Guest jmahood Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Hello allWe are moving to Melbourne very soon - my husband in October and myself and our daughter (who is 2) in December. We have told our friends who are supportive but upset - and now I have to tell my mum and dad that we are taking their beloved granddaughter away. It's unlikely mum will get on a plane to visit us - she thinks she's too old. How did you all do it?! Have you had family traumas back in Blighty that you've had to deal with from afar? Thank you! Michelle 'maybe I won't tell them at all' Edmondson We have just gone through this with my Mother-in-Law. My husband decided not to tell her until everything was finalised because he didn't want to 'worry' her, in fact he didn't tell any of his family. I got a job offer and had to really press for him to tell the family of our plans and it very nearly backfired! They were cross, angry and upset. My MiL won't visit either, she's a very young 70 but wouldn't consider flying, never done it, will never try it. She's never left Northern Ireland. I think if we had fed it to them in little bits, such as Australia sounds interesting, we're going to explore this option, hey we went to a migration expo and, etc, and then yep, we've applied for jobs, at least they would have felt included and would also have been anticipating a potential move. As it is we left it late on and it caused a lot of heartache. They are getting used to the idea but I wished we had done it differently. Either way though it's family and they'll undoubtedly be upset at you leaving. Wishing you all the best :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 As a grandparent I think I would be mightily ticked off if I was the last to know that my grandkids were heading for the other side of the world - you can tell them that you are only going for a couple of years to see how you like it. You may not like it and be back within a little while, you never know. But once you are there she will get used to it and I am sure that being the good daughter you are, you will be making regular trips home with this granddaughter and any others that follow. TBH I never gave my parents a thought when we moved over - told them straight away and they, to their credit, never told me to do anything else. They were able to take matters into their own hands and come for long and regular visits but now they are not able to do that to see their great grandkids so we all make the effort and go and see them (aiming for every 2 years if we can). However I have never regretted moving as much as I do nowadays and if I could wind back the clock I would do it in an instant. My folks dont get on with computers and it isnt always a good idea for the over 80s if they havent got a handle on this technology thingie so dont bank totally on Skype - and in some ways that just makes the pain worse - you cant get cuddles over Skype! Spot on Quoll ...........the first few years i was in Oz , i was in novelty mode . Things were going great ......parents were younger , and in good health. I supppose its where your priorities lie .....its not as if iam the golden boy of the family:biglaugh:...........but someone has to do the job . There are no daughters only sons , so someone pointed the finger at me ( and my wife ) Sad thing is , i have no time for my brothers now, who are both in Oz , we were close ,but thats gone. I dont know if anyone else who posts has experienced this kind of family stress ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bowow2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Hi we've just done this tonight got visa yesterday going 31/7 no children or house to sell I have to say it's one of the worst things we've ever done at this moment in time I feel sad/guilty hurt and just generally down about it, it hurts so much to see her heartbroken oh is her only son and I don't have parents so they have always been like my mum and dad, although it was extremely hard we have to remember why were doing it, hope it all goes well for you all xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rikyuu Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 It's hard that's for sure. My mother is by herself and she loved seeing her young grandchildren, 2 & 4. The first time I was going to tell her, her father (my grandfather) was rushed into hospital and unfortunately died, so I had to delay it, but managed to give 6 months notice in the end. She was devastated, but managed to visit us after 4 months. We try to do Skype too, but it's not the same. My grandmother is getting old and I wonder how I will handle it when she gets ill or worse. I also feel for my aunt and sister who can't see the children, but my sister is coming to visit soon. The only consolation was that even in the UK, we lived a good distance away from family and saw them once every 1-2 months. I knew a lot of people who lived very close to their families and saw them many times a week. I think that would be more tough. We try to send lots of photos to everyone and keep them up to date on facebook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sandisonsonthemove Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Well I had 'the chat' with my mum and dad alone last night and although things got a little heated at one point it is all resolved and we all know what we are thinking and where we stand. I understand completely my parents upset (I feel it myself) as we are taking their first and only grandson away and they feel like they are losing us to the other side of the world. I know they will visit when they can and as they are both in their early 60s and fairly well travelled going to Oz will not be too much of a trauma to them. We have said it may not be forever and our initial plan is to stay for our son's education, get citizenship and assess what we want from then on so it may not be. Nobody knows what the future holds. I feel guilty, sad and the will to want to move has slightly evaporated. Donna x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Well I had 'the chat' with my mum and dad alone last night and although things got a little heated at one point it is all resolved and we all know what we are thinking and where we stand. I understand completely my parents upset (I feel it myself) as we are taking their first and only grandson away and they feel like they are losing us to the other side of the world. I know they will visit when they can and as they are both in their early 60s and fairly well travelled going to Oz will not be too much of a trauma to them. We have said it may not be forever and our initial plan is to stay for our son's education, get citizenship and assess what we want from then on so it may not be. Nobody knows what the future holds. I feel guilty, sad and the will to want to move has slightly evaporated. Donna x You might want to rethink the "doing it for the education" bit. Do it for your own adventure by all means but it really isnt worth trekking a kid across the world for an Aussie education I'm afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tibby Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 Hello everyone - thank you for all your responses! I told them and it was pretty horrible, lots of tears from Dad mostly, them mum sobbed and then I suffered a series of heart wrenching cliches - 'you're breaking our hearts' etc, but they did say that they understand why we are going and that they would come out and see us which is great and unexpected. So - we'll all be in Melbourne in December! See you then! 'Tibby' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l1sa Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Well done. Its so hard, this whole journey is one gut wrenching emotion fest!! We have told both sets of parents all the way along, keeping them involved. One of them has since developed alzheimers and is in and out of hospital (one of the reasons we haven't gone yet). One of our biggest problems now is that, because we have taken so long to actually make the move, both sets have grown complacent and think we've changed our minds and won't actually be going. Admittedly, for a quiet life we've not corrected them and kind of not mentioned it much infront of them lately, so we're going to have to go through it all again!! Good luck with the move!! Lisa XX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bennyboy Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Hi Tibby, I feel for you and it is hard to break the news, but once your on the plane you will start to focus on why you want to move anyway, then you will have something to look forward to. As for me, i have just found out yesterday that my son's girlfriend is pregnant, not planned and now we have alot to think about. I have posted on here about it and just waiting for replies! Good luck and i'm sure it will be ok. Chin up as they say!:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_whites Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Well done. Its so hard, this whole journey is one gut wrenching emotion fest!! We have told both sets of parents all the way along, keeping them involved. One of them has since developed alzheimers and is in and out of hospital (one of the reasons we haven't gone yet). One of our biggest problems now is that, because we have taken so long to actually make the move, both sets have grown complacent and think we've changed our minds and won't actually be going. Admittedly, for a quiet life we've not corrected them and kind of not mentioned it much infront of them lately, so we're going to have to go through it all again!! Good luck with the move!! Lisa XX We now have a dilemma as although we have been very honest with my mum and told her we were going, this week we got the news that she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Now she has asked me not to go but to stay close to her. What would you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyirvine Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Hi there...i have just checked on DIAC and is says applicant approved for our 176 visa...am waiting for an email from the agent confirming it all...oh my god..cant believe it yiipppeeee but very scared! We have the house up for sale got a viewing tomorrow...not sure how long to leave it before we put it up for rent. we have to be out in oz by 18th July next year.....I am the same...my boyfriends parents have been supportive of the move as their other son (boyfs brother) moved to perth just under 2 years ago and they love it. My mum and dad know we are applying and have both said it will break their hearts but they know we are folllowing our dream.... but they dont know we could be potentially going before JUly next year i had said it'll be two years yet!! they never ask how we are doing on the application....they will be gutted when I tell them we have the visa..its going to be soooo sad saying bye and actually going! Hope i can go throughh with it. We have two young children Macy 6 and Coby 3 so it will be hard taking them away x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reddebz Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Hi, Me and my husband have wanted to move over to Oz for ages and always stayed in UK because of my dad. HOwever my dad passed away on Dec 22nd 2009 and we made the desicion to move in April, needless to say my mum was very upset. My brother lives in Canada and now we are going too so she has no grandchildren around her. Ever since its been a hard time with my mum as she has become depressed and quite nasty about the move saying we wont cope, that we are taking her grandson away, we will be back after a few months and has told me she wont be waving us off at the airport. Unfortunately for her, her behaviour has made me more determined to make it a success but I was wondering if anyone has had this reaction? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l1sa Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 We now have a dilemma as although we have been very honest with my mum and told her we were going, this week we got the news that she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Now she has asked me not to go but to stay close to her. What would you do? I'm going to start off with :hug:, You must be so upset and confused, you've been dealt a huge blow. Wow, this is such a tough situation and only you can decide which is the best way forward for you. Is your mum on her own? does she have any other children or family nearby? My FIL is only 70 but is not on his own, my MIL is his main carer, and if anything happened to her I really don't know what we'd do. Alzheimers is a very personal illness and affects people differently, with some people they can go downhill extremely fast and with others they can slowly degenerate over a period of years. And there is no way of predicting which way your mum will go. We applied for and got our visa before my FIL was diagnosed, which has definately thrown a bit of a spanner in the works, and I must admit I found myself selfishly wishing he hadn't been diagnosed until we'd already left for Oz, when the decision would have been out of my hands. But now I'm glad that we were here to help my MIL through these early stages and to get careplans in process etc. In actual fact, my OH is currently building an extension for his parents so that they have a downstairs bedroom and bathroom, which will help them and us knowing that they won't have to move house further down the line. I am so glad that we have been here to build this extension for them, so that she didn't have the worry of getting builders in, which would have been too much for her. So all in all, it has been a different start to how we expected our Oz journey to begin!! But a productive one too!! Life tends to have a plan in mind for us, and we just have to go with it sometimes. Feel free to PM me if you fancy a chat. Good luck Lisa X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tibby Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 We now have a dilemma as although we have been very honest with my mum and told her we were going, this week we got the news that she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Now she has asked me not to go but to stay close to her. What would you do? So sorry to hear that news. I really don't know what i would do - i would probably stay here - i really don't know. i really feel for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tibby Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Hi there...i have just checked on DIAC and is says applicant approved for our 176 visa...am waiting for an email from the agent confirming it all...oh my god..cant believe it yiipppeeee but very scared!We have the house up for sale got a viewing tomorrow...not sure how long to leave it before we put it up for rent. we have to be out in oz by 18th July next year.....I am the same...my boyfriends parents have been supportive of the move as their other son (boyfs brother) moved to perth just under 2 years ago and they love it. My mum and dad know we are applying and have both said it will break their hearts but they know we are folllowing our dream.... but they dont know we could be potentially going before JUly next year i had said it'll be two years yet!! they never ask how we are doing on the application....they will be gutted when I tell them we have the visa..its going to be soooo sad saying bye and actually going! Hope i can go throughh with it. We have two young children Macy 6 and Coby 3 so it will be hard taking them away x I think when you have kids you have to think about what is right for your family, you, the partner and the kids. i've realised how selfish we are being, but i can't stay in this country anymore, i don't feel there is anything here for us except friends/mum and dad who we will of course see again. at the moment i sit down a lot, don't really do sports, don't do much at weekends but eat, see mates and sleep - that's not a life. want to get out an about, meet people and introduce my daughter to experiences she would never get here. we go december 28th! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 We now have a dilemma as although we have been very honest with my mum and told her we were going, this week we got the news that she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Now she has asked me not to go but to stay close to her. What would you do? So sorry to hear this. I honestly don't know but wishing you the best for your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 We now have a dilemma as although we have been very honest with my mum and told her we were going, this week we got the news that she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Now she has asked me not to go but to stay close to her. What would you do? At the end of the day it is the people in your life who are the most important things, pretty much anyone should be fine living in a first world country. If, like me, you are an only child and this is your remaining parent, then it would be a no brainer - people first, then places. However, if you are lucky enough to have siblings then you have a bit more wriggle room. Even so, I wouldnt be making the move unless I was financially sound enough to come back at will and do whatever needed to be done. Life is all about sacrifices really and caring for the elderly is no picnic but it will happen to us all one day. It becomes incredibly difficult when you KNOW that you need to be back in a supporting role but circumstances prevent you from doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 It made me sad, reading your post and some of the replies. I wanted to ask my Mum and Dad what they thought when I told them I was going to Australia. I do remember how excited they were when they made their first visit to Sydney to see us (my brothers followed me out.) Never mind jetlag, they were straight into our flat, cleaning, sorting, tidying.( could do with another visit!) My only tip would be not to forget about the benefits of 'snail' mail and write, write, write, especially if it's to an older person. I wrote a picture postcard (in addition to at least one letter or aerogramme) every week and I found that a good way of keeping in touch, describing where i was, where I'd been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salma Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I am off in November and I only have a mum and she knew fropm day one, she wasnt over the moon but she understands. All have known since I married my aussie husband i will move one day plus as i have other siblings i do not have to worry about my mums care. I feel bad i will be taking my son (will be 6 and half months) when we go but he has a set of grandparents in Oz who havent seen him yet. Good luck to everyone who has to tell their families Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tibby Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 Hi all - I started this thread a while ago and since then I told mum and dad (awful awful awful) and friends. We are now here in Melbourne - we've been here for two weeks, and my parents have really come around to the idea, mum can't wait to come out and see us. I'm really glad that people have had a chance to discuss this topic, it is so hard telling people and you go through so many different emotions. I hope that you are all happy with the decisions that you ulitmately made and thank you again for all the great advice. 'Tibby' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDC Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 That's excellent news. We are going to tell my parents this weekend. We've lived in Oz before (Aussie husband) so it won't come as an all out shock, but it sure isn't going to be easy. They live 5 minutes away, and while they work full-time, they see our two kids - their only grandchildren - every weekend or so. If something happened health-wise then we'd re-assess the situation as necessary, but for us, we need to do what we think is the right thing - even if it all goes pear-shaped and we come back in a year or two! Hoepfully I'll have enough courage to tell them on Saturday as I'm sick of lying in bed at night worrying about it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tibby Posted January 12, 2012 Author Share Posted January 12, 2012 Good luck - I think it is easier to tell them when you are absolutely sure you are making the right decision, which we did. We have a two year old, and my folks have a really close relationship with her, that was the tough bit, plus my mum is nearly 80, but like you say, you can always go home if things go pear shaped in any way. Hope it all goes well for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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