Stay or Go - Confused in Melbourne

[stockburn]

Good afternoon all, 

Not sure if this is right area to post this if not if anyone can let me know. 

Right my story so far, sorry if this rambles a bit, I originally moved to Sydney Australia many moons ago in 2009 from the UK.  I admit I didn't pick the timing perfectly considering the housing and banking crash not to mention the exchange rate at that time.  I have friends in Sydney, one who all things considered is like a brother (both only children, grew up together etc).  I moved over on the working holiday visa, getting a job wasn't easy and due to family back home ( Mom came out of remission) after 7/8 months I decided it was time to pack up and head back home, was the best decision for me at that time and I knew that as soon as I got off the plane, I got to spend a year with my mom after returning and that was reason enough to know it was right. 

Fast forward a few years and I successfully managed to get a  state sponsored permanent residency visa, NSW wasn't on the list for my preferred state, (I am in computing mainly around SQL, don't worry I won't inflict and explanation on you good people) So i opted for Victoria more precisely Melbourne, everyone I spoke to told me its the place to live and worse case an easy flight to pop and see friends in Sydney if I found the cabin fever or loneliness setting in.  I finally took the plunge and moved her earlier this year, landed beginning of June, airBNB in Brunswick for my first month, which I anticipated would be both difficult / exciting / terrifying  and a whole range of other emotions  and I wasn't wrong.  Eventually found a place to rent in North Melbourne and I cannot complain about the suburb, easy to get into the city .. that said after visiting South Yarra  I think out of choice I would have opted for there instead. 

Job wise I have found the IT market difficult, I had a good network back in the UK so many jobs were word of mouth and based on my reputation ,which I don't have out here, plus I have found the expectation of my skill set different in Australia compared to the UK, after a particularly shocking interview It knocked my confidence if I even had a skill set add that to the delight recruiters have once they find out I am 'Out of work' they seem to think I will jump every hurdle they put in my way. 

See told you it was rambling,  three months have now past, I have been looking for work for the past couple of months, took some time off to study and up skill, I have also joined a gym and frequent some of the Meet-up groups which I will admit are a lifesaver, already met a few people I call friends. 

But ... everyone knew that was coming,  after only three short months I feel like I am ready to throw the towel in and head back to the UK, yes I know it's ONLY three months but I am really struggling to be positive, wanted to know if this is 'Normal' whatever normal is for an expat, did anyone else hit a 3 month wall.. It's almost highlighted that life wasn't so bad back in the UK, own place with very low bills ( currently rented out) not a bad social life and the possibility of a long term relationship ( Aus was always overshadowing that possibility)  I can here because I needed to do it, I never wanted to go through life with that massive What If hanging over my head But ... 

I have spoken to friends both Aus and UK side, they have different opinions,  on what I Should do,  I should stick it out, man up, things will get better etc,  but I wanted the opinions and advice of people who have done this and been through the challenges and come out the other side. 

So that's my abbreviated story so far, to be honest putting this down on 'Paper' has helped already but I look forward to hearing your take on it all. 

[Quoll]

Why??? There is nothing magical about Australia that makes it anything other than just another first world country. What do you hope will happen that wouldn't happen for you in UK ?  Personally I reckon you know fairly quickly if it's the place that you want to live in for the rest of your days and turn up your toes in.  The usual advice you will get is "give it 2 years" and in all reality most of us can stick something for a couple of years and treat it like a long holiday then see how you feel. But I reckon if you have better options where you were then move on and reclaim them. There's nothing like continuing to bang your head against a brick wall in the hope that the headache will go away. You won't lose anything except your money and you might regain some of the confidence that has been sapped from you in Aus.

[Guest]

Is the reason you are struggling mainly work, or rather lack of work related? Or are there other issues as well for you? Often if work is hard to come by, people struggle to settle and can often be found wishing for a return to what they left. If its other things, can you pin point it or is it the big picture thing overall? Or are you truly homesick? 

I have to say 3 months isn't long in terms of giving things a go, more so perhaps if you are not yet working in a decent or permanent/longer term job and have not had the chance to feel more settled because of it. Still facing uncertainty when you've left something solid can be unsettling for pretty much everyone. 

I'm not one for rushing back because things are bit tough or because of lack of work. However, if I am truly unhappy living somewhere (when the main boxes of work, home and social are ticked) I tend to make a plan to move on (not always to move back to where I had left, but to go somewhere else that appeals more for whatever reason). You have to like where you live. If you really don't like Melbourne but Australia is somewhere you want to give a fair crack of the whip in, then is it possible to move somewhere you prefer with better work options for you? Migrating the other side of the world is tough and if you get it wrong in terms of area and work to begin with, you could find yourself up against it long term till you do decide enough is enough and want to go back. It could be somewhere else in Aus is better suited for you, or a move back is better. End of the day, only you know yourself and what you really want and hope to gain from this move and why. 

 

[Guest]

OP, re the forever aspect mentioned above. I tend to view it as why should anywhere be somewhere you have to spend the rest of your days. Many of us don't view moves in such a dead set way and can happily live wherever. Nowhere has to be a forever move and plenty of people gain lots out of the experience of living overseas for a year or two or longer. I get its not everyone but nowhere has to be pigeon holed in such a way or to have as a mindset to approach from. 

I think in many ways saying its a forever move can make people feel trapped, to set the bar at an often impossible height expectation wise and can be more damaging, daunting, than anything else. In this age of people changing jobs and even careers far more often, of moving further away from where they have grown up, of international job markets being an option, nothing is set in stone that means we should view any move as 'forever'. 

If you are happy, go with it, if not, make some changes to hopefully get that happiness you seek and/or to move forward to make it happen where you are or where you want to be. If its in Aus, the UK or elsewhere, you'll know it I am sure. 

 

 

[ScottieGirl]

Being out of work is soul destroying wherever you are, the real test is whether you still feel unhappy once you have a job. You may have to take a more junior role to start off with to get on the ladder. How would you feel about that? I would set myself a time limit to get work then reassess.

[Perthbum]

You need to live in a country where you can live comfortably.....life is short and no matter what first world country you live in you can be very very happy IF you make it work, to many people moan its to hot its to cold to do anything....WHAT???? the world is the world with a very changeable climates, get out and do what you want in any weather and you will be happy, I see some of my friends moaning that they are stuck in the house because its raining...guess what...skin is waterproof, I am out with my dog rain shine or snow.

[stockburn]

Thanks to everyone for replying, and I know 3 months seems way to short a time and I totally agree but almost feel obligated by some deep seeded guilt that I MUST stick it out, not necessarily for ever but whatever is an acceptable time to know if it's right, but since writing this I gave myself a mental boot up the a*** and went for a run, as much a as I loathe it I find it helps me put things in perspective. 

Snifter, my visa is state sponsored so my choice is Victoria or bust, but I totally agree three months almost feels knee jerk, as for what is making me feel like this, as ScottieGirl said being out of work is soul destroying, add some pretty bad interviews and It was like a kick in the teeth, just feel like I am constantly trying to convince myself I am happy here, today was a particularly bad day and I found writing this, and reading everyone's responses has helped.

Getting a job and having a purpose are really important to me (I am sure all of us are the same)  and I do think that is a huge factor and I totally agree once I have the job things may be different, then I can work out if it was the 'Job' or if the initial feelings are still there.

ScottiGirl, yes happily go for a more junior role but each time I have I get the dreaded over qualified or " You will be bored and leave in three months" reply from employers, I am not letting that stop me though! 

As I said in my original post my initial aim was Sydney maybe things would have been different there but I don't like dwelling on the what if's, so my plan for me and Melbourne is keep going day by day,  I have a rental until end of Jan next year, and I have until midish November to decide if I want to extend the lease or look for something else, I feel that will be make or break time for me, sign a new lease or chalk this up to experience, do some travelling then head back to decide my next steps. 

Thank you everyone for the comments and advice! 

[stockburn]

39 minutes ago, Perthbum said:

You need to live in a country where you can live comfortably.....life is short and no matter what first world country you live in you can be very very happy IF you make it work, to many people moan its to hot its to cold to do anything....WHAT???? the world is the world with a very changeable climates, get out and do what you want in any weather and you will be happy, I see some of my friends moaning that they are stuck in the house because its raining...guess what...skin is waterproof, I am out with my dog rain shine or snow.

Oh totally agree I have tried not be a moaning pom and I do enjoy this town out and about in all weather,  same in the Uk was out doing obstacle races in -5 perhaps that's a little stupid! 

[VERYSTORMY]

if your visa is a 190 state sponsored then there is no legal requirement to live in Vic. It is purely a moral obligation. There is nothing stopping you moving to Sydney on a 190

[stockburn]

22 hours ago, VERYSTORMY said:

if your visa is a 190 state sponsored then there is no legal requirement to live in Vic. It is purely a moral obligation. There is nothing stopping you moving to Sydney on a 190

Hi Verystormy its a 176 skilled sponsor visa .. means I have to live and work in the designated state for a certain amount of time .. 

[BacktoDemocracy]

On 10/9/2017 at 05:24, stockburn said:

Good afternoon all, 

Not sure if this is right area to post this if not if anyone can let me know. 

Right my story so far, sorry if this rambles a bit, I originally moved to Sydney Australia many moons ago in 2009 from the UK.  I admit I didn't pick the timing perfectly considering the housing and banking crash not to mention the exchange rate at that time.  I have friends in Sydney, one who all things considered is like a brother (both only children, grew up together etc).  I moved over on the working holiday visa, getting a job wasn't easy and due to family back home ( Mom came out of remission) after 7/8 months I decided it was time to pack up and head back home, was the best decision for me at that time and I knew that as soon as I got off the plane, I got to spend a year with my mom after returning and that was reason enough to know it was right. 

Fast forward a few years and I successfully managed to get a  state sponsored permanent residency visa, NSW wasn't on the list for my preferred state, (I am in computing mainly around SQL, don't worry I won't inflict and explanation on you good people) So i opted for Victoria more precisely Melbourne, everyone I spoke to told me its the place to live and worse case an easy flight to pop and see friends in Sydney if I found the cabin fever or loneliness setting in.  I finally took the plunge and moved her earlier this year, landed beginning of June, airBNB in Brunswick for my first month, which I anticipated would be both difficult / exciting / terrifying  and a whole range of other emotions  and I wasn't wrong.  Eventually found a place to rent in North Melbourne and I cannot complain about the suburb, easy to get into the city .. that said after visiting South Yarra  I think out of choice I would have opted for there instead. 

Job wise I have found the IT market difficult, I had a good network Iback in the UK so many jobs were word of mouth and based on my reputation ,which I don't have out here, plus I have found the expectation of my skill set different in Australia compared to the UK, after a particularly shocking interview It knocked my confidence if I even had a skill set add that to the delight recruiters have once they find out I am 'Out of work' they seem to think I will jump every hurdle they put in my way. 

See told you it was rambling,  three months have now past, I have been looking for work for the past couple of months, took some time off to study and up skill, I have also joined a gym and frequent some of the Meet-up groups which I will admit are a lifesaver, already met a few people I call friends. 

But ... everyone knew that was coming,  after only three short months I feel like I am ready to throw the towel in and head back to the UK, yes I know it's ONLY three months but I am really struggling to be positive, wanted to know if this is 'Normal' whatever normal is for an expat, did anyone else hit a 3 month wall.. It's almost highlighted that life wasn't so bad back in the UK, own place with very low bills ( currently rented out) not a bad social life and the possibility of a long term relationship ( Aus was always overshadowing that possibility)  I can here because I needed to do it, I never wanted to go through life with that massive What If hanging over my head But ... 

I have spoken to friends both Aus and UK side, they have different opinions,  on what I Should do,  I should stick it out, man up, things will get better etc,  but I wanted the opinions and advice of people who have done this and been through the challenges and come out the other side. 

So that's my abbreviated story so far, to be honest putting this down on 'Paper' has helped already but I look forward to hearing your take on it all. 

I would suggest that as soon as you can private message people you should contact a poster named Newjez who is in IT, in I believe Melbourne or was there, to get the lowdown on the IT scene  in Australia.

One thing I would bear in mind is that the migration program benefits the govt by bringing in thousands of dollars for the expansion of the economy and provides cheap labour for firms to keep wages low, the program bears little relationship to real demand as it is based on figures wwhich are always out of date

[stockburn]

1 minute ago, BacktoDemocracy said:

I would suggest that as soon as you can private message people you should contact a poster named Newjez who is in IT, in I believe Melbourne or was there, to get the lowdown on the IT scene  in Australia.

One thing I would bear in mind is that the migration program benefits the govt by bringing in thousands of dollars for the expansion of the economy and provides cheap labour for firms to keep wages low, the program bears little relationship to real demand as it is based on figures wwhich are always out of date

Cheers for the advice will hunt Newjez down .. I am cracking on and seeing what is out there,  failing that I will look at some temp work if I can. 

[VERYSTORMY]

4 hours ago, stockburn said:

Hi Verystormy its a 176 skilled sponsor visa .. means I have to live and work in the designated state for a certain amount of time .. 

I believe the 176 was the precursor to the 190 and has the same condition - that it is only a moral obligation to live in the sponsoring state

[bristolman]

4 hours ago, stockburn said:

Cheers for the advice will hunt Newjez down .. I am cracking on and seeing what is out there,  failing that I will look at some temp work if I can. 

As far as I'm aware Newjez lives in England. 

[Nemesis]

9 hours ago, VERYSTORMY said:

I believe the 176 was the precursor to the 190 and has the same condition - that it is only a moral obligation to live in the sponsoring state

It was indeed. The 189 replaced the 175, and the 1790 replaced the 176. The rules are the same, its just a moral obligation. 

[stockburn]

Well again, thank you everyone for the comments, advice etc, things are looking up! 

Secured my first paid job in Australia, short term contract that will give me a taste of the 'real world' again,  get me back into the working zone and see how I feel overall about living and working here for the future, plus money which Is always a positive. 

See if it is, as ScottiGirl said, due to being out of work that was causing the unhappiness. 

 

[Manc_in_Melb]

Good luck!

[Scousers1]

On 10 September 2017 at 18:37, stockburn said:

Thanks to everyone for replying, and I know 3 months seems way to short a time and I totally agree but almost feel obligated by some deep seeded guilt that I MUST stick it out, not necessarily for ever but whatever is an acceptable time to know if it's right, but since writing this I gave myself a mental boot up the a*** and went for a run, as much a as I loathe it I find it helps me put things in perspective. 

Snifter, my visa is state sponsored so my choice is Victoria or bust, but I totally agree three months almost feels knee jerk, as for what is making me feel like this, as ScottieGirl said being out of work is soul destroying, add some pretty bad interviews and It was like a kick in the teeth, just feel like I am constantly trying to convince myself I am happy here, today was a particularly bad day and I found writing this, and reading everyone's responses has helped.

Getting a job and having a purpose are really important to me (I am sure all of us are the same)  and I do think that is a huge factor and I totally agree once I have the job things may be different, then I can work out if it was the 'Job' or if the initial feelings are still there.

ScottiGirl, yes happily go for a more junior role but each time I have I get the dreaded over qualified or " You will be bored and leave in three months" reply from employers, I am not letting that stop me though! 

As I said in my original post my initial aim was Sydney maybe things would have been different there but I don't like dwelling on the what if's, so my plan for me and Melbourne is keep going day by day,  I have a rental until end of Jan next year, and I have until midish November to decide if I want to extend the lease or look for something else, I feel that will be make or break time for me, sign a new lease or chalk this up to experience, do some travelling then head back to decide my next steps. 

Thank you everyone for the comments and advice! 

I would say go where you feel content and happy, where you feel you are not second guessing every thought you have, it will bring you down. Your post reminds me of 30 years ago when i first arrived and my thougts where you got to get through this , everyone says this is the better life! Well, if its not for you its not for you. I spend more time talking to family and friends overseas than i do here, it is not healthy. My dad (old school) says i wouldnt have in the UK what i have here, now with a bit of wisdom i know i wokld have done so much better over there. Go where you know you feel at home!

[CaptainR]

Sounds to me like you should ignore the 'moral obligation' and move to NSW where your friends are. Do whats right for you, whether that staying in VIC, going to NSW or going back to the UK. The world is small, life has many options, don't stress. 

[Guest]

On 9/12/2017 at 15:59, stockburn said:

Well again, thank you everyone for the comments, advice etc, things are looking up! 

Secured my first paid job in Australia, short term contract that will give me a taste of the 'real world' again,  get me back into the working zone and see how I feel overall about living and working here for the future, plus money which Is always a positive. 

See if it is, as ScottiGirl said, due to being out of work that was causing the unhappiness. 

 

Congrats. Hopefully you'll feel a bit better about things if you are working.

And if as others have said, its a moral obligation and you'd rather be in Sydney or wherever else in Aus, go make it happen if you've the chance and want to give it a go. Aus is a big place and if one city or area isn't for you but you feel somewhere else is, grab the chance to find out while you can.