aconcannon Posted April 29, 2022 Share Posted April 29, 2022 It’s been a while since I’ve reached out on here, but I always value the support and advice given & it always seems to be the first place I come to… Currently back in the UK for the first time since January 2020, just before covid hit. Hubby & I are in our late 30’s with no kids & emigrated just under 6”7 years ago. In the past 18 months both my mum & my husbands grandmother have been treated for cancer. Both are ‘ok’ at the minute, but both have a lot of underlying health conditions and seeing the deterioration in them has hit home hard. Life has been going well for us over there - we’ve bought our first house only 10 months ago, we’re just about to buy an investment property there & we’re planning on trying to start a family on our return. We also have both been promoted in work in the last 6 months and have never been in n a better position financially. Now our time is drawing to an end in the UK the guilt of leaving and tue thought of potentially not seeing the said family members again is causing us a lot of emotional uncertainty. We find every time we come back (usually every 12-18 months) the goodbyes and the guilt are a lot harder; where as surely it should be getting easier? Looking for words of wisdom and support. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted April 29, 2022 Share Posted April 29, 2022 It's hard, because everyone's different. I would just observe, if the best you can say about Australia is that you've "never been in a better position financially", I don't think that a good enough reason to go back to Australia. How you FEEL about a place is far more important than money. If you're thinking, "If my parents could just move to Australia, I wouldn't dream of staying in the UK, I love living in Australia so much", then it's just guilt talking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 29, 2022 Share Posted April 29, 2022 Simple answer, no, the guilt never goes away and it gets worse as the people you leave behind get older and frailer. If you want to live in Australia because it is Gods Own Country then you will just have to suck it up and realise that the price you pay for material things is the lack of family around you. As you havent started a family yet, then be aware that the guilt/emotional stress is going to get worse as soon as little people appear on the horizon. You'll need to make more trips back just so that any kids will be able to know their family and that gets expensive and then taking them back away from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins gets harder each time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted April 29, 2022 Share Posted April 29, 2022 (edited) There is no easy answer, and only you can make the decision, irrespective of any advice given. I think if you are an only child it is harder, but a bit easier to not live close if there is a sibling near. We are different because we the parents moved to Australia, in our retirement, leaving our three grown up children in UK,, we would never expect our children to move near us, they have their own lives, however 2 did follow us here, one lives over an hour away in Brisbane, the other is in Sydney, but we don’t rely on them for any support yet, my husband is 80 this year, and I’m not much younger. We on average go to Sydney a couple of times a year, and our daughter visits once or twice,.On balance more of our friends have at most one child living fairly near, their other children live anywhere in Australia or lots permanently overseas. Our only grandchildren are in England and until covid restrictions we went there for several months to see them every year, I realise this will get harder as we get older, but friends well in their 80’s still seem to manage with the travelling. We didn’t live close to either my mother or my husband’s parents, or other family, probably only saw them a couple of times a year, hardly ever met up with any cousins because realistically unless you live close to any family, the reality is that you become involved with your own lives where you live. I don’t remember my children talking much on the phone to their grandparents, but with modern technology we face time regularly with ours which has certainly kept us in touch and close. Wish you well with whatever you decide Edited April 29, 2022 by ramot 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted April 30, 2022 Share Posted April 30, 2022 It's your life.. I always took the view that my family is going to die anyway, whether I'm there or not. They've all got to live the life they've wanted to live - and where they've wanted to live - so why shouldn't I get the same opportunity? Not a popular opinion I know. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted April 30, 2022 Author Share Posted April 30, 2022 It's hard, because everyone's different. I would just observe, if the best you can say about Australia is that you've "never been in a better position financially", I don't think that a good enough reason to go back to Australia. How you FEEL about a place is far more important than money. If you're thinking, "If my parents could just move to Australia, I wouldn't dream of staying in the UK, I love living in Australia so much", then it's just guilt talking. It’s definitely guilt talking as we didn’t particularly enjoy living in the UK & we love our lives in Australia. My parents sadly won’t visit which puts the pressure on us having to go back for visits. I’d love for them toMove to Australia, but I know it’ll never happen. I guess with my mum being so sick I keep thinking how that’s time I’ll never get back with her & so maybe moving home for a few years is the answer, but that’s also easier said than done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted April 30, 2022 Author Share Posted April 30, 2022 Simple answer, no, the guilt never goes away and it gets worse as the people you leave behind get older and frailer. If you want to live in Australia because it is Gods Own Country then you will just have to suck it up and realise that the price you pay for material things is the lack of family around you. As you havent started a family yet, then be aware that the guilt/emotional stress is going to get worse as soon as little people appear on the horizon. You'll need to make more trips back just so that any kids will be able to know their family and that gets expensive and then taking them back away from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins gets harder each time.We had planned to start trying for a family on our return to Australia from this trip, and we have both chatted about the reality of how we feel guilty now & miss family then it’ll be magnified even more if a baby is involved, and then we probably won’t have the funds to return to the UK for holidays as often as we are now. I guess only time will tell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JetBlast Posted April 30, 2022 Share Posted April 30, 2022 Before you applied and moved these type of things would have gone through your mind. At the time how did you think you would handle it? When thing happen like this the mind can snowball and make you feel worse. Could you try and get back into that mindset from the early days? Easier said than done 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon the Hat Posted May 2, 2022 Share Posted May 2, 2022 On 30/04/2022 at 21:19, aconcannon said: we didn’t particularly enjoy living in the UK & we love our lives in Australia. I think you have your answer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.