Struggling with the guilt

[hazeladie]

 

So it looks like we are heading back to Scotland in 6 weeks time. I really pushed for this move as I have 3 little boys and no support. I felt very isolated and lonely, despite making many wonderful life long friends. Im desperate to get back to Uni and become a nurse, something that was too hard to do here with child care costs and university costs. However now its all happening im racked my guilt. My almost 7 year old understands why we are going but is devestated. We have been blessed with a fantastic school where he has made beautiful friendships. He is so involved with his local soccer team, basketball team and nippers where he excels. Am I being too selfish? It feels like I putting my needs before my childrens and its killing me inside. Is this normal to feel so guilty? Are kids really that adaptable? Im so so scared we are doing the wrong thing. Any feedback would so apprecaited.

 

Thanks [emoji4]

 

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[Guest The Pom Queen]

At the end of the day Hun you have to do what you feel right. Unfortunately young children don't get a say and at the end of the day happy parents make happy children. How long have you lived over here?

[hazeladie]

At the end of the day Hun you have to do what you feel right. Unfortunately young children don't get a say and at the end of the day happy parents make happy children. How long have you lived over here?

Very true! We have been here for 5 years. I had my son in the UK and then had another 2 babies here. Its just never felt like home, and ive never felt like I was living my life just merley existing. I suppose the struggle is real if I stay or go. Wish it was easier though [emoji17]

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[Guest The Pom Queen]

You are being hard on yourself and no matter if you stay or go you could end up wondering if you have done the right thing. No one knows, all you can do is what you think is right at the moment. Does your partner want to move back. Please don't feel guilty.

[Quoll]

He will find new friends, discover new and exciting things to do, play football with a new team, fall in love with a new teacher and he will be just fine.  Kids go along for the ride (and he will love having grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins or whatever closer to hand to spoil him!) you need to look after yourself because nobody else is going to do it for you and if you are not strong and happy then you are not modelling good, strong, happy behaviour to your kids.  No guilt necessary!

 

[simmo]

3 hours ago, The Pom Queen said:

At the end of the day Hun you have to do what you feel right. Unfortunately young children don't get a say and at the end of the day happy parents make happy children. How long have you lived over here?

Best thing you've said today.

True though . I did the same with my kids and if anything it was very character building for them. My oldest is now in secondary school and would probably moan if he had to change school s but before that they would just shrugged it off

[hazeladie]

Thank you everyone. Apprecaite the feedback. Your all right in what your saying. You've all given me a different mindset. Thank you [emoji178]

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[LKC]

We're heading back soon too (to Scotland, funnily enough) and I feel the same way.  My girls were 1 and 2 when we came to Australia, and they are 9 and 11 now, so this is all they know.  They are at a fantastic school and they both have some lovely friends, and I feel completely awful about taking them away from that.  However, the longer I am here the unhappier and more unsettled I feel, and it is affecting my mental and physical health.  We have reached a break point in that eldest is due to start high school next year, so we have decided that this is the right point for us to move back.  If we stay any longer and she starts high school, we will be sucked into staying for the next 8-10 years.  OH feels that we should make the move back too.  He feels that high school in the UK will be better for our girls (not that high schools are bad here, just that in our particular area the schools are either super sporty, which are girls are not, or really high-pressure academic, which we don't think will suit our girls).

As Quoll says, they will find new friends and interests, they will settle, and they will be fine.  

[calNgary]

I brought my just turned 8 year old out here and he adapted great. We kept him busy and he made quite a lot of friends via school, scouts and just playing outside. I am sure it will be no different for you,only your travelling the other way... if he see's mum and dad happy and you don't let him sit in stewing id imagine he will be fine after a few weeks settling in. Kids are tougher than we think..

Good luck with the move

 Cal x

[Sandgroper]

On 11/05/2017 at 8:40 PM, hazeladie said:

 

So it looks like we are heading back to Scotland in 6 weeks time. I really pushed for this move as I have 3 little boys and no support. I felt very isolated and lonely, despite making many wonderful life long friends. Im desperate to get back to Uni and become a nurse, something that was too hard to do here with child care costs and university costs. However now its all happening im racked my guilt. My almost 7 year old understands why we are going but is devestated. We have been blessed with a fantastic school where he has made beautiful friendships. He is so involved with his local soccer team, basketball team and nippers where he excels. Am I being too selfish? It feels like I putting my needs before my childrens and its killing me inside. Is this normal to feel so guilty? Are kids really that adaptable? Im so so scared we are doing the wrong thing. Any feedback would so apprecaited.

 

Thanks

 

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Just want to ask whose needs are you putting first? It sounds like yours if I am honest. We decided a while ago we wanted to bring the kids up somewhere different to the uk, moved to Oz made the wrong choice of place for our lifestyle moved back to the uk very quickly decided we had made a massive mistake moved back to Oz a few years later with 2 extra kids. It was bloody hard we both work I did fifo for the first year back but didn't like being away from the family so canned it, we've had au pairs mostly Brits on whv thankfully the eldest can cycle to and from school and the boys both do osh club now so we don't need extra care. Think about your kids without doubt they grow up slower in Oz!!

Edited May 12, 2017 by Sandgroper

[newjez]

1 hour ago, Sandgroper said:

Just want to ask whose needs are you putting first? It sounds like yours if I am honest. We decided a while ago we wanted to bring the kids up somewhere different to the uk, moved to Oz made the wrong choice of place for our lifestyle moved back to the uk very quickly decided we had made a massive mistake moved back to Oz a few years later with 2 extra kids. It was bloody hard we both work I did fifo for the first year back but didn't like being away from the family so canned it, we've had au pairs mostly Brits on whv thankfully the eldest can cycle to and from school and the boys both do osh club now so we don't need extra care. Think about your kids without doubt they grow up slower in Oz!!

Probably didn't come out quite the way you meant it! But it really does depend on where in Australia and where in the UK you are talking about.

[newjez]

On 5/11/2017 at 1:40 PM, hazeladie said:

 

So it looks like we are heading back to Scotland in 6 weeks time. I really pushed for this move as I have 3 little boys and no support. I felt very isolated and lonely, despite making many wonderful life long friends. Im desperate to get back to Uni and become a nurse, something that was too hard to do here with child care costs and university costs. However now its all happening im racked my guilt. My almost 7 year old understands why we are going but is devestated. We have been blessed with a fantastic school where he has made beautiful friendships. He is so involved with his local soccer team, basketball team and nippers where he excels. Am I being too selfish? It feels like I putting my needs before my childrens and its killing me inside. Is this normal to feel so guilty? Are kids really that adaptable? Im so so scared we are doing the wrong thing. Any feedback would so apprecaited.

 

Thanks

 

Sent from my SM-G920I using Tapatalk

 

 

 

If you are going to do it - and it sounds like its going to happen sooner or later - then do it when the kids are young. The younger the easier it is on them.

[Martinbjulieb]

 
So it looks like we are heading back to Scotland in 6 weeks time. I really pushed for this move as I have 3 little boys and no support. I felt very isolated and lonely, despite making many wonderful life long friends. Im desperate to get back to Uni and become a nurse, something that was too hard to do here with child care costs and university costs. However now its all happening im racked my guilt. My almost 7 year old understands why we are going but is devestated. We have been blessed with a fantastic school where he has made beautiful friendships. He is so involved with his local soccer team, basketball team and nippers where he excels. Am I being too selfish? It feels like I putting my needs before my childrens and its killing me inside. Is this normal to feel so guilty? Are kids really that adaptable? Im so so scared we are doing the wrong thing. Any feedback would so apprecaited.
 
Thanks [emoji4]
 
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We have just moved back with an 11 and 13 year old after almost 10 years in Perth and they couldn't be happier!! We moved for the reasons that you state you want to move!!
In my opinion happy parents equal happy children!! Our daughter left her friend that she has been best friends with since Kindy ( She is nearly turning 12) we have been back 9 weeks and both children have thrown themselves into school and school activities. Sports teams have not been joined yet until we settle in our forever home but that will come in time.
You sound like you need to move, make it happen!! Good luck[emoji4]


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[Pixie77]

We're moving back after 5 years - two young kids & no family is tough, my daughter will be 4 soon & has friends she sees nearly every day whom she's know since birth & I do feel guilt for taking her away from that & them both from some parts of this life style.... then their birthdays Christmas Easter comes along & they ask if nanna can come, can grandad pick her up from childcare like everyone else & I feel guilty saying no. So basically I think to some extent guilt & parenthood go hand in hand - I think it's a sign of your sensitivity to your children that you feel guilty & second guessing yourself, I'm sure our children will be fine, you're the most important influence in their life right now so you need to be happy to make them happy. 

 

Our house goes on sale tomorrow I've certainly got the jitters about what we're doing but family are waiting in UK & we're luckily enough to have a job for hubby too. So I'm trying to look at it as a big adventure no regrets. 

 

Good luck!

[wattsy1982]

11 hours ago, Pixie77 said:

We're moving back after 5 years - two young kids & no family is tough, my daughter will be 4 soon & has friends she sees nearly every day whom she's know since birth & I do feel guilt for taking her away from that & them both from some parts of this life style.... then their birthdays Christmas Easter comes along & they ask if nanna can come, can grandad pick her up from childcare like everyone else & I feel guilty saying no. So basically I think to some extent guilt & parenthood go hand in hand - I think it's a sign of your sensitivity to your children that you feel guilty & second guessing yourself, I'm sure our children will be fine, you're the most important influence in their life right now so you need to be happy to make them happy. 

 

Our house goes on sale tomorrow I've certainly got the jitters about what we're doing but family are waiting in UK & we're luckily enough to have a job for hubby too. So I'm trying to look at it as a big adventure no regrets. 

 

Good luck!

Love this post and can totally relate to it.

 

Weve been here 4 years and about to apply for citizenship and have our 3rd child...other 2 born in england and now 7 & 4.

By the time we are ready to move back (next june) we will have been here 5 years and want the same reasons as you...I think of the beach and other things here then think of bdays, xmas's etc and it all becomes relevant.

My youngest (turns 5 next week) asked me the other day 'Why dont I have a proper nanny and grandad like noah in my class?" when I asked him what he meant he said "he has a proper nanny and grandad and I only have a computer one" (skype) my heart instantly broke into pieces....that thought alone will get me home!

[Quoll]

5 hours ago, wattsy1982 said:

Love this post and can totally relate to it.

 

Weve been here 4 years and about to apply for citizenship and have our 3rd child...other 2 born in england and now 7 & 4.

By the time we are ready to move back (next june) we will have been here 5 years and want the same reasons as you...I think of the beach and other things here then think of bdays, xmas's etc and it all becomes relevant.

My youngest (turns 5 next week) asked me the other day 'Why dont I have a proper nanny and grandad like noah in my class?" when I asked him what he meant he said "he has a proper nanny and grandad and I only have a computer one" (skype) my heart instantly broke into pieces....that thought alone will get me home!

Aw!!!!!

My son tells me that my youngest granddaughter has said the same about us! When she was very little she asked why Mops and Pops lived in the box (computer) and not in her house. Going to admire her school project and going to the school fete were highlights of my trip, along with many efforts at hair braiding and sitting on the bed reading! (Can't do that on a computer!)

 

[bunbury61]

On ‎11‎/‎05‎/‎2017 at 14:13, hazeladie said:

Very true! We have been here for 5 years. I had my son in the UK and then had another 2 babies here. Its just never felt like home, and ive never felt like I was living my life just merley existing. I suppose the struggle is real if I stay or go. Wish it was easier though

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bloody hell hazel don't be so hard on yourself .

you are trying to make the most of the hand you have been dealt .

have you and the children got duel citizenship ? ...if not ,get it

you or they can always come back, if things don't work out

p.s ..you can merely exist anywhere ...most of the things I missed when I was in oz ,are now irrelevant ,20 years on ....totally irrelevant .

my wife ,my kids ,my mom and my dog ...and my good mates....thats it .

a big house , a German car , the clothes with the right label , giving it the big one are ALL totally irrelevant .

Go with your gut instinct , I do ....what does your instinct tell you ?

p.s ...its not easy ,either way

 

 

[bunbury61]

On ‎17‎/‎05‎/‎2017 at 01:36, wattsy1982 said:

Love this post and can totally relate to it.

 

Weve been here 4 years and about to apply for citizenship and have our 3rd child...other 2 born in england and now 7 & 4.

By the time we are ready to move back (next june) we will have been here 5 years and want the same reasons as you...I think of the beach and other things here then think of bdays, xmas's etc and it all becomes relevant.

My youngest (turns 5 next week) asked me the other day 'Why dont I have a proper nanny and grandad like noah in my class?" when I asked him what he meant he said "he has a proper nanny and grandad and I only have a computer one" (skype) my heart instantly broke into pieces....that thought alone will get me home!

i was rolling along very well in oz ,until one day i went to a job ,locally .

me and the Aussie got into a conversation ,which involved family etc .

she asked me if I had any children , at the time I had one .

any siblings ..yes

and do they had children ..yes ..all the children are in Australia ...6 in total .

I bet your mom and dad are happy .

me ...not really ,mom and dad are in England

lady " what !!!! , how could you leave your mom and dad ,on their own ,with no family "

well , that set me thinking

The rest is history

[Scousers1]

I have one 18 year old born here. We have been here 30 years next year. I have always wanted to go home. When my dajghter was 11 i felt it was time but all my faily disagreed with me. Now she is 18 and does not want to go, feeling very stuck! I would go whilst kids are young. Dont feel guilty!

[starlight7]

Don't feel guilty about your decision, just put the past behind you and move happily into your new life. Life is very short and there is no point in being unhappy when you can do something about it!


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