I am going to Perth tommorrow but wife does not want to go. PLEASE ADVISE ME.

[Guest MissBehaving]

True but would you leave your daughter behind and go on your own.

Probably not.

 

 

In answer to your question - no I wouldn't. I wouldnt dream of going anywhere without my daughter.

But to be fair to Cobbler - he didn't plan on going somewhere without his kids - he was thrown a curve ball and he is now trying to deal with it.

 

I know that by posting on a forum you are going to get some comforting and hurtful comments. That's life I am afraid.

 

Good luck Cobbler in what you chose to do - whatever decision you make can only be made by you with the information and knowledge that you posess at the time.

[cobbler]

Thanks missbehaving,

I understand on furums each poster will both hear what they do & do not want to hear with each post. That is good as long as everybody reads the full postings before they comment or pass judgement on someone.

Cheers for you comments

cobbler

[Harpersgirl]

so its right to say I need to grow up is it ? if so just explain to me

Have to say I think Smileykylie did just that...

 

I agree with those that are concerned with the children and their needs in this situation. My dad followed his dream by moving away from us when we were kids and it is a relationship that has never been able to be repaired. Yes he lived by the beach and we saw him in school holidays etc, but he was never there for the sports games, awards at school etc etc. I don't think we got fantastic opportunities out of it. As an adult I want my parents to have their own lives and fulfil their desires and dreams but as a child it is completely different as you need your parents in a much different way. And it is NEVER nice knowing that your father's (or mother in other cases) needs to live HIS dreams is at the expense of you and your relationship with him, truly makes me wonder why he bothered at times. Not to mention the effects on the self esteem - were we not 'enough' for him. He is not a nasty man by any stretch but do I respect him - not really. He is now very ill in a nursing home and it is not always a priority to visit him I can tell you and it hurts that I cannot care more, but he chose not to have a relationship with me so he could live his dreams and their are consquences to all our decisions.

 

Just my experience - but I am now 40 and it is not until I read on here how many people are willing to risk their relationship with their children that i realise how hurt I have been all these years.

 

 

You chose to bring your children into this world... Is that how you'd like your relationship with them to turn out?

[pob]

Cobbler you sound like a nice guy. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you and those that you love.

I believe that this thread has gotten out of hand a bit, but thats just my opinion right?

 

Think hard about what you will do and good luck.

[Guest The Ropey HOFF]

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeez............. give the guy a break, its hard enough as it is for him, we only know snippets of what is going on in his personal life and its clear he is struggling and in turmoil and a good saying in theses circumstances is - If you can't say owt nice......... don't say owt at all.

 

Best of luck buddy.

[fourcorners]

I think poor Cobbler has a lot to think about. Just a few weeks ago it must have been very exciting planning a future in Australia with his wife and kids, and then I think it was a bit cruel of her to tell him how she felt the day before he left.

 

I think in most relationships that are going well, if one half of the partnership has a particularly strong dream, then the other person will more than likely support that dream and will give it a go. We did that in Canada, my OH had always wanted to live there, but when we did I just didn't get on with the place, and it also wasn't the Canada he wanted. So we made a mutual decision to come back to the UK. I cannot imagine how much more complicated things would have been had we not had a really strong relationship and if children were involved.

 

My parents split up when I was 7, so I grew up spending the week with my mum and spending the weekends at dads. I hated it. Not the fact that they had divorced, but because I never had a complete life in either house, had different friends in each place, it was just a bit of a drag. I don't think that's the best way to be brought up, and there was so much relief when I went to uni and was finally my own person and didn't have to fit into two separate parents schedules. Things wouldn't have been any worse if one parent lived over-seas and I spent school holidays with them. At least then I might have held dual passports which would have made my current situation much easier! I jest, but it would have been a brilliant way to become more worldly and learnt different cultures etc. Kids are flexible, more than people give them credit for. I know lots of people with one parent in another country and they've grown up just fine.

[Conniebygaslight]

Conniebygaslight,

How dare you question my maturity or parenting skills??? If you cared to read my first post on this subject, My plan was for my whole family ( wife & 3 children) to move to oz but it was only once I bought flights for myself to visit Perth for 5 weeks to visit employer, schools, houses etc etc my wife told me that she did not want to emigrate. Since I have been here I have called my children & skyped them at least twice a day every day. cried many times because I am missing them so much. I am stopping with someone here who has been working here without his wife & son for 3 years only contact is through skype, I feel sorry for him because like me he adores his family. Anyway you are entitled to you opinions however obscure they are!!

 

 

You put in one of your posts that you cannot imagine being around if your wife has a new partner, that is where I think you should grow up. I also said that I think it must be awful for you that your wife has changed her mind, but it will be considerably worse if she goes and doesn't like it. You have said that this is YOUR dream and that she has wobbled before. I can't really see what is obscure about my opinion.

 

And incidentally Hoff, you were on here calling someone's husband an arse recently. I see you have to jump to someone's defence again (although I'm sure the OP doesn't need it).:dull:

[Conniebygaslight]

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeez............. give the guy a break, its hard enough as it is for him, we only know snippets of what is going on in his personal life and its clear he is struggling and in turmoil and a good saying in theses circumstances is - If you can't say owt nice......... don't say owt at all.

 

Best of luck buddy.

 

 

You mean if we can't say anything that agrees with you.....as per

[Conniebygaslight]

As a new poster to PIO - I am amazed how quickly things move from the OH post to 'morals' and 'rights and wrongs'. I am sure that Cobbler is not really enjoying reading everyone telling him that he needs to 'get his priorities right' and he would be wrong to leave his kids in Blighty.

 

Perhaps he just deserves a little slack right about now so that he can make his own correct decision. Only he knows if his wife really wants to leave him and only he knows if he can live without his wife and kids. It doesnt make him a bad parent though if he choses to stay in Aus.

 

I am in the situation now where my OH is getting the visa's in order to go to Aus - but I am in knots inside as I fear the unknown. I originaly didnt want to sell my house because I wanted to use it as a 'comforter' - my family are gutted cos we are going, and my friends... well... true friends stay with you for life - no matter where you are living. We will go there and we will make it work because i KNOW it is a better lifesstyle for my daughter and my OH, and ultimately me.

 

I really hope that it does work out for you, but what do you mean when you say you KNOW. Honestly good luck with your decision but don't under estimate the move you are making.

[steen1976]

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeez............. give the guy a break, its hard enough as it is for him, we only know snippets of what is going on in his personal life and its clear he is struggling and in turmoil and a good saying in theses circumstances is - If you can't say owt nice......... don't say owt at all.

 

Best of luck buddy.

 

So unless people are going to tell him what he wants to hear then say nothing? Ha'way mate it's a forum you know how they work. He asked for advice on an emotive subject and people are giving their views.

 

I feel very sorry for the bloke and the obvious ****e has just been dropped in by his missus but if you look for advice you've got to accept some may not be what you want to hear.

[Guest NeilEB]

Not sure this thread needs to go any further but one thing I wanted to ask the people who are telling Cobbler to grow up etc.

 

Why are you assuming Cobbler is the 'bad guy' in this relationship, and not the wife? As I understand it, they made a decision, as a family, to try and move to Oz, presumably for the 'better life' (I have used the quote marks for a reason - I understand it may not be better, but I assume not many people move expecting a worse life).

 

Then, just when everything is set, his wife changes her mind, and keeps the kids in the UK.

 

So, as far as I can tell, it's not Cobbler who has suddenly decided on this need for adventure, packed up and left without discussing it as a family. Why couldn't his wife at least try the move and see if it works out? I understand the issue about Cobbler being able to prevent the kids from leaving Oz once they were there, but couldn't they have written up an agreement before they left the UK (actually does anyone know if that is possible, and would the Aussie courts take it into account?).

 

Just thought I'd throw that in there.

[Metoo]

Cobblers wife said she has not loved him for some time.

 

She deliberately kept this quiet from him and allowed him to forge away with his plans for a new life in Oz.

 

At the eleventh hour she dropped the bomb shell that not only did she not want to go, she no longer loved him and would be staying put.

 

I may be totally wrong but it seems to me like Mrs Cobbler has wanted to end her marriage for a while and did not have the guts to do it. Instead she has allowed her husband to create a potential new life on the other side of the world and then used this as a convenient way of ending her marriage and at the same time she is making him look like the 'bad guy'.

 

I think that Mrs Cobbler has been deceitful in this whole thing and she is the one to blame for this situation.

 

No doubt she will want to keep the house, keep the kids, win her freedom and get rid of poor hubby who she no longer loves. She is in a win win situation all of her own making and seems to coming out smelling of roses.

 

Mr Cobbler, on the other hand has been deceived, is now in a terrible situation and is being criticised for the position his wife has put him in.

 

He clearly loves his wife and children and I feel very sorry for Cobbler, I wish him well, which ever way he choses to go it will be difficult.

 

Best wishes Metoo

[Parley]

I agree with the last couple of posts, however they are perhaps a little irrelevant.

Regardless of who is to blame for this situation, Cobbler has to make a very important decision - either continue on his Australian dream on his own or go back to the UK where he can have a better ongoing relationship with his kids.

 

Good Luck with your decision Cobbler.

[ali]

I agree with the last couple of posts, however they are perhaps a little irrelevant.

Regardless of who is to blame for this situation, Cobbler has to make a very important decision - either continue on his Australian dream on his own or go back to the UK where he can have a better ongoing relationship with his kids.

 

Good Luck with your decision Cobbler.

 

I couldn't agree more .... it's Cobblers decision at the end of the day and one that it no doubt very emotional for him at the moment. I'll now close this thread as it's probably going to go around in circles now.

 

Ali