Thinking of moving back after 9 years

[Maroubra_Andy]

Hey Guys,

Could use bouncing my current situation off a few people to get some reassurance that I’m making the right call..

Essentially I migrated to sydney from the UK just over 9 years ago and have had the absolute best time of my life. I moved over as a single 29 year old and in the last few years have got married and had two wonderful boys who are now 2 and 6 months.

I guess we have always intended to go back to the uk at some point which has always stopped us from fully commuting to Australia in terms of buying a house etc but it’s never seemed the right moment to move back for various reasons so the decision has continually drifted to the right.

However, there now seems to be a few things that are adding up to make a move back quite appealing. Firstly my eldest is getting to the age where we need to start thinking about schools, secondly now we have 2 kids, we could use some support from our family, thirdly my parents are getting quite old so it would be nice for them to have a relationship with their grandkids and at the same time they’re going to start needing some support themselves. Last but not least the stupid sydney property market is such that even for a small kings ransom you can only buy a shoebox!

So during a holiday back to the uk at Christmas we started to properly think what a move would be like.  During the trip I opened up convs with a few companies that Id like to work for and have now got a formal offer on the table.

So it looks like all systems are go but I cant seem to be at rest with the decision to move. I know from a number of perspectives it makes sense  and I think we have to make the move to basically get on with our lives but the idea of leaving Sydney makes me feel sick!

Has anyone been through similar moves and been so conflicted about the decision?

Thanks

Andy

 

 

[ali]

I think only you yourself can tell if it will be the right thing.  Is your spouse a UK citizen?  I know from reading other posts that if they're not, there's a few more hoops to jump through.

[Maroubra_Andy]

We’re both English but have gained duel citizenship.

I have to keep telling myself that if we head back and after 2 years it still feels shit, then we just pick up our bags and move back again. In that sense what’s the worst that could happen..

Edited January 11, 2018 by Maroubra_Andy

[Guest]

If its what you both want then go for it. TBH your kids are young enough for a good few years yet to make moving back not really an issue should you decide to return. It would probably be around the early teenage years it could get tricky, or perhaps the pre teen years. But from now till around 8,9, 10 or so kids are generally pretty good at adapting and settling into a move. 

If you've a job offer already and can slot into that well, why not give it a go. You have some things to gain and as you've said you would like to see your family and other things. Don't expect family support in terms of childcare. But if it happens then great. Best intentions and offers can often fail to materialise once you are actually there longer term (we had promises made to us before moving from the UK to Aus from Aus family and none of them have really happened but thats fine with us as we are pretty independent anyways and used to coping on our own). Also the holiday mode aspect can well wear off after a while. 

If you are moving back to an area that is affordable to buy in then chances are you'll be buying if able, once you are happy the move is the right thing for you all. Some places in the UK are still pretty unaffordable to many though. Although I never get staying in a place like Sydney if there are other places to try that could offer the chance to buy a home and all that. I realise work is often the stumbling block but if you do come back to Aus, it doesn't have to be Sydney or Melbourne does it? Plenty of other places you could try depending on what you want from a move again. I think often people can get hung up on the must do of buying a house when in fact its not the be all and end all. I'd rather live somewhere less expensive than Sydney if I wanted to stay in Aus but others would say its Sydney or nowhere but can't afford to buy there so have to rent long term. 

[LKC]

I completely agree with Snifter.  Your children are still very young, so even if you decide that you would like to return to Sydney/elsewhere in Australia, there is plenty of time in which to do so.  Our girls were 1 and 2 when we moved to Sydney, and it was a relatively painless process in terms of how they settled.  They didn't really know the difference, they were still with mum and dad, and life went on pretty much as normal.  We've just moved back to a different part of the UK to where we came from after 9 years in Sydney, and whilst things have been slightly more complicated in that they are both at school, they have settled pretty well.  One of our main reasons for returning when we did, was that our eldest would have been due to start high school this month, so we decided that we wanted to make the move back before she started high school.  As it happens, we've moved to Scotland which has a different birthday cut off to England, so she's actually gone back slightly and will have done her final year of primary again, which is great for helping her settle before she starts high school in August.  If we'd left it much longer and she'd got on the high school/university road, it would have been a much more complicated business.

We loved Sydney, and I feel hugely privileged to have had the opportunity to live there.  Having said that, like for you, there were a number of things that added up to making the move back more appealing, and I am so incredibly pleased that we have.  It is early days, but so far things are going well.  I always remember though, that nothing has to be permanent.  If things don't feel right, change them.

Good luck with your decision.

[Quoll]

Give it a go, all you’ll have to lose is some money and you’ve got a belt and braces thing going on there. Kids are flexible as long as they have mummy and daddy and perhaps their teddy bear. If you want to give it a go, give it a go. Sydney isn’t going to go anywhere.

[bunbury61]

5 hours ago, Maroubra_Andy said:

We’re both English but have gained duel citizenship.

I have to keep telling myself that if we head back and after 2 years it still feels shit, then we just pick up our bags and move back again. In that sense what’s the worst that could happen..

Andy , are you moving back for family or purely for yourselves.

if its just for yourself ...dont do it !

if you are having a good life ...stick .

if their relatives etc ...then it gets complicated ...and messy

[bunbury61]

2 minutes ago, bunbury61 said:

Andy , are you moving back for family or purely for yourselves.

if its just for yourself ...dont do it !

if you are having a good life ...stick .

if their relatives etc ...then it gets complicated ...and messy

sorry mate for putting my experience on to you

[Quoll]

2 hours ago, bunbury61 said:

Andy , are you moving back for family or purely for yourselves.

if its just for yourself ...dont do it !

if you are having a good life ...stick .

if their relatives etc ...then it gets complicated ...and messy

Actually, I’d say the opposite. If it’s for yourself then go for it. For other people - think hard.

[Tulip1]

8 hours ago, Maroubra_Andy said:

We’re both English but have gained duel citizenship.

I have to keep telling myself that if we head back and after 2 years it still feels shit, then we just pick up our bags and move back again. In that sense what’s the worst that could happen..

Your wife may not want to come back, then your life in Australia is over, it happens 

Edited January 11, 2018 by Tulip1

[CLR]

Hi - I was so happy to see this post. Its literally the same situation we're in, although we only have the one baby who has just turned 1.

We went home for 10 weeks in May last year - unlike other trips home we looked at this as being a grounded experience of what it would be like to move home permanently. We ended up having such a good time and so decided the move home is definitely going to happen now, early 2019.

I have always wanted to move home but now we have made that decision i still worry that maybe its not the right one - no specific reason, I think its just the thought of all the change and the unknown - i spent my whole bus trip to work this morning talking to my mum about it. The bottom line is if I say to myself or my boyfriend 'lets just stay' we both say we don't want to.

We'll move home and see how it goes and if in another 10 years (or sooner) we're ready to move again then we will. Nothing has to be forever.

Its suits us now to be closer to family - plus a hundred other reasons - and so for now this is our plan

 

[Marisawright]

17 hours ago, Maroubra_Andy said:

I have to keep telling myself that if we head back and after 2 years it still feels shit, then we just pick up our bags and move back again. In that sense what’s the worst that could happen..

The worst that could happen is that you blow about $50,000 moving back to the UK, then blow another $50,000 moving back again. 

But seriously, don't underestimate the cost of moving.  It's not just the air fares. It's selling up or giving away stuff which you then pay a fortune to replace in the UK, or alternatively paying extortionate shipping fees - and then doing it all again if you have to move back. We found that was our biggest expense.  Having to sell the car to a dealer because we needed up to the last minute, then not having a trade-in when we got to the UK - and vice-versa. Holiday accommodation, both times, while you look for a home.  No income while you're job hunting, both ways. 

That's really the only issue, and if you've both got good jobs and can take the financial hit without compromising your future, then go for it.  Your kids are young enough so it's the perfect time.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Marisawright

[Gbye grey sky]

7 hours ago, CLR said:

Hi - I was so happy to see this post. Its literally the same situation we're in, although we only have the one baby who has just turned 1.

We went home for 10 weeks in May last year - unlike other trips home we looked at this as being a grounded experience of what it would be like to move home permanently. We ended up having such a good time and so decided the move home is definitely going to happen now, early 2019.

I have always wanted to move home but now we have made that decision i still worry that maybe its not the right one - no specific reason, I think its just the thought of all the change and the unknown - i spent my whole bus trip to work this morning talking to my mum about it. The bottom line is if I say to myself or my boyfriend 'lets just stay' we both say we don't want to.

We'll move home and see how it goes and if in another 10 years (or sooner) we're ready to move again then we will. Nothing has to be forever.

Its suits us now to be closer to family - plus a hundred other reasons - and so for now this is our plan

 

My only response to this and to the OP is to try to put yourself in the mindset of why you left the UK in the first place.  If it was principally an adventure then fine but if you left the UK for any negative reasons make sure you are content that these no longer apply.

[bunbury61]

9 hours ago, Tulip1 said:

Your wife may not want to come back, then your life in Australia is over, it happens 

???...just like me ...my wife has no interest in oz now ....and yet she loved it when we were there ....she moves on ,and closes the door behind her

[bunbury61]

7 hours ago, CLR said:

Hi - I was so happy to see this post. Its literally the same situation we're in, although we only have the one baby who has just turned 1.

We went home for 10 weeks in May last year - unlike other trips home we looked at this as being a grounded experience of what it would be like to move home permanently. We ended up having such a good time and so decided the move home is definitely going to happen now, early 2019.

I have always wanted to move home but now we have made that decision i still worry that maybe its not the right one - no specific reason, I think its just the thought of all the change and the unknown - i spent my whole bus trip to work this morning talking to my mum about it. The bottom line is if I say to myself or my boyfriend 'lets just stay' we both say we don't want to.

We'll move home and see how it goes and if in another 10 years (or sooner) we're ready to move again then we will. Nothing has to be forever.

Its suits us now to be closer to family - plus a hundred other reasons - and so for now this is our plan

 

the worst thing about that CLR ..is that you stay , get older ,and then really regret it .

my mate was holiday in Sydney ....he was stood talking to an old lady ,originally from Manchester .

all she wanted to do ,in her 80s ,was go home .

she had wanted to for years ,but she had grandkids ,they grew up ....and now she was full of regret ...very sad .

we have done it tough at times ,back in the u.k ...looking after 4 then 3 then 2 ,now 1 grandparent .

but I don't regret it , and our time is coming ....i can see now appearing in the distance ...and it looks good ?

[caramac]

If you can afford it, give it a go. We moved to Perth when our girls were nearly 5, 3 and 13 months, then back to the uk when they were 9,7 and 5. My husband was offered a job in Sydney, so we returned when they were 14, 12 and 10, but only for a year (girls hated their school and it was a crucial stage, so I took them back while oh stayed here until he got a job in the uk). All of them have now finished school and two are through, or almost through undergrad degrees and we’re (some of us) now back for another stint, in Melbourne this time. We may stay, we may go back again. Who knows...

All three say they’ve enjoyed moving and can’t imagine being in one place all their lives. Their teachers always used to comment on how they had a different perspective on things because of their experiences, so don’t think that you’ll be doing your kids a disservice even if you decide to come back sometime in the future. Your children are still so little, it’ll be lovely for them to connect with relatives, but it’s still possible to have a relationship with people even on the other side of the world.

In the end it’s only money (if you can afford it, or lucky enough to have expenses paid) and life’s an adventure!

[Maroubra_Andy]

Thanks so much for all your feedback guys, all really helpful and insightful!

I can absolutely see how some people that have moved about can always feel like the want to go home and end up regretting not making the move but  the one thing I’m sure about is whatever path or decision you choose has to be done with full commitment, no half measures. Doing so only results in an unhappy ending!

We’ll give the UK a solid nudge for a couple of years, if it’s shit, we’ll be on a plane back to Oz in the knowledge that we’ve given it a try

[bunbury61]

3 hours ago, bunbury61 said:

the worst thing about that CLR ..is that you stay , get older ,and then really regret it .

my mate was holiday in Sydney ....he was stood talking to an old lady ,originally from Manchester .

all she wanted to do ,in her 80s ,was go home .

she had wanted to for years ,but she had grandkids ,they grew up ....and now she was full of regret ...very sad .

we have done it tough at times ,back in the u.k ...looking after 4 then 3 then 2 ,now 1 grandparent .

but I don't regret it , and our time is coming ....i can see now appearing in the distance ...and it looks good ?

sorry that's 4-3-2-1 - Parent ?....not grand parent

[bunbury61]

47 minutes ago, Maroubra_Andy said:

Thanks so much for all your feedback guys, all really helpful and insightful!

I can absolutely see how some people that have moved about can always feel like the want to go home and end up regretting not making the move but  the one thing I’m sure about is whatever path or decision you choose has to be done with full commitment, no half measures. Doing so only results in an unhappy ending!

We’ll give the UK a solid nudge for a couple of years, if it’s shit, we’ll be on a plane back to Oz in the knowledge that we’ve given it a try

andy - i have said many many many times on here ,it depends where you base yourself in the u.k ....

you can be living in a stunning village , great amenities ,village pub etc etc...and 2 miles down the road is a complete shit hole ....choose wisely ....thats England for you

talking of pubs ...heres a couple i passed this morning ?

 

iron bridge and wolverley ( worcs )

[Maroubra_Andy]

Totally agree with you Banbury61, we’d probably look to base our selves nearish to our old lives in Hertfordshire, so probably St Albans, Berkhamsted, Hertford type of area so quite nice areas, especially from a pub perspective

[Amber Snowball]

4 hours ago, Maroubra_Andy said:

Totally agree with you Banbury61, we’d probably look to base our selves nearish to our old lives in Hertfordshire, so probably St Albans, Berkhamsted, Hertford type of area so quite nice areas, especially from a pub perspective

You seem to have a good and realistic open attitude. Go for it. It might be the best thing ever never to return, it might be nothing like you expected and can’t get back quickly enough, or it might be middle of the road just fine for now but open to change in the future. Only one way to find out. As has been mentioned it’s expensive but if that is the only cost (hopefully you don’t get an emotional battering as some seem to with feeling let down by family and friends etc) and you are able/happy to pay the money, why not go.

All the best whatever you decide.

[Maroubra_Andy]

Well I signed the new work contract yesterday so the decision is made! New job wants me to start May 1st so gives us a couple of months to exit work and maybe a month of holiday before we get back to the uk! 

Whatever happens, it will be an experience, whether that’s good or bad remains to be seen but it’s an itch we have to scratch.

Onwards and upwards

 

Edited January 27, 2018 by Maroubra_Andy

[bustamove]

We've made the decision to go back to the UK too (after umming and ahhing for a year), and now the decision is made it's exciting.

Our thing is we'll be leaving an awesome family here. My OH is Australias and his family are amazing. BUT we've been here 7 years longer than we planned and my family are missing out on seeing the kids grow up. AND I really miss Europe. Still love it here in Melbourne though and still torn if it's the right decision. But it's right for now and everyone's keen to do it so we're going with an open mind... if we decide to come back, well, that's the way we'll roll.

Good luck with the move!

[bunbury61]

2 hours ago, bustamove said:

We've made the decision to go back to the UK too (after umming and ahhing for a year), and now the decision is made it's exciting.

Our thing is we'll be leaving an awesome family here. My OH is Australias and his family are amazing. BUT we've been here 7 years longer than we planned and my family are missing out on seeing the kids grow up. AND I really miss Europe. Still love it here in Melbourne though and still torn if it's the right decision. But it's right for now and everyone's keen to do it so we're going with an open mind... if we decide to come back, well, that's the way we'll roll.

Good luck with the move!

choose carefully where you move to ,in the u.k

[bristolman]

6 hours ago, bunbury61 said:

choose carefully where you move to ,in the u.k

I really don't understand why you keep saying that over and over, it's just common sense surely ? Where we were in Brisbane was great, 10 minutes drive was a shithole and I wouldn't have lived there if we were given a house. Of course you have to choose carefully wherever you live.