weighing it up- any regrets from those who've returned?

[Polly68]

Hi all, we've been out in Oz for just coming up to 3 yrs- 1 yr Brisbane, 2 in Sydney. I feel really ready to go home now. My hubby (also british) has family here and I know would be happy to stay if I was (though probably back to QLD, which we both preferred, and where his family is). He accepts that going back is what I want though, and our kids are equally up for it. All my friends, bar a couple of school mums, are British and I just feel like I'll never properly belong here. Plus I have ageing parents and an extended family back home whom I adore and miss terribly. Of course there are lots of other issues, mirrored in the posts of many others, which I won't go on about here. Basically apart from the lovely friends I've made here and the sunshine I feel that there is very little I'll miss. There is a small part of me though that is wondering if we are crazy. We could start the process of applying for PR this month (on 457 at the moment and hubbys work would support our application) and I think back to the amount of emotional and financial effort it took to get us out here and get scared we are doing the wrong thing going back. You only need to glance through some of the other forums to see how many people would love to be in our position. Anyway I guess I'm just looking for some other perspectives and also the experiences of others who've been through the same and are back in the UK. I do have three British friends who I made out here and who are now back in England and seem really very happy (but then, would they admit to making a mistake?!). Thanks all and good luck to everyone facing a similar dilemma.

[Guest]

No regrets at all, we've been back since July.

 

I would say though that we waited for citizenship - we only had a year to wait after making the decision to return anyway and had a house to finish/sell so a year was a realistic timescale anyway.

 

I would start the PR process, although you may find your OH's employer will only sponsor you if he commits for a period of time - two years is typical.

 

Try not to do anything that reduces your furture options, for every person who returns and loves it another ping-pongs (mind you most of those have not been in Australia 3 years and return due to homesickness which doesn't sound the case for you - homesickness isn't preferring one country over the other!)

 

Good luck in your decision.

[Polly68]

Thank you for your reply. I guess the only thing holding us back from PR process is the cost- employer is supporting us but not prepared to pay for it- around $7k I think for our family of four. Seems mad to spend that money when I'm 90% sure I want to go back within the next few months. If it wasn't for that then yes totally agree its worth doing it and keeping options somewhat open. To be honest I can't imagine ping ponging though- we've already spent so much getting here plus I'm really not sure I could face all that upheaval again! How people find the energy and resources to go back and forth I don't know. There are many things I love about our life in Oz but I think once we left that would be it... thanks again for responding.

 

 

No regrets at all, we've been back since July.

 

I would say though that we waited for citizenship - we only had a year to wait after making the decision to return anyway and had a house to finish/sell so a year was a realistic timescale anyway.

 

I would start the PR process, although you may find your OH's employer will only sponsor you if he commits for a period of time - two years is typical.

 

Try not to do anything that reduces your furture options, for every person who returns and loves it another ping-pongs (mind you most of those have not been in Australia 3 years and return due to homesickness which doesn't sound the case for you - homesickness isn't preferring one country over the other!)

 

Good luck in your decision.

[Quoll]

No regrets here but I am at different life stage. Being back for elderly parents - priceless! I have committed to return to Aus :elvis: when my olds have popped their clogs (hoping for a very long time!) but in the meantime I haven't regretted a single day - 2.3 yrs now. I can imagine that if you struggled to get work or got flooded in week 1 of your return it would make life look a little grim but, hey, it's all part of the adventure!

[Nerak123]

Just to offer a different perspective.I regret coming back - and I was the main driver for it as well so hard to admit to. I got bored to be honest of Australia but back in England now life seems a lot more complicated ...and expensive too. My toddler is not going to a payground every day or the beach at the weekends so I feel guilty about that and wonder if I really had my priorities straight. It feels a bit like a guilded cage sometimes in oz but try and weigh up why you left the uk and if possible visit the uk you may find that 'cures' you or reaffirms your desire to come back. I wish I had done that before returning. Maybe you should try doing more to integrate if possible?

 

Just some thoughts - there are the pro and anti brigade people on this site but ultimately what suits you best is an individual thing and not a criticism of either country

[garyupnorth]

No regrets, shouldn't have gone in the first place. Live and learn I should have been grateful for what I had in the UK rather than chase something that wasn't there. I must admit though, the itch was there and had to be scratched if I hadn't have gone I would never of known (nobody could have talked me out of going to Oz at that time).I had to go as the rose tinted blinkered glasses were well and truly welded to my face.

[starlight7]

It is interesting that all your friends are British and this makes me wonder if you have really given it a good go and explored all options or just kind of stayed in a bit of a bubble? I don't mean to be rude, however, and it may well be that this country is really not for you- maybe just a tad too unfamiliar

[JohnAli]

We only arrived in Perth earlier this year and I had to return home in Oct as my Dad was very poorly although I spent most of the 2 weeks in the hospital with Dad I did manage to get out and about - grim is the only way to describe the country and people attitudes. I had forgotten how much Brits moan. A lot of my friends are painfully unhappy in their jobs due to demanding bosses expecting more and more from them yet their pay does not reflect this. Personally being used Perth prices I could not believe the 6 bags of shopping I was able to buy from M&S food dept for under £100 ! Like a previous post said I would see it out get PR so you have more options available to you. Can you take a trip to UK as a trial run. I suppose a lot depends on your financial situation, if you could find a job and a nice place to live. For us the future would be grim as a Teacher and Electronics engineer. After teaching in Oz schools I would never want to go back to a British school and while there are some fine schools they are staffed by Teachers close to breaking point whereas here Teachers are much more relaxed and creative. Good luck with your decision making.

[Polly68]

You make a fair point. All I would say in my defence is that in Brisbane all my friends were Australian, it was only after several months in Sydney I struggled so much that I ended up befriending people through the ex pat forums. I found mums at school in general quite insular and unwilling to be any more than acquaintances. I'm a stay at home mum and did everything like helping at school canteen, joining p & C etc as I didn't have work colleagues to fall back on, but found non Brits a bit unfriendly. Could just have been unlucky.

 

It is interesting that all your friends are British and this makes me wonder if you have really given it a good go and explored all options or just kind of stayed in a bit of a bubble? I don't mean to be rude, however, and it may well be that this country is really not for you- maybe just a tad too unfamiliar

[Parley]

I understand the pang of missing parents back 'home'.

But I would think long and hard and which country will be better for the kids in the long term.

[Quoll]

I dont have kids but looking around here (Cambridge) I see a much richer load of possible experiences for kids than I ever did back in Canberra - and Canberra was quite good by Aus standards. I will have grandkids on both sides of the world at some stage I assume and cant see that one lot will be particularly better provided for than the other although I know which lot will be able to sit and roll around on green grass and make daisy chains LOL (my Aussie granddaughters loved playing out in our English garden on grass that didnt prickle!). On balance I wish my boys had had an English upbringing and my eldest son has commented on his perceptions of his lower standard of university experience than some of his UK mates - hasnt mattered in the long run though.

[Parley]

I do speak from personal experience in that I was born and lived in England until just before I turned 14 and have since lived in Australia.

I do feel Australia is a far better country for children and provides a wonderful lifestyle.

 

However family can override this i know and if many family are in UK that may sway things.

But Australia is a wonderful country so be careful is my advice before giving it all away.

[Wellers and Whitehead]

I came back to the UK, after thinking what do I want to do, UK or oz? I was in oz just coming up for two years when I developed very bad anxiety, that forced me to return home to be with family, to help improve my mental (and physical) state. I now have no wish to return to Sydney, and my partner is returning the end of this month.

Re the children thing, when I lived in the UK I thought it would be a fab place to bring up children, but now I realise I would much rather them to brought up surrounded by family than swop that for sunshine.

the only times I miss...not really miss ...can't explain it, is when I see nice photos of oz, but in my heart of hearts the place has changed, and so have I. My aunty who has lived in oz 40 odd years, says even in the last ten years it has changed and really feels for new migrants as its so expensive and not the opportunities that were available years ago. She went to oz with a few dollars and became a sef made millionaire. Not sure how many people could do that now?

go with your heart!

[Polly68]

I presume you think Oz better for kids long term? My hubby was of the same opinion, partly what drove us coming here. But I keep going over and over it and the only way I can see they've benefitted so far is in the time they've been able to spend on the beach and in swimming pools. On the flip side they've been away from grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins, moved from a fantastic small village school to being in a huge class in a school of 750 children, education has been very narrow and their maths and reading hasn't progressed as I would like, they don't have nearly as many opportunities to go to museums, galleries, theatre, concerts etc as back home and their manners have gone severely downhill thanks to some of the children they are mixing with (they are also getting exposed to far too much American 'culture' imo). They miss the changing seasons- playing in snow, collecting conkers, long summer evenings playing outside etc. Plus they are missing out on the richness and diversity of Europe, its culture, architecture, language, history, heritage. Don't think I appreciated all that when we were living in the Uk but now we are so far away I realise how lucky we are to have all that on our doorstep. I guess we were lucky in terms of where we lived in the UK and maybe we've just picked the wrong suburb here, but I honestly do feel they are likely to have a far greater breadth of education and opportunity in Europe.

 

 

I understand the pang of missing parents back 'home'.

But I would think long and hard and which country will be better for the kids in the long term.

[Wellers and Whitehead]

I understand the pang of missing parents back 'home'.

But I would think long and hard and which country will be better for the kids in the long term.

 

i think you are in a slightly different position to new migrants, as you arrived in oz when opportunities were more widely available and things were cheaper, eg, property, so I'm imagining you have some dollars in the bank. Some new migrants do not have a lot of money behind them, and therefore living is much more challenging without financial stability.

[Parley]

Obviously i don't know where you live, but if you are close to a capital city there should be plenty of opportunities for museums, galleries, theatres etc as well as more sporting opportunities.

I think in either England or Australia you will get different types of schools and they are not all the same.

 

But consistently Australia outscores UK for liveability. Health and lifespan is longer in Australia.

But many people on here have gone 'home' and immediately regretted it so be careful.

[Parley]

i think you are in a slightly different position to new migrants, as you arrived in oz when opportunities were more widely available and things were cheaper, eg, property, so I'm imagining you have some dollars in the bank. Some new migrants do not have a lot of money behind them, and therefore living is much more challenging without financial stability.

 

That is true Aymie.

I do worry about kids getting their first home. It does seem very expensive. i am lucky to own my home and don't have some of those worries that many people do.

[zephyr]

Hi, we've been back for 8 months now after just over 2 years in Perth. No regrets at all. I was fine with living there until our son was born, that changed everything for us. We weighed up all the pro's and con's of bringing our son up in Oz and made the decision that being back in the UK was a much better option. We arrived back just as the amazing summer kicked in and we spent as much time outside (if not more as the sun was less 'fierce') here as we did in Perth. You were sure when you went out there that you wanted to go - now you aren't sure you want to stay - say's it all really ;-)

[tea4too]

We love to visit Aus and spend time with family happily living there, but I have never felt t that my child has a less happy or fulfilled life than her Aussie cousins. Their childhoods are different, but swings and roundabouts come into play here and maybe ‘the better childhood’ depends on what we value as parents to some extent. Looking at the kids I just see bright, busy, happy youngsters who are growing into bright, busy, well-balanced young adults. One lot with an engaging Aussie accent, and the other with a beautiful Welsh lilt. It’s all good. As for the long term future - there are no guarantees wherever you live, and our children will find their own way in the world, hopefully with the skills and maturity they gained growing up.

 

Take your time Polly and if you do decide to move to the UK, maybe look at it as the next stage of your family’s life together, rather than a step back. All the best, whatever you decide. Tx

[jen85]

If you return don't think of your adventure as a "mistake" or should anyone for that matter, you have learned in life and are more experienced and worldly for it. I think the kids can prosper is either country, I hear it all the time "oh the kids will have a better life in Aus" that depends on what you think a better life is...is it the sun? universities? houses? Second two are costly for most and all of which are available in Europe and the UK, UK has some of the best universities in the world. Think carefully what you are really coming for.

[Pommian]

Hi,

 

We're in the same boat. Just come back from Christmas in England and loved every minute of. I miss my friends and family and they are reason enough for me not to stay is Oz indefinitely.

We have a little over a year left on the 457 visa and we will be going home then. It's been and continues to be a great experience, but we don't want to stay here forever, so we won't.

 

Several people have tried to persuade us to get PR or citizenship. There is no point getting PR at this stage. It won't do much for us, and you need to be in Australia for a certain amount of time each year for it to remain in place. Getting an Aussie passport will mean the door is always open to you if you want to come back. BUT, bear in mind that, if you stay on your temporary visa, you will get your super money back again (less 50% tax) when you leave, which for us is looking like a deposit on a house. If you get PR or citizenship, then the super money stays here and you'll be able to draw a small pension in the future.

[starlight7]

Is it ethical to seek PP/citizenhip if you have no thoughts of living here? Seems a bit dodgy to me.

[flag of convenience]

I do speak from personal experience in that I was born and lived in England until just before I turned 14 and have since lived in Australia.

I do feel Australia is a far better country for children and provides a wonderful lifestyle.

 

However family can override this i know and if many family are in UK that may sway things.

But Australia is a wonderful country so be careful is my advice before giving it all away.

 

Having attended school in both countries I would say there are a lot of variables. Depending on place and educational facility.

[flag of convenience]

Is it ethical to seek PP/citizenhip if you have no thoughts of living here? Seems a bit dodgy to me.

 

I don't really see the question of ethics coming into the business of immigration these days. Both sides are out for their advantage before al else.

[flag of convenience]

I came back to the UK, after thinking what do I want to do, UK or oz? I was in oz just coming up for two years when I developed very bad anxiety, that forced me to return home to be with family, to help improve my mental (and physical) state. I now have no wish to return to Sydney, and my partner is returning the end of this month.

Re the children thing, when I lived in the UK I thought it would be a fab place to bring up children, but now I realise I would much rather them to brought up surrounded by family than swop that for sunshine.

the only times I miss...not really miss ...can't explain it, is when I see nice photos of oz, but in my heart of hearts the place has changed, and so have I. My aunty who has lived in oz 40 odd years, says even in the last ten years it has changed and really feels for new migrants as its so expensive and not the opportunities that were available years ago. She went to oz with a few dollars and became a sef made millionaire. Not sure how many people could do that now?

go with your heart!

 

Your aunt is spot on. Australia has been consumed by greed and the rush to big itself. I would have very grave doubts coming to Australia in recent years. The country has indeed turned itself on its head. I could debate forever the changes enforced on society over the past decade with barely a whimper of dissent.