Homesick and scared to death about making wrong decision

[Lass81]

Hi all

 

I have been reading lots of threads on here for a while now and have decided to post and give a brief outline of our story and see what kind of response I get and any advice would be welcome.

 

My husband, 2 kids and I have been living in the Perth area for almost 5 years now. Homesickness has always been there coming and going, but over the last year I am feeling more and more desperate to get home(to Scotland). My husband is too and we have talked loads about what to do, how to do it, and is this the right thing for us as a family??? We both work full time, my husband works long hours and we feel like we never have enough time together and with the kids as a family. While we earn more here in Australia we feel like at times we are just getting by and could easily come undone. We are still renting which is a complete nightmare. Which I think has not helped us settle at all. We came to Australia with debts from the UK and set up a repayment plan for them which is finishing at the end of this year, so we will be better off then. We did plan on paying off our debts with the sale of our house in the UK but lost £20,000 on the sale price. At the time we were just glad to get a sale so quickly as we had to get over to Oz to start work etc.

What we have decided to do for now is keep saving as much as we can and in a year or two see how we feel then. But to be honest if I had the money I would be off tomorrow!

How do others stand this feeling and how did you reach the decision? We are really worried about making a mistake. The kids have said they would like to live in Scotland but they were only 4 and 18 months when we got here. I'm pretty confidant on getting work back in Scotland, but just not sure if we would move back to the same area.

I feel like we have gotten our selves into this no man land situation and may never feel settled again! To those of you who have gone back how long did it take you to settle and any tips would be really appreciated.

 

Sorry if this is a bit long winded,

 

Thanks in advance xx

[ali]

I think it's natural to be cautious about moving back again as for some it's worked really well and for others they've remained in the no-mans land and felt they don't quite belong in either place. Someone suggested the other day to someone that an extended holiday may be of benefit, that way, you get the euphoria of seeing everyone out of the way and settle into a slightly more ordinary way of life, and can gauge if the things you hoped would happen do (e.g. seeing more of family/friends, being able to regularly do the things you miss etc.,). You mention about perhaps moving to another area, think of a trip back as a Recci in reverse, an opportunity to sound out new areas, housing, amenities and wether you feel that you could settle there.

 

I think it's sensible to save up a little, particularly when you've worked so hard to be debt free.

[Jacaranda]

Ok firstly,you won't make a mistake.When you make a decision,you base that decision on whats happening now,how you're feeling and so on,so no,don't worry about making "mistakes"because there are'nt any to make!I think hon,discuss with OH how you would feel if you owned your own house in Perth or anywhere else in Oz for that matter.Would it make a difference to how you feel?Would you feel more grounded?If its not the house,then I think your plan to wait for another year or two is a good one myself.Alot of things can change in that time.If you moved from Scotland because you did'nt like the area you came from,then perhaps consider a new area.Think about why you left your original area and the reasons for that ok?You said you left debts when you emigrated so learn your lesson by that and keep your lives simple.I think (and Im not suggesting this was the case for you)some people create lives for themselves that end up being a nightmare and this can catapult people to wanting to be somewhere else,trying to escape the life they created.So plan carefully where ever you happen to end up and be careful what you get into money wise.Best of luck hon,and I wish you future happiness where ever that happens to be.xxxxxx

[Petals]

Gosh you have had it tough, coming over and paying back debt overseas must be very hard and a lot of pressure comes from owing money. I agree that having a reccie type holiday might be a good idea. We have to live where we feel settled and reasonably happy. Working long hours and two people working seems to be the norm these days.

 

Hope you find what you are looking for good luck

[flag of convenience]

Trips back are expensive of course. If here in Perth five years and still continue to feel as you do, is there really much point in continuing prolonging the pain?

[Guest]

I think if you and your husband are both feeling the pull to return then you should seriously consider it. Your children are still young enough that they should cope with a move well and settle and adapt back in Scotland or wherever else in the UK you choose to go to. Leaving it too many more years could make it incredibly hard for your kids to leave as they will be in formed friendships and so on and teenage years can make migration either way hard work.

 

Consider what are you homesick for? If its family and friends and they are all in the old area you used to live in, then moving to far away from there should you return could potentially not solve anything. If its a place or an area, same again. If its the overall, a combination of things, people, places, lifestyle and all that, again, can make all the difference.

 

I am usually not one for saying go back to what you know. I don't do it. But I'd think in your case, given your situation with debt and so on, to go elsewhere could be a struggle if you don't have the family support and so on nearby. But then is there work for you in your old town/area?

 

I'd honestly sit down, the both of you and make a list each of what it is you are struggling with, what you are missing, what you hope to gain if you return and then compare them. Also write down the positives and negatives of Aus so you know you are seeing both sides.

 

In a nutshell, most likely UK would win out for me in your situation. I'd be making plans to be back there within a year, two at most. Be aware if you leave Aus and don't have citizenship or let PR lapse and you did ping pong you may have to jump through a few hoops to get back at a later date.

[Aunt Agatha]

If I were in your shoes I'd maybe wait 12 months and save/pay down debt really hard so that we could move back with a bit more financial security. Despite being happy in both countries I am still nervous about moving back being the "right" decision - it's a big thing so only natural to second guess yourself a bit I think. I definitely share your concern that I might never settle.

 

I agree with Melza though, it won't be a mistake whatever happens, try and look at it as a new adventure and if it doesn't work out, try something different. I don't hold with this idea of success/failure being tied up with migration. You've given it a decent go and now you're ready for another change, that's all.

 

I think your statement that if you had the money you'd be off tomorrow shows that you're ready to move back to the UK. Someone once told me that there is no such thing as indecision and that you always know what you want to do, you just need the courage to do it.

[butler]

You've been very brave and had a go, more than a lot of people would. We've been here 7 1/2 years and I still find it hard at times. Me and my husband have said that if we went back home to the uk then it would be a really bad idea to go back to the same town. To have experienced what we have to then go back to our old life would be impossible. Good luck with everything.

[janlo]

You've been very brave and had a go, more than a lot of people would. We've been here 7 1/2 years and I still find it hard at times. Me and my husband have said that if we went back home to the uk then it would be a really bad idea to go back to the same town. To have experienced what we have to then go back to our old life would be impossible. Good luck with everything.

 

 

Thats exactly how I feel.....I also feel a huge pull back to the UK but think how hard it would be to go back to the same town, put kids back in the same school. Surely I would think "well what was all that about ?!"

[doubter]

You need to go back for a visit first to remind yourself why you left then there's the cost of doing that, preferably in the winter when everything is dark,grey and dirty.Also I would consider a job change or a location change rather than move back. These are the things I regret not doing and for the last 3 years I have tortured my family and myself in the UK going on about returning and have the same feelings I thought I had for the UK. On returning it only took a couple of weeks before I realised my mistake but each to there own.

[Jacaranda]

Ok,another thought!lol (I'm having one of those "wise"days today,my birthday is this month so am I getting wiser the older I get?lol)Anyway....I read this morning that you always have clarity,you just don't realise it.So underneath all the "What do we do's"and "Which path do we take"get rid of those annoying,niggly thoughts and concentrate on whats underneath them.In other words,your true gut feeling,because thats really what you need to focus on.Not the "Yeah but how do we blah blah blah's"because those thoughts can drive you crazy,and before you know it,you're living in the dreaded Limboland!You already know what to do hon,just get rid of the surface thoughts ok?:cute:

[Jacaranda]

You need to go back for a visit first to remind yourself why you left then there's the cost of doing that, preferably in the winter when everything is dark,grey and dirty.Also I would consider a job change or a location change rather than move back. These are the things I regret not doing and for the last 3 years I have tortured my family and myself in the UK going on about returning and have the same feelings I thought I had for the UK. On returning it only took a couple of weeks before I realised my mistake but each to there own.

Firstly not everywhere in the UK is dark,grey and dirty.Atm I am looking out at a bright blue sky,sunshine,and as far as dirty goes?If you call dirt on my wellies dirty then yes I'll admit to that!If you read my previous post about mistakes,then you also did'nt make a mistake.You made a decision based on your thoughts,feelings and knowledge you had at that time,so quit the torturing!

[doubter]

Firstly not everywhere in the UK is dark,grey and dirty.Atm I am looking out at a bright blue sky,sunshine,and as far as dirty goes?If you call dirt on my wellies dirty then yes I'll admit to that!If you read my previous post about mistakes,then you also did'nt make a mistake.You made a decision based on your thoughts,feelings and knowledge you had at that time,so quit the torturing!

 

You are clearly not living in Wales today, rain and snow already and the weather was the draw to OZ for me. Just dont want them to make an expensive mistake as the hard work and expense was done when they first left. Like I said each to there own as we are all different and thats my opinion and how I feel today, might be different tomorrow.

[bunbury61]

Hi all

 

I have been reading lots of threads on here for a while now and have decided to post and give a brief outline of our story and see what kind of response I get and any advice would be welcome.

 

My husband, 2 kids and I have been living in the Perth area for almost 5 years now. Homesickness has always been there coming and going, but over the last year I am feeling more and more desperate to get home(to Scotland). My husband is too and we have talked loads about what to do, how to do it, and is this the right thing for us as a family??? We both work full time, my husband works long hours and we feel like we never have enough time together and with the kids as a family. While we earn more here in Australia we feel like at times we are just getting by and could easily come undone. We are still renting which is a complete nightmare. Which I think has not helped us settle at all. We came to Australia with debts from the UK and set up a repayment plan for them which is finishing at the end of this year, so we will be better off then. We did plan on paying off our debts with the sale of our house in the UK but lost £20,000 on the sale price. At the time we were just glad to get a sale so quickly as we had to get over to Oz to start work etc.

What we have decided to do for now is keep saving as much as we can and in a year or two see how we feel then. But to be honest if I had the money I would be off tomorrow!

How do others stand this feeling and how did you reach the decision? We are really worried about making a mistake. The kids have said they would like to live in Scotland but they were only 4 and 18 months when we got here. I'm pretty confidant on getting work back in Scotland, but just not sure if we would move back to the same area.

I feel like we have gotten our selves into this no man land situation and may never feel settled again! To those of you who have gone back how long did it take you to settle and any tips would be really appreciated.

 

Sorry if this is a bit long winded,

 

Thanks in advance xx

 

 

 

I really feel or you ....I cant offer advice , because once you have moved over , and then back , a part of it never leaves you ......if I had young children , I would stay in oz , but of course theres the counter argument of missing the family support network ......its a tough call .....best of luck

Scotland is a beautiful country ....but you have a massive temperature difference to deal with between perth and Scotland

[bunbury61]

You are clearly not living in Wales today, rain and snow already and the weather was the draw to OZ for me. Just dont want them to make an expensive mistake as the hard work and expense was done when they first left. Like I said each to there own as we are all different and thats my opinion and how I feel today, might be different tomorrow.

 

 

give it a few years in oz , and that differing weather may seem very attractive ....I kid you not

[Guest]

Hi all

 

I have been reading lots of threads on here for a while now and have decided to post and give a brief outline of our story and see what kind of response I get and any advice would be welcome.

 

My husband, 2 kids and I have been living in the Perth area for almost 5 years now. Homesickness has always been there coming and going, but over the last year I am feeling more and more desperate to get home(to Scotland). My husband is too and we have talked loads about what to do, how to do it, and is this the right thing for us as a family??? We both work full time, my husband works long hours and we feel like we never have enough time together and with the kids as a family. While we earn more here in Australia we feel like at times we are just getting by and could easily come undone. We are still renting which is a complete nightmare. Which I think has not helped us settle at all. We came to Australia with debts from the UK and set up a repayment plan for them which is finishing at the end of this year, so we will be better off then. We did plan on paying off our debts with the sale of our house in the UK but lost £20,000 on the sale price. At the time we were just glad to get a sale so quickly as we had to get over to Oz to start work etc.

What we have decided to do for now is keep saving as much as we can and in a year or two see how we feel then. But to be honest if I had the money I would be off tomorrow!

How do others stand this feeling and how did you reach the decision? We are really worried about making a mistake. The kids have said they would like to live in Scotland but they were only 4 and 18 months when we got here. I'm pretty confidant on getting work back in Scotland, but just not sure if we would move back to the same area.

I feel like we have gotten our selves into this no man land situation and may never feel settled again! To those of you who have gone back how long did it take you to settle and any tips would be really appreciated.

 

Sorry if this is a bit long winded,

 

Thanks in advance xx

 

 

Hi Lass81,

 

First of hats off to you for doing the right thing and paying off your UK debt - some people are tempted to run away from it and then going back would be very difficult.

 

My story briefly is we left Scotland in 2008 with our then 5 year old, lived in Perth about 4 years, we had some very low points and got in a lot of debt and I was diagnosed with RA (which I am certain was triggered by the stress. We came back for holidays in 2009, 2010 and 2012 - the first one I had to order my OH back on the plane, he was in tears at Glasgow airport but funnily enough we were much more settled in Australia for a while after that. 2010 wasn't really a holiday, it was to deal with the aftermath of problem tenants and by 2012 I was seriously ill. In none of this time was I 'homesick' or even consider moving back to Scotland but after the visit in 2012 something changed. I posted on here at the time if you are interested http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/moving-back-uk/157599-surprised-find-myself-here.html

 

Having a house in Scotland made it easier for us but then again having a house in Australia (not fully completed) made it harder, we also had no money! We originally planned to have a 'working holiday' in Scotland - keep our son's place at school in Australia, rent out our house there and live in Scotland for a year to 'make our minds up' - it certainly wasn't that we hated Australia but on balance we felt our life was better in Scotland however after 4 years away there was always a risk that it was 'rose tinted glasses' on the past & holidays are no way to judge 'real life'. As we began to plan for it though we talked more and more and realised that the chance of us wanted to come back were slim and to leave a house in Australia was more problems than it was worth, if we did decide to come back we could build the same one again if we really wanted to! Our son also made a plea that we 'lived in one country and stayed there' and I understood whilst a year wasn't long for us, it was for him and a year of not knowing what your parents are going to decide was probably unfair. His heart had never left Scotland despite only being 5 when we left and his desire to return 'home' was part of the decision.

 

So I guess we reached the decision by deciding to 'try before we buy' and the more plans we made the more we were certain we were doing the right thing and decided to simply go for it and if we felt differently down the line so be it - we have dual citizenship (make sure you have if you don't already!) so we can choose to live wherever suits best at any particular time and right now that's Scotland. It was a good time to return, our son was 10 just before we got back so has a couple of years in primary school to settle back into the Scottish curriculum.

 

After reading your post before I went out this morning I suddenly realised it was almost 6 months since we got back, it feels an awful lot longer although we were away 5 years it is difficult to believe that now, it really is like we have never been away. Some people may see that as a bad thing but we are all incredibly happy - today my husband is out with his best mate (they are getting tattoo's done together - bless!), my son is having a sleepover tonight with a friend he has had since he was born, I'm not doing anything special but next weekend I have a Spa day with friends I've known over 10 years now (& the 5 years I was away don't matter!) and then a meal out (it's one of my friends 40ths ) This is not where I grew up, we moved here from London in 2002 but it is where I belong.

 

I am completely settled, I have satisfied a wanderlust that has plagued my life - being back is like I have never been away only better because now I know there really is nowhere better for us than here (not because Scotland is some kind of 'god's own country' but because it is MY home and nowhere else on earth is).

 

You have to truly consider what the 'homesickness' is for - I think people come unstuck when they think they can go back to the friends and/or family life they had. Or maybe they can but their mind turns the few great times into an endless party that was never real. I never imagined simply slotting back in which actually is what happened, again if anything it's 'like before but better' because I missed having friends I truly related to but it's not everyone's experience.

 

We did move back to the same area because we had a house but it was not our intention to stay - in fact we got a school place in Edinburgh because we didn't know where we wanted to settled & I have the best work opportunities in Edinburgh. I felt that it was wrong to simply 'go back' and there had to be reasons why we had left in the first place so this was a new life in Scotland not going back to our old one but as it is we are so happy we're a bit uncertain now whether to move or not. The house we have is tiny (it was never our family home just a 'buy to let' investment) so we do plan to move but where is still undecided.

 

Not sure if this helps you at all but this is our story and it has a very happy ending

[Quoll]

I think making good use of the good income to build yourself a financial buffer is quite sensible. In the meantime keep an eye on what is coming up in the job market - apply for those really special jobs you/your DH would kill to get. If you get one, then all of a sudden you have a real choice with more security.

 

as Melza said, you can't make a mistake, you can only make the best decision you can with all the information you have available to you at the time! You can always move forward! I would caution about moving on to where you came from because you will always be trying to recreate the life back then and, with the best will in the world, that will not happen, you can never go back exactly.

 

good luck! Put a date in the calendar where you will sit down and decide what to do for the next xx months - having a decision date makes you feel like you are moving in the direction you want to go. I can tell you, just drifting along often takes you past the point of no return so be active about your decision making and ensure that each decision actively takes you in the direction you want to go.

[Lass81]

Hi and thanks everyone for your replies!

 

It helps to know your not the only ones going through this! Melza thanks your right we have to go with our gut feelings and just do it. And I would kill to have some muddy wellies and a bit of good old drizzle right now.

Lady Rainicorn thanks for your reply I have been reading some of your old posts already and feel for you, but glad you back and feeling happier.

we just feel really home sick for the country itself really, the green grass,green fields, trees, wildlife, seasons. We lived quite rurally and miss going for walks and the scenery. We miss family, but there has been issues with some members of our family, some have just decide to stop all contact like we are gone and forgotten! But there are elements of resentment almost that we left, it was our decision so we have got to live with it. Which is true of course but we are still your family and feel let down. There was never much support from family in the past so we know that is never going to change. We left the UK to give our kids a better life, to live out doors more and have more family time and less work. Which is not the case, my husband works long long days and when he is off I work, so never time together and we both feel like single parents at times. The kids are now saying when is daddy coming home and do you really have to go to work? We have been to marriage counselling and individual therapy since being here, one thing Oz has done for us is make us a stronger couple.

Still got so much to think about and I know a trip back would be helpful, but don't think it's on the cards financially. We went back two years ago for four weeks and it was nice. In October so it was cold and damp but then we knew it was only a trip and it felt like a holiday. We are starting to look at areas and jobs, so we will see what happens but Quoll I think your right we do need to set a time limit as I'd hate to drag the kids back when they get too much older. But most of all I just want to feel like I belong!

 

Watch this space :confused:

[Quoll]

Yup, Lass81 - nothing beats belonging! It'll happen!

[Aunt Agatha]

Agree! You'll find your place.

[cmcdevitt]

Sounds similar to us. Having been renting in Sydney for 7 years we still couldn't buy. Came out with a 3 and 1 year old and left when they were 10 and 7! We've been back 2 years and are renting in a new area in the UK which has worked out well. It's good to be back for the familiarity of things but the weather is grim at the moment. We stayed long enough in Oz to get our passports so we could always go back. Life is about connections and rootedness and a sense of belonging - although now back we haven't seen as much of extended family as we thought. If you can pick up jobs again in Scotland then do it - but don't burn your bridges in case you want to come back. Hope this post helps a little!

[Perthbum]

Hi all

 

I have been reading lots of threads on here for a while now and have decided to post and give a brief outline of our story and see what kind of response I get and any advice would be welcome.

 

My husband, 2 kids and I have been living in the Perth area for almost 5 years now. Homesickness has always been there coming and going, but over the last year I am feeling more and more desperate to get home(to Scotland). My husband is too and we have talked loads about what to do, how to do it, and is this the right thing for us as a family??? We both work full time, my husband works long hours and we feel like we never have enough time together and with the kids as a family. While we earn more here in Australia we feel like at times we are just getting by and could easily come undone. We are still renting which is a complete nightmare. Which I think has not helped us settle at all. We came to Australia with debts from the UK and set up a repayment plan for them which is finishing at the end of this year, so we will be better off then. We did plan on paying off our debts with the sale of our house in the UK but lost £20,000 on the sale price. At the time we were just glad to get a sale so quickly as we had to get over to Oz to start work etc.

What we have decided to do for now is keep saving as much as we can and in a year or two see how we feel then. But to be honest if I had the money I would be off tomorrow!

How do others stand this feeling and how did you reach the decision? We are really worried about making a mistake. The kids have said they would like to live in Scotland but they were only 4 and 18 months when we got here. I'm pretty confidant on getting work back in Scotland, but just not sure if we would move back to the same area.

I feel like we have gotten our selves into this no man land situation and may never feel settled again! To those of you who have gone back how long did it take you to settle and any tips would be really appreciated.

 

Sorry if this is a bit long winded,

 

Thanks in advance xx

No one can tell what you will feel like when you return, it could be hopefully a big sigh if breath and your anxiety has gone or it could be ...ohhhh god we have made a mistake....only time will tell.

[maddielou]

Hi all

 

I have been reading lots of threads on here for a while now and have decided to post and give a brief outline of our story and see what kind of response I get and any advice would be welcome.

 

My husband, 2 kids and I have been living in the Perth area for almost 5 years now. Homesickness has always been there coming and going, but over the last year I am feeling more and more desperate to get home(to Scotland). My husband is too and we have talked loads about what to do, how to do it, and is this the right thing for us as a family??? We both work full time, my husband works long hours and we feel like we never have enough time together and with the kids as a family. While we earn more here in Australia we feel like at times we are just getting by and could easily come undone. We are still renting which is a complete nightmare. Which I think has not helped us settle at all. We came to Australia with debts from the UK and set up a repayment plan for them which is finishing at the end of this year, so we will be better off then. We did plan on paying off our debts with the sale of our house in the UK but lost £20,000 on the sale price. At the time we were just glad to get a sale so quickly as we had to get over to Oz to start work etc.

What we have decided to do for now is keep saving as much as we can and in a year or two see how we feel then. But to be honest if I had the money I would be off tomorrow!

How do others stand this feeling and how did you reach the decision? We are really worried about making a mistake. The kids have said they would like to live in Scotland but they were only 4 and 18 months when we got here. I'm pretty confidant on getting work back in Scotland, but just not sure if we would move back to the same area.

I feel like we have gotten our selves into this no man land situation and may never feel settled again! To those of you who have gone back how long did it take you to settle and any tips would be really appreciated.

 

Sorry if this is a bit long winded,

 

Thanks in advance xx

 

 

 

hi just thought id post,

I think sometimes you just have to go with your gut and just take the plunge and remain positive! We came to perth and have been here for just over a year but 6 months ago I was diagnosed with a Spine condition which could get worse over the years so finding this out made me very homesick and me and my family sat down worked out what we wanted to do. We all love australia I was born here and so my children have dual nationality! But with this condition is in the back of my head I needed my family support so now we are going back in 2 weeks, just make a decision and set a date youll feel better then. My partner has stuck with me and knows its the right thing to do! Weve had an adventure and not lost anything coming but its made us remember whats important in my case is my family, health and I know well be happier knowing if anything happens weve got a close family and friends support network to support us! Good luck with everything I know the road ahead may be a bit bumpy but its how you choose to handle those bumps! Sorry if ive gone on a bit louise

[Fiooooona]

It will be hard but if you don't feel happy here then have you tried going back for a holiday? Why not take a month or so off and see family, and then just be in Scotland for the rest of the time? take a look at what has happened since you left. Would you be happy with house prices, would you move to another part of the country, would your children settle into the local schools? It will always be a hard decision so make sure you're not looking through rose tinted glasses. the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Good luck

Edited February 5, 2014 by Fiooooona

[Wa7]

Hi all

 

I have been reading lots of threads on here for a while now and have decided to post and give a brief outline of our story and see what kind of response I get and any advice would be welcome.

 

My husband, 2 kids and I have been living in the Perth area for almost 5 years now. Homesickness has always been there coming and going, but over the last year I am feeling more and more desperate to get home(to Scotland). My husband is too and we have talked loads about what to do, how to do it, and is this the right thing for us as a family??? We both work full time, my husband works long hours and we feel like we never have enough time together and with the kids as a family. While we earn more here in Australia we feel like at times we are just getting by and could easily come undone. We are still renting which is a complete nightmare. Which I think has not helped us settle at all. We came to Australia with debts from the UK and set up a repayment plan for them which is finishing at the end of this year, so we will be better off then. We did plan on paying off our debts with the sale of our house in the UK but lost £20,000 on the sale price. At the time we were just glad to get a sale so quickly as we had to get over to Oz to start work etc.

What we have decided to do for now is keep saving as much as we can and in a year or two see how we feel then. But to be honest if I had the money I would be off tomorrow!

How do others stand this feeling and how did you reach the decision? We are really worried about making a mistake. The kids have said they would like to live in Scotland but they were only 4 and 18 months when we got here. I'm pretty confidant on getting work back in Scotland, but just not sure if we would move back to the same area.

I feel like we have gotten our selves into this no man land situation and may never feel settled again! To those of you who have gone back how long did it take you to settle and any tips would be really appreciated.

 

Sorry if this is a bit long winded,

 

Thanks in advance xx

 

By the sounds of it you need to get back, I think the wrong decision would be to stay. Just try and go back and live in a decent area etc and be comfortable not sure if you still here but I personally wouldn't go back unless I had at least a bit of money so maybe save like mad and then go but each to their own.