Mazza227 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Ok I have just had a conversation with my Dad, where I told him we have booked our flights, and will stay at Heathrow the night before. He said 'oh yes we will probably do the same'. Now long story, but my parents haven't really taken the news of us emigrating very well, my Dad will now talk about it a little bit as he knew how upset I was that they wouldn't talk about it. My mum still doesn't really mention it. I know for a fact the last goodbye will be VERY difficult for them, especially mum (and me and my children especially if mum gets upset which she will) and I don't want the girls to see that. I assumed we would say goodbye the day we head off to the airport so I have chance to recompose before the flight the next day, but dad reckons that mum wants to be there. They are going to have a think about it and he told me if I don't want them there, then they won't go. It's not that I don't want them there as such, but don't think I can cope with the emotion of it just before boarding a flight. how have others handled this? Did you do farewells at the airport or at home? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fisher1 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 My daughter said goodbye to us at the Eurostar station - we had spent the weekend with her in London and were on our way back to our home in Belgium. She actually left the following Friday. I wanted to go and see her off but she said no, and in any case I was working and it would have been difficult to get there. I don't think it really matters whether or not you say goodbye at the last minute or the week before, its not nice, whatever way you do it. I can say that I was miserable knowing I was missing my daughter's last day in the UK and I would have preferred to be there. Why not let your parents come to London with you maybe have a couple of days there all together, and say goodbye to them at the hotel. Are they signed up with this site? They will find lots of fellow parents on the parent thread ... I find it helps. Good luck with your move, and remember they will get used to it, it just takes time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxlornaxx Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 In airport car park as we needed a lift. .but we sound less emotional about it than you..sounds like u would be best doing it day before like u said..If u explain why to your parents I'm sure they will understand n agree it's best...or you could say that u should do what your parents want since you are leaving them against their wishes? Least give them the goodbye they want? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mazza227 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 See we are going up to stay with them for Xmas for a few days, then back to then after spending new year with in-laws for a week or so, so can do lots with them then. I even said to them about doing something nice Xmas eve with my kids so we could have lots of fun together but they don't seem keen. It's so difficult isn't it :-( Also, to add, I do think they want to be there because they feel they should be, rather than they want to be (if that makes sense) My daughter said goodbye to us at the Eurostar station - we had spent the weekend with her in London and were on our way back to our home in Belgium. She actually left the following Friday. I wanted to go and see her off but she said no, and in any case I was working and it would have been difficult to get there. I don't think it really matters whether or not you say goodbye at the last minute or the week before, its not nice, whatever way you do it. I can say that I was miserable knowing I was missing my daughter's last day in the UK and I would have preferred to be there. Why not let your parents come to London with you maybe have a couple of days there all together, and say goodbye to them at the hotel. Are they signed up with this site? They will find lots of fellow parents on the parent thread ... I find it helps. Good luck with your move, and remember they will get used to it, it just takes time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fisher1 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Yes its difficult. It's ten years since we went through it and I can honestly say we are more or less used to it now, but then we lived in different countries before our daughter left. The problem is that there is no real solution, saying goodbye is the beginning of the problem ... how to get to / or come back from Australia often enough to maintain the relationship. If you really don't think your parents want to be there then perhaps you can suggest gently that the day before is the way to go? One thing my daughter did that made me feel so much more connected was to send a few texts as she was travelling - one from the departure lounge, one from her stopover, one when she arrived in Sydney. It emphasised the fact that she had left the country not the planet! Not easy though, I sympathise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I really don't go for airport goodbyes. I find them all very drawn out, teary affairs on one side, the other or both and honestly, I don't need or want that. Also for kids at an airport who are perhaps not really in the mindset of goodbyes or needing the possible upset, I find it quite a selfish thing if people insist on being there. Is it selfish to say don't be there? It is but its also a bloody lot easier. Just for the gut wrenching tears flowing standing there watching you walk through to departures... and you having to look back, probably with tears too, why do people put themselves in that position I don't know. We had a longer 'goodbye' by spending time with them in the run up, then our son went to stay the final weekend we were in the UK so we could finish off in the house, clean and so on. Then we went down to pick him up on the Sunday and we had a lovely day out with them, slap up Sunday lunch meal out and then said 'see you later' on their doorstep and headed off. It was a couple of days then till we flew out but we all felt we had gone about it the right way. I also called my mum a couple of times before we left, chatted, and so it really didn't feel as final. Which in my mind it still doesn't but that is probably more down to the sort of person I am and how I cope with those situations and leaving loved ones. I'm more of a look forward from that moment, not look back and linger IYKWIM. Its more for those being left than those leaving and I just think it adds so much emotion and sadness possibly for many about to leave and just serves as a sad day for those being left. That guilt trip stuff. It just continues their upset at you leaving to the very final point and I don't think thats healthy for anyone tbh. I think if they really want to go say ok, but its the goodbyes at the hotel not the airport so you can not have all that emotion. Or spend the time with them before heading to the airport the day before. But not at the airport itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 If you really don't think your parents want to be there then perhaps you can suggest gently that the day before is the way to go? One thing my daughter did that made me feel so much more connected was to send a few texts as she was travelling - one from the departure lounge, one from her stopover, one when she arrived in Sydney. It emphasised the fact that she had left the country not the planet! Not easy though, I sympathise. Thats the thing, you say all this teary goodbye then walk through to departures and then can still call, text or video chat the moment you are in there And as you say, text at the stopovers or even use the internet on the plane if you want to pay for it. It really isn't 24 hours out of contact, you can be in regular touch from the moment you leave. We always are, we just carry on where we left off (which thankfully for us isn't an airport goodbye). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PommyPaul Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 it's a bloody hard one mazza, on a side note despite how hard it is for them i'm sure they'd rather you did what is best for you... there's no easy way to say goodbye so really i can't offer any advice but good luck for the new life downunder! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fisher1 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 We never do the airport now. We stay each year for 1-2 months, say goodbye at the door of the house and go off in a taxi. Much easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 Well, if you're going to get teary don't do it at the airport. If it's going to be all emotional, do it somewhere else - like leave them at their place and take the taxi. When we were younger, airport farewells were just fine, none of us got all blathery - unless they're very old, chances are you'll see them again quite often. If they're on their last legs however that's a whole different ballgame - I cried all the way from Cambridge to London on the train one time (but I've had them for many years since!). I still do airport farewells with the kids and grandkids but I guess I have a different take on it - just another journey and they will be there the next time I see them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 Did you do farewells at the airport or at home? Arriving at the airport, finding your queue, checking in and so on is always fraught with stress I find. Why add the emotional burden of farewells on top. Better to say farewells elsewhere. Also you are not on a one-way ticket to Mars. So rather than dragging out the goodbyes I suggest keeping it short and simple and positive. (i.e.) looking forward to your parents visiting you on their holiday or versa visa. Many parents actually end up following their children out and emigrating themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 I'm afraid I go with the stiff upper lip now. Can't be doing with emotional good byes especially when kids are involved. I save my tears now for when we meet up instead. Airport goodbyes are for Hollywood Films only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mazza227 Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 Thanks everyone, I'm so glad it's not just me. I wondered if I may get called selfish for not wanting then at the airport. I just thought spend a few days with them before, then drive down to heathrow (which I know will be very emotional drive) but then go to hotel and try and compose myself again! Ok. Now it's how to tell them! Hmm, they've really shocked me with saying this :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 I wondered if I may get called selfish for not wanting then at the airport. ( Called sensible and practical more like. Better to wait for your first visit back and they can meet you at the airport. Hellos are much nicer than goodbyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 Thanks everyone, I'm so glad it's not just me. I wondered if I may get called selfish for not wanting then at the airport. I just thought spend a few days with them before, then drive down to heathrow (which I know will be very emotional drive) but then go to hotel and try and compose myself again! Ok. Now it's how to tell them! Hmm, they've really shocked me with saying this :-( You could be honest and say you'll be too upset. At least then they know you're feeling as distressed about it as they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tina0101 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Sounds very much like us - my parents took it badly and we hardly talked about. I would recommend not doing the airport goodbye. Saying goodbye to my mum was horrendous and I am so glad that we didn't do it in public!! My dad and sister-in-law drove us up to the hotel at Heathrow. Saying goodbye to them was hard. Once they had gone we all started to get a bit excited. Balls of nervous energy!!! By the time the next morning came, we were so excited!! It was nice to start the journey on a positive - you don't want to be getting on the plane in tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Mazza, my mother in law was just like this , in five yrs she never even brought it up the fact that we were moving to Oz and taking her then three Grandchildren (now five) ...........but she came over every yr and after Six yrs she eventually moved over (so we are moving back to the UK ) but seriously you dont know whats around the corner , i know that my mother in law is though :wink: .......this may sound weird but moving here actually brought my wife and her Dad closer , they had a much better relationship , they spoke for longer and laughed about old times(its so cheap to phone the UK from here) , and he often came over with his new wife , something she will cherish .........im sure they will come around to the idea you have chosen a better life for yourselves and will look forward to their visits .......good luck with everything .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benj1980 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I'm pretty hard nosed, my wife's family cry at the most ridiculous things so we are going to say our goodbyes the day before as we drive off. I'd be embarrassed watching them all cry at the airport and preferably I don't want the children feeling the need to join in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pommie Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Mazza My wife is an only child, so goodbye's is especially hard for her... I would definitely avoid an airport last minute goodbye as you suggest. In fact, this is what we did the first time we left for Oz... The whole move is a combination of being upsetting on one hand yet exciting for your new life ahead on the other. Having a trolley full of cases to manoeuvre at either side of the airport doesn't help either. By focusing on the family goodbye's away from the airport means you begin your new journey in a better frame of mind.... and remember - your only a couple of flights away for family to come and see you again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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