I can't cope with my dog

[whichway1]

He is 6 and we have had him for 5 years. We got him from the pound so he has always had problems, ie he is excessively hyper and I don't think the previous owners spent a lot of time with him, he lived outside and had never been inside a house, he wasn't toilet trained etc. I took him to training and he was definitely harder work than the other dogs, you could see how different he was he was so hard to get to respond. But I got him ok and he was no trouble. Then two things happened, I got pregnant and he was attacked by another dog while on the lead. He has been aggressive on the lead for a while so I don't know if it relates to either but I remember noticing it particularly around the time I was pregnant. He barks at people and all dogs on the lead. He was great off lead, you could let him go and he'd come back no problem if you called him but that stopped a while ago and now he doesn't come back. So, in a way I dread taking him out. He also barks a lot, in the garden he barks at the neighbours if they are out and he keeps barking, the neighbour has a dog too and they just bark like mad at each other. If the door goes he barks and keeps on barking, so now I have got to the point where I can't talk to anyone at the door I have to put him outside so he barks and barks. My babies are constantly being woke up if they go for a nap which drives me crazy. If people visit he just picks things up and nudges them and keeps on doing so until it's painful and I have to put him in the kitchen. Unfortunately my little one is still a bit too unsettled to take on long walks with him and my husband never takes him out. So, I am getting a dog walker to take him out but I phoned two dog behavioural therapists and they both just gave me a lecture basically on how this is my fault and how I need to put more effort in. But, and sorry in advance for the excuse, I really have so little time and am so tired, I'm getting maybe 4 hours sleep a night and just don't have the motivation or the energy. They don't know my life and seem to assume that I have lots of time to train him.

 

Anyway, I don't know what to do. I feel like I should rehome him or something cos his problems I cannot control but I never thought I'd ever be a person to say I'd do that, but I really can't cope. Dog lessons are not that local, I'd love to go if there were some local ones. Can anyone advise, please.

[blossom]

Ohhhh dear. I bet the extra energy is part of the problem. Maybe you could see if there is a dog walking services in your area??

 

​other than that. Poor you. Not fun.

[Guest51810]

I think you should give the trainer a try, some of them are really good. If hes hyper all the time then he probably needs more excercise so a dog walker would be handy for that. My two have problems too, we managed to make them a lot better but they still will never be perfect. Eric was attacked aswell when he was a pup so he still gets a bit funny if the breed of dog comes right upto him on the lead

[whichway1]

Amazingly, I just found a dog training group in my town, on a Wednesday night (shame I missed it last night) but that makes me feel a bit better hopefully it'll work out.

[Guest51810]

Im sure you'll notice a difference

[Jacaranda]

Whichway if it was both you and your OH's decision to get a dog,then you should both be prepared to walk it.The training group sounds fab and I would deffo go with that tbh!Not only will it be good for your dog,but its also good socially for people too lol.Be prepared though.Even though you might take your dog once a week,you'll need to put those things in practice,when you're not at the group.My sis takes her dog to a training class,and its so well behaved.When your dog is outside,can you maybe distract it from barking?I think I'd be inclined to call him back inside everytime he did it.Or go outside yourself and throw a ball to distract him.Good luck hon,dog training needs patience and practice!lol (Not easy when you are tired)

[Phoenix16]

Whichway, you sound wonderful I'm sure many would have given up by now. I can't offer tangible advice, we took in a homeless dog recently, a chocolate lab and we already had a chocolate lab!! Our furry baby from birth we call 'fat boy slim' (charlie!) seriously he is a pampered pooch!!! We took in 'Milo' at 2 years, her then owners popped her round for a look see and. returned an hour later with her bed, toys the lot, we knew then she would have a better life with us so we didn't hesitate. She is a total joy but she clearly has emotional issues, she just wants to be loved, she has given 'fat boy slim' so many bad habits yet they are so close and so happy together we get such joy and pleasure we overlook the naughtiness!! Totally understand what you are going through, please don't feel guilty, you are doing your best, I don't know what else to say just you sound like a wonderful dog owner, I would just say that you are doing your best and if it gets too much don't feel guilty, it's very difficult but you have to think about the impact on your life and can you cope? fat Boy Slim is actually Charlie, or Chazza, he sleeps on a leather sofa he's just pampered and now he's got his girlfriend Milo who sleeps on a Chaiselongue, I know how these furry lovelies become your kids but I think for you, you are doing your best, you clearly love this doggie, and whatever you decide I think you're amazing xxx

[xxlornaxx]

If u don't have time to run all that excess energy out of him he will b a lot harder to train and not happy either, it would be kinder to him to rehome him if u can't work something out..IMO if you have a dog u need to have time to walk it n train it, if not give it to someone else who can, he doesn't sound happy at the moment..

[Phoenix16]

he's 6, I'm not sure how effective training will be at this stage

​

[Guest51810]

I dont think age matters if you have a good dog trainer

[nic1171]

Maybe watch Caesar Milan (Dog Whisperer) he seems to work wonders!

[Tulip]

Training can be effective at ANY age, whether that be eight weeks or eight years. You most certainly can teach an old dog new tricks (not that six is old by any standards).

 

Basically I agree with the trainers. I know that sounds harsh, but you've said it yourself, your lack of effort stems from lack of time. I know this will sound harsh, but you need to make time. You're responsible for him, and he's no one else's problem but your own, so I think rehoming him would either send him backwards in training and make him harder to home, or be the best thing for him. It's great that you've found a training class! But that won't be enough to fix his problems, and with some of them, you will have to just manage them.

I'm not trying to lecture you; believe me, I have lectured enough people, it's not in my interests any more. I'm just trying to get the point across that unless you put effort and time into him, things will not get better. You mention barking; this is easily trained, the first thing you need to do is stop leaving him in the garden to bark bark bark. He doesn't belong in the garden, he should be out there for a wee and a poo and not much else. There's nothing out there to give him stimulation unless you interact with him out there. Next, get yourself a crate, and start training him that it's THE BEST MOST AWESOME FANTABULOUS place to be, ever, ever. That way, when you have guests, you can pop him in his crate with a Kong (add peanut butter and kibble) or a raw bone (yes, chicken is fine so long as it's raw, you can get them for free from your butcher). He will be entertained; your guests will not be pestered.

Walking; I think there's a huge, huge misconception here that needs correcting. Exercise will not fix your dog. You cannot walk off your dog's problems, and expelling energy will really only solve particular problems. I realise there's a certain TV dog star who says exercise will fix everything; well, he also kicks dogs, and doesn't take into credit the science of dog behaviour, so it's kind of like listening to a cat about raising a child. You want to find a place where YOU are comfortable to walk him. Take the baby, go somewhere secluded, get yourself a bandana from this website ( http://www.theyellowdogproject.com ), get yourself a training line ( http://www.bennythedog.co.uk/tracking-dog-lead-long-line?gclid=CObo17OC-LYCFWbKtAodRGgA0Q ) and learn how to use one. You basically let it trail and treat EVERY time he comes back. I have seen some total morons tell their dogs off when they come back late, or not straight away, or not at all...you only need to initiate basic logic to work out that if a dog thinks you're going to be angry at him when he returns, he's not going to return. Believe me, I have trained Freddy, who is awful at recall and aggressive to puppies. He now comes back to a lovely recall and after years of hard work, he no longer attacks intact dogs or puppies, he plays with them instead. You need to walk him somewhere you won't feel you're going to get pounced on by the local Jack Russels that tend to ignore your pleas to leave you alone whilst you're training (hence the yellow dog bandana). A big field is good for this.

Food; are you feeding him the local supermarket or Bakers? Both are like MacDonald's to dogs; try James Wellbeloved, or Burns, or Arden Grange. Treats need to be home made, no additives, just get some liver from the supermarket and dry it out in the oven. That or roast chicken.

I realise I sound harsh there. You have said yourself that you don't have the time or the energy. If you really, honestly, don't want to make the effort, then I'm sorry but you don't deserve a dog and how incredible they really are. Hopefully you will reconsider and put the effort and time in. A behaviourist will help you too, one that's ADPT trained.

 

​I hope that helps. x

[Jacaranda]

Good post Tulip!So true what you've said about dogs being outside alone.My own dog (now sadly departed)really only did spend enough time out back to go to the loo and he would do his little bark to be let back inside lol bless him!On a nice day he would sometimes be happy to lay out in the sunshine but in all he was a real people person and loved being with us.

[BritChickx]

if that was me i'd give the dog up tbh. Just being honest. It's not worth losing your sanity or your kids peace and quiet!

[whichway1]

I just have to point out my dog is inside. He gets put outside to toilet or (now) when the door goes I put him out v quickly so I can answer it without incessant barking and he comes in either when door person has left door or when visitor comes in. He is never outside for long stretches or even half an hour. I don't ever leave him outside to bark. If he is inside and I open the door and he sees someone in the distance he barks.

But I think before, I didn't have the motivation cos I had no idea how to fix this and every day was just a massive struggle. I feel much better now I know there's help nearby.

[whichway1]

But it's nice to hear exercise doesn't solve everything. Even if he has been out at the airfield for an hour or so, when he comes home he will still bark uncontrollably if the door goes or he's outside and sees someone, if someone visits he'll still harrass them like mad.

[Guest51810]

Dont feel guilty or anything, just give the training a good shot and i bet you notice a bit of a difference plus you'll meet other owners who have dogs with problems. Im sure they wont all be pups

[xxlornaxx]

Walking does make a difference to a hyperactive dog..sometimes they have too much energy n can't stay calm long enough to learn...and walking is a great way to build a bond between owner and dog and make training easier..and dogs love to go out wth the pack, a happy dog is a quieter easier dog...although the barking could be fear or boredom or stress..if u can't take it out everyday, don't get one..depending on the breed

[Tulip]

I'm afraid that's flawed logic, Lorna. A hyperactive dog is hyperactive for many reasons, not just lack of exercise. Walking one will not fix him, yes it serves well as a bond and for training purposes, but it's really only a quarter of a happy dog's life. Food, environment, and training are the rest of it. It also depends on whether the dog has behavioural problems, neurological problems, etc.

 

And your last comment kind of irks me; all dogs deserve a walk every day, non-dependent on the breed. Chihuahuas, Huskies, Schnauzers, Spaniels, Cresties...all of them are dogs, and all deserve to smell new things and see new things and learn new things, daily.

[whichway1]

Walking does make a difference to a hyperactive dog..sometimes they have too much energy n can't stay calm long enough to learn...and walking is a great way to build a bond between owner and dog and make training easier..and dogs love to go out wth the pack, a happy dog is a quieter easier dog...although the barking could be fear or boredom or stress..if u can't take it out everyday, don't get one..depending on the breed

 

I didn't just get one I've had him for years, my circumstances have changed. Fair enough when I was ill he went without sometimes and I think it get will easier as my baby gets older, but I guarantee that no matter what exercise he has had he is the same. He settles for a little while but that's it. You make it sound as if I've never walked him which is just not true what is true is that I still take him out but it's not pleasant anymore.

[Johndoe]

Tulip's "on the button".

 

My take is that dog's are no different than children (in many respects) and need consequences as well as rewards. We belonged to "border collie rescue" back in the UK and had quite a few problem dogs, most of them failed "farm dogs". Controversial, but it worked for us (in most cases) was the "fairy liquid" bottle (cheaper than a water pistol)...............it's amazing what a squirt of water on the noggin, can do for a dog's behavioural problems..................."reward and consequence" is the way to go but unfortunately, many folk don't realise that they reward their dog for bad behaviour and sometimes scold them for good ie dog's doing what comes naturally. If that "naturally" is "out of place" in a human environment, then a more gentle approach is needed, still based on reward and consequence.

 

A dog should be taught to "fit in"....................share the "human experience" if you will.....................as if a child..............become part of the family, live by family rules, and know his/her place within that family. When mom wants a walk, the dog gets one too............when mom wants a kip, then the dogs kip also. Add to that, even though mom may not want a walk, she is beholding, as dog owner, to realise as and when her "baby" wants one and to meet it's needs. You are the leader of the pack and you teach members of that pack their place within it..............you command them, and do not let them command/interfere with your life................control and teach, and both of you will be happy, if you don't control, you will both be miserable.

 

Dogs simply need to "know their place" and it certainly shouldn't be at the controller's position.

 

 

 

[xxlornaxx]

I didn't mean u never take him out but our lives change and you may not have the time needed for a dog now..but things could get easier too like u say...I think u want to keep him and work at it by the way your responding and that's a good thing, sounds like u just need to figure him out n set time aside for you and the dog which may take up a lot of time in the beginning but be worth it in the end when u and dog happier

[xxlornaxx]

Walking does make a difference to a hyperactive dog..sometimes they have too much energy n can't stay calm long enough to learn...and walking is a great way to build a bond between owner and dog and make training easier..and dogs love to go out wth the pack, a happy dog is a quieter easier dog...although the barking could be fear or boredom or stress..if u can't take it out everyday, don't get one..depending on the breed

 

In my experience then, the dogs I train are easier to train when they are happy,walked and living life..not in a room all day n when released once a week expect them to concentrate on learning..and of course all dogs need walking, I meant length of walk and activities that would be suitable...a healthy dog needs to get out, like when owners go mad when they leave dog in house all day and it chews the sofa up...that can be boredom..Whenever there's a problem with the dogs we train i always ask how often does it get out n how much time do you spend wth dog...it's not always the problem but need to cancel out the basics first

[Diane]

Hiya I just want to say I feel your pain! We have an eight year old border collie x kelpie (possibly... or a short haired border collie, depending on who you beleive) who we have had since she was a puppy. The first year was fine - took her to puppy pre-school, then dog trianng classes, walked her every day in the park, she had some great doggie friends, played with them, had a great time. Then at around a year she suddenly started to take a serious dislike to all other dogs (except a couple that she knew well) so walking her became a nightmare as I constantly had to check around and if I saw anyone else, change direction if they had a dog with them - I must have looked so antisocial! She does the same thing yours does with visitors, gets a toy (or a bit of plastic, or a bit of stick, or a bit of screwed up paper) and drops it by or on them until they move it for her to chase/pounce on, and barking at them if they don't. It feels like having an autistic child (apologies to anyone that has one for real, I am only imagining how it feels). At one point I did seriously consider rehoming her and went through paroxysms of guilt.

 

She is usually walked off lead, and it's noticeably better with her now as if I see another owner/dog coming, I just tell her she is "working" and she sits for me to put her lead on, then if the other dog ignores her she is happy. I do despair of some other owners though who, when I tell them she is not a sociable dog with other dogs (she's great with people) they say "oh, she'll be ok", and let their dogs come running up to her. Had one with a great white melamud type thing who did this at dog training, despite me warning them and telling them, brought their dog up "to say hello" and got all shocked when Bonny snapped and made its ear bleed (looked awful on its white coat!) What could I do though? I had my dog on the lead, had told them, warned them, and they thought they knew my dog better than me!

 

For the barking we do the "squirt with water" thing - I keep a drink bottle with water by the back door. We have also tried the citronella collars you can get. See if you can maybe hire one like we did. We decided against the ones that give an electric shock.... I don't want to totally discourage her from barking when someone comes to the door though - firstly because our doorbell doesn't work, and secondly because if I'm at home alone I quite like the fact that any caller knows I have a dog here! Just saying "we'll squirt you" usually does the trick now though. She's pretty clever - probably cleverer than me which is the problem!

 

When she's on the lead, we've found a Halti is excellent, kind of acted like valium on her - she is calmer, controlled, walked to heel. Have you tried one of those?

 

Finally there is a company called Bark Busteres I think - I have thought about them several times, but never quite got to the point of contacting them, but if there is one in your area, might be worth checking out. http://www.barkbusters.com.au/

 

Good luck, it is really really hard, specially if you are suffering from sleep depravation too (bloody UN - apparently sleep depravation doesn't count as torture - try telling that to anyone going through it!), but as I say, I feel your pain!!

 

(By the way, when our neighbours were selling their house they actually came over and asked us to possibly keep the dog inside when they had Opens... How bad did we feel then? ... and how much worse when a really nice couple bought the house, completely unaware of the devil dog they had living across the road!)

[Archies owner]

"So, I am getting a dog walker to take him out but I phoned two dog behavioural therapists and they both just gave me a lecture basically on how this is my fault and how I need to put more effort in. But, and sorry in advance for the excuse, I really have so little time and am so tired, I'm getting maybe 4 hours sleep a night and just don't have the motivation or the energy. They don't know my life and seem to assume that I have lots of time to train him."

 

Its a pickle. Many people get pound dogs thinking they are doing a great service, but many come with very special needs. I am a dog walker, and I have a small baby, so I understand about the lack of sleep and your dog waking the baby etc. It happens when the postman rides down the lane on his bike.

 

This is my advice for what its worth. p.s. I am not a qualified vet. Your dog isn't aggressive off lead, but has issues on lead. You are time poor but you know he needs walks. The longer you can walk your dog, the more energy you will drain and the better likelihood you can do small training sessions with him afterwards.

 

If your dog is almost social (not red zone) you may try and walk them on lead in off lead dog parks with a muzzle and halti on. The muzzle will protect other dogs, and the halti will make it easier for you to walk. If you look at this as a fun project, you might be able to recruit others into walking your dog when they walk their dog (or you might take turns).

 

Volunteer training groups are great, but that is for the basics of commands, not for aggressive behaviour issues. Constant long walks, will eventually desensitise your dog (eventually, usually) and you may also be able to take off the muzzle and go to a correction chain, It takes time and consistency by all owners to do this, and its not easy .. but if you dont want to give your dog away, these might be options.

 

If problems persist then you may be up for more expensive dog behavourist options, or ...

 

I hope it turns out well.