So you are going back/have gone back...why?

[wattsy1982]

Here 8 years going back next yr. Miss my country, family and friends the buzz of the cities in uk and being so close to everything. The feeling of isolation in this country and sometimes I have felt suffocated due to it being so expensive flights . May buy a small holiday home in Spain if I start missing the sun and outdoor lifestyle especially in the English winters a 2hr flight beats a 24 hr one. Australia has become very expensive.

 

I think after 8 years youve got a good grip on things. Good luck!

 

My wifes parents live in france and we miss our 3-4 FREE holidays there each year with only a 1 1/4 hour flight from stansted and the the babysitting when we are there, enabling us to walk into the local village for a meal and drinks as adults...funny what you take for granted!

[fifi69]

What a lovely thread....Please no one come and spoil it.

 

im so with Aunt Agatha on this...I'm loving life in Oz but why on earth if things changed can I not move on to pastures new or maybe pastures old. Don't get this you've failed stuff, unless of course you've done one after a few weeks.

 

also the mum who is leaving her daughter here....I feel for you. My daughter is making such a good life for herself here, no way could I expect her to leave just cos we did.

 

But did I when I uprooted the family here think of that....not really, not in enough depth anyway.

 

my best wishes to you all heading onto your new adventures..

[FOL]

if I start missing the sun and outdoor lifestyle especially in the English winters a 2hr flight beats a 24 hr one.

 

Definitely true. Didn't think of something so easy (much cheaper and less exhausting flight as well by the way)

[bunbury61]

Hi All,

 

Just thought i'd post this questions to find out other peoples reasons, feelings, decision process, doubts and general experiences when it comes to moving back thinking about moving back.

 

What triggered it, how long did you dwell on it or wait to act and pack up?

 

Not being nosy, just curious about other situations.

 

Feel free to reply and share this.

 

Thanks

 

Dan

 

 

Dan - I didn't know why I needed to come back ...call it fate .

Everything was set fair in oz ...new house ...newborn child , but something didn't sit right with me .

we came back to the u.k and boy was it tough....in the early stages if I had been more selfish , I would have got back on a plane .....but that would have destroyed the happy grandparents .

Then 3 yrs after I came back , my dad died , we had spent some quality time together, patched up our differences . enjoyed going down the football and having a few beers ......this meant my mom was now on her own in the u.k ... its a no brainer ....I realised why I was back in the u.k .

Mom is still with us , and I reckon we have given her an extra 10 years ....once shes gone , all boxes will have been ticked

 

on the plus side , we have done so much being back here ....from travelling to various counties with the kids , when we didn't have much money ...to taking them all over the shop , as things got better .

Am I glad iam here in 2014 ? ...too right ....iam my mothers son until her last breath

[Katie22]

My decision to go back was made just few months ago after completely reassessing my life and gaining the courage to listen to my heart. Will be honest my story of migration has been bit of a nightmare, everything that could go wrong did but all of that could just as easily happened in the UK than here, in a way I'm proud of myself that I've stuck it out this long! Anyhow, my 2 teenagers also want to go back so nothing really to discuss anymore. If one or both of them didn't then that's a different story and that s the problem lots of migrants face when their children get older and can make decisions for themselves.

 

I'm always listening to Radio 4 podcasts, what little TV I watch is nearly always English, I spend more times outdoors and less in my car during the winter months here than the summer ones and I miss the history, arts, culture, pubs, countryside and my English family. I went back several years ago and I will never forget that warm, fuzzy feeling felt when walking around Salisbury cathedral a few days before Christmas - one of the cities I used to live in. It was just 4 pm, slowly getting dark, beautiful buildings lit up, carol singers and just felt like "home". I've never felt like that here in all the 12 years I've been here.

 

Another trigger was sending my daughter on a school trip to France and being just as excited if not more than her on hearing her stories and seeing her pictures. It took me back to my yearly holidays to France and how I took that privilege for granted. I've been lucky enough to travel around a lot of Australia and looking forward to doing the same with UK and Europe.

 

Living in another country really can open your eyes to what's important in life.

[Chortlepuss]

Here 8 years going back next yr. Miss my country, family and friends the buzz of the cities in uk and being so close to everything. The feeling of isolation in this country and sometimes I have felt suffocated due to it being so expensive flights . May buy a small holiday home in Spain if I start missing the sun and outdoor lifestyle especially in the English winters a 2hr flight beats a 24 hr one. Australia has become very expensive.

had to double check if I had written this! Last year on a UK break I popped over to Crete for a holiday and couldn't get over how close it was. £300 for a week - flight and accomodation and didnt skimp! A real luxury to get somewhere so different in a few hours. The long flight to Oz is getting too much, especially in cattle class.The seats seem to get smaller every year!

[Petals]

I wonder how many people return to Aus after going back to UK, I guess a lot would not let us know. I know people who have returned and then come back, they laid the ghost.

 

Personally migration is not a holiday and just a change, its a massive move and costs a lot of money, also lost rungs on the ladder at work for a lot of people, so its not "we just thought we would try it for a change".

 

My sister in law has been over here just a couple of weeks ago and she says she finds no difference in the cost of living here or in UK. So it really depends on what you are earning in the UK and what you are earning in Aus and what your expectations are.

 

If you want entertainment and cannot entertain yourself, need company of others who are familiar, or family round the corner, don't even consider moving to another country.

 

To be a successful migrant people have to give up a lot and know themselves very well.

 

I live in us and I hate the heat, however its an age thing, when I was a child and lived in Africa I cannot remember hating the heat, it was hotter there but I was a youngster and we had no aircon either in those days.

 

I don't remember hating the cold as a child in UK, or hating the winter, I was a youngster.

 

All the precious requirements we need come as we age so make sure you have 2 lists the, cannot live without list, and can live without list.

[wattsy1982]

To be a successful migrant people have to give up a lot

 

Agreed, but after doing it I don't see how giving up a lot, not seeing family and being unhappy is a 'better life' all we have gained is the weather.

 

I am not saying for a minute that you are wrong, please dont think that.

 

Each situation is different, and relevant to that person

[Sustain]

Plenty of Aussies and Kiwis find England home and decide to stay. So its horses for courses. What ever and where ever you get happiness take it.

[wattsy1982]

Some great posts here, and good that they all stayed on topic.

 

If anyone else has anything to add then feel free.

 

It was quite ironic yesterday, my youngest got hold of the tv controller and turned the TV on, we never have the tv on in the day so I just went to turn it off as 'an escape to the country' had just started on one of the foxtel channels, and as I was about to press the power button they announced they were in suffolk, our old county, so intrigued I kept watching and they ended up visiting our old village, the village my mum lives in AND the village we quite like the look of if we go back....was that a sign....spooky!

 

Anyway, it was july time it was filmed and the countryside looked beautiful in all its glory....but it did rain a bit...in July! :biglaugh:

[wattsy1982]

That's certainly my experience from being away before. I lived outside the UK from 1997-2001. Before I left in '97 I wasn't actively looking to go abroad but a good job came up. Like many Brits I was ambivalent about my home country, sometimes I used to moan about how things were done and assumed that elsewhere they were generally better.

 

4 years away made me see things in a different light. Everywhere else had problems too, and the old adage "no news is good news" also held sway; the media everywhere look for bad things to spark outrage/debate and it especially leads people I think into believing everything is on an inexorable downward trend. Being away made me realise that the media have that effect everywhere, and also gave me the distance/objectivity from the UK to realise that actually, in the UK I came back to plenty of things were better than they were from an earlier time.

 

That perspective never wore off - I left the UK again 10 years later but in those 10 years, I never had any time for the "country's going to hell in a handcart" brigade, still don't and got no time for the local equivalent here either

 

Once again you speak sense northshorepom!

 

I think the term emigrating is used too regularly these days, people do and can do a few years here and there where as in the 60s the 'ten pound poms' did go, and couldnt really come back!

[Petals]

Agreed, but after doing it I don't see how giving up a lot, not seeing family and being unhappy is a 'better life' all we have gained is the weather.

 

I am not saying for a minute that you are wrong, please dont think that.

 

Each situation is different, and relevant to that person

 

Its not a better life its a different life and most of us have nice lives these days, no longer do we fight to put food on the table or pay the rent, if that was the case then immigration may be the answer for some people and it was usually these people who chose to immigrate. To a point some of the most successful migrants I have read about one here have struggled to get work in the UK and put bread on the table, get a house of their own. So they come with a deep desire to succeed and they do because they are making a better life.

 

If we have a good life what do we need to make it better, "sunshine"I don't think weather matters at all.

 

So what I am saying is really those of you who are wanting to return, why did you come, if the life you are returning to was so good in the first place. I certainly would not have moved from UK once I had my own house and a couple of kids and was very settled, just like I would not return because I have those things here.

 

I came with no children, no money and had been married for a few years. We had nothing, that was the fun of it doing it, living hand to mouth, building our lives. No way would we change it once its built, save for work. If out of work and out of money then we would move and would have made a fist of it wherever it was.

 

The migrants from the third world come and settle and build their lives and there are things they do not like but no way do they return to where they come from because they want their children to have a better life, this has always been the migrants desire in the past.

[northshorepom]

The problem is, see Petals, what often comes across in your posts is that you can't understand that others may be differently motivated from what worked for you

 

So what I am saying is really those of you who are wanting to return, why did you come, if the life you are returning to was so good in the first place. I certainly would not have moved from UK once I had my own house and a couple of kids and was very settled, just like I would not return because I have those things here.

 

I came with no children, no money and had been married for a few years. We had nothing, that was the fun of it doing it, living hand to mouth, building our lives. No way would we change it once its built, save for work. If out of work and out of money then we would move and would have made a fist of it wherever it was.

 

The migrants from the third world come and settle and build their lives and there are things they do not like but no way do they return to where they come from because they want their children to have a better life, this has always been the migrants desire in the past.

 

See the above quote, especially the emboldened bits. The first one is particular strikes a very off note - it is as if you can't understand why anyone would bother moving for any other reason than their life having serious drawbacks where they are coming from, and sounds a bit defensive if anyone dare have other motivations for living in another country and/or deciding afterwards that actually they might prefer to go home. It denies validity to anyone's journey who isn't escaping poverty or similar, expecting all to have to be prepared to throw it all in and commit unconditionally to where they have moved to

 

It's a very one-dimensional view of migrants' lives and the multiple motivations people may have for living in another country than their original one. None of it would matter if you were just talking about your journey without any hint of judging others, but your posts in this forum - this thread included - often have a different taste. We get that your reasons for coming here are different to some of ours

[Aunt Agatha]

Petals to answer your question we came before we were married or had kids. We came because I fancied doing my PhD in British and Australian Lit and thought it would be fun to go to the source of the Australian stuff. Our life in the UK was great, we had really good jobs, a house in London, good mates, nice relationships with our families, lots of weekends away in Europe and NYC etc. but I'd always wanted to study further and when I came into a small sum of money we decided to spend it on having an adventure. We ended up staying longer than we originally intended but always suspected we'd go back.

 

I certainly don't feel I am hindering my children's lives in any way by taking them to live in the UK, after all, living there did wonderful things for me! In fact we feel we are enhancing their lives by enabling a closer relationship with their extended family and more travel opportunities than we could offer them if we stayed here.

 

I just don't think it's necessary to settle and say "this is it" once you have moved somewhere. There's so much to see and experience, change can be a very exciting and life-enhancing thing.

[wattsy1982]

I agree with the 2 post above, but also, Petals is right too, in her own mind.

 

We don't make a decision to go back/move on based on joe bloggs' great life style down the road or their big house, as this isnt a factor in our lives.

 

This is one of those topics/situations where there is no right answer, and equally no wrong answer and even if there was right or wrong answers, the answers made don't affect anyone other than the person making them. Just because one 'pom' decides to leave aus and go back to the UK doesnt mean every pom has to! Just like coming here doesnt have a right or wrong answer, nor does it impact anyone else. (family left behind not included)

 

We simply came to see 'what if', and not with set objectives /goals/targets in place, we wernt looking for it to be a wealthier life, better car, job etc. In fact car wise and disposable income wise we have taken a step back, BUT what we are left with isnt bad, just different, still comfortable but different.

 

We dont have as much spare money but then a lot of things here are free. Our car was a nice new Audi, where as here we have a Holden Astra, but then its always covered in sand so its probably better it isnt an expensive car.

 

When we go back I wont feel i havent succeeded or ive not achieved certain things because I didnt set any goals.

 

Despite the lengthy process obtaining visas and the money involved we only ever looked at it as living in another country for a while, be it 6 months - 60 years. Its when you start putting pressure on yourself that things no longer become fun and start to become a must.

 

Isn't it better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?

 

Dan

[cheswick]

I think after 8 years youve got a good grip on things. Good luck!

 

My wifes parents live in france and we miss our 3-4 FREE holidays there each year with only a 1 1/4 hour flight from stansted and the the babysitting when we are there, enabling us to walk into the local village for a meal and drinks as adults...funny what you take for granted!

The pull of Europe is a big one I think...all that culture and beauty and you can drive to it...NW Spain for example...really looking forward to getting back to the northen hemisphere..will miss being close to asia tho..swings and roundabouts I suppose..

[byrned]

Its not a better life its a different life and most of us have nice lives these days, no longer do we fight to put food on the table or pay the rent, if that was the case then immigration may be the answer for some people and it was usually these people who chose to immigrate. To a point some of the most successful migrants I have read about one here have struggled to get work in the UK and put bread on the table, get a house of their own. So they come with a deep desire to succeed and they do because they are making a better life.

 

If we have a good life what do we need to make it better, "sunshine"I don't think weather matters at all.

 

So what I am saying is really those of you who are wanting to return, why did you come, if the life you are returning to was so good in the first place. I certainly would not have moved from UK once I had my own house and a couple of kids and was very settled, just like I would not return because I have those things here.

 

I came with no children, no money and had been married for a few years. We had nothing, that was the fun of it doing it, living hand to mouth, building our lives. No way would we change it once its built, save for work. If out of work and out of money then we would move and would have made a fist of it wherever it was.

 

The migrants from the third world come and settle and build their lives and there are things they do not like but no way do they return to where they come from because they want their children to have a better life, this has always been the migrants desire in the past.

 

 

 

I think you are going of topic here, its not why people come in the first place but more why people if they are going back and why. its peoples own journeys/stories not for us to judge

[Guest]

End of the day its a few grand and a few weeks of shipping and a flight. Whats the big deal?

I do this all the time all over the place every few years, I love it. I've Lived all over and love that fact.

 

This is the first time I did it off my own back (perm visa and paid the container myself) but it hasn't been any different really. I learnt not to do it on my own back again though.

 

If you can then do...................

[Gbye grey sky]

End of the day its a few grand and a few weeks of shipping and a flight. Whats the big deal?

I do this all the time all over the place every few years, I love it. I've Lived all over and love that fact.

 

This is the first time I did it off my own back (perm visa and paid the container myself) but it hasn't been any different really. I learnt not to do it on my own back again though.

 

If you can then do...................

 

Kind of like that approach. A bit simplistic perhaps especially when there are children involved but if you can look at it this way it takes a lot of the pressure off and stops the success or failure judgements which IMO are misguided, unhelpful and too prevalent.

 

I wish everyone on PIO could start with the assumption that everyone's motives are valid whichever direction they are planning to go and offer advice and guidance accordingly. It has been refreshing to read a thread where positivity has prevailed.

[starlight7]

When we came we were very young but we had 2 babies and a nice house in the UK. We were bored with our lives, though, didn't like the weather and took a chance when it came our way. Financially we were not any better off. As a child I had always had a feeling I would leave the UK- maybe some sort of precognition, I don't know.

[Londongal76]

I don't see it as leaving permanently either. I see it as an adventure somewhere new, if it doesn't end up being a happy one i'll cross that bridge if I get to it and make a decision about where to adventure to next. Life's way too short to not try something new, and if that means it doesn't work out and I come back home, at least i'll know i'll have tried and hopefully had some fun and made some memories and new friends along the way. Sure, it might cost some money but everything costs money.

 

As said above in Northshorepoms well reasoned post, everyone makes a decision that suits them at the time, nobody can foresee events in the future or how it will pan out. There are plenty who stay in many countries and plenty who decide it's not for them and go back or somewhere new. None of us know how it will be for ourselves until we get there and settle. And we're all very fortunate that we're in a position where we have these choices.

[Guest]

We did move to Australia 'for good' but had some pretty tough times that made it hard to get on with our life there, financially we had it very tough too and eventually when the dust settled be looked around at our life and thought 'is this it?' - we saw next to no benefits to our life in Australia at all. Financially and for our son's sake moving back didn't really seem like an option, it wasn't as if we hated our life it was just no better so why go through the upheaval again? We'd made our bed so we were getting on with it.

 

We then had a holiday back to the UK (3rd in 4 years, not because of homesickness or anything more out of duty to my parents) and my health was particularly bad during that visit, my dad's health had notably deteriorated and when it came time to leave my 10 year old was heart-broken....sat in Schiphol airport an idea began to germinate....a 'working holiday' in the UK before our son moved to high school.

 

Once the genie was out of the bottle we stopped 'making the best of a bad situation' and were much more honest to ourselves and each other about what we liked and didn't like about our life in Australia....12 months after that trip we moved back 'for good'.

 

No regrets at all, we know ourselves a whole lot better as a result and accept that for us there is no 'forever' and adventure is part of our make-up (hence my avatar) life in Perth just didn't offer us enough & was constrained financially in a way that we aren't in the UK.

 

Like so many returnees I now feel blessed to live in the UK and love my life, my friends, my family, my culture in a way I never would if I'd not spent 5 years away.

[jasepom]

So many people go back and then return soon after, I think people do over think things which is why they come and go. Australians don't seem to have the wanderlust. They travel but take unpaid leave rather than uproot all the time. Be content with what you have is my advice.

[HappyHeart]

i was just having a look at property in the UK and with pay rates for my occupation being what they are I couldnt realistically achieve the same standard of living back there that I can here....

[grahamffc]

Before I left England I was the happiest I'd ever been but thought Australia could be even better. Having read posts on here I can concur that it probably is unwise to make the move if you are perfectly happy with your life at home. I plan to head back in July and some people have recommended going for a holiday first and apparently you will realise why you left in the first place. But that doesn't really apply to me, I came here to give it a go but it's not been what I hoped.

 

That said I'm glad I have stayed long enough to feel settled as I now wouldn't rule out coming back one day if circumstances are different like having a family. If I do though it won't be to melbourne though, lovely city but the climate isn't much different to London.

 

If I had to put my finger on one thing that finally making me feel I've had enough is the isolation. I loved weekends away in Europe or different parts of the uk but it feels like a walled city. There are some amazing places to see in Australia but I feel that I've seen them all now.