6 months back.....

[thinker78]

I posted at the 7 week mark but thought I would update. To anyone returning, yes, it does take time to re-establish and find your groove again. Ups and downs, such is life. Certain things frustrate but no different to things I found frustrating over there. I find bureaucracy quite slack in the UK, but always moaned about the extremities of the nanny state in Australia. For me the positives now are; sense of belonging (never once achieved that in 10 years there), diversity of life here, friendliness of people, openness of people (have made more friends in 6 months than I did in 3 years in one State), delightfulness of rediscovering one's culture, countryside, walking everywhere (have lost weight, much fitter- walking more accessible and the culture of local shops and high streets encourages this), old friends, laughter, pubs, accessibility of many places of interest, weather- yes, the weather! True, it's been mild, but I relished every day of late summer, then the beauty of Autumn, then the change to winter- I don't feel like anything has stopped me enjoying life based on the weather. Some challenges include; how busy education seems here, on the one hand the schooling is more pressured and busy but on the other my child is being stretched and supported much better (had to alter years in the return) and here the system of teaching assistants seems much stronger so more support for additional needs and also the pastoral care is much better, property prices- world wide issue mainly but returning to the south east can seem fairly depressing, but then again, its a tough market in Australia too, traffic- but, i can't get over how close things are so although it's busy there is no need to drive for an hour somewhere, and finally, fitting back in to lives that have gone on without you- it's true that the real friends welcome you back and others have moved on- so be it.

Do I miss Australia? Not really. Occasionally I think of times there with a sense of nostalgia, but not for the place, perhaps for the people. I feel like in a few years I'd like to visit for a holiday, but will be happy to come back here. It feels like a sturdy old friend who hosted me for a lovely time but it came to an end.

Incidentally, the biggest relief is family. I have had a few sudden deaths happen in my local community here, and the sense of relief I have at being able to spend time with my family is immense.

Good luck to all moving back this year- you will find a stimulating and busy country, with it's challenges, with it's politics, with it's good and bad, but it's certainly not on it's arse. Sometimes I look around me, at the pub, or when i took my child to the panto this Xmas, and i watch them all, and i just want to shout 'this is my gang'! and it's wonderful

[Marisawright]

I honestly think the only relevant part of that whole post is the sense of belonging. It is completely irrational and illogical but for some people, it is the only thing that really matters if you want to be truly contented with your life. If you've got that sorted then you can take a glass-half-full view of everything else and cope with the negatives.

 

I somehow missed out on developing that sense of belonging, growing up. My home town is an alien place where I always felt like a fish out of water. I didn't give it a second thought when I left it, and feel nothing for it when I return.

 

At one time I'd have said I didn't feel I belonged anywhere - but as time goes on here in the UK, I realise that I did discover a sense of belonging in Sydney and although it's not logical - I can't stand the heat, I can't afford a decent flat, and the "friends" I made are all shallow acquaintances rather than true friends - I do still think of it as "home". The fact that my family are all in the UK doesn't affect that one bit - I love the ability to see them more often and be there for them in difficult times, but that doesn't compensate for not feeling comfortable in my skin.

 

It's a dilemma because my oh really doesn't want to go back.

[thinker78]

i do feel for you as a sense of belonging is critical- I think it was the main cause of bouts of depression and homesickness for me. I feel re-energised by a sense of belonging, amongst other things. I don't have an answer though if one partner feels different to the other. Do you really feel that you would feel that in Sydney? If you left for a reason...although, it's not until we do these things that we find out how we truly feel.

[Marisawright]

i do feel for you as a sense of belonging is critical- I think it was the main cause of bouts of depression and homesickness for me. I feel re-energised by a sense of belonging, amongst other things. I don't have an answer though if one partner feels different to the other. Do you really feel that you would feel that in Sydney? If you left for a reason...although, it's not until we do these things that we find out how we truly feel.

 

 

I left for practical reasons:

 

1. Husband got skin cancer and developed a sun allergy - wanted to get away from high UV;

2. Realised we would never be able to afford a decent home in Sydney;

3. Since menopause I find humidity absolutely intolerable;

4. No family left in Australia (for either of us);

5. Wanted better access to activities in our retirement - oh is a European history buff, I'm a dance lover, both more plentiful in the UK/Europe.

 

I didn't have any desire to go back to the UK, if we'd found somewhere else that met our criteria we would've moved there. The thing is that I didn't realise I was particularly attached to Sydney either, until I left!

[Quoll]

Ditto, the belonging! So glad you've found that sense of community! I'm back in Aus at the moment for a holiday and that's lovely but it's all very surreal and an adventure, not a skerrick of feeling "this is home" although I do quite like "my" house as opposed to having to live in my parents' house. I will be able to regard returning with marginally more equanimity when the time comes and hopefully be up for "adventure" again but I do know where I belong! Spring is on its way and Britain will be even better!

[shak]

Thankyou so much for that post,its very reassuring,im moving back end of feb or beginning of march,and abit worried about alot of things.but im so looking forward to the sense of belongingness,and to be really honest even the weather.glad its all working out for you

[VERYSTORMY]

I honestly think the only relevant part of that whole post is the sense of belonging. It is completely irrational and illogical but for some people, it is the only thing that really matters if you want to be truly contented with your life. If you've got that sorted then you can take a glass-half-full view of everything else and cope with the negatives.

 

I somehow missed out on developing that sense of belonging, growing up. My home town is an alien place where I always felt like a fish out of water. I didn't give it a second thought when I left it, and feel nothing for it when I return.

 

At one time I'd have said I didn't feel I belonged anywhere - but as time goes on here in the UK, I realise that I did discover a sense of belonging in Sydney and although it's not logical - I can't stand the heat, I can't afford a decent flat, and the "friends" I made are all shallow acquaintances rather than true friends - I do still think of it as "home". The fact that my family are all in the UK doesn't affect that one bit - I love the ability to see them more often and be there for them in difficult times, but that doesn't compensate for not feeling comfortable in my skin.

 

It's a dilemma because my oh really doesn't want to go back.

 

I do think though it is where you are. I have spent so much time living in different parts of the UK that I am a bit of a hobo. I could live almost anywhere. Heck, I would even consider my old home town of Middlesbrough where I grew up - a far from glamorous place! But, I Southampton is one of probably three places I wouldn't consider.

[goingbacksoon]

Good to hear that things are working out for you. I have been back in the UK for about 8 months and what you have written very much reflects my own sentiments. We all walk so much now, and in all types of weather. So glad we made the move, I just couldn't imagine staying in Australia for the next phase of my life. We are also in the south east (Surrey), and yes, housing in expensive but I managed to buy a place straight away and love the location (close to work, schools, etc). We went to Oxford in between Christmas and New Year. Such a beautiful place and only a short drive away.

 

I really haven't missed Australia at all, particularly not the relentless heat. Technology is great to keep in touch with friends back in Australia, and two of my friends are also considering coming back to the UK next year.

 

Over Christmas, we went to the New Forest and we had a lovely winter walk near where we used to go when I was a child. I had this overwhelming sense of being at home at last.

[Guest]

I do think though it is where you are. I have spent so much time living in different parts of the UK that I am a bit of a hobo. I could live almost anywhere. Heck, I would even consider my old home town of Middlesbrough where I grew up - a far from glamorous place! But, I Southampton is one of probably three places I wouldn't consider.

 

I tend to agree, Southampton would not float my boat.

 

I lived in various places round the west country (Bristol down) and also London way. I'd pick around Bristol every time if I wanted to be near a city (not ness. living in it but able to get to it within say half an hour with relative ease, outside of rush hour). Its a lovely part of the world, has the airport which has expanded a great deal in recent years, Bath and other good towns not too far and Wales over the bridge. And an easy drive to London or the west country if wanted. Train routes good also.

[Marisawright]

I tend to agree, Southampton would not float my boat.

 

I lived in various places round the west country (Bristol down) and also London way. I'd pick around Bristol every time if I wanted to be near a city (not ness. living in it but able to get to it within say half an hour with relative ease, outside of rush hour). Its a lovely part of the world, has the airport which has expanded a great deal in recent years, Bath and other good towns not too far and Wales over the bridge. And an easy drive to London or the west country if wanted. Train routes good also.

 

Although I agree Southampton is a depressed place, I feel we've stayed long enough in other parts of the UK now to know it's not JUST Southampton that's the problem. We just don't fit here.

 

It's like the OP - I wonder how much of their unhappiness in Australia was really about specific things, and how much was just that irrational feeling of not fitting in.

[JockinTas]

I honestly think the only relevant part of that whole post is the sense of belonging. It is completely irrational and illogical but for some people, it is the only thing that really matters if you want to be truly contented with your life. If you've got that sorted then you can take a glass-half-full view of everything else and cope with the negatives.

 

I somehow missed out on developing that sense of belonging, growing up. My home town is an alien place where I always felt like a fish out of water. I didn't give it a second thought when I left it, and feel nothing for it when I return.

 

At one time I'd have said I didn't feel I belonged anywhere - but as time goes on here in the UK, I realise that I did discover a sense of belonging in Sydney and although it's not logical - I can't stand the heat, I can't afford a decent flat, and the "friends" I made are all shallow acquaintances rather than true friends - I do still think of it as "home". The fact that my family are all in the UK doesn't affect that one bit - I love the ability to see them more often and be there for them in difficult times, but that doesn't compensate for not feeling comfortable in my skin.

 

It's a dilemma because my oh really doesn't want to go back.

 

First of all, it's good that the OP is happy and feels he/she belongs :smile:

 

I must have born with gypsy blood in me as I am happy wherever I am. If went back to my home town in Scotland to live I'd be just as happy as I am here in Tasmania. I've travelled a lot and lived in different countries before coming to Australia and for a while after coming to Australia it was an adventure until we bought our own home and had children - then I felt I belonged here. Can't say I've ever been homesick even when for a day or two I struggled with newborns but I had a wonderful neighbour who was a great help when she knew I needed it. The weather hasn't bothered me either really, though as I grew older I hated Sydney humidity. So I'm with Marisa - I've never been through the 'not feeling I belong' thing.

 

My son is working in Ireland - been there for nearly 5 months and says he feels he belongs there - he loves it.

[flag of convenience]

I honestly think the only relevant part of that whole post is the sense of belonging. It is completely irrational and illogical but for some people, it is the only thing that really matters if you want to be truly contented with your life. If you've got that sorted then you can take a glass-half-full view of everything else and cope with the negatives.

 

I somehow missed out on developing that sense of belonging, growing up. My home town is an alien place where I always felt like a fish out of water. I didn't give it a second thought when I left it, and feel nothing for it when I return.

 

At one time I'd have said I didn't feel I belonged anywhere - but as time goes on here in the UK, I realise that I did discover a sense of belonging in Sydney and although it's not logical - I can't stand the heat, I can't afford a decent flat, and the "friends" I made are all shallow acquaintances rather than true friends - I do still think of it as "home". The fact that my family are all in the UK doesn't affect that one bit - I love the ability to see them more often and be there for them in difficult times, but that doesn't compensate for not feeling comfortable in my skin.

 

It's a dilemma because my oh really doesn't want to go back.

 

I feel much the same in regards to my 'home town'. I couldn't wait to leave and it felt odd to return for many decades on the occasional visit.

 

In more recent times have come to terms (I think) with the town as the place I tended a large part of schooling and early life, so of course having memories both good and bad but nothing much else. I can now visit and enjoy without added complications with regards to belonging.

In fact not really a fan of places with a strong sense of selves in a regional sense. Great to visit but not to live. Belonging issues only reinforced by locality. Hence the freedom of the great cities be it London, Amsterdam, Berlin (although less so Paris) Places where everyone can find a niche regardless of birth place or origin. That's real freedom. Although cost being a more intruding factor than in decades past perhaps.

[JockinTas]

My home town ................. the surrounding area is similar to where I live now.

 

[flag of convenience]

I think belonging can be the result of acceptance. Hence a new life may be formed anywhere on the planet given the right ingredients. We need not be bogged down by places of birth or places lived before. Such a place if found can entice a new way of looking at life.

[JockinTas]

I think belonging can be the result of acceptance. Hence a new life may be formed anywhere on the planet given the right ingredients. We need not be bogged down by places of birth or places lived before. Such a place if found can entice a new way of looking at life.

 

Fair enough Flag but I think I've had enough of travelling and doubt very much we will be moving again. Will still go back to my home town on holiday though. No family left there now but still have good friends there.

[flag of convenience]

Fair enough Flag but I think I've had enough of travelling and doubt very much we will be moving again. Will still go back to my home town on holiday though. No family left there now but still have good friends there.

 

Is it just acceptance of being at the end of a long road though or the true acceptance of feeling part and parcel regardless of differences, I wonder?

[JockinTas]

Is it just acceptance of being at the end of a long road though or the true acceptance of feeling part and parcel regardless of differences, I wonder?

 

Acceptance is as good a word as any I suppose. No doubt you are younger than me Flag and you still hanker to travel. I don't anymore. I've seen all I want to see and can't be bothered with the hassle of travel now. Old stick in the mud that's me.

[flag of convenience]

Acceptance is as good a word as any I suppose. No doubt you are younger than me Flag and you still hanker to travel. I don't anymore. I've seen all I want to see and can't be bothered with the hassle of travel now. Old stick in the mud that's me.

 

Not sure if age necessary has to extinguish the desire for adventure. But accept it is very easy to become a bit of a stick in the mud due to ineptness. I know two people that come to mind of a certain age that still travel. Although one has in recent years forgone his long haul destinations to roaming Europe (but did celebrate his 70 th I believe by a road trip through Namibia and Botswana.

The other lives in Perth, and although well past mid seventies stills travels South East Asia.

[Quoll]

That belonging thing is really ephemeral I think. No rationale for why you feel that you belong more in one place than another. I had 44 yrs away from my home town and if you'd told me even half way through that period I would be going back there it would have been a bit meh! After almost half a century it was like moving on to a new place but one which fitted me - London "fits" too - dunno if that comes from generations of genes though. Interestingly a number of "new" friends are knitters and so many of them have said that knitting has been a social sanity saver - maybe it's the acceptance of a like minded group now that all those other social avenues are more restricted by age, development, retirement, whatever. I think I am a gypsy at heart though - onwards to the next adventure!

[JockinTas]

Not sure if age necessary has to extinguish the desire for adventure. But accept it is very easy to become a bit of a stick in the mud due to ineptness. I know two people that come to mind of a certain age that still travel. Although one has in recent years forgone his long haul destinations to roaming Europe (but did celebrate his 70 th I believe by a road trip through Namibia and Botswana.

The other lives in Perth, and although well past mid seventies stills travels South East Asia.

 

I have friends in Thailand and Sri Lanka I have visited in the past couple of years. Probably visit them again. Flying distance not too bad. Hopefully back to the UK sometime this year. So not stopped travelling completely. One of my closest friends is in Swaziland - has been there for 12 years - she is always asking me to visit her there ...... maybe sometime. She and her husband (he's a doctor) work closely with AIDS orphans. They are also born again Christians and are sort of missionaries too which I'm not very comfortable with but hey, they are doing what they can to help - who am I to question them.

[Gbye grey sky]

First of all, it's good that the OP is happy and feels he/she belongs :smile:

 

I must have born with gypsy blood in me as I am happy wherever I am. If went back to my home town in Scotland to live I'd be just as happy as I am here in Tasmania. I've travelled a lot and lived in different countries before coming to Australia and for a while after coming to Australia it was an adventure until we bought our own home and had children - then I felt I belonged here. Can't say I've ever been homesick even when for a day or two I struggled with newborns but I had a wonderful neighbour who was a great help when she knew I needed it. The weather hasn't bothered me either really, though as I grew older I hated Sydney humidity. So I'm with Marisa - I've never been through the 'not feeling I belong' thing.

 

My son is working in Ireland - been there for nearly 5 months and says he feels he belongs there - he loves it.

 

I always feel we would get along quite well. I always identify with your posts.

 

Unlike you though I am in no position to comment. Only been here 6 months so still the 'honeymoon' period. Though I happened to live in the same part of Surrey for the previous 27 years it was only for work reasons; I had no sense of belonging there. The town where I grew up is one of the last places on earth I would choose to go back to live.

 

I always felt the Paul Young song 'Wherever I lay my hat, that's my home' might apply to me. I guess that I will find out in the fullness of time whether it does.

 

Emigrating must be tougher if you have a strong affinity to the place that you came from.

[bloomersthebear]

A very thought provoking thread. Popped on here for the first time in a while because of the exact same thing, possible move back to England after 8yrs. Its tough for me and the wife as we have 3 grown up daughters still at home and plugging away at life as best they can. Brisbane is pleasant enough but the job offers are dwindling, and to be honest the wife and I at mid 40's would love to return for that sense of belonging. convincing the daughters will be hard. But what does one do? they rely on us for a roof over their heads. they couldn't afford it here alone. Our parents are getting older and the wife especially would like to be home to help her mother.

 

My head swims with this constantly, and that doesn't help one bit. Im hoping to arrange a family "sit down" and attempt to gauge the current feeling. One daughter (eldest) is on the rebound from a 7yr relationship and Im pretty certain she will not want to return. Trouble is you bring them here. They settle (to a degree) and then you find you haven't.

 

what to do? We only came here initially for 2 yrs. The wife says Australia is akin to a Venus flytrap. (A little harsh)

 

But that sense of belonging is a strong pull back to Blighty. All the sunny days in the world cannot match it. I find myself rambling now and of no use to no one. In a nut shell.....home is where the heart is.

[Quoll]

A very thought provoking thread. Popped on here for the first time in a while because of the exact same thing, possible move back to England after 8yrs. Its tough for me and the wife as we have 3 grown up daughters still at home and plugging away at life as best they can. Brisbane is pleasant enough but the job offers are dwindling, and to be honest the wife and I at mid 40's would love to return for that sense of belonging. convincing the daughters will be hard. But what does one do? they rely on us for a roof over their heads. they couldn't afford it here alone. Our parents are getting older and the wife especially would like to be home to help her mother.

 

My head swims with this constantly, and that doesn't help one bit. Im hoping to arrange a family "sit down" and attempt to gauge the current feeling. One daughter (eldest) is on the rebound from a 7yr relationship and Im pretty certain she will not want to return. Trouble is you bring them here. They settle (to a degree) and then you find you haven't.

 

what to do? We only came here initially for 2 yrs. The wife says Australia is akin to a Venus flytrap. (A little harsh)

 

But that sense of belonging is a strong pull back to Blighty. All the sunny days in the world cannot match it. I find myself rambling now and of no use to no one. In a nut shell.....home is where the heart is.

 

Sometimes you have to face a family split forever - they could, equally, up sticks and relocate anywhere between Alaska and Zanzibar! One of mine went on holiday to UK and never came back although that genuinely was the last thing he intended! The other one, having just broken up after an 11 yr (and 2 kids) relationship would give his eye teeth to have what his brother has but obviously can't! We are always going to have grandkids on both sides of the world unfortunately! We went to UK for a holiday too - and didn't come back! We are now in Aus for a holiday! (My elderly dad said "you'd better come back from this holiday!" As we care for him in UK)

[bunbury61]

A very thought provoking thread. Popped on here for the first time in a while because of the exact same thing, possible move back to England after 8yrs. Its tough for me and the wife as we have 3 grown up daughters still at home and plugging away at life as best they can. Brisbane is pleasant enough but the job offers are dwindling, and to be honest the wife and I at mid 40's would love to return for that sense of belonging. convincing the daughters will be hard. But what does one do? they rely on us for a roof over their heads. they couldn't afford it here alone. Our parents are getting older and the wife especially would like to be home to help her mother.

 

My head swims with this constantly, and that doesn't help one bit. Im hoping to arrange a family "sit down" and attempt to gauge the current feeling. One daughter (eldest) is on the rebound from a 7yr relationship and Im pretty certain she will not want to return. Trouble is you bring them here. They settle (to a degree) and then you find you haven't.

 

what to do? We only came here initially for 2 yrs. The wife says Australia is akin to a Venus flytrap. (A little harsh)

 

But that sense of belonging is a strong pull back to Blighty. All the sunny days in the world cannot match it. I find myself rambling now and of no use to no one. In a nut shell.....home is where the heart is.

 

Iam afraid once you get the sense to go ,there is no stopping it .

If its parents getting older its fully understandable.

I should know,I have been doing it for years .

Is it easy ...NO ...

For me,is it is ,and was it the right decision ...YES...but its hard sometimes.

The pluses outweigh the minuses though.

Weather is improving ,Europe on the doorstep ,bloody fantastic !

Ease of travel,sense of belonging and most of all knowing you are doing the right thing .

Do I miss oz ...absolutely ,but not quite enough

[BacktoDemocracy]

A very thought provoking thread. Popped on here for the first time in a while because of the exact same thing, possible move back to England after 8yrs. Its tough for me and the wife as we have 3 grown up daughters still at home and plugging away at life as best they can. Brisbane is pleasant enough but the job offers are dwindling, and to be honest the wife and I at mid 40's would love to return for that sense of belonging. convincing the daughters will be hard. But what does one do? they rely on us for a roof over their heads. they couldn't afford it here alone. Our parents are getting older and the wife especially would like to be home to help her mother.

 

My head swims with this constantly, and that doesn't help one bit. Im hoping to arrange a family "sit down" and attempt to gauge the current feeling. One daughter (eldest) is on the rebound from a 7yr relationship and Im pretty certain she will not want to return. Trouble is you bring them here. They settle (to a degree) and then you find you haven't.

 

what to do? We only came here initially for 2 yrs. The wife says Australia is akin to a Venus flytrap. (A little harsh)

 

But that sense of belonging is a strong pull back to Blighty. All the sunny days in the world cannot match it. I find myself rambling now and of no use to no one. In a nut shell.....home is where the heart is.

I would really suggest a visit back before you make a decision, we are 2 years back and my wife has had a real problem with the short days and endless grey skies this winter added to which she has found the job she is doing, charity management in the NHS, relentless in its pointlessness compounded by management who say one thing and then find it politically convenient to do the opposite and a lot of the better career jobs are concentrated in the SE now with house prices at eye watering levels anywhere within sensible commuting distance.

Any work that is in any way associated with the public sector is becoming untenable as the Tories are hell bent on shrinking the state sector to what it was in the 1930's and transferring responsibility to charities and locally elected boards made up of local worthies, mainly the old Tory squirearchy whose only function is to reduce costs and reward their mates.

I understand the pull of the familiar of coming back to the UK and its history and closeness to Europe but I would really consider how much the country has changed in the last 10 years and I think a real marker may be the referendum later this year on EU membership might be an indicator of where the country is going to go, I personally think if we pull out it will only take 2 mins for the tories to repeal all of the EU human rights and employment legislation which will leave employees at the mercy of employers once again, just a thought! also travel to Europe may become more difficult if we are outside the EU, some countries might want to make life difficult for the UK after all the demands for special terms over the years.

Just my own ramblings and thoughts since returning in Dec 2013 after 10 years in Aus.

I would not deny there are alot of pluses to being here but you have to be certain that they outweigh the downsides before you make the decision, I have read of people experiencing ageism in recruitment, how prevelent it is I do not know but that may be something to consider