l1sa Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 That was horrible. Just told my parents. My dad took it better than my mum, but they both left the house within a couple of minutes of being told. Mum didn't speak to me again and wouldn't even look at me. I felt awful, knowing that I had inflicted that pain on them. Feel awful now. :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asia Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 It's ok ik how that feels don't cry just know that she still loves u though ok hang in their Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahlouxx Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Aww they will come roubd my mum wont let me forget im leaving always on my case but im sure they will be ok giving time,, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Counting Stars Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 It's hard isn't it. I remember when we told my mum we were posted to Northern Ireland and she was devastated even though she knew it was only for 3 years lol. She knows we are going to Aus but she doesn't know when so I know as soon as we tell her it's going ahead she will be really upset (again). It's a shock right now... give them a few days for it to sink it. I'm sure they want you to be happy as hard as it is for them ((hugs)) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Reassure them you're only going to give it a go for a couple of years just to see if you like it. Pencil in your first return holiday and they'll get used to it. You may not like the way they heal up the hole you leave in their lives but thems the breaks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tothemoon Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I am sure they will come round hun. it is really hard for them but when they see how good your life Is over there and how happy you are for doing it they will be happy for you. I have told my parents and they were ok but I have yet to sit my children down and tell them. I am dreading it but I know its right for me. hang in there xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tina0101 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 We told my mum and dad in September 2013. It took until last month before mum would even discuss it with anyone. My dad, on the other hand, has been superb and has been trying to speak to mum on our behalf, but isn't getting very far. She doesn't like to talk about it as she gets upset, which is understandable, but we are leaving in 4 months and it's hard work and very stressful not being able to be excited when we are around her. At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for you. Of course family will be upset - you are moving a long way away, but there is Skype/Facebook etc and as Quoll mentioned above, schedule in a holiday back here. Fingers crossed your mum comes round faster than mine does!! But you're not in this alone x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lebourvellec Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 You've had your visas a long time -did they never know this was on the cards, or did they think that you weren't going to move. We are in similar situation we have had our visas 21/2 years and have had a new addition to the family since they have been granted, but my parents always knew that we will likely one day move, but maybe when they time actually comes they might not take the news well? Good luck with the move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l1sa Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Thanks for all the support people. It is so hard, I've always been so close to my parents and to know that I'm doing this to them breaks my heart (and hers obviously). we did originally tell them 5 years ago when we got the visas, but life and stuff got in the way and we didn't go as soon as we had hoped. She didn't take it well then either. I think we stopped talking about it because it was badly received and I think she kind of hoped that we had changed our minds. We've put off selling the house and making plans before telling them, and now we've told them we've really got to get a move on. We're planning to go the 1st week of July, after GCSEs and proms and selling the house!! Scared. Terrified. Feeling Sick. AAGGHH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kissofthegypsy Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 We had two reactions, on the OH side her mom was very selfish and even when we said we were only 24 hrs away, still carried on like a pork chop. On the other hand, my mom said, awesome, dont you dare come back until you have tried it for at least 6 months and 5 years later I am still here, the cheating bitch I came with is too, just with someone else haha. The moral of the story is and this is why I hate watching this part of WDU, is that for people involved with large families the wrench is bigger but it also helps if you have a supportive family that understand that you are doing this for a better existence and a better opportunity for your children in most cases. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Think of it as a grieving process - they're perceiving loss and absence and are struggling to adjust to it. Keep communications open, sometimes you might have to give a strong message that says "we're still going and what would you like our relationship to be like when we do"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 You are cutting it fine if your PR was issued on 9th July 2009! Good luck with the move Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 You are cutting it fine if your PR was issued on 9th July 2009! Good luck with the move I was just thinking that! You literally have days, what if somebody is ill and cannot travel? What if something happens and you need to delay? What if there is a volcanic dust cloud (that happened the day before my planned validation trip in 2910)? Heavens talk about living life on the edge.. Anyway to your post, try to bear with your parents and cut them some slack as they grieve. Don't fall into thinking they are selfish, that is destructive thinking and in fact it is the migrant that is selfish by definition, putting our needs first. You need to be selfish to be a good migrant in fact. The people left behind are in a much harder situation than we migrants are as they cannot exercise choice nor do they have any control over the situation. That is tough, nobody likes to feel out of control. Don't ram Australia down their throats, let them talk when they are ready. I am sure they will adapt and adjust, give them time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy P Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 You are cutting it fine if your PR was issued on 9th July 2009! Good luck with the move Good luck with the move. I remember the debate a couple of months ago about whether your daughter should go to the Prom or not. It'll all go fine, I'm sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l1sa Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 Cutting it fine?? Tell me about it!! But providing we are there before the last day of the Visa, its all fine!!! Believe me I have thought about what if... infact I've sent myself mad thinking about what if.. over the last few years. But I'm trying to turn all my what ifs into positive ones, eg. What if we love it and wish we'd done it sooner. what if the children settle into their new schools without any worries. What if OH and I both get jobs straight away... As for the parents, I have thought along the lines that its a grieving process for them. We told Hubbies mum last night too, and she was amazing. Her daughter is already in Oz and has been for the last 12 years, so I guess she's got used to skyping and visiting and that it doesn't mean the end, but that makes me feel even worse knowing that both her children have moved away and she is also recently widowed (one of the reasons we haven't gone sooner). I do feel so selfish. Rupert you're right it is the migrant who is selfish and I feel like a schmuck!!! But I must stop thinking in 'forever' terms, I think we are all guilty of that, 'we're emigrating forever', never to see them again, forever. Its far easier to deal with (like Quoll said) if I only think of it as a couple of years, none of us really know whats round the corner wherever we are! Thanks PomsinOzzers. Lisa XX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaneym Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 When I came over I left behind my sons and my elderly father and it is never easy to make a decision to try an adventure or something different. I told them right from the start never say never..I am not exiled I will always take it as it comes and where I will be in a years time is an unknown like most if life. I didn't really think I would stay in Australia yet a year and half down the line this 46 year old lady went from a 457 yto pr and back in the uk for a 5 week holiday to see her eldest son marry in a couple of weeks. I tell them all the same as I did before that I am having an adventure that I miss them every day and that Australia hasn't lost it's charm yet but doesn't mean it's forever.... Happy travelling and enjoy the ride x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Good luck with the move. I remember the debate a couple of months ago about whether your daughter should go to the Prom or not. It'll all go fine, I'm sure!So why are you quoting my post? Just because a few months ago I said I wouldnt delay a move because of a prom does not mean I dont hope their move goes ok, some people just cant help themselves but to try and stir things up!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy P Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 So why are you quoting my post? Just because a few months ago I said I wouldnt delay a move because of a prom does not mean I dont hope their move goes ok, some people just cant help themselves but to try and stir things up!!!! I very rarely post, though both me and my wife both view posts and comments on a daily basis. This thread purely reminded me of the discussion a few months ago and I wanted to wish the OP luck as we seem to be following a very similar path with regard to children in a similar position. In no way was there meant to be any offence caused, and I was definitely not trying to stir anything up. I will be sure to be very careful in future in order to not upset others sensibilities! Only nine weeks, six days, GCSES, A Levels and a Prom to get through before we start our adventure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanduex Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I very rarely post, though both me and my wife both view posts and comments on a daily basis. This thread purely reminded me of the discussion a few months ago and I wanted to wish the OP luck as we seem to be following a very similar path with regard to children in a similar position. In no way was there meant to be any offence caused, and I was definitely not trying to stir anything up. I will be sure to be very careful in future in order to not upset others sensibilities! Only nine weeks, six days, GCSES, A Levels and a Prom to get through before we start our adventure! In a very similar position Jimmy. Looking forward to it all. Very exciting whilst terrifying. Also similar to OP. Head down and kick on. Good luck to everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy P Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Thanks Vandeux, extremely excited, bundle of nerves, but looking forward massively to Brisbane. House hopefully sold, and eBay looks like an online version of Stepoe's yard!! Thankfully all 3 kids are on board. I wasn't sure about the netiquette of quoting, so didn't bother this time, sorry if I've offended you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l1sa Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 Oh dear. It turns out oh mother has not taken it well. She started off ok last night but today the proverbial 5hit has hit the fan. Shes been letting off to the family how totally unsupportive we are. Which actually is so untrue, we'll do anything to help and have been. But we have had to have another soul searching discussion on our plans this afternoon. This is awful.i admit that the timing is utterly crap as she is just finishing treatment for a breast cancer. But what do we do? Let this opportunity pass us by. And we couldn't go before nowas she was nursing a sick husband (oh dad) who sadly died just over 14 months ago. So its been put back and put back again and again and now it can't be put back anymore. You have no idea how awful we all feel (well actually I'm sure some of you do! ) This is just the worst feeling. I am so stressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Oh dear. It turns out oh mother has not taken it well. She started off ok last night but today the proverbial 5hit has hit the fan. Shes been letting off to the family how totally unsupportive we are. Which actually is so untrue, we'll do anything to help and have been. But we have had to have another soul searching discussion on our plans this afternoon. This is awful.i admit that the timing is utterly crap as she is just finishing treatment for a breast cancer. But what do we do? Let this opportunity pass us by. And we couldn't go before nowas she was nursing a sick husband (oh dad) who sadly died just over 14 months ago. So its been put back and put back again and again and now it can't be put back anymore. You have no idea how awful we all feel (well actually I'm sure some of you do! ) This is just the worst feeling. I am so stressed. You need to push through it and keep your resolve. You have to find that selfishness I referred to earlier, you (like all of us) have to put yourself before others in this scenario if you are to successfully emigrate. What you cannot do is break someones heart and expect them to be happy about it. So don't react to what she has said today, let her rant, it is part of the grieving process. Keep your resolve, move forward with your plans and she will have no choice but to accept it. When she is ready, you can all start to talk about her visiting and how you will keep in touch etc. good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tina0101 Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Rupert is totally correct. We are pushing through it even though it is hard. I appreciate that we are breaking her heart, but it's the same for my dad and Rich's parents, yet they are supporting us through their sadness. You ou need to do what is right for you. If you stay because of her reaction, you may end up resenting her. I can totally ally understand what you are going through!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 People or place? Up to you! I agree with Rupert - to be a successful migrant you have to be very selfish and self sufficient and you have to wear the flak of the distress you cause in the lives of others. If you can't do that, and get enmeshed in other people's emotions then you are going to struggle. If you choose one first world country over another that's up to you but don't expect those you leave behind to be leaping up and down with joy at the prospect of your desertion and impact on their lives. Grief makes people quite irrational, sadly, and this is the process they are going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tothemoon Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Do what is best for you. They may be upset and angry at the thought of you leaving but you have your lives to live as you see best. Don't let the emotions of others change your mind if it is truly what you want. As you say there's no more push backs. I hope you make the move as planned and hopefully they will come round to the idea when they see its not the end of the world and they can still keep in touch. Chin up and carry on xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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