Interfering relatives who think they know best......

[Louise69]

Has anyone else come across this after having made the decision to relocate back to England? I would love to hear your stories and how you overcome this issue.

 

My side of the family are great, supporting us in whatever we decide. However, my husbands family. OMG!!! We are being accused of being foolish, not having thought things through, making a BIG mistake...blah, blah, blah!! We keep getting emails about how much better the Australian economy is and that our future is more secure in Australia. Stuff the fact that we are bored and unhappy here, that obviously doesn't matter in their eyes. Instead, we should stay and be thoroughly miserable.

 

We have been here ten years and have had a wonderful time whilst the children were younger. But now, we're at the stage where we've had enough and want to return 'home'. We've seen most of WA and many other parts of Australia.We're disillusioned with the rising cost of living, lack of community feel, we have friends but not 'true' friends, hoons, WA is like a throw back to the 70's ....... I could go on but I won't.

 

Just waiting for our house to sell and our son to complete his final Year 12 exams. Once I have secured a job in the UK, then we'll be off. :biggrin:

[Wellers and Whitehead]

My family would love it if I moved back..I think it's so easy for others to safety what is best for you, but are they in your shoes..no..have they ever experienced living in another country for a long period of time..possibly not! Get yourself back..I trend to ignore people who have no idea what they are taking about.

[Incata]

It must be very frustrating but your husbands side of the family are just concerned about you and want you to be happy, and are fearful that getting a job may not be as easy as you think. They may also want you home so much and are dreading the fact that you might change your mind about going back at the last minute, that they want you to be absolutely sure that going back is the right thing for you. They probably cannot wait to see you and are again worried that you might go home, realise you have made a mistake and then come back again. I am sure it is motivated by genuine concern, rather than anything malicious, so be gentle on them.

 

I have seen it from the other side. When we came out here last year, my mother in law spent months sending us emails about how bad things were in Australia. I sent a simple response each time saying, "Thanks for your concern. We will bear it in mind." Eventually, as we did not respond to it, or rise to it, she gave up. It was just concern as to whether or not we were doing the right thing, it just came across as interfering. We knew that she cared, she just did not get it across very well and I suspect it is the same with your husbands family.

[tea4too]

The UK is still recovering from the GFC, it can be difficult to get on the housing ladder, the cost of living continues to rise, jobs are less secure, wages are being held down, and the welfare system is being dismantled. But where you live in the UK will make a huge difference as to how much all of this effects you. If you are returning to an area that is struggling, I can understand why family and friends would worry.

 

Fwiw I would caution my own family to do loads of research, and understand that a lot has changed in their absence, including them and us. I would want them to settle in area where there are jobs, good schools, affordable housing and a lifestyle that puts a spring in their step. There are enough PIO folk happily living in the UK to confirm that all of this is achievable and you can reassure your OH’s family that you understand their concerns, but will research and plan your return carefully. Plus, with their support you are looking forward to the next chapter of your family’s life. Nothing is for ever, and sometimes you have to weigh the risks and go with your heart. Tx

[Quoll]

Some folk just cannot see that Australia is just like other Western countries - I think some Poms believe that only UK is doing it tough! When I first decided to stay here a lot of people hopped I with the "oh I bet you wish you were back there blah blah" - didnt last long though, they soon saw just how much better my life was here. I'd say if you can land a job before you return then you are home and hosed. Hopefully the amount you recoup from your house sale, given the still good exchange rate will make getting on the property ladder much easier. Good luck and maybe think about moving to a new area as you will never be able to recapture everything you had and that can be quite disappointing if you expect it.

[Petals]

There is a lesson here don't tell anyone just do it. We just arranged stuff and told them afterwards, no probs. Once you discuss with others you are bound to get different points of view. Maybe your oh family are right, they know you, maybe you won't like it when you return, bottom line is its your decision and for you to find out and, like I always say we make our own mess.

 

Good luck

[newjez]

Are your family in Oz or the UK?

 

If its oz, I'd understand it as they would miss you. If its the uk, things are picking up here. I wouldn't say the economy is hot, but there are green shoots everywhere, and your oz dollars will go far.

 

Will your yr 12 son go to uni? that could be an issue - as youth employment is the last to recover.

[grahamffc]

Must be pretty annoying but it's your life. If England might have unemployment of 6% and Australia 5% but who cares, whatever the actual economic figures are I'm sure they are not far enough any sort of noticeable difference. If you're bored of Australia and the novelty of slightly better weather has worn off that's all the statistics you need.

 

I'm planning on going back early next year and people are always trying to talk me out if it...other Brits treat it like some kind of badge of honour to stay as long as possible no how much they may dislike it, and Aussies just don't seem to understand in the slightest. I think they hear about all the current immigration issues and assume that to move here is the dream of every foreigner in the world. In fairness the few Aussies I have met that have lived in London seem to understand completely and question why anyone would leave Europe for Australia.

[Guest Guest26012]

Has anyone else come across this after having made the decision to relocate back to England? I would love to hear your stories and how you overcome this issue.

 

My side of the family are great, supporting us in whatever we decide. However, my husbands family. OMG!!! We are being accused of being foolish, not having thought things through, making a BIG mistake...blah, blah, blah!! We keep getting emails about how much better the Australian economy is and that our future is more secure in Australia. Stuff the fact that we are bored and unhappy here, that obviously doesn't matter in their eyes. Instead, we should stay and be thoroughly miserable.

 

We have been here ten years and have had a wonderful time whilst the children were younger. But now, we're at the stage where we've had enough and want to return 'home'. We've seen most of WA and many other parts of Australia.We're disillusioned with the rising cost of living, lack of community feel, we have friends but not 'true' friends, hoons, WA is like a throw back to the 70's ....... I could go on but I won't.

 

Just waiting for our house to sell and our son to complete his final Year 12 exams. Once I have secured a job in the UK, then we'll be off. :biggrin:

 

 

I guess, in a way, they are a tad worried for you? Probably because you have lived away for a while and they just want what THEY think is best for you. I wouldn't worry about it they'll be thrilled to have you back, I'm sure.

[Linday]

Has anyone else come across this after having made the decision to relocate back to England? I would love to hear your stories and how you overcome this issue.

 

My side of the family are great, supporting us in whatever we decide. However, my husbands family. OMG!!! We are being accused of being foolish, not having thought things through, making a BIG mistake...blah, blah, blah!! We keep getting emails about how much better the Australian economy is and that our future is more secure in Australia. Stuff the fact that we are bored and unhappy here, that obviously doesn't matter in their eyes. Instead, we should stay and be thoroughly miserable.

 

We have been here ten years and have had a wonderful time whilst the children were younger. But now, we're at the stage where we've had enough and want to return 'home'. We've seen most of WA and many other parts of Australia.We're disillusioned with the rising cost of living, lack of community feel, we have friends but not 'true' friends, hoons, WA is like a throw back to the 70's ....... I could go on but I won't.

 

Just waiting for our house to sell and our son to complete his final Year 12 exams. Once I have secured a job in the UK, then we'll be off. :biggrin:

 

When children move away or emigrate it is very often quite difficult for parents to come to terms with this and they go through a grieving process. Some parents cannot cope and make it difficult for their children by denying its happening or being very upset. Then there are those who are upset but are determined to be unselfish and not spoil it for their children. Your husbands family have probably gone through this process and now accept that your life is in Australia. Now that you are returning to the UK, they are probably over the moon, but are trying not to be selfish by seeing it from your point of view and only wanting the best for you. I think you should be grateful to them that they have such an unselfish attitude,

[Guest]

Must be pretty annoying but it's your life. If England might have unemployment of 6% and Australia 5% but who cares, whatever the actual economic figures are I'm sure they are not far enough any sort of noticeable difference. If you're bored of Australia and the novelty of slightly better weather has worn off that's all the statistics you need.

 

I'm planning on going back early next year and people are always trying to talk me out if it...other Brits treat it like some kind of badge of honour to stay as long as possible no how much they may dislike it, and Aussies just don't seem to understand in the slightest. I think they hear about all the current immigration issues and assume that to move here is the dream of every foreigner in the world. In fairness the few Aussies I have met that have lived in London seem to understand completely and question why anyone would leave Europe for Australia.

 

 

I've never understood this attitude, and I've heard it a fair few times myself, and I know others have too. I remember back in 2008 before we moved out here, reading posters on MBTTUK getting castigated for heading home by other posters who seemed desperate to be stoic and just take the blows. I know we read the odd story about people leaving after a fortnight because they can't buy their kids favourite juice, but I'd take that with a pinch of salt as most people really give it their all, but things just don't work out for them. People do seem to be affronted though when they learn you're not happy here, whether they're Brits or Australians. Like yourself Graham, I do think that Australians have grown up expecting people to be dazzled by Aus, and so, when people aren't, it comes as a bit of a shock. With the British out here, I wonder if their negative responses to those leaving are because they were so desperate to leave in the first place and can't understand why anyone would go back, or because they just don't like it when someone doesn't endorse their choice of country?

[Perthbum]

I love it when people say you are making a mistake although most of them would be back home in 5 mins, people get this strange notion oz is some kind if paradise.

[fizzybangs]

I'd say to them that they should move to Oz if they think it's so great but the next stage of your life will be in UK and you hope you will be made to feel welcome. I also think it depends on where you are returning to as some areas are still depressed whereas in Devon and Cornwall the unemployment rate has steadily dropped over the last few years - granted the wages are awful though! I'm in Devon so nobody here has questioned why I came back as they all seem so darned happy and I have met quite a few people who have lived in Australia here and who have returned permanently. Everyone I know who needs a job has got work, albeit not initially with the wages they were on when they left as wages have dropped and not necessarily the job of their choice to start with. However, food is cheap, houses seem cheap by comparison as do rentals and cars - well - so cheap it still amazes me! Also the food costs are a lot lower. Good luck with your move and I'm sure you will be as delighted as we are in returning and wonder what took you so long

[fizzybangs]

Rather than saying food costs are lower twice, I meant to say communication costs - mobile plans, internet etc and electricity seems cheaper to us to so far

[Buttercup]

Someone in my family said to me 'why do you want to come back here' then proceeded to Inform me of all the recent doom and gloom and what a s******e the UK is. This came from someone who went on a plane to Europe once, and they had to take Valium to do that! Me- I have travelled and seen quite a bit of the world and lived in Oz twice now. When I asked them, if they hate it that much why don't they flippin well do something about it they replied- oh I'm too old to be moving now. Pass the rope then I guess. Some people just beggar belief... I would like to but them a ticket to The Gaza Strip or for them to go and live in a housing complex in bulgaria (went through one on holiday once). Now that's what you call a s******e!

[jen85]

Everyone that i speak to has said to me "why do you want to go to the UK!" being an aussie they find it hard to believe I want to leave this country! But for me personally I love history, culture and the beautiful countryside and Aus has never provided any of that for me, my cousin lives in Sydney and is from the UK on a PR visa and can't believe it! I said "Well you come here from something completely different thats why you like it, its the same for me.

[Que Sera Sera]

You have to do what is right for you and your immediate family. Be true to that then everyone else will accept it eventually. Good luck.

[karabumble]

Hi Louise

 

I have found one of our relatives to be so much like this. Unfortunately we have only been here for 20 months and my husband had an accident at work resulting in him having to have his pelvis rebuilt. After all the stress of him being in hospital and recovering we have decided we want the support of our family and friends to get us through this difficult time. Our new lives here were very much based on an active social life, which at the moment seems like a dim and distant memory. Both our sets of parents have been very supportive, my mum has even had my daughter home so that she can go back to school in September in the UK. However my aunt, when I visited when I took my daughter home, almost repeated word for word what you said above.

 

It is hard enough to decide to cut your losses and return to the UK, with all of the stress involved but when someone give you a hard time about the decision you have made - it certainly doesn't help.

 

We were lucky in the sense that we have only rented while we have been here in WA so packing up and going is relatively easy but it is certainly not stress free.

 

I wish you lots of luck in your return to the UK and have confidence in knowing that the decision you have made for your family is right.

 

Best wishes, Kara.

[Incata]

Everyone that i speak to has said to me "why do you want to go to the UK!" being an aussie they find it hard to believe I want to leave this country! But for me personally I love history, culture and the beautiful countryside and Aus has never provided any of that for me, my cousin lives in Sydney and is from the UK on a PR visa and can't believe it! I said "Well you come here from something completely different thats why you like it, its the same for me.

 

It's the same in many places. When I lived in Canada I had a Canadian friend who was applying for a visa to live and work in the UK. Her Canadian friends could not understand it as they thought that everything she could possibly want, was in Canada (British Columbia in particular). I was chatting to a couple in the US when we did Route 66 and they were telling us they had a friend who moved to the UK. They too thought it was rather strange as they thought the USA had everything you could possibly want. We left them shaking their heads in bemusement! I guess (although I have not been here long enough to experience), that Australians must be the same!

[Incata]

Hi Louise

 

I have found one of our relatives to be so much like this. Unfortunately we have only been here for 20 months and my husband had an accident at work resulting in him having to have his pelvis rebuilt. After all the stress of him being in hospital and recovering we have decided we want the support of our family and friends to get us through this difficult time. Our new lives here were very much based on an active social life, which at the moment seems like a dim and distant memory. Both our sets of parents have been very supportive, my mum has even had my daughter home so that she can go back to school in September in the UK. However my aunt, when I visited when I took my daughter home, almost repeated word for word what you said above.

 

It is hard enough to decide to cut your losses and return to the UK, with all of the stress involved but when someone give you a hard time about the decision you have made - it certainly doesn't help.

 

We were lucky in the sense that we have only rented while we have been here in WA so packing up and going is relatively easy but it is certainly not stress free.

 

I wish you lots of luck in your return to the UK and have confidence in knowing that the decision you have made for your family is right.

 

Best wishes, Kara.

 

Sorry to hear about your husband. What an awful experience for you. I hope his recovery goes well and that you have lots of support around you at home. Being far from those you love when things go wrong is never a good place to be. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Diane]

Will your yr 12 son go to uni? that could be an issue - as youth employment is the last to recover.

 

And if he does want to go to Uni in the UK, he will have to pay international fees, having not lived there for the previous three years.

[sambojambo]

Oh my god, it's not as if you didn't give it a good go! I think life's too short to be miserable and your doing the right thing . You cannot shift a feeling on the fact the economy is better here. I would just ignore them. I'm sure they will be very happy your home once you are .

[Louise69]

INCATA -Thanks for your reply. I loved your answer to your MIL's emails "Thanks for your concern, we will bear that in mind" - going to use that one as we were looking for polite answers that wouldn't encourage further debate.

 

Re: your first paragraph, I really do wish this was the reason for their actions ..... that they wanted us to go back but is worried that we'll back out'. Unfortunately, this isn't the case which really upsets us all. They're quite angry and bitter that we are making a huge mistake. I know their reaction is because they're worried for us. Unfortunately for them, finances always come first before emotions.

[Louise69]

Many thanks to you all for taking the time to post. I really appreciate everyone's comments.

 

KARA - I am so sorry to hear about your husbands injury - I sincerely wish him a full recovery. Similar to your situation, my son is going to live with my parents in the UK as soon as he completes his final exams in Nov. He has been offered a place at 6th form college to study for A' Levels. It's going to be so hard without him here but it's got to be done and it's not forever.

 

DIANE - Thanks for the heads up about international fees at university, I wasn't aware of this. Yes, he is wanting to eventually study at university.

 

To answer some points made in posts - we won't be returning to where we hail from as this is a low socio economic area with very poor prospects - high crime, high unemployment, poverty, poor housing, high mortality rates, cold and damp climate etc. We would be asking for problems if we went back there. Instead we will move to an area where there are more opportunities, better weather, more accessible and where my family moved to for a better quality of life. I am hoping to return to the medical profession, thankfully I never let my UK nursing registration slip because of that ....just in case scenario. I will have to complete a refresher course at university but that's ok, it's got to be done. In my line of work, there is a government recruitment drive to train 4000+ new HV by 2015, hence why I need to get back sooner rather than later. I am waiting to see if I have been offered a place on the course which will be sponsored by a local health authority.

Financially we a fortunate to be 'comfortable'. Providing we choose a house wisely we should be mortgage free and not have to worry about approaching banks for a loan.

The one concern is in regards to my hubbie. He's always been in employment but does not have a trade to his name. His age may prove detrimental in his endeavour to find employment. This is causing me the greatest concern and could explain why his family are reacting like he is.

[fizzybangs]

Many thanks to you all for taking the time to post. I really appreciate everyone's comments.

 

KARA - I am so sorry to hear about your husbands injury - I sincerely wish him a full recovery. Similar to your situation, my son is going to live with my parents in the UK as soon as he completes his final year 12 exams in Nov. He has been offered a place at 6th form college to study for A' Levels. It's going to be so hard without him here but it's got to be done and it's not forever.

 

DIANE - Thanks for the heads up about international fees at university, I wasn't aware of this. Yes, he is wanting to eventually study at university.

 

To answer some points made in posts - we won't be returning to where we hail from as this is a low socio economic area with very poor prospects - high crime, high unemployment, poverty, poor housing, high mortality rates, cold and damp climate etc. We would be asking for problems if we went back there. Instead we will move to an area where there are more opportunities, better weather, more accessible and where my family moved to for a better quality of life. I am hoping to return Health Visiting; thankfully I never let my UK nursing registration slip because of that ....just in case scenario. I will have to complete a 3 month refresher course at university but that's ok, it's got to be done. In my line of work, there is a government recruitment drive to train 4000+ new HV by 2015, hence why I need to get back sooner rather than later. I am waiting to see if I have been offered a place on the course which will be sponsored by a local health authority.

Financially we a fortunate to be 'comfortable'. Providing we choose a house wisely we should be mortgage free and not have to worry about approaching banks for a loan.

The one concern is in regards to my hubbie. He's always been in employment but does not have a trade to his name. His age may prove detrimental in his endeavour to find employment. This is causing me the greatest concern and could explain why my Father in Law is reacting like he is.

 

I am finding that it is very easy to strike up conversations with people back in the UK, outside your door, at a bus stop, in a cafe - honestly just anywhere! and they share information readily and want to be helpful (Australians don't know what the word friendly means - here it means that their smile is also in their eyes - not false because it is expected and you never hear from them again!) The reason I say this is the more you are outside the home, the more people you get talking to and the more likely it is that your husband finds work. They still advertise in local papers here too as well as on-line and there are even notices outside of businesses. My advice would be to get out and be open to talking to anyone in the area you have chosen to live as it may well be hints from complete strangers that find him hitting the jackpot. Tell him to just keep saying he is looking for work.