Sahara Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Hello everyone, I am so glad I found this forum! My hubby and I moved to Australia, melbourne 3 months ago (he on skilled visa PR and me currently on bridging visa), it was his dream to emigrate to Australia and we both made the decision together, he had been here once before and I didn't. Now being here for almost three months I am getting depressed more and more, it is so different so big and boring. I feel like I am stucked in 19th century, everything happens in slow motion. I spent the last ten years in my loving city London, went to uni there graduated there have all my family and friends there and I miss everything to death, even my local off licence. I am not negative, I came with a positive mind but now I just want to go back, which is not possible coz we paid rent in advance and so many other financial issues, we have no kids yet, got married few months ago so it's easier for us to move back but the earliest would be in two years. I just wanted to ask if anyone else who had been experiencing the same and if so, any advices for homesickness or any advices at all to adjust? I am not a person who finds it difficult to find friends but here motivation is not there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Don't bring kids into the equation until you are 100% sure of where you want to be!!! 3 months is a difficult time for many and either you'll grow to at least tolerate it or even love it as some on here will report or you won't and you'll continue to be an alien. A couple more years could, surely, be construed as an adventure? You do need to talk to your DH about your disquiet though and perhaps set a date 6, 12, or 18 months from now where you sit down and make a decision about what you want out of life and where those needs are best met. Good luck! Living in a place that you don't really like when your OH is probably having a whale of a time, can be very difficult! If you find that your feelings are overwhelming and impacting your daily life then a trip to your GP might be in order - he may put you on a mental health plan with a psychologist who, if they are any good, should be able to help you with some CBT or ACT strategies. At the end of the day though, if what ails you is situational depression, then removing yourself from the situation is the magical cure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I had the wobbles on and off for the first 12 months. Numerous times i 'demanded' hubby book me a ticket back home.. Now almost 7 years in, i am so glad he ignored me and i stuck it out.lol. It is hard trying to settle in when everything and everyone feels alien to you, try to hang in there another few months then see how you feel. Making friends take time, get out there as much as you can to socialise and meet people, it may help you feel a bit better until you can decide for sure what you want to do. Lots of luck with everything Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Whatever you do, don't have children yet. If you are unhappy here and also have children, then you are completely stuck as they will have been born here, this is the case if your hubby decides to stay. It has happened to too many people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flybyknight Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 socialise lots, see all you can of australia, weekends are exploring times. its the rules dont you know. do stuff every night if you can... and socialise more because you can its all about embracing this place. bore the family with the pics on facebook if you must, but explore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahara Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Thank you all for your nice replies and advices! Kids are no issue yet (regardless the current situation), probably in 3 or 4 yrs+. Thank you Quoll if it gets worse and worse I will consider that. I am glad it worked out for you caINgary, hope same will happen here. Hubby and I want to stay together so either we both stay or leave. He is happy here but misses uk too, its just that he is kind of a "fighter" and doesnt wanna leave so quickly after so much planning, which i totally understand. Right now it is not a question of do we stay or leave, we both had decided to try it for at least two years and made this planning before our wedding so until 2015 i will give my best and try to see everything positive, it is more of a question: how do i survive, how do i stop comparing? I have travelled to many places and i am not expecting London here but its so different than I had expected and so many things where I am just so annoyed. For example I bought a pay as you go sim after arriving here and I had to register myself online for that - with passport number. Okay, not enough they even wanted a copy of my passport via email, heard of two other providers asking for the same. Or when looking for a place to rent we found out that 99per cent of the houses are rented out by agencies - unlike anywhere else. It feels like the houses here have their own area and shops their own (unless you are in the city). Sometimes I walk and I don't see anyone for maybe half an hour, as if its a city for cars only. about the public transport...I don't wanna start. Or I was trying to find unlimited 3G Internet for pay as you go and there was nothing under 50-60 dollars - in uk I you get one for 5 pound. We are using the weekends for small getaways, been to great ocean road this weekend and it was beautiful. Yes great weather and beautiful landscapes, but where is the development? I am not someone who needs sun all the time, weather is a small issue for me. yes socialising will make it much easier. I want to, even if we leave in 2 yrs, leave with a positive memory. So hopefully with time it will change and I will start liking this city and country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cez Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 You might find it helpful to stop comparing everything to London. As many of us find out, that way madness leads! Especially with prices of things, groan. Embrace the weird differences! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Internet prices, registering and showing proof of identity for a mobile phone (times we live in) and the fact that many houses are rented by agencies is really small stuff. However, if the issues are bigger, then even the 'small stuff' can matter. It is early days, start exploring and finding things that you do like here. In the end though you have to be where you will be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Its funny a lot of what you way about coming and living here is what I felt when I returned to live in the UK after I was married, thought I had stepped back in time then. I got over it and actually settled and when we returned to live in Aus I had to do it all again as I decided I had stepped back in time again. What it is is different places and different things and there is no comparison each is different. When we were in uk in 2010 I had so much trouble getting mobile cover because they did not take our Aussie cards, I remember another time being over in UK and M & S would not take any card unless it was theirs. So backward I thought. So its in the eyes of the beholder and we have to make the most of where we are. You wanted to come your oh wanted to come so get out there and do something and stop yearning for London. Its not London its Melbourne Australia and its different. You are young and there are plenty of nice young people in Melbourne who would welcome you both into their lives if you let them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Hello everyone, I am so glad I found this forum! My hubby and I moved to Australia, melbourne 3 months ago (he on skilled visa PR and me currently on bridging visa), it was his dream to emigrate to Australia and we both made the decision together, he had been here once before and I didn't. Now being here for almost three months I am getting depressed more and more, it is so different so big and boring. I feel like I am stucked in 19th century, everything happens in slow motion. I spent the last ten years in my loving city London, went to uni there graduated there have all my family and friends there and I miss everything to death, even my local off licence. I am not negative, I came with a positive mind but now I just want to go back, which is not possible coz we paid rent in advance and so many other financial issues, we have no kids yet, got married few months ago so it's easier for us to move back but the earliest would be in two years. I just wanted to ask if anyone else who had been experiencing the same and if so, any advices for homesickness or any advices at all to adjust? I am not a person who finds it difficult to find friends but here motivation is not there Some people will struggle with homesickness more than other, I ma glad you have decided to give it a particular length of time though, it does sound like you would be giving up too soon if you made a decision to go back at this point. So that is a start, the head is willing but just the heart is not here yet. I am wondering where you are, are you somewhere a little regional? Wherever you are though, there is no point comparing to London and positively try to stop yourself from doing that. I live in Sydney and I would not compare to London, they are not in the same league as world cities go and if Sydney isn't then certainly nowhere else in Australia is either. I love London too. But I can also see the charm in Sydney, I came in to do some shopping at the weekend and it was great to shop in as it is compact and I was not trudging miles and miles across the city. It also does not have the crowds of London and who likes crowds when they are shopping, not me. And then finally it has the harbour areas and I got a bus home along the ocean roads, can't do that in London. So they both have their pluses in my view. Thinking wider, you mention not much to do. Gosh I think there is so much to do I don't know where to start, I actually keep a calendar and lists and plan things out. In our first three years we have done city breaks to all the major capital cities, even Darwin and Alice Springs (we haven't done Perth yet though), we have driven to wine country several times and the Blue mountains and further up and further down the coastline to where we live in Sydney. We love Queensland and have been up to the tropical north a couple of times and a couple of other times we have just driven somewhere from Brisbane, in less than an hour there are so many beautiful places to visit. From Melbourne we hired a car and went to Ballarat and the old gold rush (fake) town, sovereign city I think, that is a rest weekend trip too. Honestly, just do some research and come up with a list of places you would like to see and things to do and then tick them off over the next couple of years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfndirt Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Hya, Possibly another way of looking at it (bear in mind I have been here 8 years and effectively living the dream) - is that you simply don't like the joint! There is absolutely nothing what-so-ever wrong with not liking it here. Far too many people move here because people in the UK are conditioned to think Aus is a complete bloody paradise. I was only talking to a chick the other day in a similar situation who was in a hell of a state because, effectively, she didn't like it! Had never really had anyone say to her that if she didn't like it then it was OK! Again, it's OK not to like it - it really is..... There's no contract that says once you get on the big bird you HAVE to love it - I promise :-) I know heaps (most of my mates) who massively prefer the North East (Newcastle) to here.. All have been, some for a good amount of time, and all have gone home again happy - very happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I hated it at first, and over time i slowly started to coming around to the idea this was now home. It's the letting go of memories related to how you used to live and where you lived, compared to somewhere new and strange in a lot of respects. Family is oh so far away (if you have any) this adds to the feelings of not liking the new place, it's not like you can just pop on a bus and go see 'mom or a sister' lets say. Here you are very much away from what you grew up with (obviously) and time is great at softening the memories of old and rejuvenating you with a box full of new ones, but if it's not for you because thats just the way it is, hey no worries you had a go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I think you have realised for yourself that having committed so much you owe it to yourselves to have a real good go at it and see if you can actually adapt to the culture change or not. I feel that if you do not and you returned early you would spend a long time wondering "what if........". If you give it your best shot and it still does not suit you then you will return more content knowing that you are absolutely living in the best place for you. I am still planning the move so cannot speak from any experience but have read so many threads on PIO with real regret from returnees who went back too soon. Those who gave themselves a couple of years were better placed to make the right decision one way or the other it seems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 A number of your issues are not directly London related though. Prices are what they are. You won't find too much comparable with London, the equal first most cosmopolitan city in the world. Twice over the years London hooked me back as wasn't ready for the style of living here. Perhaps you'll be the same. I lasted a little over a year on the second occasion and just had to get back to London. You don't say which city your in. Sydney or Melbourne may ease the loss a little but other cities the suburban style can take a lot of getting used to or not in some cases. What exactly do you miss outside of the price of what you mention? You'll never fully replace the buzz if that's important nor the public transport issues. Lack of connecting so readily is another tough one. Hopefully you'll find the right way for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 To be fair very few Cities in the world have the Buzz and excitement of London. Melbourne is a great city in my opinion. If I didn't live in Brisbane, Melbourne would be my next choice. Great for sport, Tennis,AFL, F1 etc. So many cool cafe's and bars tucked away down those little alleyways. I think it's as close to London as Australia can offer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 That dreaded 3 month brick wall time. Its because the initial euphoria has past and your comfort zone has gone that brings these feelings out. as peeps have said. make the effort to get out there, summers coming and its dream time for those plans of yours, those feelings of despir will ease, near all of us have experienced those feelings, hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lancashirelass Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 We have been in Australia nearly 5 years and have loved life here, we are so proud of ourselves for giving it a go and think that the life experience we have given ourselves and our children is priceless. But it is not for us long term, the Country you live in is not what makes you happy it is about the opportunities you create for yourselves and being with the people you want to share your life with. For us we have done everything we wanted to do here but we feel more excited about a future in the UK than here. Our children are getting older and parks and beaches are not enough for them anymore..the coastline is amazing but once inland it is mainly suburbs with a shopping mall every so often with not much more to offer. Older kids do much the same at weekends and nights as in the Uk and we see a lot of bored teenagers getting into trouble because there is nothing to do and is so expensive for them to even go to the cinema. Our kids now want theme parks and will soon want cheap European holidays, music festivals (within a couple of hours away) great shopping and City breaks...that's not something they can get here. The isolation gets to you after a few years, we are in Perth and it is very quiet and isolated and you do feel you have gone back in time. After giving ourselves and our children such a great opportunity I don't want to then limit us forever to a small City. They say life is a journey and we want to keep exploring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Hya, Possibly another way of looking at it (bear in mind I have been here 8 years and effectively living the dream) - is that you simply don't like the joint! There is absolutely nothing what-so-ever wrong with not liking it here. Far too many people move here because people in the UK are conditioned to think Aus is a complete bloody paradise. I was only talking to a chick the other day in a similar situation who was in a hell of a state because, effectively, she didn't like it! Had never really had anyone say to her that if she didn't like it then it was OK! Again, it's OK not to like it - it really is..... There's no contract that says once you get on the big bird you HAVE to love it - I promise :-) I know heaps (most of my mates) who massively prefer the North East (Newcastle) to here.. All have been, some for a good amount of time, and all have gone home again happy - very happy. Absolutely true...spot on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahara Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 Thank you all for your replies and advices - you say it Rupert "the head is willing but just the heart is not here yet." - that is exactly how I feel, I WANT to like it I want to explore this country I want to make the best out of it but it isn't so easy. I sat down and thought about what I miss and dislike here: 1. I don't miss London only, I miss London/UK/Europe, the European way of life. We have a huge family and friends circle across Europe and travelled a lot within Europe, sometimes we decided spontaneously to go for a city trip anywhere in Europe for the weekend. I had the opportunity to travel to loads of cities within 2-3hours driving. I guess I am a "city person", and here I feel like melbourne is all I can see coz the next big city, Sydney, is so far away. Here I feel isolated, disconnected, I miss Europes easy way of travelling, to get on a plane and in 2 hours you are somewhere totally different. 2. I can let go of memories and make new memories, it is not the memories responsible for the situation it is more that "I hope it is worth it". Being away so far from family and friends, from the rest of the world actually makes you think "is it worth it", I left everything came here with hubby who means more to me than the world and I feel I owe it to us to make it work but yet worries are there. 3. We live in east melbourne about 35 minutes drive to the city, which is not that much and still I feel that I am missing life, stucked in a suburb, when it gets dark everything is asleep (again unless you are in the city). 4. In London I also lived about Half an hour away from central London but I never got bored, so much going on every day, so much to offer from food restaurants events concerts parties culture museums parks - everything more than you expect. And if u still get bored you drive in any direction an hour and have a variety of cities to visit. 5. Shopping - I wasn't surprised they have no new look next h&m or marks and spencer here but what I see in the shops is sometimes so depressing, I want to go out and shop but topshop and zara is all I know and like. Okay that might be a small issue but still it is so sad sometimes. I dont expect others to understand me and some might just think what stupid reasons i have for not being happy but everyone is different and that is reality to me. At the end of the day it is right that everything is in the eye of the beholder, I guess I love London so much because of my deep bonding to this city, I met my husband there, in good times and bad times I was always feeling alive due to this city as if it has opened it's arms for everyone. but I think it's time to let go and let this new life into my heart, if I give it a chance maybe the small issues won't matter then, just like it didn't matter to me that the tube was always so full and I had to stand all the way back home almost every day small issues don't matter when you are happy inside and I should be happy coz I have the best caring husband by my side. I just hope and wish I will adjust and make new friends and be happy again. Thank you all once again for your words - I will keep posting how things go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kapri Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Try looking at it as a two year holiday, and in that two years try to fit as much in as possible. Get out every weekend and don't say no to any invitations. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolvesaussie Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 u know we have topshop here in Melbourne don't u if it's that important to u. get out and visit the inner sururbs richmond south yarra brunswick fitzroy there is loads going on. my friend lived in london it was 40 mins on the train before he got to anything interesting there as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I cant really help as I am also still in the UK and not made the move yet but I felt I should say something re feeling depressed. Be very careful, you seem to be looking at things quite logically but depression can sneak up on you quite quickly and cloud all your judgements, it may become very difficult to start seeing things more positively. I would start looking at employment, volunteering, clubs, sport etc and making sure you leave the house every day especially if you are at home whilst your husband works. Loneliness is a huge factor on whether you like where you live. The other thing to consider is the area you are living in, would it be possible to explore other areas of Melbourne, could it be the suburb itself that just isn't 'you'. I would also consider living closer to the City to try and recreate the buzz you felt in London. Like others have said, instead of seeing it as a 'forever' think of it as a working holiday. PS Is there no Poms in Oz meets coming up soon you can head to? Or could you think of organising your own? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul1977 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 We have been in Australia nearly 5 years and have loved life here, we are so proud of ourselves for giving it a go and think that the life experience we have given ourselves and our children is priceless. But it is not for us long term, the Country you live in is not what makes you happy it is about the opportunities you create for yourselves and being with the people you want to share your life with. For us we have done everything we wanted to do here but we feel more excited about a future in the UK than here. Our children are getting older and parks and beaches are not enough for them anymore..the coastline is amazing but once inland it is mainly suburbs with a shopping mall every so often with not much more to offer. Older kids do much the same at weekends and nights as in the Uk and we see a lot of bored teenagers getting into trouble because there is nothing to do and is so expensive for them to even go to the cinema. Our kids now want theme parks and will soon want cheap European holidays, music festivals (within a couple of hours away) great shopping and City breaks...that's not something they can get here. The isolation gets to you after a few years, we are in Perth and it is very quiet and isolated and you do feel you have gone back in time. After giving ourselves and our children such a great opportunity I don't want to then limit us forever to a small City. They say life is a journey and we want to keep exploring. I knew where you lived before you even wrote it.. A more diplomatic way of describing it. Very true about being just inland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I Googled 'homesickness', something I'd never done before. Interesting to find a link to a Portguese word 'Saudache' which does not precisely translate into English. 'The love that remains' (after someone is gone.) Everybody suffers from it. I asked the young Chinese guy I work with if he missed China when he first came here? (at 14) Yes, he missed his grandparents terribly but now Australia is home. There's probably someone from Melbourne who moved to London three months ago, and they are suffering! I've suffered it in Australia for England, and in England for Australia. It takes a while to start thinking positively, rather than critically, about your new country. I know if I had just arrived in Australia, I would be looking at this General Election and thinking 'what a Mickey Mouse affair. The REAL stuff happens in Westminster, not in this backwater.' I used to miss the English football, whilst loathing the codes here. I can remember buying a Sydney Morning Herald just after I came back to Sydney, and thinking 'what drivel!' I think that for many migrants, the country slowly 'grows' on you and some people don't realize it until they go back to their homeland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 After 32 years of being sternly lectured by my head, my heart still refused to believe that Aus was the place I felt at home in. Logically there should have been absolutely not a skerrick of doubt, I was very successful - settled beautifully (had a great time for the first 10 years) never felt homesick in the way that seems to afflict lots of new migrants. Just got on with it, small family, heads down, bum up, saw lots and lots of the country, very involved with the community, had a job, bought a house - so why would my heart not get with the plan? Simples - it just didnt belong there and no amount of logic and pragmatism ever persuaded it otherwise. As surfndirt so eloquently said - you dont have to like it, there is nothing in the rule book that says you have to! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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