Scotland or Melbourne?

[Toots]

17 minutes ago, ScottishGem said:

I hear what you are saying.  I just want to plan things a little more.  I've got a few things on in the next few months including my best friend coming over from Scotland. 

I'd rather get a job set up before I moved home although that's not essential.  I'm a nurse so I could always do nursing bank work while I look for a permanent job.  

I'm not too fussed about what I buy back home.  I want to be in a nice safe area.  I would prefer not to have an apartment as I really like to have an outside space.  I'm thinking more like living in a nice village or a town, rather than a city.  

Maybe have a good chat with your friend when she comes over for more information about areas.  There are so many villages and towns on the outskirts of Edinburgh and Glasgow where I'm sure prices are reasonable.  I come from south west Scotland and there is a big hospital in Dumfries.  Lovely area.

Edited July 20, 2019 by Toots

[ScottishGem]

Hey Toots. I too come from South West Scotland and I agree it's a gorgeous area.  But Dumfries is limited for night life...theatre...etc.  Carlisle isn't far away but even then its theatre is limited compared to Glasgow and Edinburgh.  

[Toots]

15 minutes ago, ScottishGem said:

Hey Toots. I too come from South West Scotland and I agree it's a gorgeous area.  But Dumfries is limited for night life...theatre...etc.  Carlisle isn't far away but even then its theatre is limited compared to Glasgow and Edinburgh.  

I was brought up on a farm in the Kirkcudbright area so I get what you mean about the lack of night life etc 

[VERYSTORMY]

It depends on where you live. I am on the area between southern and lower south west Scotland. 

I am in a sleepy village that is stuck in about 1935 - in a good way. Crime is unknown. I don't even know where my house keys are, as we don't use them. I know where my car key is. In the ignition, where it lives. The kids in the village play unsupervised on the green. But, I am only 18 miles from Glasgow and 45 minutes from Edinburgh. 

[ScottishGem]

So yes I am thinking along the lines of a sleepy safe village with a sense of community, but within commuter distance of a city. 

[BacktoDemocracy]

On 27/1/2019 at 05:08, Ballaratburd said:

Hi everyone, i have lurked on and off this forum for years but never actually posted until now.

I moved to Melbourne with my boyfriend (now husband) in 2013. I wont go into the nitty gritty of how much we struggled initially but after long periods of unemployment and casual work we finally managed to secure jobs and visas and now after 5 years we are both in very good jobs (Im a nurse manager, he is a police officer) Have just moved to Ballarat (Regional Victoria) and bought our first house, we have some savings, have paid off a huge chunk of our debts and life in general is amazing....so why am I so homesick?

We had our first baby in September. Ever since he was born i have felt so incredibly unsettled and my husband admitted the other night he feels the same. Now I completely appreciate that moving to a new place and having a baby are significant life changes and it could just be a temporary period of being unsettled. Six months ago if you had asked me if i would ever move home I would have said not in a million years, I love the weather, i love the lifestyle, we earn good money and by buying a house outside of Melbourne we have a small mortgage which should allow me to stay at home a lot with our son and any future children. I feel as if ever since our baby was born the things that used to annoy me about being here are magnified and the main one is that In general we find Australians quite hard to get along with. Dont get me wrong I have quite a lot of friends here but in general i have just never felt like I have any proper deep connections with anyone I have met since moving here, except for one friend who is also Scottish. That constant feeling like you dont belong to a place. Before I had my son I just ignored the feelings and concentrated on the positive aspects of living here (of which there are many) but i cant shake this feeling that its not going to go away.

 

We have decided to go home in September for a holiday which I think is definitely the most sensible thing to do. Ultimately there is not a massive rush to do anything a as we are currently waiting on our citizenship and my son is just a baby. Part of me feels like moving back to Scotland would be taking away so many opportunities for him like the weather and the lifestyle, but on the other hand I now feel like i am depriving him of the opportunities that growing up close to family and friends would offer. I also couldnt imagine ever going back to work for the NHS after experiencing how much better the work culture is in Victorian hospitals. That being said I dont intend on working much more than on a casual basis for the next decade whilst i raise my children.

Basically im just looking for a bit of casual chat with other ex pats to get your general opinions on things.

Thanks all

All I can offer are a couple of practical thoughts, are you reading any British newspapers regularly on line to get a feeling for the country you are pining for, have you looked at job and education opportunities for your family and what salary and housing costs are like in the UK and what life in a country town in the uk is like against Ballarat.

Have you considered talking with a Counsellor, perhaps a British trained one, has having the baby unsettled you both more than you realise, having a child can be very disruptive when it comes on top of years of hard work and disruption and you have just reached a state where things are feeling settled and on the up and you are plunged back into an unsettled state and a whole new set of pressures to cope with.

 

[MelbourneScot]

18 hours ago, ScottishGem said:

So yes I am thinking along the lines of a sleepy safe village with a sense of community, but within commuter distance of a city. 

There are a few villages in Ayrshire that would have what you are looking for, and close enough to Glasgow

[ScottishGem]

That's true!  Location is probably the most important thing to me.  I love the west end of Glasgow, but I'd only be able to get a two bedroom flat for my money there. I want an outside space, and a community feel.  I sound as though I am fussy, ha ha.  But I am sure you know what I mean. 

[bunbury61]

On 27/01/2019 at 13:56, Ballaratburd said:

Haha, the Ballarat weather has been throwing many 35 and 40 degree days of late which isint that enjoyable but overall the weather isint much different to Melbourne. I actually really like Ballarat as a town, much nicer and more personable than Melbourne but overall we still find the same issues here. 

Yes all of our family is back in Scotland, we have friends here but let’s just say that a lot of people have really disappointed me since I had my baby and I’m perhaps revaluating some relationships.

We will definitely “act as if living back” when we go home so we can try experience it as much as we can what it would be like if we did move back.

Part of me thinks we are mad to even consider moving home, we have it pretty good here and we have worked hard for it, the other part of me thinks that I had an itch and it’s now been scratched. Moving here, living here for 5 years, it’s all been great fun and I’ve learned a lot of life lessons but now I should go home and appreciate what I left behind. 

The last two lines say it all 

As you get older , your last two lines will take on more relevance .

 

 

[Canada2Australia]

I can relate to the feelings being shared in this thread.

I've been in Australia for 3.5 years now,  living in Darwin. I too enjoy the lifestyle but have struggled to make any long-lasting deep connections. I have one or two good Aussie friends,  but that's it. Now I also think the big part of the problem is Darwin itself. It's a very different world up here compared to anywhere else. It's very transiant,  exclusive and disingenuous in nature. It's a place where people escape to when they want to escape from their problems. "Locals" are hesitant to commit to making long-lasting friendships with outsiders because chances are they will depart in a short period of time, so why bother making the effort.

I have just come out of a two-year clinical depression, mostly because of my isolation in Darwin and the horrible dealings I've had with people here. The good news is that I just received my PR so that has perked me up a little. So I've had discussions with my company and there is potential for a relocation to QLD,  where I've spent much time working and made some connections already. I'm going to give that a shot and see if things change. If not,  when I get my citizenship, I will re-evaluate my situation. I'm hesitant to write off my experience in Australia because of Darwin (a place that most people would never want to live in anyways), which I don't believe is an accurate representation of the Aussie population, but rather a bizarre and unappealing cohort. 

Australia and Canada (my two favourite countries :)) have a lot in common. We are both young, multicultural, large, sparsely populated, natural resource-based countries that have similar mindsets due to being commonwealth countries. I feel more at home here than I ever could just over an hour away across the border from where I grew up (The US, they really are a different breed down there).  

I'm excited for a change and I love QLD. So I will give that a try and see how it goes. I will always be a passionate Canadian and would definitely go back if it were the right move for me. So all in all, I don't feel like I would lose out either way if I stay or go back home. It's a win-win situation 

Edited July 27, 2019 by Canada2Australia

[MARYROSE02]

Once you have your Aussie citizenship you can come and go as you please. My experience of going back to the UK to "live" (as opposed to on holiday) is that it was like emigrating all over again. And then after twelve years back in England, I emigrated for a third time when I returned to Australia.

[fjm]

17 minutes ago, MARYROSE02 said:

Once you have your Aussie citizenship you can come and go as you please. My experience of going back to the UK to "live" (as opposed to on holiday) is that it was like emigrating all over again. And then after twelve years back in England, I emigrated for a third time when I returned to Australia.

Can I ask what made you return after 12yrs? We’re having thoughts of returning after 9yrs.... But the kids are 12 and 14 now so not as easy as when they were toddlers....

[Marisawright]

43 minutes ago, fjm said:

Can I ask what made you return after 12yrs? We’re having thoughts of returning after 9yrs.... But the kids are 12 and 14 now so not as easy as when they were toddlers....

If you’re thinking of returning then it’s time to decide NOW.  Move home within the next year or two and they’ll adapt ( though they’ll probably moan about it). Wait any longer and they’ll be heading for the HSC and you’ll be too worried about disrupting their chances at doing well in their exams.  Wait till after their HSC and you’ll have to pay international fees for them to go to uni on the UK. Wait till after uni and they’ll have boyfriends or girlfriends and won’t want to return with you.

Edited July 28, 2019 by Marisawright

[fjm]

4 hours ago, Marisawright said:

If you’re thinking of returning then it’s time to decide NOW.  Move home within the next year or two and they’ll adapt ( though they’ll probably moan about it). Wait any longer and they’ll be heading for the HSC and you’ll be too worried about disrupting their chances at doing well in their exams.  Wait till after their HSC and you’ll have to pay international fees for them to go to uni on the UK. Wait till after uni and they’ll have boyfriends or girlfriends and won’t want to return with you.

We’re already in the UK. Returned 9yrs ago, after 3yrs in Australia. Now considering a move back to Aus...

[MARYROSE02]

5 hours ago, fjm said:

Can I ask what made you return after 12yrs? We’re having thoughts of returning after 9yrs.... But the kids are 12 and 14 now so not as easy as when they were toddlers....

It was just circumstances, the way that things just "happened." In 1996 I was retrenched from my job in Sydney after 15 years and I went back to England to see my parents. If I hadn't been retrenched and my parents hadn't been still living in England I wouldn't have done it.  Then, not long after arriving in England, 5 weeks I think, I got a part time temporary job with Royal Mail in Southampton. I decided to stay longer in England, then my mum died then I just stayed with my dad. Then my dad passed away and after a couple of years I decided to come back to Sydney as I had no direct family left in England and one of my brothers lived in Sydney.

So, 24 years in England, 18 in Sydney, 12 back in Southampton, and to maintain the cycle I guess it should have been 6 in Sydney but it's my 10th year back now. When my parents were alive I used to go back to England all the time, and they came out just as regularly to Sydney, although neither of my brothers went back to England very often.

I used to love going back to England to see my parents and escape from the madhouse of Sydney back to a little village and I think I often thought of going back permanently. When I lost my job I finally had the chance.  But when my parents were alive there was somebody to meet me at Heathrow and a home from home to live in.

Now Sydney is where I live. I've never had a problem with getting on with Aussies and never had the "them and us" - what is the right word - complex - which affects some "new chums."

[MARYROSE02]

39 minutes ago, fjm said:

We’re already in the UK. Returned 9yrs ago, after 3yrs in Australia. Now considering a move back to Aus...

I guess it's harder with kids but I suppose they will adapt, as you will but there's often a period of adjustment. When I came back in 2008 I hadn't actually decided to stay for good and I spent a year dithering. I'm dithering now, over a different decision, whether to retire or not. I read something recently about "choice anxiety". I suffered from that when I was trying to decide whether to take my UK employer pension as part lump sum or maximum pension. That was a three-month dither!

When you go on holiday somewhere it sometimes looks so wonderful you imagine that even the people who work there are on holiday too. Well, I do anyway. I went to Perth in WA for seven weeks in December, 2017 and loved it so much I decided to move but before I did I went back for another look in May 2018. I still liked it but I realized I'd be leaving my family and friends in Sydney and starting from scratch all over again.