Franklin05 Posted September 14, 2016 Share Posted September 14, 2016 What are you top 3 reasons for wanting to or having returned to the UK? My top 3 for wanting to return are: - to raise my family closer to grandparents and extended family members - to feel a sense of social, cultural and environmental familiarity - Australia has not been an easy place for us to settle, life feels empty and unfulfilling - it might feel like this in the UK, but family, life long friends and familiarity would reduce this burden. (I posted sometime last week about wanting to return, but my husband wanted to wait 5 or so years, we've decided on going back in 2 years) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suesmalls Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) Hi There Glad to hear there has been a compromise and discussions around moving back - my husband is the driver for going to England. I was born in Australia and have only lived here. He came across from England at 12 (parents separated when he was 4), then he returned at 18 to England and came back to Australia at 23 and been here since. His Mum and Stepfather (living in Australia) separated around 15 yrs ago and his Mum went back to England. Some health scares over past 2 years are now making him realise how far away he is. I've lost my Mum and Dad (came out to Australia 48yrs ago) and 1 brother in past 14yrs too. So we have little family around us. We don't get to see anyone and the visit now and then from England is when we see his family. Family, family, family is the driver for wanting to go back. I have no illusion that day to day life will have pros and cons - the weather for me is far more suitable in Australia. Love the open land in Australia and much prefer our style of housing. Other factors after family is having closer access to Europe, facilities and different way of living. Feeling like we have more on our door step, so to speak, we do very little indeed in Perth, it's irony at its best as the things that make it lovely (the fact it's so far away from everyone) is also the downside (costs so much in taxi's and time to get places) so going out for a night out isn't easy. I commute over 2hrs per day currently in Perth; that may not change if I have to commute to London from outer areas. "life feels empty and unfulfilling - it might feel like this in the UK, but family, life long friends and familiarity would reduce this burden." The above really struck a chord with me, this is how my husband describes things, he fills a void and emptiness now, it's dragged on for so long in his heart and mind and he was trying to shut it out and think it would get better. But the drudgery of being a rat on a wheel has made him prefer to do this with family around him. Your reasons sound valid if you needed any confirmation and I can understand as I see it written all over my husbands face when I look at him and know that regardless of the money and job issues we will experience, we need to do this. Good luck with it all - I will say that once we made the decision it did lighten things, however it is difficult waiting and tensions / nerves are frazzled while we're on the count down and preparation under way. I spoke to someone who had some dealings with this type of thing and they tell me it's quite common. Their analogy was it's like tearing off a band aid slow, sometimes you just need to rip it off quick. I guess I understand what they were saying. There are reasons why we have to plan and stage these things out, but I would be mindful of the underlying friction during the "waiting" period. xx Edited September 15, 2016 by suesmalls Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 @Franklin05, I think your first two reasons are why most people decide to move back. You've already been in Australia for 7 years, I think. I can't imagine why your husband wants to wait another 5 years. You're already entitled to get your citizenship (and I'd get that if you haven't already, even if you think you never want to come back - silly not to grab the chance while you can, you can never predict the future) - so tell me, what benefit will you gain from staying another 2 years? I can't help feeling that he may just be using it as a delaying tactic and he really doesn't want to return at all. My oh can be a bit the same - faced with something he doesn't want to do, he won't say no, he'll just find some way to put it off for a few months. Then when the next deadline looms, he'll find another excuse to put it off again, and again, and again. He doesn't mean to be mean, he's just the type of person who would rather delay a problem than face it head-on. So I'd get him to agree an actual date for your move, not a vague "in two years". Tell him you need a specific date because it gives you something to count down to, and that will make you feel better. Then of course, you know that you'll need to start planning for the move before that, including booking your flights about six months before to get the cheapest deal. Be alert for any further signs that he wants to put it off. And good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franklin05 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 so tell me, what benefit will you gain from staying another 2 years? The benefit is we can afford to leave, at the moment we cannot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franklin05 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 "life feels empty and unfulfilling - it might feel like this in the UK, but family, life long friends and familiarity would reduce this burden." The above really struck a chord with me, this is how my husband describes things, he fills a void and emptiness now, it's dragged on for so long in his heart and mind and he was trying to shut it out and think it would get better. But the drudgery of being a rat on a wheel has made him prefer to do this with family around him. Your reasons sound valid if you needed any confirmation and I can understand as I see it written all over my husbands face when I look at him and know that regardless of the money and job issues we will experience, we need to do this. Good luck with it all - I will say that once we made the decision it did lighten things, however it is difficult waiting and tensions / nerves are frazzled while we're on the count down and preparation under way. I spoke to someone who had some dealings with this type of thing and they tell me it's quite common. Their analogy was it's like tearing off a band aid slow, sometimes you just need to rip it off quick. I guess I understand what they were saying. There are reasons why we have to plan and stage these things out, but I would be mindful of the underlying friction during the "waiting" period. xx Interesting that this has struck a cord with you, I think in a way I am trying to find out if these are normal feelings and if others share them. My life does have a massive void in it at the moment, seems silly as we all have our health etc, but something is missing and I dare say I could feel like that forever, but it would be so much easier to manage those feeling around family. There are definitely some somewhat tense moments at the present. And I dare say there will be many more yet to come. I think this is one of the reasons I am on here, trying to talk to others who have gone through similar things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Belonging Belonging Belonging I dunno, it's an ephemeral thing, I belong in UK. In Australia I am an alien looking in. The ultimate driver for me was a pair of aging parents, one of whom has dementia and mobility problems who was slowly killing the other. Only child - lay down misere! . Add to that the weather - I love the weather - it never stops me doing what I want to do. The countryside which is ever changing - I walk the same path frequently and it's never the same! I love the wealth of things to do within a small area and such excellent quality opportunities. And, I belong! I have friends, people share my sense of humour and interests. I enjoyed the adventure that was Australia for 20 years but then the alienation got me down. I have said I will return when my parents no longer need us and hope I can manage another adventure for a good few years, who knows. I will have family on both sides of the world and that's an uncomfortable place to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 The benefit is we can afford to leave, at the moment we cannot. Have you thought of trying to get a bit more control into that? Ie not the magic "2 years" which, like Marissa I feel may extend indefinitely, rather "how much"? Then doing all you can to achieve that total yourself - second job, selling stuff, home economies etc etc Just a thought! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franklin05 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 Have you thought of trying to get a bit more control into that? Ie not the magic "2 years" which, like Marissa I feel may extend indefinitely, rather "how much"? Then doing all you can to achieve that total yourself - second job, selling stuff, home economies etc etc Just a thought! Husband is always looking for career pathways and skills transfers etc for being in the uk. We will have to sell stuff at the time and I will be working once there too, I can't at the moment with regards to childcare (can't afford it unless I am working, but to be able to work we have to have secured a place, but maybe I should have another look into it) and being pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Most of my family is in Australia so family wasn't a factor for us, in fact it made the decision harder. It's funny with me as I grew up in Australia and for many years wouldn't have even considered living somewhere else. After a stint living here in England I realise it was here that I felt most at home, I just feel comfortable here, like a round peg in a round hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 I think the only reason I can personally see for me returning home would be family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaty Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Look, do what you gotta do, as I keep saying, once you have the means (cash / visa status) you can live anywhere. Australia might be suitable for a while, back to the UK for a while back to Australia. It's this notion that anyone in Australia has moved to the Moon that gets me. It's a day in a plane... If you want to go to UK, go to UK, if you want Australia, it's there for you. B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Interesting that this has struck a cord with you, I think in a way I am trying to find out if these are normal feelings and if others share them. . I have never shared those feelings for my homeland but in the time I've been on these forums, I've seen many,many people express them. And the funny thing is that when I tried moving back to the UK last year, I finally got an inkling of how it feels! I would've said I never felt attached to anywhere, I could live anywhere in the world and I wouldn't care. But when we were living in England, I had a weird feeling that I didn't belong. It's hard to describe what a relief it was to get back to Australia - and I have NO family here, and we've moved to a new city where I've got no friends either, so there's no logic in it. I always used to be a glass-half-full person, and people would call me a Pollyanna. I didn't like the person I became in England, pessimistic and depressed and wondering what the point of life was. As we get settled back in Australia I can feel the old "me" coming back again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MKG Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 Family and friends, proper seasons especially cold christmas, feeling like i belong. I just dont feel myself here at all and cannot wait to get home and start living again. I miss life long friends that know you inside out and that you can have a proper laugh with, just havent been able to do that here. We have tried it and im glad we did, but now its time to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 I rather deplore the degree of visibility here in a lot of Australia, due to being a avid walker. Something never experienced to the same degree in most other places. This was brought to my attention over an incident earlier today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaty Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 I rather deplore the degree of visibility here in a lot of Australia, due to being a avid walker. Something never experienced to the same degree in most other places. This was brought to my attention over an incident earlier today. Sorry, not getting you, what do you mean by 'visibility'? As in no shelter / cover? B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 Sorry, not getting you, what do you mean by 'visibility'? As in no shelter / cover? B No not homeless as of yet lol...What I mean is the visibility by being present on the streets in my hood. To few people out and about, although more than most areas. Many know me by sight which I find a little unsettling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 People are out walking and cycling here from sunrise to sunset. Some very good tracks for both those pastimes. On smiling and nodding terms with a good few of them now. Some of the cyclists need to get a bell for their bikes instead of yelling "passing". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 (edited) Look, do what you gotta do, as I keep saying, once you have the means (cash / visa status) you can live anywhere. Australia might be suitable for a while, back to the UK for a while back to Australia. It's this notion that anyone in Australia has moved to the Moon that gets me. It's a day in a plane... If you want to go to UK, go to UK, if you want Australia, it's there for you. B True, it's a day on a plane - but for a family it's also $5,000 or $6,000. For those who have the means, that's not a problem - but for many migrants, that's a lot of money so they find they can't afford to visit family more than once every five years or so. If you're talking about ping-ponging (i.e. living in the UK for a while, then Australia, then back to the UK) then again, each time you move it costs thousands of dollars - not just the air fare but the cost of shipping furniture or replacing everything. Lucky you if that doesn't worry you. It's not so easy for the majority. Edited September 17, 2016 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 No not homeless as of yet lol...What I mean is the visibility by being present on the streets in my hood. I thought you meant you were wearing a hoodie!!! so in disguise. Sorry had to laugh at the image. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 I guess we all know where we feel comfortable and part of the community. What I sometimes wonder is, can this change? Personally Australia is and I am sure always will be 'home' for me and I just prefer it- hard to say exactly why, just feel more part of the community rather than an outsider looking in. Something about Britain grates on me and always has- hard to put into words. I am sure many feel the total opposite though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil & Vikki Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 For us, we have thought about this lone and hard. What is it that is driving us to go back to the UK, back "Home" The main thing is that after 7 years, we all still class the UK as home. The second reason is that after a few years you can see how much family and friends are ageing. Unfortunately, some people you know pass away and you realise that time once it goes cannot be got back. Friends and relations go and you cannot get them back. The third reason is that no matter how bad the UK may be, when you spend time in another place, you realise that everywhere is the same. No matter where you go it has it issues, termism, stabbings, murders, gangs and so on. The rose tinted glasses that a fair few come over to Australia with fade after a bit. This is only our opinion though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 1) My health - I had been diagnosed with RA, was taking immune suppressant drugs and the risk of me picking up infections on a 24 hours plane journey was high. I made the trip once and ended up in hospital with bleeding on my lungs. A simple virus is serious when you are on chemotherapy drugs. As an only child being able to visit my parents, who were too infirm to travel, was important. 2) My son - he saw Scotland through heather tinted glasses and he was highly likely to return at the first opportunity. The thought of spending my old age in Australia without him was upsetting. he has an Australian passport and is very likely to return to Australia at some point, the funny thing is if he was to settle there I would miss him of course but not feel the same way. 3) The lifestyle - it did not bring the (unrealistic) benefits we expected and on balance I prefer the UK - I definitely don't prefer Australia anyway. Pluses and minuses of both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franklin05 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Share Posted September 18, 2016 True, it's a day on a plane - but for a family it's also $5,000 or $6,000. For those who have the means, that's not a problem - but for many migrants, that's a lot of money so they find they can't afford to visit family more than once every five years or so. If you're talking about ping-ponging (i.e. living in the UK for a while, then Australia, then back to the UK) then again, each time you move it costs thousands of dollars - not just the air fare but the cost of shipping furniture or replacing everything. Lucky you if that doesn't worry you. It's not so easy for the majority. Very much so, I've been back once in 7 years, and now with a second child on the way there trips back are not possible. I do know some families who can afford it and do go back every couple of years, but I'd imagine the majority of families cannot afford to spend that much money on trips every often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franklin05 Posted September 18, 2016 Author Share Posted September 18, 2016 I rather deplore the degree of visibility here in a lot of Australia, due to being a avid walker. Something never experienced to the same degree in most other places. This was brought to my attention over an incident earlier today. Lack of footpaths to walk on. We've lived in some suburbs where footpaths don't exists at all. Found that very difficult, especially with a new born baby in a pram in a very hilly area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thom Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 1) Cultural identity, I miss the wilder areas of Devon and Cornwall, (not to mention N Wales and other remote places,) and feel an affinity with them. 2) I miss my friends and family, (in that order.) I miss my social life, good beer and good pubs. 3) The weather, I prefer the UK weather, especially when it's at its worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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