sykestykes Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Going home isn't an option for lots of people, especially after such a short time. Personally speaking, after 15 months in Australia,I couldn't even scrape together the funds for a holiday back to the UK, let alone a full move back. I think it's more practical to help this lady with ways to deal with the problem here rather than going back, I imagine she has already thought through every feasible scenario and just needs some helpful suggestions from us all. Nasty kids exist everywhere, but so do good ones and I hope Ashley isn't long in finding them where he is. Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nic36 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Well said Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Hi Tina I am so sorry to hear about your son. It is hard, when we first brought ours out here we ahd tears and my eldest cried and said he didn't want to leave England. Now he won't return to the UK not even for a holiday. Some kids can be down right cruel and if they know someone is struggling they go out of their way to make life hell for them. Is there another school he could try, if there is maybe go and visit first and ask them to find him a buddy. Also invite some of the kids round for tea one night after school, or even have a party he will soon become the most popular child. Give him time and see how he settles, we have seen children take 6-12 months to build up the same social network that they had in the UK. I wish you were in Melbourne we could get together and the kids could get to know each other. I know you mentioned your son isn't in to sports but have you thought about the cadets the joining age is 13 years so he would be starting with other 13 year olds. My son attends the AAFC, it is $120 per year, they go on camps, go on trips interstate, do powered flying, handgliding, shooting etc. It is the best $120 anyone could spend. The website is: Home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
byrned Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 get your son to read these posts, so he knows he is not alone other kids have faced what he is facing, happend to my son as well, first week was hell for him, said no one spoke to him spent days sat on his own at recess, he said the kids were bullys, and could I send him to karate classes I told him the only way to stop being bullied was to stand upto them, he asked me if he got into a fight or swore at them would he get into trouble with me or his dad if the school contacted us, I said no you have to do what you have to do, so when any of the kids said anything to him regarding his accent he just told them to *@@* off, he told me this and I had to bite my tounge not to tell him off for swearing, but I just said good, over the next few months he also had a few scuffles in the playground with a couple of the bullies, his dad always told him if any one smacks you smack them back only harder, but one thing after that they left him alone it took him 4 months to fit in and find the right kind of mates, he now seems to have an inbuilt radar and chooses his friends carefully, Try everything you can to get him into the school near you, it is easier for them if they live as close to the school as possible for them socially. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 I know this won't be popular but why not just take him home? Why should he have to face this and lose his cultural identity as an English boy? Going through puberty and culture shock at the same time must be a nightmare, not to mention the grief of losing his friends and lifestyle. Why should he have to change to fit in when he fitted in perfectly well before by being himself. Why would he even want to fit in with people who treat newcomers or anyone different so badly? Why should he now have to be marked as a foreigner, an immigrant, an outsider when he was none of those things before? Sorry but I speak as someone who didn't make the choice to move here either. What about the rest of the family unit, Tina has already stated that Josh is happy and so are the rest of the family, so although it may be easy for you to say go home, please think of the effect it would have on the other two children.:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gary12 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 It is really difficult when you have a child who hasn't settled. It took our then 6year old a good 6 months or so to settle. We had talked about moving his school but I couldn't face another change for him in such a short space of time. The other thing I had tried to do was get him into all the same types of clubs as he did in the UK and I just over loaded him. He started with a gym club which although he was in a small group they do work alone and this helped him as he met people but it wasn't too full on. He now does 3 clubs a week and is as happy as larry he doesn't want to return to the UK, he likes it here, yet when we first arrived he would spend hours in his room looking at a photo album his UK class had made, it was heartbreaking. We had decided that we would give it until mid August and then consider returning to the UK, ready to start the next academic year. I made a real effort of inviting friends round this meant picking them up and dropping them home but I was happy to do that. One thing I have noticed though at our school is that in the holidays you don't see much of the other kids in the UK we always met up with someone or other but it's not a problem we just get out ourselves. We were also renting a house in the middle of no where, there was a 4 year old who lived down the road and he sometimes played with him, for company more than anything I think. We moved at the end of last year even further away from the school but there are lots of children he plays with in the street, I have to drag him in each night but again this took time, he would sit and watch them play to scared to join in but now he jumps out the car straight down to join them each night and at the weekend. Hopefully time will help your son, we all want to do the best for our kids and the guilt we have when things are not going right is really hard. best of luck Michelle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Try Hamersley Soccer club. My 10 year old plays for the B team. He might not get into the team this year as registration has closed but they will all let him join training (monday nights at Carine Open Space and or sat mornings.) .... the other clubs you tried should also welcome new guys at training with a view to signing up next year. They have lots of friendly matches which he could play if he cant do the League til next year plus training they often split into groups of 2 and play against eachother. I feel really strongly that you speak to your others sons school. The pastoral care here in Aus is SO completely different to the UK attitudes, I seriously think you should go to them - in confidence, dont tell your son it will only affect his confidence even more. Ring them tomorrow and go and see the Deputy Head or Head and open your heart to them. Dont dob in the crap mates he has managed to make.... talk in general about his unhappiness and his unfortunate bad luck at making a nice set of mates. I bet they listen and take action. Make sure you ask them to put you in touch with other parents who would be willing to support you all in this transitional time. Keep us all posted. Skate Parks in your area? no not sure but my kids often skateboard along the front at Mullalloo (you know where the Dome is... there's quite a good path there and I often see kids skateboarding/ripsticking etc up there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 A slightly different tack here - of course, go and talk to the school counsellor or pastoral care person in the school, that's their job. If they are worth their salt then they will do something to ameliorate the situation However, if you cant take him home (and that doesnt seem to be an option) then dont buy into his despair (that sounds very harsh but he knows what is pushing your buttons!) I'd be sitting him down and acknowledging that it is tough, you are finding it tough, it will be tough for a while but it wont make a difference and he is basically going to have to suck it up and it will get better. However, there is only one person who can make it better and that is himself so ask him (do NOT tell him what to do) what are 3 things he is going to try which will make him feel better about his situation because you are not going to be there with him 24/7. He is, of course, going to say "nothing" in which case say - well, you have a good think about it and let me know - then leave the conversation. (Dont tell him what to do because that is a further disempowerment and just reinforced his hopelessness and helplessness) Next time you see the despair, dont engage with it but ask "which of your 3 things did you try?". If he says "none" or "all of them" then say - did they work? nope, that's a shame, what else could you try and then leave the conversation. As part of all this, you could also do the "if things go wrong, who can you talk to at school?" and if things do go wrong at school then you come back with "who on your list did you talk to about this?" I know that sounds really harsh and inside you are going to be screaming and crying with him but at the end of the day he is the only one who can do things to change the way that things are for him. If it really is a case of a horrible school with nasty bullies and incompetent teachers who wont do anything about it then move schools but really he has to know that he is a competent person and he does have the skills to change his own life. When you get days where you dont get the depressed behaviour then celebrate them with little things like a meal out of his choice to acknowledge that he is trying hard and doing good things. If you can build in some sort of "bribe" like a trip home to see his grandparents on his own once he has shown that he is making an effort here then he may work hard to get a bit of adventure. However, I feel for him, being trapped in a place you dont want to be is hell on wheels and it takes a big effort to get out of bed every day but he needs to know that he can do something to make it liveable if not perfect (and if you continue to see this behaviour for more than 2 - 3 months then take him off to the doctor and hopefully get some professional support for the depression - your other son is right though, 13 is tough for all boys!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Hi, We have been in WA for 11 weeks now and everyone except my 13 year old son loves being here. I knew it would be hard for him leaving friends etc but I had no idea it would be this bad. He is having a really hard time at school - no-one wants to be his friend he comes home and goes in his room and sobs. Last night he begged me to take him home and was hysterical to the point of vomitting. He explained some things which have happened at school and I was fighting back the tears. He has really tried to make friends to the point of being humiliated. My 9 year old son on the other hand is loving school - has made friends and we have lots of telephone numbers on the fridge for playdates. I guess primary is just so different from Secondary school. I think the problem is made worse as local children in our immediate area seem to go to the local private school (no places for my son) so I have to take him to a state school out of area, but still only 10 mins down the Marmion from where we live. Therefore he is not meeting any children who live near us for after school fun. Can any one offer any help or advice - anyone been in the same situation. I feel so helpless. He is into his 4th week at school now and I try and tell him it is not that long but he replies "it is when no-one talks to you and you spend breaks and lunches alone". I am wondering whether to try another school but in the back of my mind know it will probably be just the same for him. If he is at Ocean Reef SHS you should go and have a chat with the Chaplain there. Don't worry about the name, it sounds religious but it really isn't. Matt Bartlett is the Chaplain there and he is a fantastic man who really relates to the kids. Go and have a chat to him on the quiet and tell him about your son. It will really help. Edited to add: I have read some other posts so don't think he is at Ocean Reef so ignore above name. You should go and see the chaplain wherever you are though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getus2oz Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Hi Tina, I can only image your heartache at seeing your son so unhappy. I really hope you have managed to speak to the school and they are addressing the situation promptly. Hopefully someone local to you can offer your son a meet up, Keep us posted x jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzbound Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 I would definately go and see someone in school. I would ask them what they they plan to do as they don't seem to have checked that he has friends or has settled into school life here. Maybe suggest moving him to a form group and buddying him with decent lads who will help him who could then be invited out and about like others have suggested. The school, once this is brought to their attention, should help your son and hopefully things will start to look up for him. I really feel for you. Please let us know how you get on xxx (((((HUG))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supa Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 teejaygb- If your son would like to talk to me, I want to get to know a few people before I get out there so I can grasp an idea of what it's like, then could you get him to pm me or something? I understand if he doesn't, lol! My names Elizabeth and I'm 14 x Don't know if you have seen it but there is a forum on here called Younger Ones which seems very good. If you've spotted it, please ignore me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulswin Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Hi my boys are 10 and 12 and we're hoping to move to Hammond Rise in Perth and soooo hope my boys will adjust it would be good to have get togethers with people in that area so boys and adults can make friends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Hi my boys are 10 and 12 and we're hoping to move to Hammond Rise in Perth and soooo hope my boys will adjust it would be good to have get togethers with people in that area so boys and adults can make friends! Where on earth is Hammond Rise?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie ellis Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Poor lad, you tell him to stick in am sure things will turn out good for him , wish you all the best . stevie:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulswin Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Hi Northernbird Hammond Rise is an estate in Success, Perth!! Both my hubby's sisters live there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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