3 weeks to go and feeling pretty rubbish ......

[Jaimecol]

So its only 3 weeks now until we leave. This is way harder than i imagined! My family are in the UK so am leaving them behind, my husband is Australian and we've been in the UK for 10 years, we have 2 boys aged 10 & 8 and are heading off to Melbourne in 3 weeks.

 

Now the time is getting closer its getting really tough. There are so many emotions everywhere i turn, from family and friends and thats without my own roller coaster of emotions. I'm finding it really hard to spend time with family members because it just ends in tears, even dropping the kids off at school is becoming unbearable because its all everyone wants to talk about.

 

I;m tryng to stay strong and not cry every 30 seconds but its so tough. My husband is being amazing and is spending endless nights listening and wiping up the tears.

 

Can anyone relate to how im feeling? Currently feeling like i've let me family down here

[akiralx]

I would recommend having a discussion before departure with your husband about what you will do if you do not settle after say 2-3 years and wish to return. And make an agreement. Mixed emotions are understandable, but bear in mind that moving to Aus is not necessarily permanent. I would hope that you are looking forward to it as well as having misgivings.

[scuffythetugboat]

We have moved twice in each direction with and without children but I must say that if either of us was feeling the way you are at the moment, we would certainly have put the plans on hold.

[Jaimecol]

I would recommend having a discussion before departure with your husband about what you will do if you do not settle after say 2-3 years and wish to return. And make an agreement. Mixed emotions are understandable, but bear in mind that moving to Aus is not necessarily permanent. I would hope that you are looking forward to it as well as having misgivings.

 

Thanks so much for your message. I've lived in Melb before for 18 months and came back to the UK for husbands work and I'd just had our first baby, we've since been in the UK for 10 years. Of course there are times im looking forward to moving and get excited especially for our children. If i could pick my Mum up and bring her with me it would make all of this so much easier

[LKC]

It is hard to leave family behind, I think this is something that most people struggle with. Your husband obviously knows how you feel, but as akiralx says, have you spoken about what happens if you don't settle? It might help if you look at the move as not necessarily permanent and to know that if you are unhappy that you have a plan in place to move back. Before OH and I moved over here we decided to look at it as being something that was temporary that might become permanent, and that we'd try and stay until we and the kids got citizenship, but that if one of us was unhappy we would move back. As it happens we've been really happy here for eight years, although we are now considering a move back for various reasons.

 

Just remember it doesn't have to be forever.

[Loulou]

Can relate to all these feelings, and after 6 months in perth still can. I feel so guilty on a daily basis that i have brought my children a million miles away from their grandparents and feel very selfish for doing so! Agree with the other posts that see it has a temporary measure we agreed that we would come as its something we both have always wanted to do and would regret it if we didnt, get citizenship and if we or one of us have not settled then we go back but we all have the chance to return if we found out going back home was the wrong decision! I must emphasise the plan u agree prior to leaving is often hard to stick to when in oz and i often feel i could pack up and just go back tommorrow due to homesickness! However i tell myself everyday that this is somewhat exagerated as

A) we spent far more time with family and friends the 6months prior to leaving on the account we were emmigrating which in realisation made things harder as prior to the decision we would not see family on a regular basis

B) Its only the fact that u cant go to ur friends or family for a cuppa if you wanted not the fact that u did, as i never did!

 

Everything gets over-emphazied when in oz due to the homesickness and thats what i try to keep telling myself! I am almost sure if i went home and back into normal routine then i would crave to come back! Dont think the homesickness ever goes away when u migrate u just learn to accept it and i think guilt comes with parenting whatever decision yoy make! Iam faced with the fact that if i dont settle after 4 years then my daughter will be 18 and may decide to stay or vice versa, my son will be 16 so i could end up with a family of my own miles apart which really upsets me but this is only what we have done to our families right??

 

 

Be sure its what you want deep down as when you arrive, settle or not life is never the same weather good or bad as far as i can see you will miss things from both countries where ever u live.

 

Best of luck

Loulou

Edited November 14, 2016 by Loulou

[flag of convenience]

It may take years to know if it was a right decision. There will never be a substitution though to having family or long standing friends on hand, in times of crisis to call upon. That can be very hard to regain when moved away. Being alone or without substance in 'friendships' perhaps acquired is seldom of the level left behind. Still many manage.

[JockinTas]

It may take years to know if it was a right decision. There will never be a substitution though to having family or long standing friends on hand, in times of crisis to call upon. That can be very hard to regain when moved away. Being alone or without substance in 'friendships' perhaps acquired is seldom of the level left behind. Still many manage.

 

Perhaps I've been lucky but I've forged genuine friends here in Australia. Yes, even the call for help in the middle of the night kind. Friends I left behind in the UK have also moved on from their home towns. Some to different parts of the UK, some to different countries. Life moves on and changes. You can't expect life and people to stand still and be just the same as it once was.

[Loulou]

I have been very lucky in that sense as i have genuine friendships here in perth as a few friends of our emigrated years ago and have been so good with us!

[kevsan]

Perhaps I've been lucky but I've forged genuine friends here in Australia. Yes, even the call for help in the middle of the night kind. Friends I left behind in the UK have also moved on from their home towns. Some to different parts of the UK, some to different countries. Life moves on and changes. You can't expect life and people to stand still and be just the same as it once was.

 

Sums us up too. It was hard leaving and experienced a certain amount of anxiety about what might happen, but you cant live your life for other people. If this is what you want for your immediate family then go for it, dont live on regrets. It can be permanent or temporary, but you need to be willing to have a go.

 

We've been here 18 months and have settled really well, including developing friendships that are as strong if not stronger than the ones we left behind. Yes we miss friends and family, but will be heading back at Christmas for a month to catch-up with everyone we 'left behind' and even after this short time, there are a number of people that we aren't that fussed about seeing (and vice versa i expect) as people move on with their own lives, and others that we still have strong links with.

[flag of convenience]

Perhaps I've been lucky but I've forged genuine friends here in Australia. Yes, even the call for help in the middle of the night kind. Friends I left behind in the UK have also moved on from their home towns. Some to different parts of the UK, some to different countries. Life moves on and changes. You can't expect life and people to stand still and be just the same as it once was.

 

Yes probably lucky. Also been away a long time. People do move along with time. Quite different from expecting things to stand still. It's only in crisis people know who friends really are. I know some can be surprised at the outcome come such an event.

[flag of convenience]

I have been very lucky in that sense as i have genuine friendships here in perth as a few friends of our emigrated years ago and have been so good with us!

 

Always helps to have those known from the life before. Without those I wonder how easy it would have been?

[flag of convenience]

Sums us up too. It was hard leaving and experienced a certain amount of anxiety about what might happen, but you cant live your life for other people. If this is what you want for your immediate family then go for it, dont live on regrets. It can be permanent or temporary, but you need to be willing to have a go.

 

We've been here 18 months and have settled really well, including developing friendships that are as strong if not stronger than the ones we left behind. Yes we miss friends and family, but will be heading back at Christmas for a month to catch-up with everyone we 'left behind' and even after this short time, there are a number of people that we aren't that fussed about seeing (and vice versa i expect) as people move on with their own lives, and others that we still have strong links with.

 

You've got me there. Does one really make ' friendships' in only eighteen months ,more superior ,than in ones entire previous life?

[calNgary]

Hang in there... Read the posts from others waiting to move, what your feeling is pretty normal and often referred to as 'Last minute wobbles'. It took me around 18mths to actually settle here and feel at home ,now 10 years on i am loving my little aussie life. Of course you will always miss friends and family but as someone as already said you cannot put your life on hold for them. A good way to think of things is to ask yourself if they would stay and forfeit a move to Aus just for you...

 

Cal x

[Bungo]

So its only 3 weeks now until we leave. This is way harder than i imagined! My family are in the UK so am leaving them behind, my husband is Australian and we've been in the UK for 10 years, we have 2 boys aged 10 & 8 and are heading off to Melbourne in 3 weeks.

 

Now the time is getting closer its getting really tough. There are so many emotions everywhere i turn, from family and friends and thats without my own roller coaster of emotions. I'm finding it really hard to spend time with family members because it just ends in tears, even dropping the kids off at school is becoming unbearable because its all everyone wants to talk about.

 

I;m tryng to stay strong and not cry every 30 seconds but its so tough. My husband is being amazing and is spending endless nights listening and wiping up the tears.

 

Can anyone relate to how im feeling? Currently feeling like i've let me family down here

 

I don't think you should dismiss these feelings as being normal and something everyone goes through. Yes maybe it will work out but to me it is a huge big red flag that maybe this isn't going to be the right decision. I can honestly say I did not cry once before my two international moves. Having jitters or doubts is normal. But I do not think being unable to talk to family for crying or being in floods of tears every night is normal and I don't think it does you a service to pretend it is.

 

Were it not for the Australian husband, I would honestly say that it is not too late to pull the plug on this. Emigrating is not easy for people close to their families and with lots of close friends, it really better suits the independent types. However you do have an Australian husband and so I understand that you want to give it a go and I think it is only fair to do so as well if this is what he desires - an inevitable consequence of a "mixed marriage".

 

As such, I think the best thing for you to do now is to make a pact about what will happen if you are unhappy and don't settle there. I think you should give it a decent time frame, probably get your citizenship so that you have the same citizenships as your children.

 

Good luck.

[kevsan]

You've got me there. Does one really make ' friendships' in only eighteen months ,more superior ,than in ones entire previous life?

 

Well, I guess you would have to ask our friends! But certainly there are 2 couples we have got to know here that we have a deeper connection with than a number of our UK group of friends. One of which have just gone through a cycle of IVF to have a second child and when we went out last week to celebrate the success (currently 8 weeks pregnant) their words to us were "We wouldn't have even considered starting this if you guys hadn't have come into our lives and we know how much you love and support us" So it seems a pretty genuine friendship to them even if its less than 18 months old.

[calNgary]

To save you searching, here are a few threads ive found that you may find helpful, also it may reinforce it isnt just you who feels this way. Theres plenty more if you search the forum sections. Lots of luck with everything

 

http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/251779-doubting-move-queensland-did-anyone-else-feel-like.html

 

http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/239733-leaving-tomorrow-dont-think-i-can-go.html

 

http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/welcome/231427-wow-all-systems-go-last-minute-com-ha.html

 

http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/western-australia/164262-moving-perth-january-2013-mixed-emotions.html

[starlight7]

Some are more sensitive than others and maybe you are one of these. If you are not normally the type who is emotional like that- well , as someone said, that is a bit of a red flag flying there.

[newjez]

 

Thanks so much for your message. I've lived in Melb before for 18 months and came back to the UK for husbands work and I'd just had our first baby, we've since been in the UK for 10 years. Of course there are times im looking forward to moving and get excited especially for our children. If i could pick my Mum up and bring her with me it would make all of this so much easier

my mil came over for a four month visit, and it made life easier for my wife.

[flag of convenience]

Well, I guess you would have to ask our friends! But certainly there are 2 couples we have got to know here that we have a deeper connection with than a number of our UK group of friends. One of which have just gone through a cycle of IVF to have a second child and when we went out last week to celebrate the success (currently 8 weeks pregnant) their words to us were "We wouldn't have even considered starting this if you guys hadn't have come into our lives and we know how much you love and support us" So it seems a pretty genuine friendship to them even if its less than 18 months old.

 

I see where you are coming from and far be it for me to suggest otherwise. My take on 'friendship' though is when the chips are down, whose by your side? I mean something removed from personal gain.

[flag of convenience]

Some are more sensitive than others and maybe you are one of these. If you are not normally the type who is emotional like that- well , as someone said, that is a bit of a red flag flying there.

 

A red flag flying from a rather tall mast. Buyer should proceed with caution. Have a strategy or agreement at least for if it all gets too much. Too many families break up over the spoils of emigration.

[Loulou]

Having friends here did make the move easier however we are a very strong family unit and i beleive we would be in exactly the same place we are now. It is not an easy move and you stumble across many emotions but still iam a strong believer in if you dont try you will never know! At least if we do decide in a few years oz is not for us we go back, and yes we have invested a lot of money in the move but also we were prepared financially prior to coming that we have enough to make the move back! Life is to short for regrets and u dont want to spend ur life wondering what if. Hope it all works out, only you can decide what is right for u and your family.

Edited November 14, 2016 by Loulou

[Quoll]

I think I would be having the "what if I don't like it" talk as well - unfortunately too many (usually women) have found that Australia can be a jail if you don't like it and your OH refuses to let you leave with your kids! Must say I wasn't one who got the wobbles and I had absolutely no compunction about taking my parents only grandchild to the other side of the world but it does seem like a lot of people wobble - and is 50/50 whether they should have listened to their gut and pulled the plug. I really believe selfishness and self sufficiency are key to successful immigration - choosing what you do because of how someone else may feel is a recipe for disaster. I would also watch out for resentment if you are too close to his old haunts /family /friends - some days it can feel very hard when you see that his mob get everything and yours gets bugger all but he's been living with that for 10 years so I suppose it's payback time (men seem to manage that better I think!). But expect not to rely on anyone and if you are one of the lucky ones who can find a friend you can call at 3am that will be a bonus (I never did find that kind of long lasting friend but certainly had more than my fair share of being used!)

 

I sincerely hope your OH had his UK citizenship by now - if not, I would be delaying until he had it because you would potentially be closing the gate on any return and, believe me, it's much harder to make a go of it if you feel like the jail cell has clanged shut behind you.

 

Whichever way you jump you'll be ending up in a first world country and your kids will be just fine but just make sure you don't burn any bridges in the process so that you do retain the freedom to move on if you feel you need /want to.

[flag of convenience]

I know the above is some folk's take on things. With the OP though warning lights are flashing prior to blast off. Australia is no walk in the park these days. Come as a Back packer by all means, as usually the final road is the road home. Emigrating is another kettle of fish. One is required to be mentally strong to cope with the stresses involved.

One can do such much else in life than move to another Anglo country. very far removed from the familiar at that.

[flag of convenience]

I forgot to add. Like a few others that frequent this forum , when in Europe or even UK, both I and partner over more recent years find it increasingly difficult to get on that plane and return Down Under. I have no idea if this would be the case if a longer stay or permanent was the case. All worth considering though as it is far easier to frit about in ones twenties and thirties than older. Generally the cost of moving is just so much more than in decades past as well.