I'm new here - 24 y/o Londoner lost in Sydney :(

[londoncalling]

Hi there,

 

I'm new here. I'm not sure why I'm really posting anything, I'm not an 'expat' and I am just in Sydney on a secondment from the UK.

 

Anyway, as an introduction, I'm a 24 year old on secondment to a law firm here.

 

If I could describe the experience so far, it's a mixture of emotions. I arrived in March and will be returning to HQ in London in October.

 

I think this is a beautiful country - I love the far higher quality of life in almost all respects, the fresh produce and food, the quality, the unimaginable space and sense of freedom. I've loved these aspects to my time here and will be sad to go back.

 

That said, I've made basically no friends in Sydney. I don't know what it is and can't put my finger on it, but I get the impression that networks are just really difficult to break into here? Or locals just hang out with people they went to school/university with and are not very trusting of newcomers. Which is the complete opposite to my life in London where newcomers are always coming and going and always welcome in my friendship group. I've been busy with work, but even at work I have found a lot of people to be pretty antisocial and some fairly unfriendly or just interested in showing up for work and going home with no after hours culture at all.

 

So I've found myself feeling pretty isolated a lot of the time in the evenings with no social life. I've put that extra time to good use by exploring aus as much as I can and getting fit (no alcohol opportunities has actually left me feeling amazing!).

 

I guess I just feel that, while it's been an incredible experience work-wise, professionally and opened my eyes to potentially working abroad again, it's also been a very weird experience and I feel sad that I just haven't made any friends. Sure, I've made 'contacts' through 'networking' but friendships - not really. It's been exacerbated by the time difference when I want to tell my mates in the UK something but won't receive a response for hours and even when I have downtime in the evening, they will be flat out at work so not really possible to contact.

 

Professionally as well, I feel very out of the loop with HQ in London and am concerned about qualification as a solicitor when I return as I've been away for so long. I also don't really hear from my friends in the UK very much these days - I guess 'out of sight out of mind' is true.

 

When I went to Melbourne, I had the complete opposite vibe to Sydney. Everyone was lovely, ridiculously friendly and I loved the vibe of the city.

 

I'd love to come back to Australia for a couple of years at least but would it just be the same as I have felt on this shorter term move over here? It's odd because I feel very sad knowing I have to go back to London (hate it there) but also excited because the work is higher quality there. Is it just Sydney? Or are these feeling normal for Aus in general?

 

It's been 100% the opposite to what I expected and I haven't really seen much of that laid back care free super friendly Aus culture we all see on TV in the UK.

 

That said, super grateful for the experience, I just want to know whether it's worth looking at coming back as it's been very lonely over here... ?

[londoncalling]

Also, I should add, with just two months left here, I'm beyond the stage I think where I want to actively try to make friends and want to spend the rest of the time exploring as much of Australia as I can before I go back

[adaminoz]

Hey Londoncalling - I don't really have much to say other than I'm glad you posted, it was an intersting read and in some ways reflect what I and some of my other friends from the UK have felt.

[Que Sera Sera]

Would you be able to come back? Presumably you were on a WHV?

[londoncalling]

Would you be able to come back? Presumably you were on a WHV?

 

Presumably with sponsorship, yes. But my WHV has been used, yes.

 

Not sure if I would realistically come back though - it is very, very far!

[silencio]

You're absolutely right with the friendship issue, we've got the same one in Adelaide/South Australia though we've got an after work culture with pubs, dining, Xmas in July etc. but I find it superficial, it's more networking and team bonding activities

So far after more than 3 years we haven't found real 'friends' just acquaintances though some call us 'friends' but hardly hear or see much from them!

 

It's hard to get into the 'Australian circles' as you mentioned they've their mates from school, uni etc. My advise would be try to find other friends from the UK, Europe or other countries.

Many migrants/people feed the same like you and thanks for sharing this honest and open minded posting.

[Que Sera Sera]

Presumably with sponsorship, yes. But my WHV has been used, yes.

 

Not sure if I would realistically come back though - it is very, very far!

 

I don't think you could anyway even if you wanted to. My point I'm making is that you could have never had the mindset to stay here because you couldn't , it was never feasible and those you were working with would also have known that. I doubt you'd get sponsorship unless you are a fully trained and experienced solicitor, in which case you would get PR not sponsorship, but at 24 I doubt you are. Its not quite the same as comparing it to moving here perminantly.

[londoncalling]

I don't think you could anyway even if you wanted to. My point I'm making is that you could have never had the mindset to stay here because you couldn't , it was never feasible and those you were working with would also have known that. I doubt you'd get sponsorship unless you are a fully trained and experienced solicitor, in which case you would get PR not sponsorship, but at 24 I doubt you are. Its not quite the same as comparing it to moving here perminantly.

 

Gosh, have I hit a nerve moaning about Aus? Sorry if you're easily offended!

 

I don't think it's that hard moving over here with 1-2 years PQE experience depending on where you qualify.

 

Yes I am fully aware being on a secondment isn't comparable to moving somewhere permanently and people are probably put off when they find you're going to be heading back in a matter of months.

[Bungo]

I always am bemused when somebody will blame an entire city for not being able to make friends. Within any city, wherever it is in the world, there will be some friendly people and some not so friendly. Also some individuals take longer to make friends than others. A city cannot be unfriendly though, that is absurd.

 

Of course, maybe you have been a touch unlucky if your particular company does not have much of a culture of socialising, it happens sometimes, that can happen in UK too. Also if everybody knows you are only there for six months, then maybe some do not feel the need to invest in a new friendship which would be so short term.

 

I think that you have the right idea now, with a few months left, to just enjoy the experience and not put so much pressure on yourself to make friends. A lot of people put themselves under an awful lot of pressure to make friends within a relatively short time frame and it becomes the be all and end all and the measure of success.

 

As to whether you should come back, well maybe cross that bridge when you get to it. Actually it is hard to move as a solicitor, well it has one of the hardest skills assessments anyway. My advice is to simply play it by ear, you don't need to decide anything now.

[bunbury61]

Hi there,

 

I'm new here. I'm not sure why I'm really posting anything, I'm not an 'expat' and I am just in Sydney on a secondment from the UK.

 

Anyway, as an introduction, I'm a 24 year old on secondment to a law firm here.

 

If I could describe the experience so far, it's a mixture of emotions. I arrived in March and will be returning to HQ in London in October.

 

I think this is a beautiful country - I love the far higher quality of life in almost all respects, the fresh produce and food, the quality, the unimaginable space and sense of freedom. I've loved these aspects to my time here and will be sad to go back.

 

That said, I've made basically no friends in Sydney. I don't know what it is and can't put my finger on it, but I get the impression that networks are just really difficult to break into here? Or locals just hang out with people they went to school/university with and are not very trusting of newcomers. Which is the complete opposite to my life in London where newcomers are always coming and going and always welcome in my friendship group. I've been busy with work, but even at work I have found a lot of people to be pretty antisocial and some fairly unfriendly or just interested in showing up for work and going home with no after hours culture at all.

 

So I've found myself feeling pretty isolated a lot of the time in the evenings with no social life. I've put that extra time to good use by exploring aus as much as I can and getting fit (no alcohol opportunities has actually left me feeling amazing!).

 

I guess I just feel that, while it's been an incredible experience work-wise, professionally and opened my eyes to potentially working abroad again, it's also been a very weird experience and I feel sad that I just haven't made any friends. Sure, I've made 'contacts' through 'networking' but friendships - not really. It's been exacerbated by the time difference when I want to tell my mates in the UK something but won't receive a response for hours and even when I have downtime in the evening, they will be flat out at work so not really possible to contact.

 

Professionally as well, I feel very out of the loop with HQ in London and am concerned about qualification as a solicitor when I return as I've been away for so long. I also don't really hear from my friends in the UK very much these days - I guess 'out of sight out of mind' is true.

 

When I went to Melbourne, I had the complete opposite vibe to Sydney. Everyone was lovely, ridiculously friendly and I loved the vibe of the city.

 

I'd love to come back to Australia for a couple of years at least but would it just be the same as I have felt on this shorter term move over here? It's odd because I feel very sad knowing I have to go back to London (hate it there) but also excited because the work is higher quality there. Is it just Sydney? Or are these feeling normal for Aus in general?

 

It's been 100% the opposite to what I expected and I haven't really seen much of that laid back care free super friendly Aus culture we all see on TV in the UK.

 

That said, super grateful for the experience, I just want to know whether it's worth looking at coming back as it's been very lonely over here... ?

 

You are not alone ...said goodbye to a young family we knew 8 months ago to Sydney ...i told them to go for it ...great for the kids etc .....shes back already ....no criticism of oz as such ...but the cost of living ...lack of friendships etc....the place sent her into a bit of a depression....shes really outgoing ,and found herself dropping the kids off at school , and then sitting back at her house depressed.

So she's chucked the towel in

[Marisawright]

 

Anyway, as an introduction, I'm a 24 year old on secondment to a law firm here.

 

If I could describe the experience so far, it's a mixture of emotions. I arrived in March and will be returning to HQ in London in October.

 

I think this is a beautiful country - I love the far higher quality of life in almost all respects, the fresh produce and food, the quality, the unimaginable space and sense of freedom. I've loved these aspects to my time here and will be sad to go back.

 

That said, I've made basically no friends in Sydney. I don't know what it is and can't put my finger on it, but I get the impression that networks are just really difficult to break into here? Or locals just hang out with people they went to school/university with and are not very trusting of newcomers. Which is the complete opposite to my life in London where newcomers are always coming and going and always welcome in my friendship group.?

 

I lived in Sydney for 30 years and you've just described my experience exactly! I made lots and lots of acquaintances but never found what I'd call a real friend. I started out in country Victoria and made some friends (in just a year) that I'm still in touch with 30 years later - whereas now I've left Sydney, I haven't heard a peep from any of my Sydney "friends" to see how I'm going.

[JarvisG]

I have to agree a little bit here. it is different there, i find it to be really social actually??? I was there for a year on a WHV and im moving over permanently next month. In my year there i worked in hospitality and made loads of friends... i was out most weekends ( i was 28 at the time also ). I still speak to some of them 2 years later and I am sure il see them again.Saying this when i go back il be moving into a office type job as i work in I.T so might find it a bit tricker, but i also have family there so that helps massively as were quite close and I wont be far from them.I think it depends on the place you work and the type of people you work with but i also think it really depends on the type of person you are.... i am quite a loud person and i am overly confident. I find the Ozzies to have a very similar sense of humor to myself and they are very quick to take the piss out of you for anything which i quite like. I can only imagine some of the city slickers solicitor types in sydney are a bit older , more reserved type's of people with familys...i bet if you worked on a building site or in hospitality ( i understand you were there on secondment ) you would of made loads of friends

[MARYROSE02]

You're absolutely right with the friendship issue, we've got the same one in Adelaide/South Australia though we've got an after work culture with pubs, dining, Xmas in July etc. but I find it superficial, it's more networking and team bonding activities

So far after more than 3 years we haven't found real 'friends' just acquaintances though some call us 'friends' but hardly hear or see much from them!

 

It's hard to get into the 'Australian circles' as you mentioned they've their mates from school, uni etc. My advise would be try to find other friends from the UK, Europe or other countries.

 

.

Many migrants/people feed the same like you and thanks for sharing this honest and open minded posting.

 

Friendships developed at school or university are not the only friendships that matter. You can make friends anywhere, through playing sport, at work, at the pub. Project a happy image and people will usually warm to you. It works for me. (And I came to Sydney when I was 24 too.)

[Marisawright]

Friendships developed at school or university are not the only friendships that matter. You can make friends anywhere, through playing sport, at work, at the pub. Project a happy image and people will usually warm to you. It works for me. (And I came to Sydney when I was 24 too.)

 

But MaryRose, when we've discussed Sydney being friendly before, you've given examples of your friendships - with your local baristas, barmen, people you chat to in pubs, workmates you chat to at work. I had plenty of "friends" of that sort in Sydney too, but that's not my definition of friends - they are all just acquaintances. They are not people you arrange to meet for coffee, or people who come to your place for dinner or invite you over to theirs. They are not people you would ring if you had some kind of crisis and needed a shoulder to cry on.

 

I always found Sydney "friendly" and I had a big network of people I knew, but that's not the same as making real friends IMO.

[MARYROSE02]

I lived in Sydney for 30 years and you've just described my experience exactly! I made lots and lots of acquaintances but never found what I'd call a real friend. I started out in country Victoria and made some friends (in just a year) that I'm still in touch with 30 years later - whereas now I've left Sydney, I haven't heard a peep from any of my Sydney "friends" to see how I'm going.[/QUOTE]

 

I did not even know that you had gone! And not hearing from friends after you have left a country, or even a part of a country, or, say, a job, is hardly unique to Australia. I stay in contact with a few of my English friends and relatives via Face Book, but without it, I would have lost touch. As for the people I grew up with, before coming to OZ the first time, well, maybe there are one or two, who, grudgingly, send me the odd message.

 

Maybe you were just unlucky with making friends. Some might say that finding a true friend is harder than finding true love! And what level of friendship are you talking about? I have friends who I know I could call upon if I was taken ill, who would come and see me in hospital. At short notice, I asked one of my friends to stay with me for three nights after an operation, and he did it.

 

I have friends who will call me to see if I want to go out for a meal/drink. I've stayed friends with people I worked with last in the 1990's. I did not find that people in the UK were any more or less 'friendly' than here. I had a lovely neighbour in the UK, who woul do anything for me, but most of the other neighbours were no more than 'Good morning, how are you' type of friends.

[MARYROSE02]

But MaryRose, when we've discussed Sydney being friendly before, you've given examples of your friendships - with your local baristas, barmen, people you chat to in pubs, workmates you chat to at work. I had plenty of "friends" of that sort in Sydney too, but that's not my definition of friends - they are all just acquaintances. They are not people you arrange to meet for coffee, or people who come to your place for dinner or invite you over to theirs. They are not people you would ring if you had some kind of crisis and needed a shoulder to cry on.

 

I always found Sydney "friendly" and I had a big network of people I knew, but that's not the same as making real friends IMO.

 

I just answered your thread replying to another one. Perhaps many of those people who 'know my name' are just 'acquaintances' but at some point, some of them become 'friends.' You rarely meet somebody and become bosom buddies overnight? The ones in the pubs and cafes are pleased to see me when I come in. They smile. They say 'Hello Dave.' Some of them have become more 'friendly' if you like, eg with Sandy and Rulla buying me a cake and a present for my sixtieth birthday in the Royal Exhibition Hotel last year. How many bar staff would do that for you? I like to do things for them too. Last week, on a whim, I left the Trinity Bar, and walked 500 metres to Messina and came back with $33 worth of ice cream for the seven bar staff on duty. These are the sort of things that gradually, sometimes, turn acquaintances into friends.

 

I usually get invited out for dinner or drinks a couple of times a week. Recently, I have become more friendly with the young nephew of one of my oldest friends because he is living near to me, studying and living away from home for the first time, with his family in The Blue Mountains. He comes over to my place two or three times a week. I've even made him dinner, which, amazingly, he liked. I also introduced him to my other friends, and one of them takes him regularly to the footie.

 

When my Mum came out to see us in South Strathfield for the first time in 1984, the lady next door made her a cake with 'Welcome Mary' on it, and took her out to meet her friiends. It wasn't anything uniquely Australian to do it. It's just luck, I guess, moving in to a place and having nice people next to you. It could happen just as easilly in the UK, as was my experience with one of my neighbours.

 

You could well be lucky with your move to the UK, but it would not mean that Brits are any more 'friendly' than Aussies, just that you were 'in the right place, at the right time.'

[starlight7]

They are more friendly in Melbourne-quite noticeable and I'm not sure why. Also friendly in Adelaide and not bad in Brisbane and certainly friendly in Darwin. Sydney? No. Maybe because it is big and expensive and everyone is preoccupied with making money and surviving and can't be bothered reaching out from the groups they are already in? Just a theory.

[MARYROSE02]

They are more friendly in Melbourne-quite noticeable and I'm not sure why. Also friendly in Adelaide and not bad in Brisbane and certainly friendly in Darwin. Sydney? No. Maybe because it is big and expensive and everyone is preoccupied with making money and surviving and can't be bothered reaching out from the groups they are already in? Just a theory.

 

That's your experience, but not mine. I did not intend to live in Sydney, Perth being my original choice, but now I would not live anywhere else. Melbourne is only a couple of hundred thousand people less than Sydney, and Brisbane is hardly a 'tiddler' either. I made few friends on my first stint in Sydney, other than through work, and some of them have lasted for twenty years after I left that work.

 

This second time in Sydney I have made a real effort to talk to people, to smile, to be positive. Sure many of the people I know are 'acquaintances' but I still derive much pleasure from seeing them, and knowing their names, and knowing that they know my names, and are happy to see me. I'll never be lonely as long as I know I can go into various cafes and bars and people will know me.

[JockinTas]

They are more friendly in Melbourne-quite noticeable and I'm not sure why. Also friendly in Adelaide and not bad in Brisbane and certainly friendly in Darwin. Sydney? No. Maybe because it is big and expensive and everyone is preoccupied with making money and surviving and can't be bothered reaching out from the groups they are already in? Just a theory.

 

Two of my closest friends are from Sydney. One thought we were mad to move to Tasmania and the other wants to move here one day too. I've known them both for over 20 years. We worked together and became very good friends over the years. Both of them have been to visit and we are always emailing and phoning each other. The one who thought we were mad to move here is now looking at real estate in Tassie :laugh: She just has to convince her husband.

[Guest51810]

I've heard that too about melbourne being a lot friendlier than sydney

[Marisawright]

I've heard that too about melbourne being a lot friendlier than sydney

 

When you're on a WHV I wonder if you'll notice any difference. Being in backpacker hostels, you'll meet so many other travellers and because you have that in common, you're likely to make lots of friends there.

[Guest51810]

I shall report back :cute: I want to get chatting to people from all different countries but Id like to speak to locals as much as possible too. One of these outback pub jobs are starting to sound more appealing to me

[starlight7]

You won't have any trouble in backpackers wherever you are- they are all friendly so I hear.

[MARYROSE02]

I shall report back :cute: I want to get chatting to people from all different countries but Id like to speak to locals as much as possible too. One of these outback pub jobs are starting to sound more appealing to me

If you say you support Rangers I could ask Richard about a bar job!

[Guest51810]

If you say you support Rangers I could ask Richard about a bar job!

 

tell him all my family are from glasgow and I used to be in the supporters club and had broxy bear stuff sent out to me several times a year. i don't have bar experience though!