Just don't know...but can't shake the feeling I want to go home!

[Emmylou23]

:arghh: Just don't know. OH and I have been here 18 months and for the first year I really enjoyed being here, it was like a holiday, the reality didn't seem to sink in. We live on the Gold Coast and I work as a nurse. OH isn't working, since arriving here he has been diagnosed with a major back problem and has been advised not to work as a carpenter and joiner for the time being. He has been put on the waiting list to see a spinal orthopaedic surgeon (we don't have private cover) and it will take about a year for him to get seen (not good when he has a progressive condition and would be seen by the NHS within a month according to interent waiting list times I have looked at).

 

The way my husband has been treated by health professionals over here is nothing short of disgusting. I think this was the trigger for my homesickness. I started to look at all the negative sides of being in Australia. I began to miss my family and friends more. Quite frankily I am bored with the weather and the never changing blue skies of Queensland. Even the blueness of the sea is beginning to get irritating. I miss the changing weather and seasons, the long summer nights and the short-cosy winter days. The local pub and decent beer (not known as p***), shops and clothes of a decent quality that don't cost the earth. Supermarkets where you can get everything you are looking for at a reasonable price.

 

There are good things about Australia, the scenery is like nothing in Europe, the dry arrid landscape and the nothingness of the outback. The Golden Sandy beaches which go for miles. The friendliness of the shop assistants. Friends that I've made. Opportunities for work and promotions. Size of properties, that I can afford to buy.

 

But it's not home. Eventhough my husband loves it here and doesn't particularly want to go home (he does say that Liverpool will always be "home" though), I can't shake the feeling that Australia is not where I want to spend my life. I worry about my parents getting old and who will look after them. I wonder how I will feel when my sister and her husband start a family and I won't be part of that. It's only now this is starting to sink in, I'm not here on holiday.

 

We're going home for 5 weeks in April, so we'll see how I feel then. But the thought of coming back here after being at home makes me feel sick. I'm trying so hard to be positive and make ago of things, but I just don't know that I can. It all seemed like such a good idea at the time.

 

Oh well, yet another reason for the Aussies to call us wingeing poms!

[ali]

Regarding your hubby - can you ask to be referred to another hospital/specialist?

 

I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say your changes have come once you lost the 'holiday' feeling, that seems to have stayed a little longer with you than with most people. Perhaps your hubbys condition and lack of movement on the treatment front is also adding to your frustration and gives one more reason to be unhappy here.

 

Having a big house and promotion means nothing if you're not happy with how you feel inside. You say you dread having to return from the UK in April - it may be that you make your decision then and return her to pack up to go home and you may not dread it quite so much.

 

I have a friend who hadn't really settled, she returned home in the June and loved it - wanted to go back home for good, returned to the UK in December, some of her friends really thought she may just not come back .... but she did and told us that she realised that she now wanted to live in Aus, she couldn't explain what it was that had changed her mind, but that she was now ready to put down roots and buy a house here.

 

I guess there's no simple answer, you may think you want one thing and find you want another - going in another direction as part of your lifes journey is just another part of your adventure. I think you'll probably know when you go back to the UK where you want to be.

 

Good luck with whichever you choose and I hope that the next few months can become more enjoyable for you

 

Ali x

[johnd]

we've been here two and a half years, big house, cars ,tv's etc...blue skies, sandy beaches.......so what!

 

we went back in to the uk in august for the first time...didnt get shot, mugged, blown up or attacked..just felt like home and very,very normal. as soon as we came back to oz we said thats it we are off back home.

 

it has been very hard ,we decided we wouldnt take our little aussie cats with us as we both felt it would be better for them to get a home here, it just wasnt better for us as it has been terrible letting them go. but they are both now settled in thier new home with friends of ours. worryingly for us the big steelworks where we are from in the uk is closing and a lot of jobs will go, this is bad for me as i work in heavy industry. but i lost my 'permenant' job here and i have only had bits since. my wife has a decent job , she is a retail mananger so she is not worried about work in the uk.

 

on the plus side we have sold our house ,move in 3 weeks. we made some money on it and if the exchange rate stays the same for the next 4 weeks or so we will do alright. we also got our citizenship, which if you can do it is important, you never know where you'll be in 5 or 10 years.

 

but to cap it all i suppose the cruncher for me was......after a game of rugby at the local club i watched the next game from the balcony with a beer in my hand overlooking the pacific ocean, whilst the game was going on humpback whales were 'breaching' in the sea. a friend of mine said to me,"well if we dont live in paradise". i honestly thought yes its nice but i dont feeeeeel it, not even as if you are on holiday. i would rather be at my old rugby club in north east uk, overlooking factories and warehouses....that tells me my heart is elsewhere.......i have enjoyed living here but now its time to go home......i may come back as i feel oz has a hold on me, (lived here twice before), but it wont be for a long time, thats my opinion anyway. best of luck with your decision.

[Quoll]

30 years for me and the feeling of not belonging is worse than it ever has been. Mainly because I am trapped here - and who loves a prison? For some inexplicable reason this Christmas is particularly difficult - shouldnt be, we will be spending it with our 2 year old granddaughter who delights in presents.

 

First 10 years were quite fun - saw lots, did lots, holiday mode. Second 10 were ho hum winding down to going home then the kicker - the DH (an Aussie) wont go, wont go even for half of the year which is what I had hung on to as the saving grace against a retirement doomed to be spent here.

 

I go home regularly and it tears my heart out when I have to get on the plane to return and quite frankly that isnt something I would wish on my worst enemy.

 

I think that if you feel you dont belong here after a year or two then chances are you never will. But what will probably happen is that you feel you dont belong anywhere (curse of the expat) and so take the most desensitized pathway - you can become "used" to Australia but if that means that you are only living a half life then I dont know how much of a bonus that is.

 

Go to UK and see if it floats your boat - if it does then make moves to settle there and if it doesnt then come back here.

[Guest guest30038]

:arghh:

 

Oh well, yet another reason for the Aussies to call us wingeing poms!

 

No reason at all chook. I empathise/sympathise with you and your hubby's plight re the health system. I've been waiting for an endoscopy appointment for nearly 6 months now but that said, when I had a few pins and needles in my fingers they were cracking me open and performing a quad by-pass within 10 days, so I can't complain there. I also have back problems but no way will I even consider the recommended fusion.........I'm a wuss :biglaugh:

 

Try and consider though, if it really is OZ per se, that is the cause of your current concerns. Sometimes one major worry can trigger all sorts of emotions and lead one to "make mountains out of molehills" .........not patronising or saying that is the case with you..........but it's worth considering.........your worries over your husband's health can lead to intolerance of situations that wouldn't normally bother you.

 

I do know, after being here for 15 yrs, that the doubts that I have had, have always raised their ugly head when I was confronted with "impotency"..........when there was something going on that I just couldn't seem to resolve ie felt dis-empowered. Whenever I came up against "the system" (Social services and the like) I just felt like jacking it all in and going back to the UK. It took me a long time to realise that the problems lay with me and not Oz............the UK is no better than Oz and vice versa........they're just different. My wife is a nurse and although she knows the failings of the system, she also appreciates what Qld health has given to her and how much her quality of nursing, professional development, and her relationship with her peers and doctors is better than the UK.

 

If she is happy, then I am happy.

 

good luck with whatever you decide

 

kev

[Emmylou23]

Thanks everyone. It's good to know that other people feel this way. Australia is a great country and I don't want to take anything away from that or the experiences we've had so far...I guess April seems such a longtime away (I know it will come round quickly) and I just want to be able to settle down. I'm not convinced I could get used to Australia, like so many people on here seem to have done and I'm all for living life not dwelling on what ifs, but I don't want to make the wrong decision or be two-ing and fro-ing between countries on opposite sides of the planet for the rest of my life.

 

Australia is amazing but I just don't feel like it will ever be my home. Thanks for your support and advice.

[mrsindecision]

30 years for me and the feeling of not belonging is worse than it ever has been. Mainly because I am trapped here - and who loves a prison? For some inexplicable reason this Christmas is particularly difficult - shouldnt be, we will be spending it with our 2 year old granddaughter who delights in presents.

 

First 10 years were quite fun - saw lots, did lots, holiday mode. Second 10 were ho hum winding down to going home then the kicker - the DH (an Aussie) wont go, wont go even for half of the year which is what I had hung on to as the saving grace against a retirement doomed to be spent here.

 

I go home regularly and it tears my heart out when I have to get on the plane to return and quite frankly that isnt something I would wish on my worst enemy.

 

I think that if you feel you dont belong here after a year or two then chances are you never will. But what will probably happen is that you feel you dont belong anywhere (curse of the expat) and so take the most desensitized pathway - you can become "used" to Australia but if that means that you are only living a half life then I dont know how much of a bonus that is.

 

Go to UK and see if it floats your boat - if it does then make moves to settle there and if it doesnt then come back here.

 

Quoll I have followed your replies and think you are a very earnest person who makes good sense.

 

We have decided to go back after nearly 3 years of feeling lost. We have a lovely home, really nice friends and live in a beautiful part of Australia ( sunny coast) but like other posters just dont feel it. Went home in June and had a great time with friends and family and realised what "life" there is in UK. Our older boys (18 and 20) had been feeling the same having a "nice" time but having to change to fit it. Jokes going over people's heads , lack of interest in any form of stimulating conversation and having to be highly self motivated at school and uni to achieve decent marks as the attitude here is a pass will do.

 

My OH has become completely de-skilled in his work and is bored stiff with the lack of stimulation. As a consultant ( the only way to earn a decent living) I either work alone or travel - and miss being part of a team and having the social aspect and support of colleagues. There's little or no professional work here on the coast.

 

However and here's the rub since telling my daughter (15) who is upset but not surprised and with the decision effectively being out in the open - instead of feeling relieved and excited I am terrified in the same way I was before we came here. Are we doing the right thing, will all the kids settle again, will they get places at uni - will we be able to convince them we're domestic students and not international. OH is very likely to get his old job back so we can go straight into work. Money will be fine thanks to exchange rate - friends and family are looking forward to having us back and have missed us a lot, but as you say in the last few months I have started to get used to it a bit and am dreading the upheaval again.

 

I am hoping this is normal and part of the process of letting go - but I feel like the mind is a tricky thing - suddenly because we are leaving I am appreciating everything more, when I thought we were staying I couldnt stand it - could someone just hit me with a wet fish!

[Emmylou23]

Quoll I have followed your replies and think you are a very earnest person who makes good sense.

 

We have decided to go back after nearly 3 years of feeling lost. We have a lovely home, really nice friends and live in a beautiful part of Australia ( sunny coast) but like other posters just dont feel it. Went home in June and had a great time with friends and family and realised what "life" there is in UK. Our older boys (18 and 20) had been feeling the same having a "nice" time but having to change to fit it. Jokes going over people's heads , lack of interest in any form of stimulating conversation and having to be highly self motivated at school and uni to achieve decent marks as the attitude here is a pass will do.

 

My OH has become completely de-skilled in his work and is bored stiff with the lack of stimulation. As a consultant ( the only way to earn a decent living) I either work alone or travel - and miss being part of a team and having the social aspect and support of colleagues. There's little or no professional work here on the coast.

 

However and here's the rub since telling my daughter (15) who is upset but not surprised and with the decision effectively being out in the open - instead of feeling relieved and excited I am terrified in the same way I was before we came here. Are we doing the right thing, will all the kids settle again, will they get places at uni - will we be able to convince them we're domestic students and not international. OH is very likely to get his old job back so we can go straight into work. Money will be fine thanks to exchange rate - friends and family are looking forward to having us back and have missed us a lot, but as you say in the last few months I have started to get used to it a bit and am dreading the good fr upheaval again.

 

I am hoping this is normal and part of the process of letting go - but I feel like the mind is a tricky thing - suddenly because we are leaving I am appreciating everything more, when I thought we were staying I couldnt stand it - could someone just hit me with a wet fish!

 

I can see what you mean. I guess any move like that is scarey which ever way you go. My biggest issue is that materially never have what we have here in the UK, and I know that it's no good using that as an excuse to stay if I'm not happy..... but its something I will miss. However it's been so hot here I'd kill for some snow (apparently it's been snowing at home), would just love to feel cold again!

 

Follow you heart and the rest will follow it may not be as easy as you think settling back into UK life but having good friends and family will help!

 

:hug: Mxxx

[Guest paulabriody]

Been here since March 09, live in a lovely place near the beach in Bayside, but feeling very homesick, hoping it will pass, has anyone felt the same ?

[Guest Guest31881]

Been here since March 09, live in a lovely place near the beach in Bayside, but feeling very homesick, hoping it will pass, has anyone felt the same ?

 

I think everyone goes through the homesick stage at some point after the initial euphoria of the holiday feeling passes. This seems to be the time when you are missing friends and family the most, and you think about what you have left behind. With most of us this feeling does pass as we build a life in Australia and start to make new friends. keep an eye on the forums for PIO meet up's in your area. It helps if you can meet like minded people and talk about your experiences. If you don't see any, why not ask on the forum if any one wants to 'get together' for a chat and a coffee. You are not alone with your feelings.

[Guest ozzierock]

Hi. I came to after Oz as a 15 year old with my folks and brothers 11 and 2 years old. We left my sister behind (18) because she didn't want to leave the UK, so got pregnant to her boyfriend (a soldier) so our parents would let her stay. She now lives here too - emigrated at 22. Her hausband transferred across to the Aussie Army. It ripped my heart out leaving my sister and was miserable for a long time. I didn't return to England until I was 38, to meet my husbands family for the first time. We had already been married for 14 years. He is 1 of 8 and they all still live in the UK.

Anyway, when I returned I didn't realise how culturally different Australians and the English are. I guess the weather has a lot to do with it (although I could be wrong). The weather in the UK I think has contributed to the development of people congregating in each others homes to socialise, or up the local pub etc. The impressions I got were that people liked to talk about each other a lot, not all of it nice, as well as having many discussions about each other has done, or going to do; have or want to have (they seemed very brand concious); and many enjoyable discussions about current affairs. The humour is very witty and the POMS have always been the funniest people to me - maybe because of my formative years spent there.

In Australia it seems to be more of a doing things culture. Going out and about participating in the many outdoor activities Australia has to offer. The attitude is very laid back and nothing is a problem. The humour is predominantly either childish (pranks), or sarcastic - that stems from noone liking a tall poppy (someone up themselves). Aussies love a good **** stir too and if you take it personally it just adds fuel to the fire.

So culturally we are very different which means of course you are going to feel like you don't fit until you gradually find a way to live with one foot in each world. You will probably never feel totally a local if you only mix with aussie because you are an adult migrant with a different cultural history.

I have returned a couple of more time to the UK since - to visit family (his and mine), and many of them have holidayed here many times too.

While I love visiting I wouldn't want to live there. While I acknowledge that probably has a lot to do with the age I was when I came I love it here. If I want to experience the seasons I occasionally still miss I go to toowoomba or Warick in the autumn for the glorious autumn colours. We have been to Mount Hotham skiing on a number of occasions for a snow fix. Toowoomba is great for that English country garden spring display too - they have a flower festival every year. I choose to live in the hinterland of the Sunshine Coast next to one of Brisbanes largest water catchment lakes where we go skiing, fishing and horse riding nearby. There is a wine district nearby which we visit to top up on plonk and have a nice meal in beautiful surrounding. It is also a beef cattle area and we get the best and cheapest steaks I have ever eaten in my life (lived here for 4 years now).

We are about to go into the holiday cottage business - we have 4 acres - so we can share the beautiful countryside with others. Stop by when they're up and see for yourself.

I have thanked my parents on numerous occasions for bringing us here evn though I hated it when we first came. My dads brothers and sisters also emigrated over the years, but my mum's siblings all stayed in England. She is 1 of 10 and she has outlived them all; in her mid 70's and plays golf 3 x a week and goes on numerous golfing holidays with dad and their friend throughout the year. They are both so healthy, it must be all that fresh air they get. I think mum found it hardest with all here family back ther, but she tells me she has no regrets.

I think of all the people who have come here to raise a family away from the places and people they know and love. It is a very brave thing to do and I admire their courage and determination to chase a perceived yet unknown better life when they embark on their journey.

The Australian immigration site advises to give it a minimum of 2 years before returning for a visit to the country of origin due to the homesickness and loneliness people invariably experience when they first come. I suppose it's an attempt to save so many from spending so much money to-ing and fro-ing while they work through their emotions.

If you have young kids, try and stick with it. They'll thank you for it in the end - just like I did.

If you want to talk let me know and we'll exchange contact details.

[Guest Lorac64]

Hi. I came to after Oz as a 15 year old with my folks and brothers 11 and 2 years old. We left my sister behind (18) because she didn't want to leave the UK, so got pregnant to her boyfriend (a soldier) so our parents would let her stay. She now lives here too - emigrated at 22. Her hausband transferred across to the Aussie Army. It ripped my heart out leaving my sister and was miserable for a long time. I didn't return to England until I was 38, to meet my husbands family for the first time. We had already been married for 14 years. He is 1 of 8 and they all still live in the UK.

Anyway, when I returned I didn't realise how culturally different Australians and the English are. I guess the weather has a lot to do with it (although I could be wrong). The weather in the UK I think has contributed to the development of people congregating in each others homes to socialise, or up the local pub etc. The impressions I got were that people liked to talk about each other a lot, not all of it nice, as well as having many discussions about each other has done, or going to do; have or want to have (they seemed very brand concious); and many enjoyable discussions about current affairs. The humour is very witty and the POMS have always been the funniest people to me - maybe because of my formative years spent there.

In Australia it seems to be more of a doing things culture. Going out and about participating in the many outdoor activities Australia has to offer. The attitude is very laid back and nothing is a problem. The humour is predominantly either childish (pranks), or sarcastic - that stems from noone liking a tall poppy (someone up themselves). Aussies love a good **** stir too and if you take it personally it just adds fuel to the fire.

So culturally we are very different which means of course you are going to feel like you don't fit until you gradually find a way to live with one foot in each world. You will probably never feel totally a local if you only mix with aussie because you are an adult migrant with a different cultural history.

I have returned a couple of more time to the UK since - to visit family (his and mine), and many of them have holidayed here many times too.

While I love visiting I wouldn't want to live there. While I acknowledge that probably has a lot to do with the age I was when I came I love it here. If I want to experience the seasons I occasionally still miss I go to toowoomba or Warick in the autumn for the glorious autumn colours. We have been to Mount Hotham skiing on a number of occasions for a snow fix. Toowoomba is great for that English country garden spring display too - they have a flower festival every year. I choose to live in the hinterland of the Sunshine Coast next to one of Brisbanes largest water catchment lakes where we go skiing, fishing and horse riding nearby. There is a wine district nearby which we visit to top up on plonk and have a nice meal in beautiful surrounding. It is also a beef cattle area and we get the best and cheapest steaks I have ever eaten in my life (lived here for 4 years now).

We are about to go into the holiday cottage business - we have 4 acres - so we can share the beautiful countryside with others. Stop by when they're up and see for yourself.

I have thanked my parents on numerous occasions for bringing us here evn though I hated it when we first came. My dads brothers and sisters also emigrated over the years, but my mum's siblings all stayed in England. She is 1 of 10 and she has outlived them all; in her mid 70's and plays golf 3 x a week and goes on numerous golfing holidays with dad and their friend throughout the year. They are both so healthy, it must be all that fresh air they get. I think mum found it hardest with all here family back ther, but she tells me she has no regrets.

I think of all the people who have come here to raise a family away from the places and people they know and love. It is a very brave thing to do and I admire their courage and determination to chase a perceived yet unknown better life when they embark on their journey.

The Australian immigration site advises to give it a minimum of 2 years before returning for a visit to the country of origin due to the homesickness and loneliness people invariably experience when they first come. I suppose it's an attempt to save so many from spending so much money to-ing and fro-ing while they work through their emotions.

If you have young kids, try and stick with it. They'll thank you for it in the end - just like I did.

If you want to talk let me know and we'll exchange contact details.

Hi ozzierock

 

Thanks so much for your inspiring post. I grew up in South Africa (born in UK) from a young age and loved it there. Met my husband and have been living in the UK. I miss the outdoor life sooooo much. I want my children to experience what an outdoor life is all about. We made the decision to emigrate years ago although we had children in grammar school so we had to wait for them to finish. Only 3 of our 4 children are coming with us. The oldest is in uni at present. I'm not fussed that Europe is just across the channel and I haven't visited this, that and the other - I'm not culturally conerned i.e. we have all this history to be 'proud of' - I didn't grow up here and wasn't taught British history. I have to say though that I don't consider myself South African or British - I don't know if anyone else feels like I do. So coming to Australia will be another adventure for me and a whole new life for our family. When we get there, we will visit some of the places you have suggested. They sound great. However, I do hope that my children will thank me for it - you just don't know if you are making the right choices for them or not.

[bryansc]

Hi Ozzierock. Just read your story about your move to Australia. I was glad to read that you have thanked your parents time and again for moving there. We are in the lucky position that we have just been granted our visa to emigrate to Australia but the problem is that we have a daughter who is 15 years of age. She refuses to discuss moving to Australia. I do not know whether to put the move on hold/not move at all or move in the hope that she and my two other children aged 13 and 7 will thank me and their dad in years to come. It is a very difficult decision to make and as Lorac64 has said, you just don't know if you are making the right choices for them.

[Quoll]

I think taking teenagers is a really difficult decision - there are all sorts of educational implications these days and it really is a lottery as to whether they will love you or hate you for the rest of your days. However at 15 they dont really have the choice but to come along with you while you scratch your itch for adventure - dont trot out the "better future for the kids" line because it may well not be a better future for her and she doesnt need to have that responsibility.

 

One of mine was born here and the other was born in UK but came here as a baby - over the years both of them have been extremely grateful for their UK passports, and the UK born one has emigrated back to UK because it offered him so many more opportunities than he would have had here. At least an Aus education hasnt disadvantaged him career-wise but neither has it endowed any magical advantages on him either.

[bryansc]

Hi Quoll. Thank you for your comment, it was very much appreciated. Taking teenagers to Australia is a very difficult decision. I actually don't tell them that it will be a better future for them, as I don't know that for sure, and I wouldn't want to lie to them!!! I just hope it will be a better future for them. You made a comment, "while you scratch your itch". Do you think I am being selfish to want to go to Australia? I am in a dilemma as to whether to go, and any comments whatsoever would be appreciated!!

[Guest Lorac64]

Hi Quoll. Thank you for your comment, it was very much appreciated. Taking teenagers to Australia is a very difficult decision. I actually don't tell them that it will be a better future for them, as I don't know that for sure, and I wouldn't want to lie to them!!! I just hope it will be a better future for them. You made a comment, "while you scratch your itch". Do you think I am being selfish to want to go to Australia? I am in a dilemma as to whether to go, and any comments whatsoever would be appreciated!!

Hi bryansc

 

I totally agree with you. I don't tell my children that it will be a better future, it will be a different way of living. There is nothing like living in another country to learn and experience a new culture. Our daughter is hoping to go to uni there because the course she wants to do isn't available here. Our son is in a similar position and the options they offer them in Australia's universities is more diverse. We have told our children that if they want to come back it is entirely up to them. You only get one life. Like someone else stated, they didn't want to be sitting in an old age home wishing they had taken the plunge and tried something new.

Our children are quite adventerous and my hubby and I often said that we wouldn't be surpised if they packed up their bags and left the UK anyway. Where would that leave us? All our dreams of living somewhere else would be no more.

God created a most beautiful world. Seeing it is awesome! We can't wait to just walk on the beach or sit and watch the sea. We feel it will be a lot harder in Australia. There isn't an NHS etc to fall back on. We will have to be financially canny, as we found food quite pricey the last time we were there - although there was 6 of us!

The question you have to ask yourself is, "Will I regret it if I don't go?" Remember your daughter is only 15 years old - she has her whole life ahead of her. A few years in Australia will be a magnificent adventure.

Have a wonderful New Year and may your decisions bring you peace.

Lorac64

[Guest ozzierock]

Hi, I seem to have been misunderstood judging by some of the comments. I didn't say my parents told me before we came here that we were coming to a better life. I said I admired the bravery and courage of parents who make the decision to come because they are leaving behind everything and everyone they know for a perceived yet unknown better life. By that I mean, I presume the parents are not moving because they want a worse life, or the same life. They perceive from what they have seen or heard that it will be a better life, but they don't actually know before coming. I feel, having gone back to England a few times now, that it is a better life, but that's just my opinion, based on my experience. Anything is influenced by what you make of it and if you are not committed to give it everything before you come despite knowing that there will be a period of adjustment to go through where you may experience emotions you would rather not have, then don't come. Without the commitment to make a go of it you'll be open to misery when you get on the plane to leave.

As for emigrating with teenagers: teenagers don't like change (despite the impression they give). They are all about fitting in with their peers. So if they hear you are planning to move them away from their peers they are going to try and stop it from happening. If you have good communication with them they may ask you to please not go; otherwise you will get emotional blackmail, tantrums, and angry outbursts. If you are coming based on the perception that you believe life will be better, then all you have to do is remember that you are the parent who has responsibly made this decision based on the balanced assessment of risk versus benefit. Therefor you children (including teenagers) will have to go along with your well thought out decision. Teenagers haven't completely grown an adult brain so are not capable of analysing something where variants are unknown. They are egocentric and won't care if it's a good idea for anyone else in the family, just if it's a good idea for them (I've had 4 so I'm not talking through my hat). If they hate it when they get here, it doesn't mean they'll hate you for ever for making them come. Time will pass, they will grow into adults and you will be able to give them your rational reasons for making the decision. Remember, you are not seeking to be their best friend, but their parent, and at the time you did what you thought was best.

England is a great place for young adults. There are many aussies who go to London to work for some years (and other places in the world), it looks great on their CV when they envariably return to start raising a family. We are a vast country of only 20,000,000 people. To be as clever as we are we have to build on our local knowledge by exposing ourselves to experiences and knowledge of others.

 

I have just read through my post and thought I sounded like one of those Aussies shielas someone mentioned on another post I read. Tell it like I see it, that's me. Hope I don't get anyones hackles up and get sent to Coventry. Oops, there's the English in me popping out again

[Quoll]

Hi Quoll. Thank you for your comment, it was very much appreciated. Taking teenagers to Australia is a very difficult decision. I actually don't tell them that it will be a better future for them, as I don't know that for sure, and I wouldn't want to lie to them!!! I just hope it will be a better future for them. You made a comment, "while you scratch your itch". Do you think I am being selfish to want to go to Australia? I am in a dilemma as to whether to go, and any comments whatsoever would be appreciated!!

 

If you want to go to Australia then do it - if you have an opportunity not to be missed then dont miss it. You must have a yearning for adventure otherwise you wouldnt be thinking of doing it. Otherwise if you have a perfectly good life in another first world country why bother taking the risk of screwing it up because you think the grass might be greener in another paddock. At the end of the day it is, just that, another first world country with its own advantages and disadvantages, it isnt perfect and it doesnt suit everybody, it is just another place to live your life in and you have to weigh up whether the things you get here outweigh the things you get there and whether the "cost" (and I dont mean monetary) of living here is one that you can live happily with. I guess in some ways one has to be very selfish and very self sufficient to be a good migrant, otherwise you will be torn every whichway by everyone else's emotional roller coaster and try and second guess yourself at every turn when you need to be thick skinned and focussed on what you want to achieve with your life. However, I would never call anyone selfish for wanting to do what is best for them and theirs and exploiting what opportunities come your way.

 

I agree with ozzierock, your kids are kids and they go along for the ride based on your best decisions for what is good for you at the time. When they are old enough they have the luxury of making their own decisions about where they want to live their lives and what they want to do with them - they may well do what you have done and head off to another country in search of their best opportunities.

 

You do need to make a decision soon though because if you dont get your daughter here in time to do year 11 then she has the potential to be educationally disadvantaged - all depending on the state, most kids are either just turned 16 or just about to turn 16 at the start of year 11 and she will do best if she can do full years 11 and 12 and remember that the academic year begins in Feb.

 

I wouldnt be engaging with her in arguments because that is giving her an emotional rod to beat you with. If it does get raised then the message should be "tough luck, you are coming and you can make your own decisions when you are old enough" and "you can either make the best of it or you can choose to be as miserable as sin, so, what can YOU do to make it work for YOU?" and then dont engage in ranting or raving just go back to the "sorry you feel that way, which of your things did you try to make it work for you? Did that work? OK try another thing then". You have a better than even chance that things will work out just fine I should think.

[Guest sooveroz]

:arghh: Just don't know. OH and I have been here 18 months and for the first year I really enjoyed being here, it was like a holiday, the reality didn't seem to sink in. We live on the Gold Coast and I work as a nurse. OH isn't working, since arriving here he has been diagnosed with a major back problem and has been advised not to work as a carpenter and joiner for the time being. He has been put on the waiting list to see a spinal orthopaedic surgeon (we don't have private cover) and it will take about a year for him to get seen (not good when he has a progressive condition and would be seen by the NHS within a month according to interent waiting list times I have looked at).

 

The way my husband has been treated by health professionals over here is nothing short of disgusting. I think this was the trigger for my homesickness. I started to look at all the negative sides of being in Australia. I began to miss my family and friends more. Quite frankily I am bored with the weather and the never changing blue skies of Queensland. Even the blueness of the sea is beginning to get irritating. I miss the changing weather and seasons, the long summer nights and the short-cosy winter days. The local pub and decent beer (not known as p***), shops and clothes of a decent quality that don't cost the earth. Supermarkets where you can get everything you are looking for at a reasonable price.

 

There are good things about Australia, the scenery is like nothing in Europe, the dry arrid landscape and the nothingness of the outback. The Golden Sandy beaches which go for miles. The friendliness of the shop assistants. Friends that I've made. Opportunities for work and promotions. Size of properties, that I can afford to buy.

 

But it's not home. Eventhough my husband loves it here and doesn't particularly want to go home (he does say that Liverpool will always be "home" though), I can't shake the feeling that Australia is not where I want to spend my life. I worry about my parents getting old and who will look after them. I wonder how I will feel when my sister and her husband start a family and I won't be part of that. It's only now this is starting to sink in, I'm not here on holiday.

 

We're going home for 5 weeks in April, so we'll see how I feel then. But the thought of coming back here after being at home makes me feel sick. I'm trying so hard to be positive and make ago of things, but I just don't know that I can. It all seemed like such a good idea at the time.

 

Oh well, yet another reason for the Aussies to call us wingeing poms!

 

I felt like this about a year ago (after nearly 2 years here) and we are going back home in 20 days :biggrin:

 

to be honest, i think once that feeling of "its not home and never will be" sets in, then its very hard to move on from. its different from homesickness/peoplesickness, its different from the feeling of everything being new and alien, its different from the feeling of nervous anxiety when you first arrive - to me its the lightbulb moment - i dont actually like living here!!

 

i have met many migrants who felt like that but stayed for various reasons - kids loved it, partner didnt want to go back, felt it would pass with time - and now they are in their 60s and 70s and have lived a life of regret, unhappy and unfulfilled in australia. i could easily live another few years here but i know i definately dont want to live here any more than that and i want to go back before my eldest starts high school.

 

its been an adventure and some parts of it i have loved. but i dont think australia is brilliant or fantastic - its just another place. i havent seen any evidence that its automatically better for everyone here - it just depends what you want from life. I believe my kids will have a better life and more opportunity in the UK - for others, australia will be the place for them.

 

I find the weather here more restrictive than in the UK. perth gets long wet and windy winters and the summers are very hot and windy. the flies range from bad to awful to unbearable. i spent more time outside in the UK than i do here. so i guess i am saying australia is not for us - and i think its probably not for you either. good luck with your decision and i wish you well in 2010!!

[Quoll]

I felt like this about a year ago (after nearly 2 years here) and we are going back home in 20 days :biggrin:

 

to be honest, i think once that feeling of "its not home and never will be" sets in, then its very hard to move on from. its different from homesickness/peoplesickness, its different from the feeling of everything being new and alien, its different from the feeling of nervous anxiety when you first arrive - to me its the lightbulb moment - i dont actually like living here!!

 

i have met many migrants who felt like that but stayed for various reasons - kids loved it, partner didnt want to go back, felt it would pass with time - and now they are in their 60s and 70s and have lived a life of regret, unhappy and unfulfilled in australia.

 

its been an adventure and some parts of it i have loved. but i dont think australia is brilliant or fantastic - its just another place. i havent seen any evidence that its automatically better for everyone here - it just depends what you want from life. I believe my kids will have a better life and more opportunity in the UK - for others, australia will be the place for them.

 

 

 

Oh yeah, so right!

 

Good luck with your move forward!!!

[Emmylou23]

I felt like this about a year ago (after nearly 2 years here) and we are going back home in 20 days :biggrin:

 

to be honest, i think once that feeling of "its not home and never will be" sets in, then its very hard to move on from. its different from homesickness/peoplesickness, its different from the feeling of everything being new and alien, its different from the feeling of nervous anxiety when you first arrive - to me its the lightbulb moment - i dont actually like living here!!

 

i have met many migrants who felt like that but stayed for various reasons - kids loved it, partner didnt want to go back, felt it would pass with time - and now they are in their 60s and 70s and have lived a life of regret, unhappy and unfulfilled in australia. i could easily live another few years here but i know i definately dont want to live here any more than that and i want to go back before my eldest starts high school.

 

its been an adventure and some parts of it i have loved. but i dont think australia is brilliant or fantastic - its just another place. i havent seen any evidence that its automatically better for everyone here - it just depends what you want from life. I believe my kids will have a better life and more opportunity in the UK - for others, australia will be the place for them.

 

I find the weather here more restrictive than in the UK. perth gets long wet and windy winters and the summers are very hot and windy. the flies range from bad to awful to unbearable. i spent more time outside in the UK than i do here. so i guess i am saying australia is not for us - and i think its probably not for you either. good luck with your decision and i wish you well in 2010!!

 

 

I'm glad that there's more than me who feels this way. Australia is a good place to be for some people and that's good for them, but it's not what I want out of life. Like you say we spend time avoiding heat and flies here, at least in the UK we can go outside without gettig biten to pieces on the odd day of sunshine we do have! Lol!

 

Hope your move home goes well! And I hope that 2010 is everything you want it to be! :jiggy:

[Metoo]

Hi Ozzierock. Just read your story about your move to Australia. I was glad to read that you have thanked your parents time and again for moving there. We are in the lucky position that we have just been granted our visa to emigrate to Australia but the problem is that we have a daughter who is 15 years of age. She refuses to discuss moving to Australia. I do not know whether to put the move on hold/not move at all or move in the hope that she and my two other children aged 13 and 7 will thank me and their dad in years to come. It is a very difficult decision to make and as Lorac64 has said, you just don't know if you are making the right choices for them.

 

Firstly congratulations on getting your visa. Regarding your 15 yrs old daughter, it brought to mind a story I was told recently by a colleague of mine. Many years ago (late 70's) their family had the opportunity to move to Australia and the decision was made that they would move (a family of 8 people) The father got the ball rolling and so the packing cases arrived to pack up the house ect BUT one of the daughters decided she didn't want to go. She cried and created so much that the father said "that's it, we are not going". all the packing cases dissapeared and the dream was over. The girl had got her way, but, the rest of the family missed out big time.

 

As she grew up the same girl did not have a happy life in the UK and took to drink, she became an alcoholic and was suffering from realy bad depression. Tragically, she passed away a year ago as a result of drink and drugs. My friend/collegue has a very stressful life here in UK and always wonders how differently their lives may have turned out if only they had moved.

 

I personally would not allow a child to dictate the future of a whole family, you are very lucky to have a visa and the ability to go, my friend would not qualify for a visa as he is too old (50) and not on CSL list. For him it is too late but he always wonders ...what if?

 

A very sad story (but completely true) and a great opportunity lost.

 

I can't wait to get to Australia and my 16 yr old daughter is very excited about our move. She understands that she will miss her friends and family but she is a good mixer and knows she will make new friends and have so many more opportunities that are just unrealistic in the UK.

 

I hope you make the right decision for your family and not be left with a whole bunch of what ifs

[Guest pegasus 90]

I felt like this about a year ago (after nearly 2 years here) and we are going back home in 20 days :biggrin:

 

to be honest, i think once that feeling of "its not home and never will be" sets in, then its very hard to move on from. its different from homesickness/peoplesickness, its different from the feeling of everything being new and alien, its different from the feeling of nervous anxiety when you first arrive - to me its the lightbulb moment - i dont actually like living here!!

 

i have met many migrants who felt like that but stayed for various reasons - kids loved it, partner didnt want to go back, felt it would pass with time - and now they are in their 60s and 70s and have lived a life of regret, unhappy and unfulfilled in australia. i could easily live another few years here but i know i definately dont want to live here any more than that and i want to go back before my eldest starts high school.

 

its been an adventure and some parts of it i have loved. but i dont think australia is brilliant or fantastic - its just another place. i havent seen any evidence that its automatically better for everyone here - it just depends what you want from life. I believe my kids will have a better life and more opportunity in the UK - for others, australia will be the place for them.

 

I find the weather here more restrictive than in the UK. perth gets long wet and windy winters and the summers are very hot and windy. the flies range from bad to awful to unbearable. i spent more time outside in the UK than i do here. so i guess i am saying australia is not for us - and i think its probably not for you either. good luck with your decision and i wish you well in 2010!!

Hi, I can echoe some of your comments. We have been here 10 years in July and we are returning to the U.K. To be perfectly honest we started to get itchy feet around the 5-6 year mark, but I had a brother & parents apply to emigrate (which they did 3 yrs ago) which prolonged our stay here. Believe me; having family here for us has been a complete disaster and has definitely not lived up to our expectations. They appear to have brought all their baggage with them and dumped it all on my doorstep !!. Even to the point that they no longer want to talk to us!!!!

We also feel that whilst we have had some great times & generally Oz has been good to us, we are just bored with it. We don't hate the place at all; mainly a kind of indifference really; a feeling of just coming to a 'natural end of the line' so to speak.We keep getting disappointed when we visit different places and find that everything is talked up when the reality is somewhat different. I think about the places & things I did as a kid and actually feel sorry for my kids; ok I didn't have sunshine everyday or a swimming pool but for sure my childhood was more varied & exciting than theirs.

We have a teenage daughter who will be staring GCSE's when we get back & yes it does cause us some concern, but honestly (like Quoll) I don't buy into this 'better for the kids' tripe. I personally think the general education I received in U.K (run of the mill 1980's comprehensive) was far better than what my kids get over here; and I had a far better undertstanding of the world around me etc.

I personally believe that a lot of people I have met stay here because of their house & the sunshine, and they make excuses for the lack of culture & places to go by lazing in the back yard with a VB toasting themself that they've made it!. my wife is from London and she feels that if she has to go to another aussie BBQ she thinks shes going to scream!!!. I think it is the total blandness that has really affected us. oz is wonderful for the lazing around kind of natural pastimes, but if you want to be inspired or moved it just aint here. We found it very strange that when we lived in England we went on holiday to have a rest & enjoy a different culture, but here; we go overseas to be stimulated. We almost feel like we are in semi retirement (& we are in our 30's!).

You have to do what the heart says; you will ( as we have found) get some opposition to your decision and some people will deride you for wanting to go back. Some English people have deep inferiority complexes about the fact you want to leave but secretly are jealous. As for us, who knows what the future holds; will we settle?, will we like it after 10 yrs? . These are things we toy with all the time, but we are committed to going back and showing our kids what a wonderful & interesting place UK & Europe is, and ultimately we believe that as a result they will grow into more rounded, more open minded & intelligent adults as a result.

[Guest the world is upside down]

Hi there pegasus, we are in our 30s too and what you wrote below is exactly how we feel, we have been in Perth for nearly 5 years now and think this may be the year we return to the uk . Good luck to you in the future

 

 

 

I personally believe that a lot of people I have met stay here because of their house & the sunshine, and they make excuses for the lack of culture & places to go by lazing in the back yard with a VB toasting themself that they've made it!. my wife is from London and she feels that if she has to go to another aussie BBQ she thinks shes going to scream!!!. I think it is the total blandness that has really affected us. oz is wonderful for the lazing around kind of natural pastimes, but if you want to be inspired or moved it just aint here. We found it very strange that when we lived in England we went on holiday to have a rest & enjoy a different culture, but here; we go overseas to be stimulated. We almost feel like we are in semi retirement (& we are in our 30's!).

[bryansc]

Hi Metoo. That is a very sad story. The poor guy will think "what if" for the rest of his life and probably his other family members as well, the unfortunate thing is that they will never know if their life would have been any better/different in Australia. I'm glad your daughter is all for the move!! You are so lucky!!! Wish you would have a chat with my daughter!!!!!!!! and I'm sure you will get your visa through any day now. Where are you planning to move to? We are planning to move to Melbourne.