xxlornaxx Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I think you should go, she could come out and visit on a whv and maybe fall in love with oz but sounds like she'll always want to stay at home and you will always want to branch further out, so def will be difficulties in the future if you stay and you left feeling unfulfilled...you have both put plans in place for you to go so you must have been certain about the decision, stick to the plan, she obviously is and possibly is looking forward to being single on her holiday...I vote for go, there is lotsa of great women out there, I'm not a believer in 'the one' you could be just as happy, if not more happy with someone else who wants same things as you out of life... Good luck, must be hard.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30085 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 It's a difficult one, and similar has been posted before and it's always hard when one wants to follow their dream and the other doesn't. The only way I could suggest is think about another situation rather than Oz. What if you stay together and say marry and have babies, do you think in any other given situation she will decide (with you) about where to live or schooling for your children or whatever. Or will her parents influence and say so come first? If her family have that much influence, will you even have a say in schooling etc? Im not knocking the girl, she's young and sounds as though she will always have a comfortable life here so why should she move- I don't blame her for not doing. But if you're future includes making your own family, then that unit becomes priority over anything else (even without children - your immediate family will be you and your partner) and if there is unlikely to be any compromise then it may be a difficult road to follow. That of course applies to both within the relationship. Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 So will she not come over with you on a WHV? Sorry ill be honest i only skimmed through the thread quickly, should prob read through it all again She would of done in past but would want to travel around oz and not stay in one area and work/settle. she has no interest in emmigrating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 I think you should go, she could come out and visit on a whv and maybe fall in love with oz but sounds like she'll always want to stay at home and you will always want to branch further out, so def will be difficulties in the future if you stay and you left feeling unfulfilled...you have both put plans in place for you to go so you must have been certain about the decision, stick to the plan, she obviously is and possibly is looking forward to being single on her holiday...I vote for go, there is lotsa of great women out there, I'm not a believer in 'the one' you could be just as happy, if not more happy with someone else who wants same things as you out of life... Good luck, must be hard.. I think your right. maybe after a summer living abroad and coming back to the cold uk she may try oz for a few months. but, i cant force someone to do something they do not want to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 It's a difficult one, and similar has been posted before and it's always hard when one wants to follow their dream and the other doesn't. The only way I could suggest is think about another situation rather than Oz. What if you stay together and say marry and have babies, do you think in any other given situation she will decide (with you) about where to live or schooling for your children or whatever. Or will her parents influence and say so come first? If her family have that much influence, will you even have a say in schooling etc? Im not knocking the girl, she's young and sounds as though she will always have a comfortable life here so why should she move- I don't blame her for not doing. But if you're future includes making your own family, then that unit becomes priority over anything else (even without children - your immediate family will be you and your partner) and if there is unlikely to be any compromise then it may be a difficult road to follow. That of course applies to both within the relationship. Best of luck If I lived n stayed in UK , i dont think her family would go that far with descions in terms of location and schooling etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 If it was me, I would go. Maybe she does love you, but, she loves her Dads money more. She has made her choice and for me that would not be enough. I would want my partner to want me, forsaking all others (including their money) You never know, she may miss you so much that she forsakes the merc after all, and joins you over there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 People trump places every time in my book. If this is the woman you want to grow old and have grand kids with then don't screw it up. You still have the chance to live in a first world country so it's not like you are being consigned to some dismal third world country. If you can take leave (always go for the career break option rather than burning bridges) then by all means go for a holiday over summer. You can't cuddle a country! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I usually agree that people trump places but hes still young so I think it just depends if he can definitely see a future with them and if hes sure he wont resent her if he stays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summerhill Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 When I was in my twenties I was in UK and OH was in Oz due to visa issues. When he left UK to go back to Oz we made no promises to each other about staying together whilst we were so far apart as we were both so young and felt that we should just wait and see what happened. (Though at time felt that we did love each other but didn't want to make a big commitment being so young) We ended up together 18 months later and now have 3 children. My OH brother meet his wive in Oz just before she was due to leave and start a really good job in UK , she went and enjoyed her time away, they kept in touch and got back together when she came back and now have 2 kids. What I am trying to say is that it is possible for you both to have a bit of fun and follow your dreams and if it is meant to be you will end up together . Probably stronger for it as you will both have gotten the dreams that you don't share out of your system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritChickx Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Maybe you're just feeling more upset at the fact that she appears to be moving on already and not crying into a pillow? I would go to Australia, you'll regret it if you don't try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CollegeGirl Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I agree with Quoll that people trump places, but asking your partner to give up a lifelong dream is no way to cement the foundation of a serious relationship, either. Part of loving someone and committing your life to theirs is supporting their dreams whenever and wherever you can. In our case, my fiance and I got more and more serious over the course of more than a year, but then he found out he'd gotten a job in Oz. He'd always wanted to try living there, and he was so excited. No way was I going to stand in his way. But we weren't engaged at the time, and I also wasn't going to uproot my own life, leave my family, etc. without a higher level of commitment. Nor was I going to press for that higher level of commitment - he had to want it, too. So off he went to Oz, where he absolutely fell in love with the country. But shortly after he arrived, he realized there was no one else in the world like me. He realized just how much I meant to him and that he wanted me in his life permanently, and that he would do whatever it took to be with me. So when he was about to get his PR (and knew he'd be able to shortly sponsor me for a partner visa) he contacted me, told me all of this, and asked me to marry him. Both of us had dated others in our time apart, but there was just no one else in the world for us. I said yes, and agreed to move to Oz (actually, I'm quite excited about it!!!) All that to say... you shouldn't have to give up on your dreams, just as she shouldn't have to give up on hers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I often agree that people trump places, but in this case I see it a bit differently. If you were married with kids I would say you need to forget it because it is unkind to drag someone to other side of world against their will versus getting over some "dream". We can't always have our dreams after all. But you are not married, no kids and clearly want different things in life. However painful it is, it is easier to deal with this now than perhaps in the future. I also wonder how you can be destined to be together to have even got this far with your planning. There is just no way that me and my OH would calmly sit down and plan our breakup and how we would live on opposite sides of the world. That conversation would just not happen. If you were supposed to stay with your girlfriend in UK, you would know. You wouldn't need to ask anyone. The fact you have asked tells me that you should call time and move on with the perfectly valid choices you have both made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 I think I'd let go of the attachment to this gf.Go to Australia,and get on with your life.If you were supposed to be together,it will happen at some stage.I came over from Australia to the UK when I was 18.I stayed for a year.A guy who used to be in a group of friends I hung out with proposed to me the night before I was due to return to Australia.(We never dated!!!!)I declined the offer and off I went.Once back in Oz we kept in touch for a few years.I eventually got married (he did'nt)to an aussie and had kids.Fast forward a few years,I separated from aussie OH,and returned to the UK with my kids.Who do you think I ended up with?Yep you guessed it...that guy,who is now my husband,and we've been married for 1o years!!!So yes I did do my own thing,thats the path I was on at that time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 If it was me, I would go. Maybe she does love you, but, she loves her Dads money more. She has made her choice and for me that would not be enough. I would want my partner to want me, forsaking all others (including their money) You never know, she may miss you so much that she forsakes the merc after all, and joins you over there. metoo... a fellow leicestershire person. valid point Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 When I was in my twenties I was in UK and OH was in Oz due to visa issues. When he left UK to go back to Oz we made no promises to each other about staying together whilst we were so far apart as we were both so young and felt that we should just wait and see what happened. (Though at time felt that we did love each other but didn't want to make a big commitment being so young) We ended up together 18 months later and now have 3 children. My OH brother meet his wive in Oz just before she was due to leave and start a really good job in UK , she went and enjoyed her time away, they kept in touch and got back together when she came back and now have 2 kids. What I am trying to say is that it is possible for you both to have a bit of fun and follow your dreams and if it is meant to be you will end up together . Probably stronger for it as you will both have gotten the dreams that you don't share out of your system. very true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 metoo... a fellow leicestershire person. valid point No I don't think so, I thought that was a bit churlish. So she has had a privileged life, she cannot help that. Most people choose not to emigrate, in fact you / we are the minority for choosing this path. She just doesn't want to emigrate and happens to be from a family with money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 I often agree that people trump places, but in this case I see it a bit differently. If you were married with kids I would say you need to forget it because it is unkind to drag someone to other side of world against their will versus getting over some "dream". We can't always have our dreams after all. But you are not married, no kids and clearly want different things in life. However painful it is, it is easier to deal with this now than perhaps in the future. I also wonder how you can be destined to be together to have even got this far with your planning. There is just no way that me and my OH would calmly sit down and plan our breakup and how we would live on opposite sides of the world. That conversation would just not happen. If you were supposed to stay with your girlfriend in UK, you would know. You wouldn't need to ask anyone. The fact you have asked tells me that you should call time and move on with the perfectly valid choices you have both made. your right rupert. and yes many of our friends have found it weird that we are still together. but come next friday we prob wont. we have just been enjoying each others company. shes not in a rush to move on and i wasnt either when we originally discussed this. i guess its better to end in an happy when then a bad way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 I think I'd let go of the attachment to this gf.Go to Australia,and get on with your life.If you were supposed to be together,it will happen at some stage.I came over from Australia to the UK when I was 18.I stayed for a year.A guy who used to be in a group of friends I hung out with proposed to me the night before I was due to return to Australia.(We never dated!!!!)I declined the offer and off I went.Once back in Oz we kept in touch for a few years.I eventually got married (he did'nt)to an aussie and had kids.Fast forward a few years,I separated from aussie OH,and returned to the UK with my kids.Who do you think I ended up with?Yep you guessed it...that guy,who is now my husband,and we've been married for 1o years!!!So yes I did do my own thing,thats the path I was on at that time. wow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 THANKS to everyones comments and inputs. I was extremely stressed yesterday and its helped me talking to u lot and reminds me why i made the original decision of go to Oz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 THANKS to everyones comments and inputs. I was extremely stressed yesterday and its helped me talking to u lot and reminds me why i made the original decision of go to Oz. Dont blame you, its a awful situation to be in and always going to be a bit hard. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pob Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Your 29, working holiday visa stops after your next birthday doesn't it. If her heart yearns for you it will be unbearable for her to be apart from you. Apparently daddy is loaded so she will proberbly be on the next plane over to Oz to be with you. But what If she is not? What if she stays in England attached to daddys wallet strings. What will you do then? Go to Australia see what happens. Don't push anything, just let it be. As the Spanish say... what will be, will be. Any way you don't want to go to bloody Marbella do you? Spain is a wonderful country, but there are parts that have been turned into a Spanish Blackpool. It's not nice, beer is cheap, plastic bottles of Bacardi are cheap so are the sunburnt tourists. Go for a hike in the Blue Mountains on your weekend off and think about where you want to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james007 Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 Your 29, working holiday visa stops after your next birthday doesn't it.If her heart yearns for you it will be unbearable for her to be apart from you. Apparently daddy is loaded so she will proberbly be on the next plane over to Oz to be with you. But what If she is not? What if she stays in England attached to daddys wallet strings. What will you do then? Go to Australia see what happens. Don't push anything, just let it be. As the Spanish say... what will be, will be. Any way you don't want to go to bloody Marbella do you? Spain is a wonderful country, but there are parts that have been turned into a Spanish Blackpool. It's not nice, beer is cheap, plastic bottles of Bacardi are cheap so are the sunburnt tourists. Go for a hike in the Blue Mountains on your weekend off and think about where you want to be. Good call.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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