bill08 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 My partner and I have been engaged for approx. 2 years. We have lived in Perth for 8 years and loved the life here, we have travelled around a great deal during this time sampling east, west and queensland and think the country is great, with climate and life style top notch. We both have good jobs with good income. We have no family or old time friends here, we left the UK leaving all these behind, we both miss our families very much, our siblings both have recent additions to there families too, but we travel back every other year for a good catch up. My fiancé has been thinking it's the time in our lives to settle down, which I would tend to agree, it would be too hard here to raise a family on our own without the close support of family. She misses her family and sister dearly who has a 3 year old and expecting another soon!! Bearing this in mind, within the next year she would like to go back, find jobs a house and later start a family. This is all great but originally it was me who made the move to come out here and she later followed, which was where we started our relationship properly. I love the life in Aus probably more than her. I'm just abit afraid to make a brand new start back in the UK and sort of start with nothing again and work my way up the career ladder, earning considerably less than in Aus with quality of life and climate being a big factor. Any feed back would be great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 It is not "too hard" to raise a family on our own without close support of family. How do I know? Because we are doing it. There may be good reasons for going to the UK, but I would want to be really clear - I mean REALLY clear, about the true reasons. It is a big shift, and if your heart is not in it, your relationship will suffer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevenLozza Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 You are stuck between a Rock and a hard place. I'll concentrate on the part you mention about settling down. I agree that having close family around is a god send on occasions, but think a little in the future when your future child is older, say 3+ and you are stuck in doors due to bad weather or spending money in softplay centres. Me and my wife are moving to Perth for this very reason. My wife is originally from Perth but her father stays in the uk and mother and sister stay in Perth. I think it'll be a very good possibility that you'll be sitting in the uk thinking about going back to Perth for your childs sake. The UK is in recovery in terms of future prospects and has a long way to go before we all have it back to the good times we all used to enjoy. And Perth is still a young city with massive growth expectations, it sounds like you have made a very good start in Perth and my opinion would be to stay put and try family life there 1st, then if you feel under pressure then make a move back to the UK? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 This is a tough one. If your fiancée is looking for the family support to help with raising a child and this is the major reason for her wanting to move back home then you both need to be aware of something and read this http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html Your fiancée may agree to stay in Australia if that's where your heart lies and have a family with you there, with an agreement that if you find it difficult then you will move home for family support. However, it's not always that simple, because if one of you change your mind the other will be trapped in a country they don't want to be in. I currently volunteer on another internet forum and I'm helping many women who are unhappily stuck in a country they don't want to be in because they won't give their children up, the majority being in Australia and New Zealand. I believe if you fully know the issues discussed in the recommended thread it will help you both to come to a decision that is best for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 My partner and I have been engaged for approx. 2 years.We have lived in Perth for 8 years and loved the life here, we have travelled around a great deal during this time sampling east, west and queensland and think the country is great, with climate and life style top notch. We both have good jobs with good income. We have no family or old time friends here, we left the UK leaving all these behind, we both miss our families very much, our siblings both have recent additions to there families too, but we travel back every other year for a good catch up. My fiancé has been thinking it's the time in our lives to settle down, which I would tend to agree, it would be too hard here to raise a family on our own without the close support of family. She misses her family and sister dearly who has a 3 year old and expecting another soon!! Bearing this in mind, within the next year she would like to go back, find jobs a house and later start a family. This is all great but originally it was me who made the move to come out here and she later followed, which was where we started our relationship properly. I love the life in Aus probably more than her. I'm just abit afraid to make a brand new start back in the UK and sort of start with nothing again and work my way up the career ladder, earning considerably less than in Aus with quality of life and climate being a big factor. Any feed back would be great! unless you have a bloody good reason .....stay where you are ....the way the world is becoming , having good jobs and income in safe environment , as you have , you would be barmy to give it up ....increase your visits home , but stay where you are . you have answered your own question Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 unless you have a bloody good reason .....stay where you are ....the way the world is becoming , having good jobs and income in safe environment , as you have , you would be barmy to give it up ....increase your visits home , but stay where you are .you have answered your own question I love both countries equally , for different reasons ....I came home for " family " reasons 20 yrs ago , although I didn't realise it at the time ....and you get lumbered ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I have also spent 8 years here and am ready to go home. We have good jobs and like it here, but the pull of family and friends and itchy feet (I love travelling) is too tempting. I raised young kids in the UK and can't remember being stuck inside on rainy days - there was always somewhere to go, someone to see - and my kids loved British and European holidays too, despite the rain!I was really grateful to have a strong supportive network around me when my kids were little. As a young parent though, it is easy to meet people through parent & baby classes etc so you could meet people here ...Can you head back without burning bridges (take a year off from work etc?), It is so tricky when you want different things - My hubby loves it here, but I am ready to go back and have a new adventure. Be sure you really talk, cos this situation can be very difficult to deal with and can damage relationships... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I brought my family up with no family support and my parents and brother were living in Australia albeit top end and I was bottom end. No guarantee that family will not move away to another part when jobs and cash come into it. I have family in Perth but never met some of them, also in Sydney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 We have brought up our daughter in the UK with no family support whatever, both working. It is perfectly possible to do. It does sound like the familiar issue of the pull of close family and friends which many find irresistible. In your case it sounds like you may potentially be giving up a great deal for that. You would no doubt find it much harder to make regular trips back once you have children as money is often tighter. I wouldn't be at all surprised if you don't ping pong back to Aus. Have you applied for citizenship to make that easier? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 We have no family or old time friends here, we left the UK leaving all these behind, we both miss our families very much, our siblings both have recent additions to there families too She misses her family and sister dearly who has a 3 year old and expecting another soon!! in contradiction to others opinions on here, have you not also answered your own questions with the quotes above? You dont need a good income in the UK like you do in Aus. It is so much cheaper and your money goes a lot further in the UK,its all relevant. Disposable income wise (percentage, not exchange rate) you will probably have the same. I think these things always get over complicated...what do you want more, good climate or family around you....because ultimately these are the only factors which cant be replicated in either country. Im pretty sure that your children (when you have them) would rather spend a day with their grandparents/aunts/cousins than a day at the beach, well my kids do anyway. Each to their own though. The 1 thing in your favour if you can call it that is that you have never had children in the UK around grandparents etc so you dont fully appreciate that bond they instantly have, seeing it first hand is amazing, a truly cherished moment...and makes it hard being here when deep down you know what they could have...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinker78 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 in contradiction to others opinions on here, have you not also answered your own questions with the quotes above? You dont need a good income in the UK like you do in Aus. It is so much cheaper and your money goes a lot further in the UK,its all relevant. Disposable income wise (percentage, not exchange rate) you will probably have the same. I think these things always get over complicated...what do you want more, good climate or family around you....because ultimately these are the only factors which cant be replicated in either country. Im pretty sure that your children (when you have them) would rather spend a day with their grandparents/aunts/cousins than a day at the beach, well my kids do anyway. Each to their own though. The 1 thing in your favour if you can call it that is that you have never had children in the UK around grandparents etc so you dont fully appreciate that bond they instantly have, seeing it first hand is amazing, a truly cherished moment...and makes it hard being here when deep down you know what they could have...... one thing to note is; you don't know how you are going to react to becoming parents until it happens. whatever people say, it is MUCH harder to do without both practical and emotional support during the first years of infancy. i know because i did it and yes, it's do-able and yes, you can do it, and yes, you'll get through it. however, i could have saved myself the **** experience of post natal depression probably if i had chosen to go back to the uk whilst pregnant....however, i decided to stay in perth and then i found out how hard it was....of course, all women are different, but the reality of early parenting can be totally exhausting, and downright harsh if you don't have anyone to give you a 'break' or give you a shoulder when times are tough. you may have 'friends' a plenty but in my experience, this cannot replace family in times of need. when you haven't slept more than a few hours for a weeks on end, you're not going to expect friends to take the baby for a bit, or to come round and do your washing. i say this having experienced it, but of course, many do do it, i just think, if you are going to need family, no point making life harder by being thousands of miles away. i would also say this- yes, perth is pretty good for kids, but seeing your kids with their grandparents and vice versa is more worthwhile. hey, you can always come back when they are older. i've been around the block on this one. try as i might, i would much rather have family now-= i tried living the dream raising a family and it was lonely. and down the track, it's pretty heart breaking when your child asks for family but can't see them, and sees other kids with grandparents and cousins etc. i am going 'home' so that i can probably have another baby but not tough it out like i did before. i'm lucky that my parents will assist if i need them in emergencies or whatnot. i don't plan to rely on them, but it'll be nice to know that if i'm ill, or my kids are ill, there will be someone around to assist. that's just me though, but a lot of women feel the pull home when they are in those child bearing years. it makes perfect sense to me; we are not designed to raise babies alone. it's too hard. perth will always be there. if you choose to stay, i'm sure you will get through, but think wisely and good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarahelle Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I'm here with my df who is an Aussie and we have an 8 month old baby girl. My DF's family are here but live about an hour away so I don't get any help at all as obviously my fiance has to work, so it's me who does pretty much everything. DF and I never get a date night or anything. I would give anything to have my family and friends around me, especially my Mum and Dad who I know would dote on their only grand daughter. It breaks my heart that I'm stuck here and depriving my parents of her and if my fiance were British too, I'd be gone tomorrow. I agree with Thinker78, Aus will always be here and you can always come back in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
byrned Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 As a parent nothing beat seeing my children surrounded by close family ie grandparents,aunts, uncles and cousins at christmas, bonfire night, easter, summer holidays sharing special occasions and milestones in their life. We moved to oz when they were 15 and 8 yrs old so they had a taste of extended family and for that I will always be so thankful, because in my own opinion if you have good family and friends around you and your children you have everything, no amount of money, material possessions can surpass that. I will be returning next year as soon as my son finishes high school here and my daughter also wants to return, she had a 3 month trip last year to catch up with family her old high school friends and cousins who are spread all over england and that was the deciding factor for her. I now say, never say never, it is a big wide world out there who says we have to stay in one spot for ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 yes, perth is pretty good for kids, but seeing your kids with their grandparents and vice versa is more worthwhile. Agreed..although not been to Perth, I would just say Australia in general. Also, regardless of whether you can or cannot cope without family around you....theres no need to. Plenty of time to be alone when your family have died, and then its too late for your kids to spend time with their grandparents. Im sure when this time comes you/your kids will say "I wish I could have 1 more day with them" not "I wish I could have one more day on the beach" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I'm here with my df who is an Aussie and we have an 8 month old baby girl. My DF's family are here but live about an hour away so I don't get any help at all as obviously my fiance has to work, so it's me who does pretty much everything. DF and I never get a date night or anything. I would give anything to have my family and friends around me, especially my Mum and Dad who I know would dote on their only grand daughter. It breaks my heart that I'm stuck here and depriving my parents of her and if my fiance were British too, I'd be gone tomorrow. I agree with Thinker78, Aus will always be here and you can always come back in the future. Surely no one is stuck anywhere? ( i have no experience of this situation) If your DF knew you felt like this im sure he would move back to the UK in a flash...I know it would if it was my wife. Lifes way too short to be unhappy and this isnt a rehersal, its the real thing, cant do things differently next time as there isnt a next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 As a parent nothing beat seeing my children surrounded by close family ie grandparents,aunts, uncles and cousins at christmas, bonfire night, easter, summer holidays sharing special occasions and milestones in their life. if you have good family and friends around you and your children you have everything, no amount of money, material possessions can surpass that. So true, it has taken moving here to realise that everything we could ever want/need was right under our noses and sunshine and beach isnt important at all. This is now a long holiday for me (us) until we head home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Agreed..although not been to Perth, I would just say Australia in general. Also, regardless of whether you can or cannot cope without family around you....theres no need to. Plenty of time to be alone when your family have died, and then its too late for your kids to spend time with their grandparents. Im sure when this time comes you/your kids will say "I wish I could have 1 more day with them" not "I wish I could have one more day on the beach" Not always the case, if we hadnt moved when we did and had done as you say then -A - One or maybe even both of my kids would be classed as an adult and working when their grandparents die so couldnt come on our visa and -B - Hubby wouldnt qualify for a visa now anyway, so none of us would be lucky to even step foot into Australia. I have an Aunt and Uncle who did as you advise and put off the move years ago due to relatives and to this day they regret it ,still live in the UK, doing the same things and never managed to make the move due to their age when their parents passed away. Funnily enough once we announced we may be migrating they were our biggest supporters and helped us with so much, including somewhere to stay once our house had sold. What may work for one doesnt always work for another, or what may look simple on paper isnt always the case in real life. Cal x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 in contradiction to others opinions on here, have you not also answered your own questions with the quotes above? You dont need a good income in the UK like you do in Aus. It is so much cheaper and your money goes a lot further in the UK,its all relevant. Disposable income wise (percentage, not exchange rate) you will probably have the same. Money does not go further in the UK, that is complete rubbish. Petrol is twice as expensive for a start, then there's road tax and MOT and insurance is through the roof. Parking fees everywhere. You drive round having petrol anxiety constantly thinking "I'm spending money". Then there is council tax, also mortgages are more restrictive, and you have winter fuel costs. The only thing I can think of that is cheaper is Supermarket basics. Entertainment is no more expensive (eating out and drinking). Honestly mate, you need a Big income in UK to live comfortably. If you have the same income as in Australia, you will not have the same standard of living, believe me. Check out BobinOz website for the facts on cost of living. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Money does not go further in the UK, that is complete rubbish. Petrol is twice as expensive for a start, then there's road tax and MOT and insurance is through the roof. Parking fees everywhere. You drive round having petrol anxiety constantly thinking "I'm spending money". Then there is council tax, also mortgages are more restrictive, and you have winter fuel costs. The only thing I can think of that is cheaper is Supermarket basics. Entertainment is no more expensive (eating out and drinking). Honestly mate, you need a Big income in UK to live comfortably. If you have the same income as in Australia, you will not have the same standard of living, believe me. Check out BobinOz website for the facts on cost of living. Ha, I was waiting for your 'great' advice! I dont need to "believe you" (because I live here and have lived in the UK) no more than I need a "big income in the UK to live comfortably" and I NEVER drove around the UK "having petrol anxiety constantly thinking "im spending money" Back in the UK my wife worked 2 nights a week (midwife) and we lived very comfortably, managed to save the equivalent of half our mortgage payments each month. Here she has to work 3 nights a week and we might save 25-30% of our rent per month......at most! Then there is childcare....I dont even need to provide figures for that as anyone with kids knows all about this. Our child care is nearly $300 a week and in the UK it was free. Our winter fuel costs in the UK were no more than the summer air con costs here. This is probably due to the fact that UK houses are well insulated and hold heat and most houses here are....NOT so the second we turned the aircon off the room is like an oven again. Like I say in most of my posts these are only my thoughts. The sooner you realise that the world does not bow down to you, and what you say isnt always (if ever) right the better we will all be! Over and out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splash77 Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 stay put in oz we've been back in uk for 2 years after 5 years in oz biggest mistake we've ever made …but will return to oz as soon as poss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
byrned Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 to jasepom I think you are basing your post on yourself, you do not know the opening posters financial situation or what him and his partner do for a living and what they can and cannot afford. Every situation is personal and different to the individual and I should imagine that the opening poster is not that blinkered to not have an idea of costs in the uk. I find you are rather biased in your post and does not give a fair reflection and what was asked by the opening poster in the beginning. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 If you don't want to leave you are probably going to struggle TBH because every time something goes not quite right you will compare the bad of what you've got with the glowing memories of what you had! However from a female point of view, bringing up kids in isolation from extended family requires self sufficiency in spades - of course it can be done, I certainly did it, but, then I am a stubborn, selfish, independent kinda gal. I don't think Australia offered my kids anything magical - certainly nothing that my UK friends' kids didn't have or achieve. Both of my kids, as adults, have expressed their regret at the isolation of our little family from our wider extended family which sort of surprised and somewhat saddened me. Im not a great one for "settling down" I must admit - you go where you need to be and do what you need to do and take opportunities where you can get them. You may well find a fabulous job in UK and fall on your feet, or you may not, who knows! OTOH as a female if I were wanting a family and had even an inkling that I didn't want to spend the rest of my days in Aus I sure as hell wouldn't be bringing kids into the equation! Aus will not let kids leave the jurisdiction if one parent, no matter how much of a drop kick, says no they can't go and you are doomed to remain. Can you take a career break and check it all out and see what's on offer for you work wise? (That's what I'd suggest to someone moving in the opposite direction!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazztell Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Hi ! Whatever you decide to do, I would strongly recommend that you both get Australian citizenship before you leave Oz ( if you haven't done so already.) You never know what the future may hold, and having another passport certainly gives you options Good luck ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessica Berry Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) We have lived in Australia for 7 years. We recently visited the UK for a holiday and while we were over there, visited 2 sets of friends who had lived in Australia and returned to the UK to be with family. It was interesting listening to their experiences and both sets of friends said the reality of returning had not lived up to their expectations. Edited June 11, 2014 by Jessica Berry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridgeman Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 one thing to note is; you don't know how you are going to react to becoming parents until it happens. whatever people say, it is MUCH harder to do without both practical and emotional support during the first years of infancy. i know because i did it and yes, it's do-able and yes, you can do it, and yes, you'll get through it. however, i could have saved myself the **** experience of post natal depression probably if i had chosen to go back to the uk whilst pregnant....however, i decided to stay in perth and then i found out how hard it was....of course, all women are different, but the reality of early parenting can be totally exhausting, and downright harsh if you don't have anyone to give you a 'break' or give you a shoulder when times are tough. you may have 'friends' a plenty but in my experience, this cannot replace family in times of need. when you haven't slept more than a few hours for a weeks on end, you're not going to expect friends to take the baby for a bit, or to come round and do your washing. i say this having experienced it, but of course, many do do it, i just think, if you are going to need family, no point making life harder by being thousands of miles away. i would also say this- yes, perth is pretty good for kids, but seeing your kids with their grandparents and vice versa is more worthwhile. hey, you can always come back when they are older. i've been around the block on this one. try as i might, i would much rather have family now-= i tried living the dream raising a family and it was lonely. and down the track, it's pretty heart breaking when your child asks for family but can't see them, and sees other kids with grandparents and cousins etc. i am going 'home' so that i can probably have another baby but not tough it out like i did before. i'm lucky that my parents will assist if i need them in emergencies or whatnot. i don't plan to rely on them, but it'll be nice to know that if i'm ill, or my kids are ill, there will be someone around to assist. that's just me though, but a lot of women feel the pull home when they are in those child bearing years. it makes perfect sense to me; we are not designed to raise babies alone. it's too hard. perth will always be there. if you choose to stay, i'm sure you will get through, but think wisely and good luck! A good argument for reinstating the parent visa surely? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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