One week in - in tears constantly

[Shellybingobingo]

Would you be happy here if your husband worked in Brisbane Shelly ? Do you prefer Brisbane to Perth? OR would you rather be back in the UK?

 

 

My my husband did work in brisbane , and of course I would like him to be here . It's not about which state I prefer , it's about ATM where he can get the work . And as for going back uk well yes I would go tomorrow , my kids won't though , my hubbie would if I threw a dickie fit and believe me I'm capable ! But is that right to do so . Not really so it's not just about me it's about everybody . If I was with my hubbie now I would be like a pig in muck .so when he comes home next week he will have to sort me out , because I cannot cope until November , I'm trying though . Lol

[JockinTas]

Well that's what I meant. You are basically lonely and cry because your husband is so far away. Like you say, you'd be like a pig in muck if you were together and you might not worry so much about going back to the UK.

[Guest]

A week though? That's barely even a holiday.

 

But like I said if someone died, you wouldn't say how can you miss them it's only been a week. We met a couple from PIO when we first arrived in Perth and the women had left an almost grown up son behind, she certainly had spent the first week weeping - if she'd been on a holiday she wouldn't have as she'd have known she was going back.

 

I had a standard 'honeymoon' period, that lasted about 9 months but then we booked a return flight so knew when our first holiday to see our nearest and dearest would be. It was when the finances got tighter and we didn't have a trip planned that leaving was harder, not knowing when we'd see people again and in some cases if we would.

[Shellybingobingo]

 

Well that's what I meant. You are basically lonely and cry because your husband is so far away. Like you say, you'd be like a pig in muck if you were together and you might not worry so much about going back to the UK.

Pi wouldn't worry so much about going back uk , but it is always on my mind anyway what I'm missing . But my hubbie just says all the right things to me to make me feel good . Lol . So yep I'll be like a pig in muck . But that yearning feeling will always be there I think . We will see . I know for a fact my middle one will not go back now . I carnt force him niether it's not my right too . So that's y I've stuffed up either way . But I can cope with it , I'm very strong willed really:)

[Guest]

I think grieving someone's death is a bit different to missing someone after a week.

 

I'm sorry but i'm with the other poster, it isn't what I would consider "normal". It's hardly like they are stuck here, you could go home in 24 hours

[flybyknight]

first week can be a bitch, the jetlag doesn't help, even in the uk i tended to get emotional if i was dog tired.

the post earlier by tink hit it perfectly, get in the swing, and get out of the house. memories aren't made on the couch*

you know this country is gorgeous, it's no accident you are here, make it yours

 

 

 

 

*you've got a dirty mind, you have.

[JockinTas]

Perhaps some people aren't meant to be migrants. If it is making their life so miserable and unhappy they may just as well pack up and go back home and save themselves a lot of grief.

[JockinTas]

'spose it was different in my case. Even though I was jetlagged and had no idea exactly where I was or what I was doing, I went out and got a job two days after I arrived. Didn't like it much but after three months applied for and got another much better job.

[Shellybingobingo]

Perhaps some people aren't meant to be migrants. If it is making their life so miserable and unhappy they may just as well pack up and go back home and save themselves a lot of grief.

 

 

At the end of the day ...if things were different when we arrived and I hadn't had the upheaval of moving again and my life in limbo ...I think I would of settled by now . But you don't expect it to happen like it has . And then a grandson comes along chucks a spanner in ya works , u think differently too , and on top of that the jobs wherever they might be ect . Just limbo for me . It's not been a great experience not a dire one niether . Not totally . But hey I'll come out of it the other end I always do ! I might of fell in a bucket of **** for now but I'll come out smelling of roses I always do! And it's not that easy for people to pack up and just go

[Shellybingobingo]

'spose it was different in my case. Even though I was jetlagged and had no idea exactly where I was or what I was doing, I went out and got a job two days after I arrived. Didn't like it much but after three months applied for and got another much better job.

 

 

The he thing is jock in Tas , it' won't be easy for people get a job today in a few days . Believe me I've tried for the jobs is be good at for two yrs ...with no avail ....they want young blood because of the cost . In my case , so I clean keep me busy . I don't mind . I sat my barista ..still want experience . Applied for loads . Nothing . So it's a bucket and a mop and a icy pop for me I'm afraid lol

[JockinTas]

Love your attitude Shelly :smile:

 

Yes, things were a lot easier when I first arrived - in Sydney anyway ... don't know about elsewhere. You could leave your job on Friday - look at the situations vacant in Saturday's Sydney Morning Herald - ring them up on the Monday and you would probably have the job that week.

[MrsA]

Hi everyone

 

Thank you so much for your very kind and helpful replies. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook. I might try and walk to the bay today just to relax a little and try and enjoy the surroundings. All of your advice was so helpful. I will try and take this on board.

 

many thanks

[ramot]

At the end of the day ...if things were different when we arrived and I hadn't had the upheaval of moving again and my life in limbo ...I think I would of settled by now . But you don't expect it to happen like it has . And then a grandson comes along chucks a spanner in ya works , u think differently too , and on top of that the jobs wherever they might be ect . Just limbo for me . It's not been a great experience not a dire one niether . Not totally . But hey I'll come out of it the other end I always do ! I might of fell in a bucket of **** for now but I'll come out smelling of roses I always do! And it's not that easy for people to pack up and just go

 

Shelly you've had a tough time, and you come across as a great person.

Having spent most, well that's how it seemed, of my married life coping on my own I really sympathise, I know your husband will be home shortly, and that will be just what you need.

is it viable for you to go to Perth for a few days in between his visits home? That's what we had to do, obviously not Perth in our case, otherwise it was just too long in between seeing each other, it certainly helped, difficult organising the children but well worth it to help us both cope, just a thought.

Take care, he's almost home.

[newjez]

Hi everyone

 

Thank you so much for your very kind and helpful replies. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook. I might try and walk to the bay today just to relax a little and try and enjoy the surroundings. All of your advice was so helpful. I will try and take this on board.

 

many thanks

 

I always think it makes it easier to write things down. Make lists of what you want to achieve out of this experience. Make goals. Set checkpoints where you re evaluate your position. Keep a diary, so you can look back and compare how you feel now to how you felt then. Be prepared to call it quits if you have to. But set a realistic timeline for when you will do this. Make a plan. Stick to the plan, and you'll get through this. It's like a life line. Good luck.

[Shellybingobingo]

Shelly you've had a tough time, and you come across as a great person.

Having spent most, well that's how it seemed, of my married life coping on my own I really sympathise, I know your husband will be home shortly, and that will be just what you need.

is it viable for you to go to Perth for a few days in between his visits home? That's what we had to do, obviously not Perth in our case, otherwise it was just too long in between seeing each other, it certainly helped, difficult organising the children but well worth it to help us both cope, just a thought.

Take care, he's almost home.

 

 

 

Awww ww thanks ramot it's been tough , but I've not had it as tough as some ...got me health hey so I carnt complain . Well I can complain but I shouldn't lol . I might put the lads in a apartment near the school . We live quite a walk from the school . And it wouldn't be fair for my youngest who's 17 to walk it . With ya back pack and it's a 30 min walk to the first bus stop lol . I can go over to wa in school hols but oh coming here now next week . Might put em in a apartment . I worry though because they are untidy buggas , lol . So I can go over to him then come back to the lads to see what they upto . After two months . After nov my youngest will come . Not sure on me middle one he said no he has a girlfriend . So unless she comes lol I don't know . I am fed up now though lol my hubbie knows it aswell that's why he suggested putting kids in apartment . Nearer the school . So we will look into that next week when he's back take care of you too x

[shak]

I always think it makes it easier to write things down. Make lists of what you want to achieve out of this experience. Make goals. Set checkpoints where you re evaluate your position. Keep a diary, so you can look back and compare how you feel now to how you felt then. Be prepared to call it quits if you have to. But set a realistic timeline for when you will do this. Make a plan. Stick to the plan, and you'll get through this. It's like a life line. Good luck.

 

I would take that advice mrsA..trust me keeping a diary has helped me loads.when im extremely down and feel like i cannot cope,i grab my diary and jot my feeling down onto paper,and it really helps.vent it all out,write about what makes u angry,wats making u sad,any regrets your experiencing, and then end it of with a happy not.try it,it might help

[Marisawright]

There was a family that made the decision to move back in a week and plenty make the decision within 3 months - often they ping pong so a really bad idea but it's more normal than you think. I am pretty sure I was crying a fair bit in my first month - it's grief for what you've left behind. When someone dies you don't think 'well they could have been on holiday for a fortnight so I won't miss them yet'.

 

Yes, but the point is you ultimately made the decision not to stay permanently. And Shellybingobingo, who's also saying she cried a lot but "it got better" is also not happy with Australia. So all we can take from that, is that it's normal for people who aren't going to settle Australia to be in tears at the start!

[Marisawright]

I've been reading this and other forums for years and in that time read countless stories of people who have moved here. I've never, ever heard of anyone being so homesick (after a week away?) that they're weeping all the time.

 

I agree, I've been here a while now and I've seen many people miserable with homesickness - but not after just one week. It does make me wonder if the OP has made the move to please someone else, and she's not doing it for her own sake - which is almost always a recipe for unhappiness and conflict in the long term.

[Southchick]

Hi Everyone

 

As I write this message I'm in tears. Is it normal one week in to possibly feel like this. I just really miss my family, friends, my home and all of the things I could easily do in the UK to cheer myself up after a bad day.

 

I I knew it would be hard but I didn't think I would be so upset so soon.

 

Crying when tired is completely NORMAL! It's difficult as we don't really know much more info or anything that has lead to you feeling like this... It is possibly not from actually missing these things... But the realisation of the enormity of migrating and that will come out differently for different people. If it was to carry on then perhaps it would be a worry, but please don't fret as it will inevitably change . Just go wth it, get out there and know you have this site for support and to help point you in the right direction :-)

[silencio]

If I were MrsA I'd set me a certain time frame, let say 6 months down the track, and if you're still griefing don't stay here for false reasons and go back home. I find it more concerning being mentally unstable and unhappy/depressed than just admitting migration to foreign countries is not for everyone. It's always better having a happy life wherever it is. But maybe you like it here after a couple of weeks after going out meeting some people or work colleagues?

[Jacaranda]

I think its normal for the OP to be crying a lot.We're all different aren't we?Some people emigrate with gusto and a huge positive attitude,others somewhere in the middle ground and some,the stress,worry and grieving really affect them.To me,thats all normal behaviour.Some people who emigrate,who haven't set foot in Australia before,get on that flight and just don't realise how far Aust is!Its a bloody long way!

OP I am quite certain you will begin to feel better as time goes on.Have you spoken to your family since leaving?Skype or whatever?Things take time to settle down.You need to focus on making a home for yourself,your own nest,try and get out and about and familiarise yourself with your new surroundings.Not sure if you had a job lined up before you left the UK,but you could start putting a few feelers out and test the water. Best wishes,and we're all here for you if you need a chat and shoulder!:cute:

[starlight7]

Mrs A are you on your own or do you have a family with you? If you continue to feel this down I would go and see a GP- sounds a bit like real depression to me if you find it hard to go out at all. Maybe you could take a tour or two to familiarize yourself with your area, assuming you are in or near a capital city. I guess one of the things might be a lack of people to talk to and that is hard when you first arrive- everyone seems to be about their business except you! Do you work? Can you join an interest group or something like a walking group or gym? Just suggestions...

[Zack]

i

have been here for 30 years and i'm still homesick.What you have to do is grin and bear it.Get something to do,Don't sit around and mope.Plan ahead give it a time period,and if you still feel the same.Make plans to go home.Nobody is going to think badly of you.We all make mistakes.There's a lot more people worse off than you.You got here,you can go back.It's only cost you money.You can always make that back.You'll be fine Try not to Worry.Good Luck.