blobby1000 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 From what you say I don't think you are depressed. Worn out and emotional from two big moves and confused as what to do next . But you have time on your side so I would take a break and see how you feel later in the year (contrary to my advice earlier today!). There's very few things in life that can't be fixed!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 It could be worth bearing in mind that you were in Melbourne at the height of summer. While winters are milder than the uk you won't be wearing shorts and t shirts again until January. If you were depressed in February I can't imagine winter being easy. From the sounds of it there is far more to this than the weather but it might be worth thinking about when those rose tinted glasses are on. But loads of people hate the summers, even Australians. I loved autumn and spring but summer was another reason we ran away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Well 8 years planning To go and off we went to Melbourne at the beginning of jan on a 189 visa. first week we arrived into a Heatwave 48 degrees crazy hot. Stayed with friends for a few weeks then took over there lease. Big mistake as was in an area we couldn't afford to settle so couldn't start 8 ur old in school. First 2 weeks I was traumatised the goodbyes were alot harder than I thought. My parents were inconsolable on Skype and as we were so unsettled I made the mistake of saying wasn't mad about oz. So they were delights thinking we wouldn't stay. Roll on a few weeks found lovely house lovely area. Settled oldest in school but couldn't find childcare youngest 2. So I began to work full time and oh minded kids which is the opposite to what we have done for 8 years, but needed the money. Left house 6.30 in morning and home at 7 in the evening. I became desperately homesick. It consumed my whole days. I would cry alot desperately missed home. I could see no way out and books flights home to the dismay of my husband and kids who loved oz. it was purely selfish but I was really really consumed with homesickness. We had some great times in melbourne but it was all shadowed by my desire to return home. So we all arrived home 2 weeks ago to the delight of my family and friends. My husband has said he now wants to go asleep and never wake up he is so depressed. My eldest daughter cries for her australian friends as school and my son just constantly is looking for playgrounds where we live now there are none. I wake every morning thinking oh my god what have I done , biggest mistake of my life. If I could fly back tomorrow I would. I miss the adventure of it all together, the good times we had, the opportunities, tge promise of a future. We now have no jobs potentially for a few more weeks, no money and worst of all we feel no future. My husband wants to go back as soon as we get money for flights, I would too if not for breaking my poor parent hearts again. We are still paying rent on our place in oz as hasn't rented yet and we are still in lease, plus paying rent here and a mortgage I am sure we have broken a record for not only shortest immigration ever but bigger mistake makers ever. I hope someone can learn a lesson from this as it is the worse situation ever. Will never be happy here again after seeing whats over there and will never be able to break my families heart agin by going again. Sorry that this has happened to you, everything you describe about how you felt and why you returned is the same for everyone, its so different when we move countries and of course we feel isolated and like we have made a mistake. However it wains and things settle down and we then get on with our lives. What do they say "act in haste repent at leisure". Hope you can sort it all out and if you do return maybe your parents could come out and spend the cooler months with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 8 years is a very long time to be planning such a life changing move and it's a big thing to live up to also so sounds as if reality just didn't cut it. Honestly homesickness is a form of grief and it does lessen with time but it's a very powerful emotion. It's still early days for you and all the events of the last few months are sinking in so give them time to sink in then start making decisions. It sounds as if all of you want to go back to give it another try so maybe that's what you should do and at least this time you have a reasonable idea of what to expect so none of it will come as a shock. You'll still be faced with issues of child care, jobs, bills etc etc though. Be honest with yourself and your family. If you do return suggest to your parents about booking a trip to visit within the year. If there are definite plans to see each other again the pain can lessen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Yep it happens to a lot of people. Melbourne is a great place for families. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Melbourne is a great place for families. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz do you work for Australian tourism and get paid on commission? The Op hardly needs to be reminded of this does she...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Sorry you've had such a hard time. Nothing much to add to excellent advice you've been given but FWIW many of us, myself included would have chosen to head home where our flights were paid. You may want to advertise your house on this forum - plenty of Brits heading to Melbourne need somewhere to live! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Yep it happens to a lot of people. Melbourne is a great place for families. Not if you live in a sh!t suburb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Not if you live in a sh!t suburb Then move suburbs. Don't move countries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I think even the worst suburbs have things like parks and playgrounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 What's done is done. No use beating yourself up over it. We all make mistakes. You can always give it another go when your head is in a better place. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 Don't give up. Come back and try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 I think even the worst suburbs have things like parks and playgrounds. Yeah but kids need more than parks and playgrounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 Plan to return in 2017 and maybe try to organise employment before you go- at least something to tide you over. Your parents will have 3 more years with you and their grandchildren that way. You really can't live your lives for them, hard though it seems. Do lots of homework re the suburb you will live in whether it is Mornington again or somewhere a bit further in- that way you won't waste your time. You have learnt a lot through your experiences and you might as well use that knowledge. Good luck whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakaal Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 Coming into June now and our feelings have not changed at all. My husband is still completely miserable and can't see a future here. I feel it wad a huge mistake to have cone back and moved children back. We have worked out a financial plan and have decided to go back to Melbourne the beginning of September this year. We really feel it is the right move for our family. Have not told the family yet will give it a few more weeks. Fingers crossed will go better this time although I really do think we have learned alot of lessons over the last few months that hopefully will benefit us on our return. We have made a pact that we will aim for 4 years to get citizenship and see where we stand then. I feel horribly selfish but really hope my parents can see it is what's best for us at this time. Thankyou all for the replies , advice, encouragement and understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Im glad you managed to make a plan, that can make you feel so much better, be it moving back to Aus or back to the UK. I hope things work out for you this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reen Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Just want to tell you that was a really brave post - give yourself a hug for that alone and wish you happiness whichever way you turn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whatsitallabout Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Totally agree with some one how brave toy were to post this. The journey to oz is the hardest journey ever!!! The guilt about family never goes. I could have easily done what you did. We made a pact that we had to do 3 years& if one of us was still unhappy we would return. My dad made comments like you have left us taken my grandchildren away from me I felt awful. We went back after 5 years away & I know oz is right for us might not be forever but it is at the moment. I just wanted to wish you all the best & thank your for sharing your story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakaal Posted September 11, 2014 Author Share Posted September 11, 2014 Update we fly out in 3 weeks getting excited now. We are heading to Sunshine Coast this time to try something new. Feel a lot braver this time and family are being very supportive now. My mam and dad have even said they will fly over for the month of January 2016! Which is a great improvement for them. We have just got one way flights this time, have some friends nearby and looking forward to it. I know I will be homesick but hope in time this will get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tappers2oz Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Sounds great. I really hope it works out for you guys this time. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whatsitallabout Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Good luck I really wish you all the best x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Three weeks is not a long time at all..all the best..I saw you are a social worker..I was going to suggest you do agency sw as fab money but imagine that's the last thing you are thinking about at the mo..working ha x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Good Luck Lakaal and all the best for the future. Don't think of the past 6 months as a huge mistake, it may just have been the making of your families happiness. Everything happens for a reason is my greatest motto, and having the chance to compare your life with the UK has reaffirmed your decision that you are doing the best thing for your family. It also gave your parents an opportunity to spend a good 6 months with your children but also to see that you as parents have chosen a choice for your children based on experiences. I am positive that everything will work out for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kapri Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Coming into June now and our feelings have not changed at all. My husband is still completely miserable and can't see a future here. I feel it wad a huge mistake to have cone back and moved children back. We have worked out a financial plan and have decided to go back to Melbourne the beginning of September this year. We really feel it is the right move for our family. Have not told the family yet will give it a few more weeks. Fingers crossed will go better this time although I really do think we have learned alot of lessons over the last few months that hopefully will benefit us on our return. We have made a pact that we will aim for 4 years to get citizenship and see where we stand then. I feel horribly selfish but really hope my parents can see it is what's best for us at this time. Thankyou all for the replies , advice, encouragement and understanding. Hi Lakaal have you considered trying somewhere other than Melbourne? Edit: I see you're going to the Sunshine Coast! I wish you all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chenzo Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Brilliant thread , thankyou for sharing your experiences Lakaal and also the advice and help given by everyone else because in turn it is helping others like me and my family ... good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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