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samt4

Been in Oz 8 months and struggling - advice please!

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2 hours ago, Vickie78 said:

So much this. I 'm sorry you are stuck though scousers. This is why We are going though, we just don't fit, and yes 26 years later,it's time to go. So yes, don't waste time like we have just putting up with it, hoping it will get better, hoping you will get there. Follow your gut 🙂 

Wish i was you able to go. Maybe one day. I can pull it together alot of the time but it is forced but then i have what i think are panic attacks brought on by always living with stress. Then i get thinking what will it be like when my parents aren't here anymore ( both in oz and very elderly now) then i think if something happened to my hubby i would not even consider being here. Not sure what my daughter would do but i just could not stay any longer. Its awful and sad stupid thing is we have so many  people at home, what the hell are we doing here. Sorry its got to me this week!!

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4 minutes ago, scousers said:

Wish i was you able to go. Maybe one day. I can pull it together alot of the time but it is forced but then i have what i think are panic attacks brought on by always living with stress. Then i get thinking what will it be like when my parents aren't here anymore ( both in oz and very elderly now) then i think if something happened to my hubby i would not even consider being here. Not sure what my daughter would do but i just could not stay any longer. Its awful and sad stupid thing is we have so many  people at home, what the hell are we doing here. Sorry its got to me this week!!

Are you staying in Australia because of your elderly parents or is it that your husband doesn't want to move back to the UK?  I do remember some of your previous posts stating how unhappy you are.  I think @Quoll suggested you try counselling.  Must be awful feeling the way you do.  Hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for you.

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5 minutes ago, scousers said:

Wish i was you able to go. Maybe one day. I can pull it together alot of the time but it is forced but then i have what i think are panic attacks brought on by always living with stress. Then i get thinking what will it be like when my parents aren't here anymore ( both in oz and very elderly now) then i think if something happened to my hubby i would not even consider being here. Not sure what my daughter would do but i just could not stay any longer. Its awful and sad stupid thing is we have so many  people at home, what the hell are we doing here. Sorry its got to me this week!!

No need to be sorry, I know exactly how you feel, I too have anxiety etc. Yes been living in stress for years now. I don't think I know what stress free means these days. Maybe that will change once home. At least a little. My previous relationship hasn't helped there. But onward and upwards! 

Are you staying here soley for your Husband/Parents? That's pretty much why I stayed here when I was with the ex, I was never wanting to be here deep down, but because we met and had kids that was my 'life' as it happened, but that longing never went away. 

I hope you can get back one day, you definitely sound like you need too. x

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9 minutes ago, Vickie78 said:

No need to be sorry, I know exactly how you feel, I too have anxiety etc. Yes been living in stress for years now. I don't think I know what stress free means these days. Maybe that will change once home. At least a little. My previous relationship hasn't helped there. But onward and upwards! 

Are you staying here soley for your Husband/Parents? That's pretty much why I stayed here when I was with the ex, I was never wanting to be here deep down, but because we met and had kids that was my 'life' as it happened, but that longing never went away. 

I hope you can get back one day, you definitely sound like you need too. x

Thanks, i do go home every year for what i call my sanity breaks lol. Daughter was born in oz and she wont leave, funnily she seemed much more comfortable in the UK. I hope you are really happy when you get home x

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12 minutes ago, Toots said:

Are you staying in Australia because of your elderly parents or is it that your husband doesn't want to move back to the UK?  I do remember some of your previous posts stating how unhappy you are.  I think @Quoll suggested you try counselling.  Must be awful feeling the way you do.  Hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for you.

I soldier on as they say. My parents are equally unhappy here now but they are both unable to fly. My daughter will not leave , hubby would go i think. I manage most of the time but as soon as i get stressed i just think of home and how i would rather be there than here. I have isolated myself alot here, only work two days a week now but we could do with more money but the thought of being stuck doing a job here for more years just makes me feel sick. I have a lovely group of pom friends who are fab, gave up on aussies, not worth the effort its only ever temporary , thats not just me i now watch and they just all rotate friends constantly, not my thing at all. I realise now when i get too down i have panic attacks over it. But hey I've got through 30 years i can get through some more years. I do worry at what point will enough be enough, i think when my parents go may be the time i just up and leave.

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31 minutes ago, scousers said:

I soldier on as they say. My parents are equally unhappy here now but they are both unable to fly. My daughter will not leave , hubby would go i think. I manage most of the time but as soon as i get stressed i just think of home and how i would rather be there than here. I have isolated myself alot here, only work two days a week now but we could do with more money but the thought of being stuck doing a job here for more years just makes me feel sick. I have a lovely group of pom friends who are fab, gave up on aussies, not worth the effort its only ever temporary , thats not just me i now watch and they just all rotate friends constantly, not my thing at all. I realise now when i get too down i have panic attacks over it. But hey I've got through 30 years i can get through some more years. I do worry at what point will enough be enough, i think when my parents go may be the time i just up and leave.

I suppose you could make a long term plan to retire back in the UK one day.  Seems your husband would be quite keen to do so.  That is a bonus as it would be difficult if he didn't want to go at all.  Your daughter could go with you or if she preferred to stay in Australia she could visit you.  Must be difficult with elderly parents here though.  

Also sorry you feel isolated even though you have a group of pom friends.  I've got good Aussie friends as well as friends who migrated from other countries including the UK so I've been lucky.  Have you told your GP about the panic attacks?   

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1 hour ago, scousers said:

I soldier on as they say. My parents are equally unhappy here now but they are both unable to fly. My daughter will not leave , hubby would go i think. I manage most of the time but as soon as i get stressed i just think of home and how i would rather be there than here. I have isolated myself alot here, only work two days a week now but we could do with more money but the thought of being stuck doing a job here for more years just makes me feel sick. I have a lovely group of pom friends who are fab, gave up on aussies, not worth the effort its only ever temporary , thats not just me i now watch and they just all rotate friends constantly, not my thing at all. I realise now when i get too down i have panic attacks over it. But hey I've got through 30 years i can get through some more years. I do worry at what point will enough be enough, i think when my parents go may be the time i just up and leave.

My mum is 62 so that's why she is coming with us, she too has never settled here, but stayed because I was here basically, so when the ex told us to bugger off, that was that. We have some family here, but as they say you can choose your friends but not your family so yeah, wouldn't stay on their behalf. LOL

As for Friends, you're doing better than me but you are so right about Aussie friends coming and going. Although I do have two good Aussie friends, but they are both interstate,so it's not like we can go out and Socialise. 

I agree with Toots, make a long term plan, not sure how old you are etc, but life is definitely for living, and too short. You have to do what makes you happy at the end of the day, something I should taken my own advice many years ago, but then I wouldn't I have my boys I suppose, swings and roundabouts. 

Definitely see a GP about your Anxiety/panic attacks if you haven't, it's not a fun way to live. Mine won't go away per say, but it is somewhat manageable.  

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2 hours ago, scousers said:

Wish i was you able to go. Maybe one day. I can pull it together alot of the time but it is forced but then i have what i think are panic attacks brought on by always living with stress. Then i get thinking what will it be like when my parents aren't here anymore ( both in oz and very elderly now) then i think if something happened to my hubby i would not even consider being here. Not sure what my daughter would do but i just could not stay any longer. Its awful and sad stupid thing is we have so many  people at home, what the hell are we doing here. Sorry its got to me this week!!

Sorry to hear of your struggle and apologies if i'm suggesting something you've already done - but have you thought of seeing someone for the anxiety - seeing someone regularly to learn some coping/management techniques might make things at least bearable and not quite so overwhelming.


I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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17 minutes ago, ali said:

Sorry to hear of your struggle and apologies if i'm suggesting something you've already done - but have you thought of seeing someone for the anxiety - seeing someone regularly to learn some coping/management techniques might make things at least bearable and not quite so overwhelming.

Its ok, im actually a bit of expert on anxiety, had a massive breakdown 20 years ago that lasted 5 years and learnt all there is to know. I know how to push myself out of it but its only temporary fix

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57 minutes ago, Vickie78 said:

My mum is 62 so that's why she is coming with us, she too has never settled here, but stayed because I was here basically, so when the ex told us to bugger off, that was that. We have some family here, but as they say you can choose your friends but not your family so yeah, wouldn't stay on their behalf. LOL

As for Friends, you're doing better than me but you are so right about Aussie friends coming and going. Although I do have two good Aussie friends, but they are both interstate,so it's not like we can go out and Socialise. 

I agree with Toots, make a long term plan, not sure how old you are etc, but life is definitely for living, and too short. You have to do what makes you happy at the end of the day, something I should taken my own advice many years ago, but then I wouldn't I have my boys I suppose, swings and roundabouts. 

Definitely see a GP about your Anxiety/panic attacks if you haven't, it's not a fun way to live. Mine won't go away per say, but it is somewhat manageable.  

I think a long term plan is all i can do but feel dreadful if i leave my daughter here on her own. I hope one day she says she will come. Im 54 and she is 21. I dont think her dad would leave her here, so it may be just me going back. I think because she is more like us she hates the friends coming and going which she has experienced her whole life here. I always said aus was no good for her but everyone disagreed. I think they all agree now but its too late.

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1 hour ago, Toots said:

I suppose you could make a long term plan to retire back in the UK one day.  Seems your husband would be quite keen to do so.  That is a bonus as it would be difficult if he didn't want to go at all.  Your daughter could go with you or if she preferred to stay in Australia she could visit you.  Must be difficult with elderly parents here though.  

Also sorry you feel isolated even though you have a group of pom friends.  I've got good Aussie friends as well as friends who migrated from other countries including the UK so I've been lucky.  Have you told your GP about the panic attacks?   

No GP’s only give meds been down that road before, they do work but just cant be boghered doing that again. Seen some great physiologists and some hopeless ones lol. I just need to put the techniques in place again. Hopefully, ill get home again this year.

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52 minutes ago, scousers said:

I think a long term plan is all i can do but feel dreadful if i leave my daughter here on her own. I hope one day she says she will come. Im 54 and she is 21. I dont think her dad would leave her here, so it may be just me going back. I think because she is more like us she hates the friends coming and going which she has experienced her whole life here. I always said aus was no good for her but everyone disagreed. I think they all agree now but its too late.

Cliche, but it's never too late well certainly not at your ages ❤️ 

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36 minutes ago, Vickie78 said:

Cliche, but it's never too late well certainly not at your ages ❤️ 

The problem is that "it's never too late" isn't true.   It's possible to move back in your early to mid fifties, but once you get past that point, it can become financially impossible, unless you are well-off, because of the pension.     

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

The problem is that "it's never too late" isn't true.   It's possible to move back in your early to mid fifties, but once you get past that point, it can become financially impossible, unless you are well-off, because of the pension.     

Hell yeah! This!!!! 

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13 minutes ago, Quoll said:

Hell yeah! This!!!! 

How have you found it Quoll and are you returning to Canberra?

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14 minutes ago, scousers said:

How have you found it Quoll and are you returning to Canberra?

Yes we will be back for good (minus regular sanity hits) once dads house has gone through (couple of months perhaps). Not looking forward to it but you do what you’ve got to do and my DH has already gone above and beyond. I’ve enjoyed granddaughter time - the eldest has finished her first real knitting project and it’s excellent and both of them have had decent haircuts. I’ve been to the ballet with one and Built a Bear with the other and we’ve done a couple of 1000 piece jigsaws so it’s been great on that front. Friend wise - underwhelmed tbh. I’ve caught up with one (expat Pom) and felt like I was intruding on another (expat Pom) and most of the others have either not bothered to respond or couldn’t make an hour for coffee. Think I will join something and see about new friendships when I get back. I’ve been doing well with the walking though, going up the local hill every second day. To think of doing it for months/years on end - meh!!

Hope you’re hanging in there! Maybe one day Tatts will come to your aid!!,

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1 hour ago, Quoll said:

Yes we will be back for good (minus regular sanity hits) once dads house has gone through (couple of months perhaps). Not looking forward to it but you do what you’ve got to do and my DH has already gone above and beyond. I’ve enjoyed granddaughter time - the eldest has finished her first real knitting project and it’s excellent and both of them have had decent haircuts. I’ve been to the ballet with one and Built a Bear with the other and we’ve done a couple of 1000 piece jigsaws so it’s been great on that front. Friend wise - underwhelmed tbh. I’ve caught up with one (expat Pom) and felt like I was intruding on another (expat Pom) and most of the others have either not bothered to respond or couldn’t make an hour for coffee. Think I will join something and see about new friendships when I get back. I’ve been doing well with the walking though, going up the local hill every second day. To think of doing it for months/years on end - meh!!

Hope you’re hanging in there! Maybe one day Tatts will come to your aid!!,

I often think of you and didn't realise you where returning for good. How was the UK and how did you find the people?

i caught up last week with a guy i went to school with, he was in Melb on holiday, always see him when i go home, it was lovely but set me off yet again!

i have been lucky to find a fab group of poms all with partners and really good people love them , but its still not that feeling of being home, 😥 i feel really ungrateful but also feel like i have a home but its a long way away.

i hope you find a fab group like i have when you return quoll, best wishes x

 

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4 hours ago, Marisawright said:

The problem is that "it's never too late" isn't true.   It's possible to move back in your early to mid fifties, but once you get past that point, it can become financially impossible, unless you are well-off, because of the pension.     

That's why I said at that age 😛 

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On ‎18‎/‎01‎/‎2020 at 14:18, Marisawright said:

The problem is that "it's never too late" isn't true.   It's possible to move back in your early to mid fifties, but once you get past that point, it can become financially impossible, unless you are well-off, because of the pension.     

Is this really the case though?

For any expat whatever pension they've built up in the UK will still be there upon return.  You can top up NI contributions from abroad to keep up your contributions - Class 2 still available by the way..

OK, so you'll miss out on the Australian 'state pension'.   From what I can see its that means tested that anyone with half decent assets wont get it anyway so not a huge loss.

So if you've got your UK state pension, private pension and Australian super (yes, understand there are tax implications with this) how is this 'financially impossible'?

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46 minutes ago, Johnny Kash said:

Is this really the case though?

For any expat whatever pension they've built up in the UK will still be there upon return.  You can top up NI contributions from abroad to keep up your contributions - Class 2 still available by the way..

OK, so you'll miss out on the Australian 'state pension'.   From what I can see its that means tested that anyone with half decent assets wont get it anyway so not a huge loss.

So if you've got your UK state pension, private pension and Australian super (yes, understand there are tax implications with this) how is this 'financially impossible'?

The question is, how many years was the expat in Britain before leaving?  Did they pay class 2 contributions during their whole absence ( you can back pay only about six years)? Many people don’t.

If you are sufficiently well off to be certain you’ll  never  need to fall back on the Aussie pension any time for the rest of your life, then you can move to the UK with confidence. Not everyone is in that fortunate position 


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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9 hours ago, Johnny Kash said:

Is this really the case though?

For any expat whatever pension they've built up in the UK will still be there upon return.  You can top up NI contributions from abroad to keep up your contributions - Class 2 still available by the way..

OK, so you'll miss out on the Australian 'state pension'.   From what I can see its that means tested that anyone with half decent assets wont get it anyway so not a huge loss.

So if you've got your UK state pension, private pension and Australian super (yes, understand there are tax implications with this) how is this 'financially impossible'?

As i left the UK at 22 so only worked from 16-22 plus 1 year when i was 25 how do i top up the NI contributions?

 

9 hours ago, Johnny Kash said:

Is this really the case though?

For any expat whatever pension they've built up in the UK will still be there upon return.  You can top up NI contributions from abroad to keep up your contributions - Class 2 still available by the way..

OK, so you'll miss out on the Australian 'state pension'.   From what I can see its that means tested that anyone with half decent assets wont get it anyway so not a huge loss.

So if you've got your UK state pension, private pension and Australian super (yes, understand there are tax implications with this) how is this 'financially impossible'?

 

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21 minutes ago, scousers said:

As i left the UK at 22 so only worked from 16-22 plus 1 year when i was 25 how do i top up the NI contributions?

 

 

You can check your record on gov.uk. I set up a login from Australia when I was there so it can’t have been hard!😅 That will tell you what you have, what you need and what you can buy and how much it will cost. I think it is cheaper to buy back years from overseas than it is if you are in the UK, but don’t quote me on that. 

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1 hour ago, scousers said:

As i left the UK at 22 so only worked from 16-22 plus 1 year when i was 25 how do i top up the NI contributions?

As Amber says, you can do it online - but if that is too much hassle, all you have to do is contact the International Pension Centre. You can fill in a form or there are phone numbers here:  

https://www.gov.uk/international-pension-centre

If you are hoping to go back to the UK eventually then it is really, really important to do this urgently.  Find out how many years you can back-pay, and pay them.  Then start making regular contributions from now on.   That way you will be entitled to a PART British pension in your old age.  If you leave Australia before you reach pension age, you won't be able to claim the Australian pension and a part British pension won't go anywhere close to replacing it. 


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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2 hours ago, scousers said:

As i left the UK at 22 so only worked from 16-22 plus 1 year when i was 25 how do i top up the NI contributions?

can be done online as other posters have suggested.  Sounds like youll have 6-7 years already.  

The minimum to get anything is 10 years so well worth at least getting yourself over that threshold.

 

 

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11 hours ago, Marisawright said:

The question is, how many years was the expat in Britain before leaving?  Did they pay class 2 contributions during their whole absence ( you can back pay only about six years)? Many people don’t.

If you are sufficiently well off to be certain you’ll  never  need to fall back on the Aussie pension any time for the rest of your life, then you can move to the UK with confidence. Not everyone is in that fortunate position 

Were in the process of topping up our 6 years which will get me to 30 years so not far off a full state pension.   Id be interested to know if that is six years at a time, i.e. can you top up 6 years, then 6 years down the line top up another 6??

I guess for those expats who left UK at an early age and have been out of the country for that long then it might be difficult to 'catch up' as it were, especially if you weren't aware of the chance to still contribute from overseas.

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