Harpodom Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Yeah, but... Isn't the secret to a happy life learning to accept and enjoy the situation you're in, rather than chasing non existent rainbows? It just requires a little mental tweaking. Blobby has tried Aus, he didn't like it. He didn't like Cornwall and now finds himself back where he started*, thinking 'WTF?'. I suppose what I'm mostly warning Blobby against is the doomsday scenario of returning to Aus, feeling exactly the same as he did the first time and thinking even more 'WTF??'. It's a hellish scenario to be in. *Incidentally and FWIW, Cheltenham is one of my favourite places in England. .......I must disagree again...........and have come to this conclusion through experience and hindsight.......! ........which I concede that without foresight.... .......many of us fail to take advantage of the unknown..... ........Each and every experience is unique.... .........it's only by holding onto past experiences do we limit our selves.... .........children adapt and thrive on challenges...... .........if those they rely on encourage it...... .........our children look to us for guidance...... .........and as such it's our reactions to situations that shape theirs.... ........so for me....... .........the chance to explore something new...... ..........when where you are is needy...... ...........should be seriously considered..........IMO......tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 We have moved our children from pilfer to post due to service life and life as an expat, as have any of our friends. To be honest they haven't suffered any more than I did. The fact that the OP was it appears unhappy in Oz, puts a different slant to moving back though. has any one else read about 3rd culture kids? It's sums up the pros and cons quite well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Yeah, but... Isn't the secret to a happy life learning to accept and enjoy the situation you're in, rather than chasing non existent rainbows? It just requires a little mental tweaking. Blobby has tried Aus, he didn't like it. He didn't like Cornwall and now finds himself back where he started*, thinking 'WTF?'. I suppose what I'm mostly warning Blobby against is the doomsday scenario of returning to Aus, feeling exactly the same as he did the first time and thinking even more 'WTF??'. It's a hellish scenario to be in. *Incidentally and FWIW, Cheltenham is one of my favourite places in England. .......it's more about accepting each day IMO..... .......a situations length of time is personal........ ......and if after a length of time......with as much tweaking as possible..... .......acceptance is still an issue...... .......why ,.....if an alternative is possible....... .......should blobby not take that chance.......? .......all to often choices can become limited...... .......and then the chance to take that choice may become unobtainable..... .......then ime.....could ....it become a hellish situation..... .......then and only then must you rely on learning acceptance without choice....... .......IMO....and ime........tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 We have moved our children from pilfer to post due to service life and life as an expat, as have any of our friends. To be honest they haven't suffered any more than I did. The fact that the OP was it appears unhappy in Oz, puts a different slant to moving back though.has any one else read about 3rd culture kids? It's sums up the pros and cons quite well. Moving as part of the job, and moving because you are searching for a better something somewhere are very different things. Plus, from what I know from forces kids, weren't there other forces kids in the same boat you could empathize with? I know people that do it with job hoping. Some people aren't suited to staying with one job. Is it possible for the op to change to relief work so they would be working in a variety of locations. That could help things. Or else, get another job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Hello We returned from Australia in December 2012 after 26 months living near Melbourne and in Torquay on The Great Ocean Road. Although we did many things in our time in Australia, we had generally negative feelings about it as a country and about our lives there. These feeling ebbed and flowed a bit but I think it's fair to say (and is reflected in my posts at the time) that I was mostly negative. We found some perspective on leaving and were able to be more pragmatic and left without any of the bitterness or anger that had been present during much of our stay. We moved back to the UK but instead of returning home we started another new life in Cornwall. In was awful and we left after 8 months and came back to live in our house in cheltenham. I returned to my old job. Mrs Blobby got a new job. Our boys aged 6 and 4 have really settled Into fantastic schools/preschools. we have bought a trailer tent to go off on holidays, we have a new puppy to go along with our ageing Retriever who had travelled to Australia and back with us. I'm on the verge of promotion at my work (just as I was when I left in 2010 and just as I was when I left Australia, but I never stayed still long enough!) The funny thing is when we talk about Australia, which seems to be getting more frequent we don't really talk about the endless boiling summers when we couldn't go outside, the terrible chicken in their takeaways, the terrible standard of rental property and the high interest rates which would have meant buying our dream home would always be very very difficult,. We don't talk about the appalling drivers, the way they treat their dogs, the poor standard of nursing, the racism, homophobia and general aggressive attitude of people. We don't speak much about the difficulty in making new friends or the overwhelming feeling of misery at Christmas! Good Lord no.... We talk about the fact we don't really have the time to spend with many of our friends. I don't particularly want to spend my days off drinking down the pub with my mates I would rather spend the time with my young family. We tire of the competitive nature of parents in the school playground. Many of the actual things and places that I really missed when in Australia when I now revisit I have this overwhelming feeling that I have done this all before. We are skint, just as we were when we left the UK, and, for the next 20 years at least, that isn't going to change. We look back on Australia and miss the opportunities, the sense of freedom that meant we felt we could do whatever we wanted with our lives. And it was nice not to work for the NHS and to finally have some money! Holidays in Bali, Sydney, W.A, anywhere we wanted really......and I could murder a flat white! Even if we could afford to go back to Australia it would be completely unfair on our children, and our wider families who have been very pleased to have us back and are all getting old (although we don't live near hem and don't see them all that often). Returning would mean selling the house, and putting everything in One Australian basket.....and, when we got there, can I be sure we wouldn't be focussing on the terrible chicken in the takeaways? In truth, although our lives are really quite good, we don't really feel like we belong anywhere anymore! Did you ever try Nandos Chicken? I quite enjoy it. At least you're not moaning about the sausages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geraldine Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Funny isn't it how the idea of ping ponging seems wrong….maybe we should re term it simply... travelling around the world (again). There is no right or wrong answer only the funds to facilitate a first world problem. Don't worry too much or put yourself under so much pressure about making the right decisions. Give yourself time to think about what you want to do. Only you know what is in your heart and what you are trying to achieve…the rest of us are guessing at it. Be kind to yourself and good luck with whatever decision you make.:biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 We look back on Australia and miss the opportunities, the sense of freedom that meant we felt we could do whatever we wanted with our lives. And it was nice not to work for the NHS and to finally have some money! Holidays in Bali, Sydney, W.A, anywhere we wanted really......and I could murder a flat white! /QUOTE] I reckon if you'd genuinely felt the above you would never have left Australia as it sounds like utopia! All of us think the grass is greener and it rarely is. Now you're back to your old life the original triggers that made you emigrate in the first place are coming back again so maybe it's all more to do with internal strife rather than the external. I'm new to this forum so never had the opportunity to read your previous posts but it sounds as if you were very unhappy here and be rest assured that the things you didn't like are still here and I can't see them going away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Hey blobs- I reckon you suffer from chronic boredom manifested by a desire to always experience something new and never be happy with what you are currently experiencing. There is no cure, sadly, you just have to cope with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Londongal76 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Take a holiday. Get away for a week somewhere, maybe it'll help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incata Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Do most people actually feel like they "belong" somewhere though. I can't say I ever have nor that I ever will. Perhaps I am unusual in that I don't feel that is very important. It is probably just the daily grind getting you down and that is the same for most of us, most of the time, and it doesn't matter where you are for that. Perhaps you are looking for more out of life than there actually is. Yes, I felt I belonged when I moved to Canada. I felt like I had finally found, "home". I only left Canada because I met the person who I thought may become my husband (he did), but the understanding was always that we would go back to Canada when he left the Armed Forces. Suffice to say, the visa system for Canada had changed by the time he left and it was impossible for us to get in as neither of us worked in a shortage profession. The Canadian Armed Forces weren't accepting lateral transfers at that point either. So we had to say goodbye to Canada and we came to Australia instead. I have really tried to let go of Canada, but I can't. It captured me and I miss it so much. It was the place I found myself and discovered who I wanted to be. I am one of those who feel that they belong somewhere, I just can't find a way to be there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I felt I belonged in England. I was born there my family were mainly from there, Irish and Welsh a bit too.However I also feel at home here in WA too. It must feel awful to not feel at home where you live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Aw blobby mate, all you can do is learn from your mistakes.. returning to Oz isn't such a bad idea.....but only if you were willing to throw your heart n soul into it. I've read your past posts, you know you Didnt give it a chance really. come to WA...I think I'm right in thinking you loved Freo. i don't live there, but it is on my doorstep....and it's Ffg brill. good luck on whatever you decide xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest 47403 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I think tink sums it up quite well blobby, what's wrong with ping ponging even if it takes a move to OZ and another MBTTUK (if it comes to that) for you to finally decide where you want to be, maybe try another area of Oz, just don't sit there in a few years time when the visa has run out regretting something you didn't do. Oh and remember there are very few impartial folk on PIO, the majority of those saying stay put would be saying the opposite if you were considering a MBTTUK it's the way the forum works you've been around long enough to know that, so I'm sure you will decide what's best for your family long term. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Funny isn't it how the idea of ping ponging seems wrong….maybe we should re term it simply... travelling around the world (again). There is no right or wrong answer only the funds to facilitate a first world problem. I'm not sure anyone thinks ping-ponging is "wrong" - but the financial consequences can be huge. I've moved a fair bit (from Scotland to various cities in England, to Africa, back to Scotland, to country Australia and finally to Sydney). I'm looking back now (at over 60) and though I don't regret the travelling, I'm conscious of the thousands and thousands of dollars it cost me. Not just in air fares and freight costs, but in disruptions to superannuation and pension, and in not having a family home building up equity. Not to mention all those myriad costs you incur, getting yourself set up again in every new country. As a result, I'm far less financially secure than stay-at-home friends my own age. If that's the result for me, travelling light, without kids and usually in well-paid jobs, what would be the impact for a family with children? It would be interesting to see how much the OP is out of pocket after moving his whole household to Australia and back. That's what makes moving again such a tough decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 .......while I agree the cost is huge...... .......as a traveller.....both with parents and now...... .....I agree financially it has made a huge impact....... ......but from experience .....and knowing family who have done both.... ......travelled or stayed..... .......those that have chosen to enjoy life.....have been most content..... .......all the money in the world..... .......if your not happy where you are..... ......the most wealthy lifestyle....... ........if your not happy...... ........to me is a life on hold..... .......though for some the constant travelling can have the same impact...... ......as always in life.... ......what and where ......meets the most ..need....of your family......is always the best option..... ......to have no choice...... .......is a poorer life........IMO.....tink x ............edited to add..... ..............many of us are trapped by our comfort zones..... ...............to give up what we have come to take for granted..... ................our material accomplishments ..... ..................are often the excuse / reason.......for living life ... ....................because its....OK..... .....................to let go.......and seek true fulfilment......happiness.....adventure...... ........................especially with a family.....is not easy in today's world...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Definitely rose tinted glasses here and like most things we only remember the good bits in things. Ask yourself this, do you long to be back in OZ more than you wanted to be back in the UK when you were here? For me, as much as I wanted to move to Oz and looked forward to it happening, Im wanting to return to the UK way much more than I wanted to come here...but I guess without coming here I would never have known. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 Thank you for all your helpful responses. I have read them all and I agree with everything you say. Harpodom, you are certainly a voice of reason and I think you're absolutely right......to return would be madness and it may well drive me to madness. Imagine the pressure to be happy knowing we definitely couldn't return to the UK again! However we would never have left Australia to return to Cheltenham, we felt we were done with it here even though we weren't always satisfied with Australia. We always had this alternative plan in The back of our minds to live in Cornwall and I wish we had got that out of our system BEFORE we went to Australia......when we decided to come back to the UK it didn't feel like we were returning home because we were starting again in a new area of the UK...but once we found Cornwall was not for us, we just ended up back In Cheltenham by default and because we had really run out of energy. i understand what people are saying about me being chronically bored, I love being married with kids, it really is the best thing I have ever done, but there is a responsibility to stay still for 15 years to give some stability and I think this can give a feeling of being trapped...not trapped by having kids, but geographically trapped. I've always travelled and found it hard to give it up. The thing is eventually we would have needed to settle in one area in Australia for 15 years and those feeling of being trapped would have been present there too... In terms of "the daily grind" that's something that living in Australia did not fix....I remember thinking, it's not all surfing before breakfast, we still got to pay the bills, go to work, vacuum, pick up dog poo etc.. It's not so different to being in the UK in that sense on a daily basis! I just think things got muddled in our heads in Australia with this idea of Cornwall being an alternative, it sort of never allowed us to settle. But it was more complicated than that, and although there really were times when we didn't think we would return to the Uk, we did spend a lot of our time missing it, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 Definitely rose tinted glasses here and like most things we only remember the good bits in things. Ask yourself this, do you long to be back in OZ more than you wanted to be back in the UK when you were here? For me, as much as I wanted to move to Oz and looked forward to it happening, Im wanting to return to the UK way much more than I wanted to come here...but I guess without coming here I would never have known. I missed the UK far more then than I now miss Australia. I think the thing I struggled with most was the thought that, if we succeeded, we would stay in Australia forever....I found that very hard to deal with, even though that's the whole idea of going there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 I'm not sure anyone thinks ping-ponging is "wrong" - but the financial consequences can be huge. I've moved a fair bit (from Scotland to various cities in England, to Africa, back to Scotland, to country Australia and finally to Sydney). I'm looking back now (at over 60) and though I don't regret the travelling, I'm conscious of the thousands and thousands of dollars it cost me. Not just in air fares and freight costs, but in disruptions to superannuation and pension, and in not having a family home building up equity. Not to mention all those myriad costs you incur, getting yourself set up again in every new country. As a result, I'm far less financially secure than stay-at-home friends my own age. If that's the result for me, travelling light, without kids and usually in well-paid jobs, what would be the impact for a family with children? It would be interesting to see how much the OP is out of pocket after moving his whole household to Australia and back. That's what makes moving again such a tough decision. I guess about 40k would be a conservative estimate. That's quite depressing! And it would be insane to spend another 40k and end up back here again via Australia AGAIN!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 Aw blobby mate, all you can do is learn from your mistakes.. returning to Oz isn't such a bad idea.....but only if you were willing to throw your heart n soul into it. I've read your past posts, you know you Didnt give it a chance really. come to WA...I think I'm right in thinking you loved Freo. i don't live there, but it is on my doorstep....and it's Ffg brill. good luck on whatever you decide xx Yes Fremantle is a wonderful place. I don't think we will be taking the gamble of returning but I'm sure if we had lived in Fremantle we would have got on a lot better in Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 We look back on Australia and miss the opportunities, the sense of freedom that meant we felt we could do whatever we wanted with our lives. And it was nice not to work for the NHS and to finally have some money! Holidays in Bali, Sydney, W.A, anywhere we wanted really......and I could murder a flat white! /QUOTE] I reckon if you'd genuinely felt the above you would never have left Australia as it sounds like utopia! All of us think the grass is greener and it rarely is. Now you're back to your old life the original triggers that made you emigrate in the first place are coming back again so maybe it's all more to do with internal strife rather than the external. I'm new to this forum so never had the opportunity to read your previous posts but it sounds as if you were very unhappy here and be rest assured that the things you didn't like are still here and I can't see them going away. Yes you are absolutely right. i can give countless example of us doing wonderful things in Australia but still feeling fairly unhappy at the same time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 A lot of people migrate for reasons they take with them. I think nsp hit the nail on the head. Hopefully it's the job and not the wife. I also need my eyesight checked, as all this time I had thought nsp was feeding a baby lamb! Should have gone to spec savers. Nah Mrs Blobby's OK!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 True tink, my analogy did rather fall apart there! But in Blobby's case (like many others), I think the situation is complicated by having young kids who IMO could do with a bit of stability for now. If it wasn't for the kids, I'd say go for it. BUT there was something about Aus which really rankled with Blobby: he will ignore that at his peril Yes you are absolutely right. I suppose really I just wish I was less of a miserable git. Many of the things that did annoy me were really unimportant.....but they would annoy me again if we came back! The kids definitely need some stability and they seem quite happy here (and they were happy in Australia.). It's me and Mrs Blobby with the issues! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 I think you need to try a bit of stability for a time tbh blobby I think your feelings are quite common, and especially so for those who have gone back to where they came from in their original country but things have moved on and they don't feel the same (or as they expected they would) about those things/places But you've tried another country, and I recall from posts that you really didn't like it. You tried another place in England and really didn't like that either. Changing again I think would just have you chasing something that maybe isn't there. IIRC in Aus it wasn't just heat/aggression/rentals etc you didn't like - there was lots about working practices you disliked as well. So whilst working for the NHS might be a grind (is it he bureaucracy?) you didn't like the way it was over here much either. There's lots in your posts that comes across as work-based frustration. Try and work out what it is that is frustrating - it's often due to people feeling disempowered, them not liking the way things are done but not being able to change or influence it. Will that promotion help? It may give you control over at least your area of work, that can help? It should certainly help, a bit, on the money front. As for the leisure/social life part, rather than disempowerment frustration this comes across more as "stuck in a rut" ism......wanting to spend time with family rather than on the pop is a good start, are there activities you can do as a family that will get you a new social circle, a bit of exercise, a new direction maybe without costing the earth? I'm thinking about outdoor pursuits of some kind I guess. You're very close in your neck of the woods to some fantastic countryside and outdoor activities in Cotswo;ds/Forest of Dean/Wye Valley/Black Mountains I dunno. I do think moving again isn't the answer. Competitiveness amongst parents is endemic I'm afraid, you just have to try and shut that one out we are off camping the Forrest of Dean in a fortnight then "glamping" with friends in Lincolnshire in June then camping for a week on the beach in Dorset in August... You are right, there's lots to do out there and we probably need a little time to settle back here. Sometimes it just feels like Australia never really happened! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish.01 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 She ain't such a baby lamb any more: Oh, she's adorable NSP :animal-chicken:They grow up while you're not looking... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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