Country vic Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) My situation is different in many ways than yours, however, I have been here for 10 years and frankly I think cutting my own throat would be preferable to living like this for another day, let alone another 5 years. I understand being trapped, like a prison with no parole date. You mention your husband 'doesn't get it' why not. I am single so in no position to comment on marriage but I would think a partner who truly cares for you would have your back and make an effort to understand. He made a very important promise then ignored it, that looks like a red flag to me, can you trust anyone who does that. You agreed, or were coerced, to come here on false pretences. if you don't have any close friends who you can be honest with and who will support you, from my own experience, and what I read of other people's, if you have been in a place for 5 years sticking it out for 10 is unlikely to result in anything different. The only thing I can suggest is to find solitary activities, things to do that don't require anyone else or make you look like a weirdo: running, cycling, going to the gym, it's not much but it's better than nothing and can be good for you. Don't throw your life away, one day you will be my age (62) and realise all the things you hoped for can never happen, it's all to late. If you feel there are ways to make it better maybe give it a timeframe, say 6 - 12 months, if you have done everything you can and nothing feels better by then you must find a way of getting into a situation that may work better for you. You have family back in the UK, if it comes to returning can/will they help. Edited June 9, 2015 by Country vic Typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Petals,my kids are aussies and are living in the UK.We moved over when they were 9 & 11,they're adults now.I've always encouraged both to retain their "aussieness"so not sure what you meant to the OP about her kids "wanting to stay that way"?Although my kids are aussies,they dont' shout about it from the rooftops,and just take it in their stride. As far as being with someone who provided the lifestyle etc you want,earned the most had the most say,that sounds pretty old fashioned to me.Times have moved on now,and couples are equal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I know it is trite, but you need to care about the things you can change and accept the things that you can't. You are in a relationship where your partner and children are "at home". Unless you can persuade them otherwise, Australia is where you will have to stay. OK, you don't love the Gold Coast, but it's where you can afford to be. You say you can't get enmployment there; is this an opportunity to retrain? You are right that there is no history in the Gold Coast, so little point in looking for it. Could you discover some kind of sport, or love for nature, or learn a language instead? I know you feel that you want to go back to Britain but the Britain we both left in 2010 no longer exists. It has changed, and we have changed. Even if you left Australia now and moved to Britain, you'd be moving to something new, not something old. Best of luck; I feel for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritInBrissyAndBeyond Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Hey Rach, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling a bit crappy at the moment, I totally understand your predicament. Let me tell you a bit about me.... I came to Australia last August, 6 weeks prior to this, moving to Australia hadn't even crossed my mind. Leaving England hadn't even crossed my mind. I met a guy, we'd been friends for a few months, I knew he was planning on coming over here and as his leave date got closer and closer I began to realize I liked him. He liked me too and a week before he flew out, he told me this. During his last wek in the UK he (somehow) managed to talk me in to moving to Australia with him. I quit my job, sold my house, said goodbye to all my friends and family and 6 weeks later got on a plane to Sydney. Was this a good idea? I still don't know... I love being here in Australia with him and we've just celebrated a year together which is lovely, but I have made zero friends here, I don't have a job as we move around quite frequently, he doesn't have a penny to his name right now as he is developing a new online business and I am living off the sale of my house. Everyday I think about going home. But would that really be better? Am I (are we) idolising the UK? Australia is a great country, you have a family and a life here, does the UK offer you real happiness or would heading home without your husband leave you feeling just as crappy? For me being with the man I love and working towards a great future together beats the urge to leave. Yes I get lonely, sad sometimes and feel out of my depth but its an experience and every experience is worth embracing and finding the positives in. Are your children happy here? How would they feel going back to the UK? They'd be in the same boat as you're in now, leaving friends and everything they know behind. Its a tricky situation you find yourself in, hopefully these responses will help you see things in a clearer light and lead you in the right direction All the best, Maxine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I know it is trite, but you need to care about the things you can change and accept the things that you can't. You are in a relationship where your partner and children are "at home". Unless you can persuade them otherwise, Australia is where you will have to stay. OK, you don't love the Gold Coast, but it's where you can afford to be. You say you can't get enmployment there; is this an opportunity to retrain? You are right that there is no history in the Gold Coast, so little point in looking for it. Could you discover some kind of sport, or love for nature, or learn a language instead? I know you feel that you want to go back to Britain but the Britain we both left in 2010 no longer exists. It has changed, and we have changed. Even if you left Australia now and moved to Britain, you'd be moving to something new, not something old. Best of luck; I feel for you. I left in 2010 and returned in 2015 and I have not found these differences you refer to. As you have not actually gone back, perhaps you are just imagining them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grizzly111 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 OP: I've been here almost 20 years since a teenager. Believe me, if you are not enjoying it now then it ain't going to get better. At least as a kid I had the pleasure of enjoying life in Oz without the responsibility etc. and times were good, however now I can clearly see the lack of culture, boganism etc that you mention and really wish I could leave back to the UK but have commitments here that make it an issue in the medium term. I would personally have a discussion with your family and make a firm date in the future to return by and not look back. The longer you leave it, the more opportunities in life you could miss and ultimately you will regret it. You have to decide what it is about the UK that love, whether that is still true and whether that is enough for you to return home. Perhaps plan a short reconnaissance holiday first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I bet the kids don't want to leave. It's not about you. The family has to come first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I bet the kids don't want to leave. It's not about you. The family has to come first. Kids probably not old enough to know the difference. In a way, it IS about her because to be an effective and good role model mum requires optimal mental health and anything less is going to be a negative impact on the kids. Having a happy set of parents is paramount and having one with significant depression for whatever reason is not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Kids probably not old enough to know the difference. In a way, it IS about her because to be an effective and good role model mum requires optimal mental health and anything less is going to be a negative impact on the kids. Having a happy set of parents is paramount and having one with significant depression for whatever reason is not.The OP's "kids" are 19 and 17 so I think they would know what was going on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country vic Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I bet the kids don't want to leave. It's not about you. The family has to come first. What year is this?? How long should a woman sacrifice her life for the 'family', it's not all about her putting the family first, other members of this family need to do the same and put her first, at least some of the time. There is a husband involved, I suggest he need to consider 'it's not all about him' it's past time the feelings of his wife should be a major priority. These 'kids' are virtually adults, if they are not away living their own lives yet it won't be long. This is could be a good time for the OP to allow herself to consider her own long term needs. The 'kids' are at an age where they can travel independently and make their own decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Nice post Country Vic,you almost sounded like me!:laugh:No its not "all about the guy"did'nt that go out in the 50's early 60's?Seems like some guys are still living in the past!And for those who are,I'm guessing your partners/wives don't work,and stay home to clean and bake all day? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I bet the kids don't want to leave. It's not about you. The family has to come first. What a terrible comment to somebody who is clearly suffering and unhappy. Isn't she a member of the family? Does a woman's happiness not count once she has children in your world? Only husband and kids matter eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 What an awful position to be in,rach. I guess if you return to the UK your husband might end up with the same feelings as you and hate it there. Any chance of moving somewhere a bit different within Australia? Melbourne or Sydney perhaps- both are a bit more 'cultured' if you like. The gold coast is lovely but I can quite agree it is not a long-term living place. Many go there to retire and then realise they have made a big mistake for much the same reasons that you state.Something's got to happen, you can't continue to spiral down like you seem to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) I bet the kids don't want to leave. It's not about you. The family has to come first. Why do you say that ? Our kids were very happy to leave and are very happy were we are. You have to remember that not everyone is in love with Australia. Ah yes I see the 'kids' are virtually adult so not really in the equation. Edited June 9, 2015 by bristolman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 The OP's "kids" are 19 and 17 so I think they would know what was going on Didn't think this OP had said how old her kids are - on another thread, different OP they were 19 and 17 and definitely old enough to make their own choices Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country vic Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 As an isolated person who knows how miserable life can be and also how cheap talk is, may I suggest some members here offer you a break in the city. If the info here is correct your 'kids' are adult so, depending on work commitments, you can get away. A week in the city might give you space to think about the future as well as access to theatres, galleries etc. so how about it members. Flights to Melbourne and Sydney aren't that expensive these days, if members can pick you up at the airport, provide accomodation for a few days it would offer a break and maybe a bit of pampering. With members coming from all areas of he country surely there are some who can offer some real life, practical support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Why not you Country vic seeing as you are being so helpful on behalf of everyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Why not you Country vic seeing as you are being so helpful on behalf of everyone else. Wasn't the point of the comment to get the OP into the city, just guessing but I think CountryVic is well, in the country lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country vic Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) It's only a suggestion take it or leave it. I would not offer as I live virtually as a recluse and have nothing to offer, unless anyone is looking to organise a mass suicide. As Bristolman correctly observed where I live wouldn't be likely to improve anyone's will to live - we don't even have trains or buses much less planes :- ) Seems to me the OP might benefit from the company of happy, compassionate, understanding people/family who are doing OK and could offer a good time for a break. Edited June 9, 2015 by Country vic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 It's only a suggestion take it or leave it. I would not offer as I live virtually as a recluse and have nothing to offer, unless anyone is looking to organise a mass suicide. As Bristolman correctly observed where I live wouldn't be likely to improve anyone's will to live - we don't even have trains or buses much less planes :- ) Seems to me the OP might benefit from the company of happy, compassionate, understanding people/family who are doing OK and could offer a good time for a break. As a regular visitor to country Victoria I feel your pain, you really have to be a special kind of person to thrive or even survive out there. I don't like cities and we live rural here but no way could I live in some of those places. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 As a regular visitor to country Victoria I feel your pain, you really have to be a special kind of person to thrive or even survive out there. I don't like cities and we live rural here but no way could I live in some of those places. I don't think its a prison. Fly home if you don't like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country vic Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Thanks Bristolman you made me smile for the first time in days. Back to the OP, I do think a little travel could help give some clear space and a change of scene,. The reason I suggested members might help is, in my experience, travelling alone, with no one to meet you at the other end, can be depressing in itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I don't think its a prison.Fly home if you don't like it. I live in Shropshire now but thanks for the advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I meant Country vic should move or go home if she hates where she is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I meant Country vic should move or go home if she hates where she is. Oh sorry, you quoted my post. Things aren't always as easy as they seem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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