Should I stay or should i go

[Chopped Pork]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if I'm in the correct thread but there was no alternative one to post this in. My name is Colin and I'm 43 years old.

Anyway, my dilema is not so much about moving back to the UK it's about moving out to Oz in the first place.

I have a permanent residency visa, which will expire in September this year, which means I will have had it 5 years by then.

If I dont make the move to oz before September, then it will expire. I have talked my girlfriend into moving out with me, handed in my notice at work, told all my friends and family about it, but now I find myself having serious doubts about the whole thing. Understandable of course, but i'm questioning what I'm looking for, I can't sit on the beach all day, I have to work like everyone else, yes the UK weather sucks, but I know from experience from living in Madrid for a year, the heat can become a pain too. So in summary, I am leaving a good job (in engineering, which I may not to be able to find so easy in Sydney), I have spoken to various recruitment companies and the jobs market does not seem so good, childhood friends, my lovely mother (who lives by herself and lets be honest, isn't getting any younger), aswell as other benefits such as the nhs, free hospital treatment etc.

I'd also like to mention the cost of renting anything in Sydney seems astonimical, not to mention buying which seems impossible.

I have visited Sydney on 3 occasions and like it very much, but as you can see I am having a terrible dilemma and I'm really not sure what to do.

I would greatly appreciate anybodies input or opinions on this matter.

Thanks in advance,

Colin

[Bungo]

I note you made same post three times, decided to respond on this one as it seems to be in the best spot.

 

You are facing the same dilemma that many of us have faced before you. I know it might sound simple but we found writing things down really helped. Doing a pros and cons lists, then identifying which were the most important factors and which were nice to have factors really helped to clarify thoughts during what is a very confusing time.

 

I noted that you do already have one foot out of the door though, what with resigning and telling people already. So perhaps this is just last minute jitters. What made you apply for the visa in the first place? Reminding yourself of those reasons might also help clarify your thoughts.

 

I had also heard that engineering is not so good in Australia at the moment, but I am here on a trip at the moment and there appears to be huge projects going on all over the place! Sydney is expensive, but plenty are living there and managing even new arrivals. But do you have to go to Sydney though if this is a concern of yours?

[CiderDrinkingCoder]

I'm being delayed for reasons I might not be able to get over mate.

 

Simmer it down, as Bungo rightly says.

When it's simmered, just ask yourself a question: Do you want to call Australia "home"?

 

Remember. You can always come back to Blighty.

[Quoll]

Can you rescind your resignation and request, instead, a career break? It's never a wise move to quit a good job if you don't have to. Rent out your place, and suck it and see for a year. If it works, you win and if it doesn't then you haven't screwed things up monumentally. How is your gf getting out there? What visa will she be going on?

[bristolman]

The problem is none of us can tell you what to do with such a huge decision. I am wary when I hear someone has a good life, good friends, a good job etc and they want to potentially move somewhere and not have those things. I keep hearing from friends how things are really slowing down over there and until they find something to take the place of the mining boom its impossible to say when things will pick up.

The weather here is temperate, no real extremes and I like that. Some people like it hot and that's fine, I just found the heat restrictive.

You are moving from one 1st world country to another 1st world country. As you say you can't sit on the beach all day, not that I can see the attraction of that anyway. You have to work to pay the bills just as you do here.

My take on this is you have waited until the very end of your 5 year visa and that speaks volumes as you don't seem at all sure.

You have to decide whether this move will improve your life in measurable ways.

[Marisawright]

I agree with Bristolman. Loving Sydney for a holiday is all very well - but the reality is, most Sydneysiders don't have time to sit on the beach all day either. You'll still have to work for a living and the corporate life in Sydney involves longer hours and shorter holidays than in the UK.

 

I think you need to sit down and work out what you're hoping to achieve with the move - and then do some research to see whether Australia will really offer those things. Twenty or thirty years ago (when I emigrated), I'd have said that Australia was better than the UK in a whole host of ways. Now, I'd say it's not "better", it's just different. And it's worth remembering that about half of all Brits who move to Australia, end up going home again, so it's obvious that those differences will suit some people and not others.

 

I'm going back to Oz because financially I'll be better off - but that's only because I'm nearing retirement and my pensions are all in Australia. But for that, I'd say there isn't much to choose financially between the two countries. I do prefer the Aussie lifestyle but I think that's only because I've lived there so long.

[LJL]

Hi Colin,

 

I am in a similar position. The only things that differ is that my partner and I have spoken many times about moving back over but have never really come to any real conclusion. We both have OK-good jobs, house, friends etc here but i would like for us to spend our daughters school life (at least) in Oz. Not only this but we really miss the way of life. She is slightly more reserved on packing up and going and seems to not really be swayed either way. If she said 'no' then i would be totally on board and forget it (well...not mention it again!)...if she said 'yes' then we would be packing now! Yet all i seem to have received for the last few months is....'i don't really know'.

 

I understand where she is coming from as i am also in two minds. Do we give up what we have here for the 'off chance' we may find what we are looking for in Oz or do we put the experience down to a good one and get on with life here? Such a difficult question. I just wish she would have more of an opinion on the subject.

 

My partner and I had a conversation tonight about it all and we keep coming to the same point....if we go, we would be leaving the house and have to start all over 'if' we came back. Is taking our daughter away from family members long term be the correct decision later on in her life, etc, etc.

 

What to do????:arghh:

[dmjg]

You only live once, and when you die you can't take anything with you

 

If you have the opportunity to give something new a go, why not do it?

 

Especially if you have no dependants

[Lambethlad]

Do it but keep away from Sydney. There's much nicer and cheaper places in Oz.

[VERYSTORMY]

From what you have written it also sounds like your girlfriend is not on the visa. This poses a number of issues if not. She would need a partner visa. This is time consuming as it will take 12 - 18 months to grant. Also expensive at over $9k and I would expect that to rise on July 1. This of course assumes she qualifies. You say "girlfriend", do you live together as man and wife?

 

As for the rest, you need to try and weigh up objectively what the benefits and negatives of the move are. What is it you want from Australia that you haven't got now? Try and research the pluses and negatives of each. It is difficult for an outsider to do that for you as some things are very personal. For example, the weather; some find the weather a major plus. Others like myself found it a major negative - the summer heat was prohibitive to me.

 

You also need to risk assess the move. For example, how long can you survive in Oz if you don't have a job? What would be your situation if you found yourself returning?

[Marisawright]

Gosh, we do all sound discouraging, don't we?

 

Just to give a balance, I should say that if you were young and single, I'd be saying "go for it" without hesitation. A job is just a job and you'll get another one, and life is richer if you experience new things and challenge yourself. Even if you don't like Australia, you can always come back.

 

You're over 40 but that could still apply to you. If you don't have a houseful of possessions to move with you, your mum is still in good health and you have a financial buffer, you're not really taking a big risk, so why not?

 

Another question to ask yourself is, would you move if you had the chance to go to France, or Germany, or Canada, or the US? If not, why not? Australia has a special place in British minds - we all have this idea that it's a better, happier lifestyle, but it is an image from many years ago, when £10 Poms were leaving pokey Northern two-up two-downs for a quarter-acre block by the sea. Or it's an image from Home & Away (which is filmed in a suburb of Sydney where houses cost $3 million). Australia is no better or worse than any other country and it's entirely a matter of personal preference which country you'll like living in.

[Chopped Pork]

Hi Quoll, no this is not possible to have a career break, I could possibly cancel my resignation if I act very soon.

My girlfriend does not yet have a visa, we have to apply for a partner visa once out there, which means she can't work for the first three months.

[Marisawright]

Hi Quoll, no this is not possible to have a career break, I could possibly cancel my resignation if I act very soon.

My girlfriend does not yet have a visa, we have to apply for a partner visa once out there, which means she can't work for the first three months.

 

Are you sure she qualifies for a partner visa- do you have all the evidence you need? Also, be aware that it's illegal to arrive on a tourist visa with the intention of staying - if immigration suspects she's intending to stay and apply for a visa onshore, she'll be sent back on the next plane.

 

People do it, of course - she needs to go to a separate queue from you, so they don't know she's travelling with someone who's migrating permanently. She also needs to arrive with just enough luggage for a three-month holiday: if she arrives with all her worldly goods, plus her CV and certificates, that would be a giveaway too.

[Chopped Pork]

Hi Verystormy, thanks for replying. I had to research the partner visa situation and from my research the best thing we can do is as follows: My partner (Laura) goes on a tourist visa, so 90 days as a tourist, nothing else. During these 90 days, we apply for a partner visa, we can do this immediatly after arrival. So once the partner visa is lodged, she is automatically granted a bridging visa. This means she can't officaly work for 90 days on a tourist/bridging visa, but after these 90 days, she can work like everybody else until her partner visa is approved. Thid visa could take up to 1 year. We simply do not have time to do it any other way, as my visa will expire in September.

[VERYSTORMY]

I understand that.

 

But does she qualify for the visa? Have you lived together as man and wife for 12 months? Do you have the required evidence of this such as shared mortgage, joint bank accounts, bills and things?

 

Also, you say you have talked her into it. That is never a great sign. This is a massive move for her and you. I think all of us would agree that have been through it, that it is vital both partners are 100% for it. We have seen and regularly see posts from people where one partner wants to leave and return to the UK and the other doesn't and often it doesn't end well for either.

 

You need to have a conversation and come to an agreement that you will both honour of what you will do if one of you decides they want to return. That is vital - about half of Brits that make the move end up moving back.

[Bungo]

Hi Verystormy, thanks for replying. I had to research the partner visa situation and from my research the best thing we can do is as follows: My partner (Laura) goes on a tourist visa, so 90 days as a tourist, nothing else. During these 90 days, we apply for a partner visa, we can do this immediatly after arrival. So once the partner visa is lodged, she is automatically granted a bridging visa. This means she can't officaly work for 90 days on a tourist/bridging visa, but after these 90 days, she can work like everybody else until her partner visa is approved. Thid visa could take up to 1 year. We simply do not have time to do it any other way, as my visa will expire in September.

 

Your plan might work.

 

But you do need to know that it is illegal.

 

If for any reason she is stopped and questioned, which can hapen at random, and her true intentions are discovered then she WILL be on the next flight home and probably banned from Austrralia for three years. Why have you not planned this better? Applying for a partner visa offshore is the correct thing to do when you are offshore.

[Chopped Pork]

Bungo, I'm not sure you need to be so judgemental. We can all make the best plans in the world, but life rarely work like that. I had my visa approved before I met my partner, it was my intention to go to Australia on my own, however having met her I am not going to lose her, so If I have to choose going on my own or staying, I'm staying.

As for my plan, I have spoken to migration people about this, this is the advice I was given, now if you're telling me that this is 'awful' advice it's good that I know this now!

[starlight7]

I was just wondering why you have waited so long. No commitment or just let time get away? I think people who migrate and stay usually have a huge and overwhelming desire to live here and give it a go. Really not sure you have that but I can only go by your post.

[Bungo]

Bungo, I'm not sure you need to be so judgemental. We can all make the best plans in the world, but life rarely work like that. I had my visa approved before I met my partner, it was my intention to go to Australia on my own, however having met her I am not going to lose her, so If I have to choose going on my own or staying, I'm staying.

As for my plan, I have spoken to migration people about this, this is the advice I was given, now if you're telling me that this is 'awful' advice it's good that I know this now!

 

 

Not quite sure what is judgemental Chopped Pork. What a boring comment, why do people always scream judgemental when they read something they don't like.

 

I would have thought you would want to know whether what you are planning to do is illegal or not? I tell plenty of people that their plan might work, but I think it is important that they understand it is not legitimate so that the risk is understood and hell so as to not incriminate themselves at the border. There is no visa designed to let somebody come on shore to lodge a different visa. The tourist visa is for tourists.

 

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[CiderDrinkingCoder]

This is one of those things where, too often, I think people go without voicing support for common sense. That's all Bungo's been trying to offer you.

I concur with Bungo - and this isn't being judgemental. It's great if you've found a partner that you want to be with; however, when it comes to immigration and visa applications, you need to be whiter than white. Entering Australia on a visitor visa, when there are other motives that would - to a reasonable, objective eye - seem to take priority, wouldn't be looked on too favourably.

[Marisawright]

As for my plan, I have spoken to migration people about this, this is the advice I was given, now if you're telling me that this is 'awful' advice it's good that I know this now!

 

These forums are littered with people who have "spoken to migration", followed the advice and ended up in deep sh!!. Unfortunately, the people in the migration call centre aren't the people who process you at the border, and frankly most of them don't know the rules well enough.

 

Bungo and I aren't being judgmental in telling you your plan is illegal - we're just letting you know the facts. It's illegal and if your girlfriend is caught, she'll be banned from applying for any other Australian visa for three years. So if you're going to try it, you'd better take all the precautions I suggested, and cross all your fingers and toes, that she gets away with it!

 

The silly thing is that once you've arrived and spent a month or so in Oz, you can apply for a partner visa perfectly legally - she can just say that now she's had some time to check out Australia, she's changed her mind and wants to stay. No one can prove otherwise. It's the initial arrival that's the risky part so she has to be sure to look like a tourist and avoid any hint of connection with you.

 

The other thing is that you need to be sure you qualify for the partner visa. To qualify, you must have been living together in a committed relationship for at least 12 months AND be able to prove it by offering things like a joint tenancy agreement or mortgage, joint bank accounts, shared finances, photos from shared holidays, etc. If you don't have evidence to cover the whole 12 months, the visa will be denied and she'll have to go home. I hope the migration person explained that to you.

[VERYSTORMY]

Totally agree with Marissa on this. Never ever trust advice from immigration. I know it sounds odd, but, the call centre staff and not actually trained in it. As a result they get a legal indemnity for any bad advice they give. If you act on it to your detriment, you have no come back - they will just say it is your responsibility to have taken professional advice from a registered migration agent.

[Marlou]

I suspect the OP's comment about there being no need for judgement was based on having been asked "Why haven't you planned this better?" (rather than the warnings about drawbacks of the OP's plan). Personally, I thought it was an unnecessary question and not particularly helpful/constructive.

[Bungo]

I suspect the OP's comment about there being no need for judgement was based on having been asked "Why haven't you planned this better?" (rather than the warnings about drawbacks of the OP's plan). Personally, I thought it was an unnecessary question and not particularly helpful/constructive.

 

It is clearly a question not a judgement, Marlou. I have made no comment whatsoever on the OPs character or personal attributes. I was asking why they had not applied for the appropriate visa.

[Quoll]

Just to add to your considerations, you've given several pieces of information which could identify you to Immigration (and they do prowl these boards just in case you were wondering) and you have been informed that the route you were proposing was illegal so you definitely need to be squeaky clean! If your gf applied for her offshore partner visa now then you could go before your visa expired and your gf could follow once her visa had been approved - assuming you are able to meet the requirements for a partner visa which you will be required to demonstrate anyway.