued all the extra time we've been able to spend with them, but at the same time I think it's going to be harder to leave them & when we have gone the house will no doubt feel very empty & lonely for them!

 

How did everybody else feel & cope in those final weeks??

 

I just wanted to be on a plane and on my way tbh. It seemed to drag a bit and we had a big leaving BBQ 3 weeks before we were due to fly out and then son went to stay with my parents the last weekend so we could finish off in the house, clean it, take stuff to the dump etc. Then we spent the Sunday with my parents, had a lovely lunch out, gave them a hug and didn't look back. Flew out 2 days later from Heathrow with no one to see us off (our preference) and no fuss.

 

Been here almost 2 years now and have not felt homesick once. Not really missed anyone either. Sure it'd be nice to have a catch up with some friends but I've made friends here, we have a good life and we are happy living in the here and now, not hankering after what was or what we left behind. A visit back to the UK has confirmed the fact my life is here now. I arrived there and within 10 days could not wait to be able to head home. I was counting down the days :cute: Didn't for one second think how lovely it would be to be living back there or anything.