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One of the difficult thing about migrating for me has been ......


ali

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..... establishing a friendship group. There's a possibility of grasping at anyone when you first arrive and some of those friendships work and some don't. We've now been in Aus 7 years and it's only really over the last couple of years that we feel that we have a very sound/solid friendship group. Obviously, some have been our friends from the start and others were formed along the way. I feel confident now of picking and choosing what I go to and who I mix with, whereby when we first arrived I would probably have turned up to the opening of an envelope thinking it an opportunity to make friends lol

 

It's important to remember that the friendships we left behind were made over time, they didn't happen over night and sometimes, life, work and responsibilities make it a little more difficult to put ourselves out there than it did when we were younger.

 

I'd be interested in things others have found difficult when they arrived in Aus

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..... establishing a friendship group. There's a possibility of grasping at anyone when you first arrive and some of those friendships work and some don't. We've now been in Aus 7 years and it's only really over the last couple of years that we feel that we have a very sound/solid friendship group. Obviously, some have been our friends from the start and others were formed along the way. I feel confident now of picking and choosing what I go to and who I mix with, whereby when we first arrived I would probably have turned up to the opening of an envelope thinking it an opportunity to make friends lol

 

It's important to remember that the friendships we left behind were made over time, they didn't happen over night and sometimes, life, work and responsibilities make it a little more difficult to put ourselves out there than it did when we were younger.

 

I'd be interested in things others have found difficult when they arrived in Aus

 

Absolutely the same for me too!

 

When we first arrived I, and other extended family members, put a MASSIVE amount of pressure on me to find friends. In the first 18 months or so I didn't meet anyone at all who became a friend. I met people, but I found it very difficult to get in to their already-formed groups. I am not an outgoing person, I am very shy and socially awkward, so I found it really hard. I was actually pretty miserable about this until I started to realise that the friends I had in the UK had been made over many years, and for every friend I found, there were many more who I met but lost along the way.

 

Over time (we have been here for five years) I have built up a small group of friends, and a wider group of people who I see frequently and whom have the potential to become friends, but who are not quite there yet. I still have days where I feel lonely and feel like 'Billy no mates', but I know that over time friendships will develop. I just have to be patient. I intend to get out and about a bit more over the next year or so, volunteering in groups where I am more likely to meet like-minded people, so hopefully my small group of friends will grow a little more.

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Good thread Ali. On friendships....I haven't found that difficult tbh. Not because I have loads and made them easily but because I didnt put any pressure on myself to make any. Partly because I was so busy with work, partly because I often prefer my own company and that of my husband but also because I find it hard to do casual friendship and it takes me a while to really connect with someone. The people we made friends with initially...because we were all in the same boat as new migrants have all fell away by now bar 1. Like you Ive found more natural enduring friendships have formed over the last few years and Im happy with the number.

 

I think my biggest 'difficulty' has been staying positive about our future here when the chips have been down. That 'I want my Mum' feeling and the 'really need a hug off my best friend and a mad night out with someone who knows me inside out' kind of thing. Skype and phone calls havent made up for loss of physical closeness to my Mum, Dad, in laws, step mum, Aunties, sisters in law, bros in law, best mates and importantly their young children and my nieces and nephews. Not seeing them grow and really knowing them etc. Thats the hardest bit for me.

Edited by HappyHeart
added important point
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I can understand that, I guess the family thing was different for me, we lived in a different town to my dad so phone calls had always been a staple of our relationship. My mother has been out of my life longer than she was in it now, so for a great many years, I didn't have a mother figure and became self reliant. I think for me, I knew that my friendship group here were my best friends when I was went through a cancer scare last year. They know how I'm essentially private with stuff and supported me in a way that only friends can.

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I think thats it. Its having friends who understand you. Mine know I NEED to share. I'm not the 'cope with it quietly and alone' sort. I have to share and vent a nd be honest. I find the offloading extremely cathartic. That might scare some friends off maybe!

 

I am the opposite 'cope with it quietly and alone' sort, often to my detriment, but I am very introverted and find social situations such as the school playground at pick up time daunting. I worry that I will say the wrong thing, don't say anything at all just in case, and as a result I think that I come across as being a bit stand-offish.

 

With respect to family, although I do miss my family, we did live quite a way away from them, so we didn't have much of a connection with my side. Dad died years ago, and I have never been close to mum or my sisters. We went back to the UK for a holiday in September, and I did see that the girls are missing out on a relationship with their cousins (OH's niece and nephew, slightly older than our two), but again we lived away from them too.

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Im a venter too! Probably scare people:laugh::swoon:

Good thread Ali. On friendships....I haven't found that difficult tbh. Not because I have loads and made them easily but because I didnt put any pressure on myself to make any. Partly because I was so busy with work, partly because I often prefer my own company and that of my husband but also because I find it hard to do casual friendship and it takes me a while to really connect with someone. The people we made friends with initially...because we were all in the same boat as new migrants have all fell away by now bar 1. Like you Ive found more natural enduring friendships have formed over the last few years and Im happy with the number.

 

I think my biggest 'difficulty' has been staying positive about our future here when the chips have been down. That 'I want my Mum' feeling and the 'really need a hug off my best friend and a mad night out with someone who knows me inside out' kind of thing. Skype and phone calls havent made up for loss of physical closeness to my Mum, Dad, in laws, step mum, Aunties, sisters in law, bros in law, best mates and importantly their young children and my nieces and nephews. Not seeing them grow and really knowing them etc. Thats the hardest bit for me.

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Still in the very early stages of migrating but i'd say this is the hardest bit atm! Just waiting around for visa news, to start looking for work, etc. And now waiting for Paul to finish his stint of work too. It's a very boring time lol. I guess there's lots of little challenges to overcome but i'm sure by the end of the year we'll be in a better place!

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Double Diamond. Not sold here, and was so looking forward to one on our first trip back there, only to find that Ind Coope had stopped brewing it, Maybe I was their only customer and when I left sales went to Zero. :jiggy:

 

When I was in the pub game, I had an oldie regular who used to have a DD mixed with a barley wine!

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Still in the very early stages of migrating but i'd say this is the hardest bit atm! Just waiting around for visa news, to start looking for work, etc. And now waiting for Paul to finish his stint of work too. It's a very boring time lol. I guess there's lots of little challenges to overcome but i'm sure by the end of the year we'll be in a better place!

 

You deserve to be chook............God knows you've put enough into it. :notworthy:

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Not having any friends here as not been an issue for us really, Deb as a few 'mates' from work, i have none at all - no biggie didn't have that many in Britain either.

One of the reasons for moving here (and there's many) was to get away from what few we did have and have a very quite lifestyle and so far it as worked for us, we are not grumpy or anything just like our own company, we stop and say hi to Debs work mates if we see them out and about, but not into the social interaction thing really.

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LKC I'm like that with the whole school yard/mums stuff too. I think in certain company I probably come across as confident and a bit outspoken but with some situations very unsure of myself and crippled with self doubt...weird really as often Ill be quite confident.

Paul...get yourself to this meet. Friendships are only hard work and sometimes awkward when its the wrong person. Once you meet the right person its just easy....and enjoyable. You never know you may just hit it off with some of us

Edited by HappyHeart
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Not having any friends here as not been an issue for us really, Deb as a few 'mates' from work, i have none at all - no biggie didn't have that many in Britain either.

 

 

I had plenty in the Uk but only one aussie friend here................not that I go looking for 'em as it's no biggie for me either. I guess being on home duties rather stifles the chance of new acquaintances..................strange thing is, I have 4 pommy friends and I met all of 'em through PIO.

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Guest Guest66881
LKC I'm like that with the whole school yard/mums stuff too. I think in certain company I probably come across as confident and a bit outspoken but with some situations very unsure of myself and crippled with self doubt...weird really as often Ill be quite confident.

Paul...get yourself to this meet. Friendships are only hard work and sometimes awkward when its the wrong person. Once you meet the right person its just easy....and enjoyable. You never know you may just hit it off with some of us

 

I thought i already had? I am no different in the flesh mate - more juvenile than grown up, happy go lucky bloke who is very happy with his lot in life now.

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Part of my plan with migration (not got the visa, am still at skills assessment) is to establish my own group of mates. I'll be moving there to live with my girlfriend, so there's her established friends, but I'll be wanting to get my own too. I'm slightly lucky in a way in that regard, as I'm a hockey player, and bonds can be formed easily in sports teams as long as your with a decent set of lads. Then there's work etc., but I'll not be putting any pressure on that as things take time.

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I have loads of mates, but only one real friend, Its totally different here I reckon. Im a bit of a loner at times, reading some of what the ladies have written about the school pick up makes me laugh, being a single Dad and primary carer I watch all the women gossiping at school,gathered around thier Landcriusers and BMW'S, I have chatted to a few and know most of them, even see a few in the pub, Im a big bloke with lots of tats and a fairly loud voice and lots of the Mums are.......to be Frank right up themsleves snobby cows that think they are wealthy, the ones that yap about it just wish they were rich, and in all honesty most of them could do way better when it comes to partners. I lost my dearest, bestest friend 20 years ago, since then its always been an effort to get close to people, Im really close with my Mum, Dad and brother even though they live in Devon, I do like the old saying that...................You can always count your good friends on one hand.

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Having lived in qute a few places for extended times, I have never really had much of an issue with change - I find the key in living in another country is to adapt. In Germany I was German. In Russia I was Russian. In Hong Kong - while lots of westerners lived there, I lived an Asian life with Chinese wife and children. It is perhaps a little more difficult to adapt if there is no perceived need for change. For example, I lived in England for a (thankfully) short time, and I absolutely hated it. I think that was due in part to the need to adapt to England, and I never did, so I always remained a foreigner in England.

 

I can imagine that for brits to move to Australia, and for them to have the mindset that one need not adapt (think UK with sunshine mental attitude ...) is a certain way to alienation. If you accept the need to become Aussie, then you have much less of a problem.

 

What do I miss in Australia? Truthfully said, nothing. I regret the loss of friends in Hong Kong, my masonic life here is much quieter. I think my wife does NOT miss that part of my life. My wife would miss her food were it not for the brilliant availability of ingredients in the Asian markets. So would I, for that matter.

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Changing the topic from friendships (which was difficult for me too, and I am a nomad used to moving and starting again but never found 'the one' in Australia, I had people I socialised with rather than friends)

 

The thing I found most difficult about migrating was living in rented accommodation - and that really surprised me. The stress of finding somewhere, the ridiculous over the top inspections, not being able to hang pictures, maintenance taking for ever to get done and then the landlord deciding to sell and the cost of moving house again! And again!

 

We did get our full deposit back each time but it never felt like my home and we ended up building after two years believing we would never feel settled until we had a place of our own.

 

In the end it didn't so maybe it wasn't really about renting - but so much went wrong in the year we built and the following year it is hard to say - the only good that came out of it was we sold the house for $45k more than it cost us which funded the move home!

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I just got used to moving around, it was what my folks did. I also liked the new experience of being somewhere new. That worried me because I did not want to be like that when I had my own children. Fortunately I married a man with feet on the ground and he never wanted to travel much once he left the sea, laid the ghost and we put down roots. Never have found it hard to make friends, they seem to drop by somehow. I also never worried about it, and I have had the same friends since I was young and its nothing to do with where I live, some are in NZ some in UK and some are here. Its just how it all turns out. I would say the closest friends I have I met by accident of being at the same place at the same time as them and not social occasions.

 

I must say that I always have room for another friend in my life and am not a person who cares if my friends have other friends and see them socially and do not include me, we likes our space and if friendship is to grow and become great, then we need to give them space.

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