ArleneW Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Okay, my situation is a bit dire at the moment. I moved here with husband and 2 kids 11 years ago. I was happy in Scotland but husband insisted we move. Don't get me wrong I loved it in Australia. Until now My husband has left us and my health has deteriorated. My stress levels are through the roof, panic attacks all day and night etc. To be perfectly honest I'm a trainwreck. He is doing FIFO at the moment (4 weeks on 1 week off) so we're used to not having him around so I don't think it's him that's making me ill. It's the thought of staying in Australia on my own with 2 kids. I have 1 friend here who lives 3 hours away (we just relocated). Money is extremely tight. He's paying me the bare minimum and I'm renting at the moment. I honestly can't afford to live here and have been looking for work for months and can't find anything. Now I don't think I'd even be capable of working until I get my stress in check. He said he will give me permission to take my kids back to Scotland because he can't support us here due to his job being so unpredictable. Although he is working now, it took him 8 months to find this job and we used up all our savings during that time. So I keep wondering if he loses this job, how on earth would we live without support? I have a little savings and I don't want to have to use it all up again. I want to go home to my family in Scotland for support. They would help me and the kids and I could use my small savings to rent a place for a few months until I find a job. I feel like it's the right move since I have nobody here and financial worries. But I'm worried about going back with 2 13year olds. They're not as worldly wise as I remember the Scottish kids their age. Will they be okay? I'm making myself sick trying to do what's right for the kids, but also what's right for me. Their dad was never much of a dad to them in that he never spent time with them. He phones them every 3 days and they chat for a minute or two. He has nothing to say. He could certainly visit them whenever he wanted. My brain is in turmoil. Has anyone gone back to the UK alone with teenagers trying to start over? I'm in my 40s now and I am terrified by everything right now. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks:arghh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Your kids will be absolutely fine. We've got lots of families on this forum who returned to Scotland and their kids settled in no trouble. So I wouldn't give that worry a second thought. The question is, where would you want to be if you were more financially secure? You say you loved Australia until recently - it sounds like relocating away from friends is your problem, not the absent husband, so would it work to move back where you were? If you were able to rent somewhere close to your old home then perhaps the kids could go back to their old school and it would be less disruptive for them - plus they'd be closer to their dad than if you all go home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArleneW Posted October 1, 2016 Author Share Posted October 1, 2016 Thanks Marisawright Guess I just need to hear my kids will be okay. I could go back to where I was recently but again, I only had 1 friend there. I would still be financially unstable and my support in Scotland is bigger - mum, dad, sister & nephews. Plus I have this added worry of how I will afford my kids university etc. I know if I go back now, they will have had 4 years in Scotland and uni is much cheaper for me. I don't think their dad is going to be very supportive financially. I went to centerlink for help and they said they can pay me $400 a week or thereabouts but that doesn't even cover my rent. Living here is getting harder by the day. I think my head is telling me to go home but it's just my kids I'm worrying about Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goingbacksoon Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Has anyone gone back to the UK alone with teenagers trying to start over? YES!! I did it last year with a 15 and 12 year old and it has worked out wonderfully for us in terms of school, college, jobs, and location. However aside from that you can't put a value on being close to your family, there will be 12 of us for lunch on Sunday at my cousin's place Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Has your husband said that he will allow you to take the children back to Scotland? You need to find that out first before making any plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArleneW Posted October 1, 2016 Author Share Posted October 1, 2016 Yes he said he's okay with it. I saw a lawyer who is preparing the forms to be signed giving me permission. He'll sign anything except if it has to do with paying child support. But as long as I get my kids first I will worry about the money later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Your kids will be just fine! They will have a happy, supported mum and they will fit right in and be supported to catch up if they need to be. At 13 they are a good age - leave it much later and there could be transition problems with education. Get yourself back to a stable support network! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosiegirl Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I'm in a very similar position - scared to death of going back and ruining my teenagers education, in year 10 here in oz. Did your 15 year old repeat year 10 in the UK or did you start in college? Its reassuring that your teenagers have settled in so well goingbacksoon. My 18 year old will work for 3 years and then apply for uni - at least thats the plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 (edited) I think you need to take your time and think it through before you make any impulsive decisions about returning. You dont want to go from the frying pan into the fire. Where would you live, its quite expensive now to rent in the UK as well. We rent a small 2 bedroom semi out and were surprised what we can get in rental for it now. Also you wont be entitled to any benefits for a bit either. Do your kids want to go back or are they just going along with what you want as they see your are stressed? If your husband is doing FIFO just now he will be making plenty of money at the moment to support the kids, tell him you will go through CSA or whatever if he wont give you more at the moment. I am a FIFO wife so I know it can be hard when there are issues and you are on your own. I have returned twice to Scotland (very impulsive and expensive mistakes, and I done it TWICE!!!) and have came back. Am not trying to tell you not to go, just pointing out not to rush into a decision when you are so stressed. Where about are you? maybe someone on here is close to you and can have a coffee and a chat, would help you just talking to a friendly face :-) Edited October 2, 2016 by AJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArleneW Posted October 2, 2016 Author Share Posted October 2, 2016 Hi AJ and thanks. I live in Joondalup but don't know anybody here. I just dont see the point in trying to stay here and struggle alone when I can be near family. He is making good money but only paying us the bare minimum which barely covers rent. He is encouraging us to go and make a better life for ourselves. I have a feeling he is thinking of going back to South Africa (where he is originally from) so am worried if he does that I'm stuck here with nothing and no way to get out and then it's too late for kids schooling etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 .........I would say go..... .........while you still have savings.... ..........the children will be happy if your happy..... ..........nothing worse than not having a choice due to lack of money or a spouse who refuses to consider your feelings.... ...........family is important when you need that support.... ............the best of luck to you all....X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Hi AJ and thanks. I live in Joondalup but don't know anybody here. I just dont see the point in trying to stay here and struggle alone when I can be near family. He is making good money but only paying us the bare minimum which barely covers rent. He is encouraging us to go and make a better life for ourselves. I have a feeling he is thinking of going back to South Africa (where he is originally from) so am worried if he does that I'm stuck here with nothing and no way to get out and then it's too late for kids schooling etc.I have sent you a PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Hi AJ and thanks. I live in Joondalup but don't know anybody here. I just dont see the point in trying to stay here and struggle alone when I can be near family. He is making good money but only paying us the bare minimum which barely covers rent. He is encouraging us to go and make a better life for ourselves. I have a feeling he is thinking of going back to South Africa (where he is originally from) so am worried if he does that I'm stuck here with nothing and no way to get out and then it's too late for kids schooling etc. You are right, if you delay it will be too late for the kids schooling - so going now is not a knee-jerk reaction, it's a sensible decision IMO. Will he pay for your air fares? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArleneW Posted October 2, 2016 Author Share Posted October 2, 2016 Yes he said he will pay the fares. Just waiting on the british passports to come back so I can book the tickets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 (edited) Yes he said he will pay the fares. Just waiting on the british passports to come back so I can book the tickets Yay! All the best! By the way, don't close your Australian bank account as you'll need to use it for a while after you've moved - it takes a few weeks to get a British bank account up and running, because you need to provide proof of a UK address before they'll give you one. Also have you been working? If so, write to your superannuation fund, tell them you're leaving Australia permanently and tell them to cancel all insurances (they won't be valid once you're overseas and it will save you a bundle in fees). You can give them your family's address as your new address. Edited October 2, 2016 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I'd go. If you and the kids are happy to make the move and your ex is signing the paperwork to allow them to leave with you, its a no brainer for me. Your kids at 13 at a good age to make the move in terms of their educations, will have time to settle in to the Scottish education system and so on. Also its not too far into the school year there atm. If you could make the move back and give them a chance to settle in and get into the rest of the school year for a few terms would be great. If the kids were really unhappy and digging their heels in at making the move I'd have a few concerns but if they are wanting to give it a go, get moving as quick as you like. They are not too far into the school year there and the kids would have time to settle in, find their feet and get to grips with the changes. Also hopefully you'll be far less stressed and upset and that should hopefully have a knock on positive effect to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I would also say go. The kids will be fine. We are in Scotland and although not in the city and in a very rural area, I don't find the local kids any more streetwise than Australia. I think they will also be very popular with kids wanting to know a lot about Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosiegirl Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 I'm in a very similar position - scared to death of going back and ruining my teenagers education, in year 10 here in oz. Did your 15 year old repeat year 10 in the UK or did you start in college? Its reassuring that your teenagers have settled in so well goingbacksoon. My 18 year old will work for 3 years and then apply for uni - at least thats the plan. Sorry I posted in the wrong thread and can't seem to edit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Go back while you have some savings. You have been through a very hard experience and no doubt reeling from it all, but will be astonished how strong you will feel when back in your support network. It's so hard with teenagers but they are very adaptable and tougher than you imagine. Back in time for Xmas would be good!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juned68 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Hi I am in a situation similar to yourself. I have recently separated from my Australian husband of 16 years, we have 2 kids ages 12 & 8. I have no family here, haven't seen inlaws for years, they are not active in our lives, never have been, its a huge struggle trying to juggle my part time job and kids with no support. Ex husband has major mental health issues, is unable to work and although he is getting a private insurance payment is refusing to pay maintenance. I am reluctant to let the kids spend too much time with him, i'm worried about his mental state when he has them and if hes taken too many meds he will be unable to supervise them. This is causing a lot of issues with us, he had agreed to let me take the kids and go back to live in Scotland earlier in the year but with everything that was happening I never got round to seeing a lawyer, I have this booked for a couple of weeks to get the ball rolling. I cant see me living here long term with the current situation its just too hard, son 8 is excited at possibly going to live in Scotland and spend his life playing football, 12 daughter not so keen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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