Will you regret it? thoughts...

[Petals]

One size does not fit all but I am older so I come into contact with the emotional blackmailers they are my friends and peers, believe me there is a lot of it going on ha ha

 

For example my friend's son just got married, he is 37 and his new wife is 35. They only knew each other for about 18 months. His new wife has a mother and she is an only child. There is extended family in Melbourne though. Her mother does not speak a word of English so it came as a shock when she said she was going to marry because mum had thought she would be looking after her for life. Mum is late sixties. Mum is demanding she come around every day she will not do this as she has a career and a very good position. So you see emotional blackmail coming into play. Mum could have learned English, her daughter was born here, she chose not to.

 

If you give an inch they take a mile. Yep a lot of people do come from the culture of looking after mum and dad and we can see how that pans out badly in a lot of cases. They just put up with it.

 

I know my children love me dearly but the last thing I would want is them to look out for me. I am independent, I do not feel old, I can look after myself and if I can't I won't know and could not care less. We live too long these days. That said I do not want to leave anytime soon.

 

Sometimes wanting to care for people could and is called "control""

[Croft]

I don’t think there is a right way and wrong way to feel about family. For some it is relatively easy to put their own wants and needs before those of parents or other family members.

 

While Australia has benefited us, one of the main drivers has been the benefits it offers our child and our time with him. We are looking to the future, just like my parents did. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, moved to Spain after her daughters had left home so I guess you could say it was for herself. Her choice is the one thing that gives us concern being on the other side of the world, so it's not always about the child 'abandoning' the parent.

 

Come to think of it, my paternal grandfather, after generations had farmed in the same area around Darlington, joined the RAF and moved away. That makes me a 3rd generation nomad I guess!

[VERYSTORMY]

I've been considering your and others post. The point has been made that in the past it was a one way trip. You had no option to to go back. My parents spent virtually their entire working lives as expats (and still do travel extensively in the 70s as my Dad keeps on getting contracts in the Middle and Far East). They took me abroad in 1970, pre the UK entry into the EC. At one point we were living in the near Marseille - 1972 and a two year waiting list for a landline. No TGV. No Autoroute. It was almost a different continent let alone country from northern France. It took several days for word to get to my Dad, by telegram, that his Father had died in the UK, then several more days to get a flight back (air travel was nowhere near as pervasive). You had to book international phone calls with the operator and often even then you'd be connected to the wrong number. My childhood was spent remote from our family so, to me, our move to Australia is almost normal. Even when we were living in the UK our family lived all over, so it was actually difficult to visit and the only time we got together was for Weddings and Funerals.

 

Compared to my childhood communication with relatives on the other side of the world is orders of magnitude easier, and flights are regular and relatively inexpensive. A quick look on Skyscanner gives me plenty of flights leaving over the next few hours back to the UK in the low $900 range (one way), and in the high $1600s if I'm prepared to book a return on a definite date. This is incredibly cheap by comparison (and considering the distance) and relatively plentiful.

 

The issue of course is if your parents require ongoing care. Fortunately for my parents there were siblings who lived close to their parents to be able to provide that kind of support. For me, my sister, at 41, still lives at home (and shows zero inclination of leaving) so it'll be down to her. The bigger worry is my mother-in-law who in 1998 chose to move to a remote part of southern Spain with her partner who has since died. It was that which opened our eyes to how different the Spanish healthcare and legal system is, and how mercenary many locals and expat Brits can be when someone dies. We have had to say that it is her choice to be there and hopefully she has put in provision to take care of herself if she does get poorly. Unfortunately she is a soft touch for animals and hard luck stories and has a near menagerie at her rented property. We have tried to convince her to come to Australia (she absolutely refuses to go back to the UK) but she won't leave without her animals and that would be prohibitively expensive (horses, dogs, cats, ducks, chickens etc etc).

 

 

I would like to address a couple of your points.

 

First, getting back isn't always so easy. I have lost two immediate members of family while being in Australia. I was fine getting back. When though, we took a call to say my wife's father had only a couple of days to live and he was asking for her, it was a much more touch and go situation. She managed to do it, but got the last seat that would do it.

 

Also, many do not just have a grand losing around. If I took one of these calls today, there would be nothing I could do.

 

Third, providing care for parents is very much a personal thing and not necessarily about physical care. Just been around and being able to see each other can be a big thing. However, I do find it incredibly mercenary of people that move to Australia and just develop the attitude that "it will be someone / siblings problem.

 

Lastly, it isn't just about being around at the end. It is about sharing life when times are good. For example, one of the big aspects we are looking forward to is spending time with our niece and nephew who are young children. I am also wanting to spend time with my father. His health is failing, but he will hopefully live a long time yet. But, I would rather spend time with him while he is alive and good than on a death bed or worse.

[Croft]

I would like to address a couple of your points.

 

First, getting back isn't always so easy. I have lost two immediate members of family while being in Australia. I was fine getting back. When though, we took a call to say my wife's father had only a couple of days to live and he was asking for her, it was a much more touch and go situation. She managed to do it, but got the last seat that would do it.

 

Also, many do not just have a grand losing around. If I took one of these calls today, there would be nothing I could do.

 

Third, providing care for parents is very much a personal thing and not necessarily about physical care. Just been around and being able to see each other can be a big thing. However, I do find it incredibly mercenary of people that move to Australia and just develop the attitude that "it will be someone / siblings problem.

 

Lastly, it isn't just about being around at the end. It is about sharing life when times are good. For example, one of the big aspects we are looking forward to is spending time with our niece and nephew who are young children. I am also wanting to spend time with my father. His health is failing, but he will hopefully live a long time yet. But, I would rather spend time with him while he is alive and good than on a death bed or worse.

 

You may think it's mercenary, I am looking towards the future and opportunities not only for ourselves but also for our child, just like my parents did. My parents still travel extensively so even when we were in the UK we did not see them often. People have different situations, and I know that my parents not only have my sister but also the financial ability to be comfortable. For me it is more important to be somewhere where I'm not having to travel 1.5 hrs each way to get to way and can spend time with my family, even if it's not my parents. All our situations differ - it's just how it's panned out for us.

 

Just edited to add, I was surprised that I could get flights so easily and I realise it probably isn't so easy at other times of the year. We have a good sized contingency fund, both here in Australia and back in the UK, for these kind of emergencies. Again, I realise this is not a situation most people would have. The point I was trying to make was that compared to 30, 40 years ago when it would have been inconceivable to return, now it is possible at a fraction of the comparable cost it would have been when I was growing up.

Edited February 10, 2016 by Croft
Adding something about flights.

[tea4too]

One size does not fit all but I am older so I come into contact with the emotional blackmailers they are my friends and peers, believe me there is a lot of it going on ha ha

 

For example my friend's son just got married, he is 37 and his new wife is 35. They only knew each other for about 18 months. His new wife has a mother and she is an only child. There is extended family in Melbourne though. Her mother does not speak a word of English so it came as a shock when she said she was going to marry because mum had thought she would be looking after her for life. Mum is late sixties. Mum is demanding she come around every day she will not do this as she has a career and a very good position. So you see emotional blackmail coming into play. Mum could have learned English, her daughter was born here, she chose not to.

 

If you give an inch they take a mile. Yep a lot of people do come from the culture of looking after mum and dad and we can see how that pans out badly in a lot of cases. They just put up with it.

 

I know my children love me dearly but the last thing I would want is them to look out for me. I am independent, I do not feel old, I can look after myself and if I can't I won't know and could not care less. We live too long these days. That said I do not want to leave anytime soon.

 

Sometimes wanting to care for people could and is called "control""

 

There are some huge assumptions and sweeping generalisations in your post and while I accept that your opinions are based on personal experience, that doesn’t automatically make them right or factual. Some people will always take advantage of others and that’s irrespective of their age, just as some people are inherently dishonest, mean spirited and so on. The fact those people exist doesn’t prove that everyone has similar motives or behaves in a similar way.

 

A lot of factors affect our relationships and a lot of us, myself included, muddle through as best we can. We don't always get it right, we are often torn in a number of directions, but most of us probably choose the option(s) that on balance we can best live with. And that includes the degree of support we provide for our family, friends and loved ones if/ when they need it. T x

[bunbury61]

I honestly have that catch 22 feeling everyday. Amazing life down under or family back in uk??

Been here 6 years this year and love it, hopefully will have PR soon ( hopefully weeks away now- have been waiting for 6 months! ) then going for my Passport.

But honestly does this feeling ever go? I feel selfish for being so far away and the thought that my family wont be around forever is horrible but how do you decide where to live?

In a weird way I wish I hadn't left and I wouldn't know any different. But will that day ever come where im ready to say goodbye to my amazing friends and the beach lifestyle?

Any advice? or experiences?

 

Some fantastic posts ...i envy those that can totally commit to one or the other .

Iam a box ticker ....if I had 20 of lifes boxes ,I would want as many ticked as possible .

Some of those boxes are not favourable .

If I had a top 3 of job,sun ,new house and settled for that I would be a contented soul,...i had all that but I was still unsettled.

If you can be more focussed ,I would stay where you are .

Trying to tick all the boxes ain't easy .

Older family members are a major commitment

Some of your friends will have moved on ....unless you are very lucky ,it wont be the same .

[Petals]

There are some huge assumptions and sweeping generalisations in your post and while I accept that your opinions are based on personal experience, that doesn’t automatically make them right or factual. Some people will always take advantage of others and that’s irrespective of their age, just as some people are inherently dishonest, mean spirited and so on. The fact those people exist doesn’t prove that everyone has similar motives or behaves in a similar way.

 

A lot of factors affect our relationships and a lot of us, myself included, muddle through as best we can. We don't always get it right, we are often torn in a number of directions, but most of us probably choose the option(s) that on balance we can best live with. And that includes the degree of support we provide for our family, friends and loved ones if/ when they need it. T x

 

"When they need it"that is the key question though, I am all for helping out family when they need it but sometimes people assume they need it. Just being the devils advocate here. I am the first one to jump in and help my family "when they need it"but my hope is that they won't need it and they can be independent and live their lives. Marriages are broken because of family and this is well documented. Many people just go through the motions of what is expected not what they really want to do. Fortunately we live in the west and we have good care outcomes for all "if they want it and choose it". My brother has had a lot to do with aged care etc in his work and he says everyone looks at the old person on their own, we see it in the papers but he wonders what were they like to their family. I have no rituals in my relationship with my family,no dinner every second Sunday or expect to be invited to everything they do or go to. Hence when I need them they are there in an instance but I always try to get a friend or someone else before I ask my busy family in the prime of their lives. I had my life with my oh who is unfortunately no longer with me and it was a wonderful life and I want my children to have that too and not be bogged down at a time of life when they are busy and perhaps not well themselves as we all age and our parents age and its harder to look after them because of our own age. Grandchildren do not want to look after them..

[Keith and Linda]

"When they need it"that is the key question though, I am all for helping out family when they need it but sometimes people assume they need it. Just being the devils advocate here. I am the first one to jump in and help my family "when they need it"but my hope is that they won't need it and they can be independent and live their lives. Marriages are broken because of family and this is well documented. Many people just go through the motions of what is expected not what they really want to do. Fortunately we live in the west and we have good care outcomes for all "if they want it and choose it". My brother has had a lot to do with aged care etc in his work and he says everyone looks at the old person on their own, we see it in the papers but he wonders what were they like to their family. I have no rituals in my relationship with my family,no dinner every second Sunday or expect to be invited to everything they do or go to. Hence when I need them they are there in an instance but I always try to get a friend or someone else before I ask my busy family in the prime of their lives. I had my life with my oh who is unfortunately no longer with me and it was a wonderful life and I want my children to have that too and not be bogged down at a time of life when they are busy and perhaps not well themselves as we all age and our parents age and its harder to look after them because of our own age. Grandchildren do not want to look after them..

 

Petals, your attitude is so very much similar to my parents, they are both in their 80's now and no way do they want any of us siblings changing our life's to suit them in fact they say they would be more annoyed rather than upset if we did so. They have also said for us not to bother coming over for their funerals (as if we would not) wasting all that money on fares when it could be spent on those that are living, we'll be dead and there would be nothing you or we could do about that. The same if they became ill, as mam says you can't cure cancer can you? so what's the point of coming? she feels better knowing we are living because you cannot enjoy life when your dying or dead.

They enjoy the knowledge that we all live our own life's, we have good times and memories, we however do not lead selfish life's we are always ready to (and do) help each other without an agenda or expectations.

PS we have passed this attitude on life to our children too.

[sarahod86]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I am currently at home in the UK with the desire to move to Oz. Been twice. Got a lot of family on my grand side there so wouldn't be completely alone. But I now have 2 young kids and want to make the move before it gets difficult with them. I think about it most days. If I think about it too much I put myself off because of the family here. Came on this looking someone to tell me it's normal to feel scared. Do we sell up and go ? What if we don't like it and have nothing back in the UK? Theirs so much to think about. would love a wee blather about it all?

[Keith and Linda]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I am currently at home in the UK with the desire to move to Oz. Been twice. Got a lot of family on my grand side there so wouldn't be completely alone. But I now have 2 young kids and want to make the move before it gets difficult with them. I think about it most days. If I think about it too much I put myself off because of the family here. Came on this looking someone to tell me it's normal to feel scared. Do we sell up and go ? What if we don't like it and have nothing back in the UK? Theirs so much to think about. would love a wee blather about it all?

 

Sorry to say this but if you are putting this off due to family now then really you are answering your own question. Those doubt thoughts will remain with you if you do move and then you will use them as ammunition for wanting to return. This is one thing in life when you have to be selfish as an individual family unit. A determination to adapt and make things work is really a pre-requisite to this sort of life changing choice, any harking back to family, friends and lifestyle in UK is a large cause of failure.

Best wishes to you all.

[VERYSTORMY]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I am currently at home in the UK with the desire to move to Oz. Been twice. Got a lot of family on my grand side there so wouldn't be completely alone. But I now have 2 young kids and want to make the move before it gets difficult with them. I think about it most days. If I think about it too much I put myself off because of the family here. Came on this looking someone to tell me it's normal to feel scared. Do we sell up and go ? What if we don't like it and have nothing back in the UK? Theirs so much to think about. would love a wee blather about it all?

 

Yes it is normal to feel scared.

 

Yes, you may find yourselves doing and then going back to the UK. About a third do.

 

You our need to go through why you want to do it. What are the reasons. What is it you think Australia will give you. Then, you need to research if they are actually valid.

 

You do also need to weigh up the pluses and negatives. There will be some of both and some will be unique to you and your family.

[Petals]

Petals, your attitude is so very much similar to my parents, they are both in their 80's now and no way do they want any of us siblings changing our life's to suit them in fact they say they would be more annoyed rather than upset if we did so. They have also said for us not to bother coming over for their funerals (as if we would not) wasting all that money on fares when it could be spent on those that are living, we'll be dead and there would be nothing you or we could do about that. The same if they became ill, as mam says you can't cure cancer can you? so what's the point of coming? she feels better knowing we are living because you cannot enjoy life when your dying or dead.

They enjoy the knowledge that we all live our own life's, we have good times and memories, we however do not lead selfish life's we are always ready to (and do) help each other without an agenda or expectations.

PS we have passed this attitude on life to our children too.

 

Yep just like your parents and my friends are exactly the same as me. We do not feel old, obviously your parents don't either and we live life just like we always have. I hate people calling me dear or darl or darling I am not one of those at all I am a senior citizen and need no sympathy.

 

That is the point I am trying to make we don't need help if we have our marbles when we lose them we do not care if we have help lol Straight to the crem for me no funeral, cheaper and I won't be there. The family can celebrate my life if they like or have a moan about me.

 

My oh did not go to his mother's funeral in UK because she would have been mortified if he spent money on a dead person, that was the way she was a good Scottish lass.

[bunbury61]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I am currently at home in the UK with the desire to move to Oz. Been twice. Got a lot of family on my grand side there so wouldn't be completely alone. But I now have 2 young kids and want to make the move before it gets difficult with them. I think about it most days. If I think about it too much I put myself off because of the family here. Came on this looking someone to tell me it's normal to feel scared. Do we sell up and go ? What if we don't like it and have nothing back in the UK? Theirs so much to think about. would love a wee blather about it all?

 

Only you know the answers to that ? ...how close are you to your family ....what if ...what if ...what if .

Its going to cost you £50k plus all in to try it ..

That's the facts

[Quoll]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I am currently at home in the UK with the desire to move to Oz. Been twice. Got a lot of family on my grand side there so wouldn't be completely alone. But I now have 2 young kids and want to make the move before it gets difficult with them. I think about it most days. If I think about it too much I put myself off because of the family here. Came on this looking someone to tell me it's normal to feel scared. Do we sell up and go ? What if we don't like it and have nothing back in the UK? Theirs so much to think about. would love a wee blather about it all?

 

If someone said to you - "put £50,000 on the table. Now, roll that dice, if it turns up an odd number you keep your money, if it's an even number, I take it". Would you do it? It will cost you the best part of that to emigrate so it will be lost money - can you afford to lose that much? If you aren't prepared to gamble that much then don't do it. If you aren't selfish and self sufficient you will struggle and if you struggle you could well find yourself trapped there for a range of reasons - money, education, differing opinions etc etc.

 

Actually, I would say that I never felt scared about the decisions I was making, never tried to second guess myself just looked at what was on the table and went with the best offer at the time. I will say though that throughout it all I had the mindset that if it didn't work we would move on. However things did change for me and I became trapped (DH - different expectations) and then it became a horrible nightmare but scared at the beginning - nope.

[Croft]

If someone said to you - "put £50,000 on the table. Now, roll that dice, if it turns up an odd number you keep your money, if it's an even number, I take it". Would you do it? It will cost you the best part of that to emigrate so it will be lost money - can you afford to lose that much? If you aren't prepared to gamble that much then don't do it. If you aren't selfish and self sufficient you will struggle and if you struggle you could well find yourself trapped there for a range of reasons - money, education, differing opinions etc etc.

 

Actually, I would say that I never felt scared about the decisions I was making, never tried to second guess myself just looked at what was on the table and went with the best offer at the time. I will say though that throughout it all I had the mindset that if it didn't work we would move on. However things did change for me and I became trapped (DH - different expectations) and then it became a horrible nightmare but scared at the beginning - nope.

 

Just querying why you think you have to be selfish to make a go of it here?

[shaunfreo]

I have been here 15 years , and still feel it , some people manage to be here and never think of the U.K. In my experience with ex pat friends that's quite rare, its the curse of migration , like you I wish I had never done it , although still love the life I have here but would also go back tomorrow

[Lambethlad]

I came here as a child with my parents so I never had to make that choice. In the UK we lived with grandparents, uncle and aunt who spoilt me rotten. I think the loss of those people did affect me. There was a sense of loss and insecurity and I became rather withdrawn. I never got to see granddad again. However I do love Oz and on return to the UK found that it really didn't suit me. So I think my parents made the right decision overall.

[Quoll]

Just querying why you think you have to be selfish to make a go of it here?

 

Easy - I don't mean selfish in that pejorative sense that it usually invokes but you have to be able to move without giving a care to whatever carnage you may leave behind you. If you worry about everyone else, what they think, what they say etc then you are continually Looking over your shoulder just when your vision needs to focus on the road ahead.

 

It doesn't mean you love anyone the less and you have to work harder to keep relationships going (as the leaver I think it behoves you to do the visiting) but if you can't focus on yourself and your migrating family then you're going to find it hard. Personally I reckon it was much easier back in the day because you weren't continually picking at the scab of a life left behind via social media - aerograms and £1 per minute phone calls were somewhat restrictive. You have to be prepared that other people are going to get on with their lives with nary a thought to you too so no point in getting your knickers in a knot if you don't get invites to weddings, birthdays, christenings etc.

 

However I suspect there may come a point for most of us where we draw the line at our selfishness and determine how/whether we can live best with the guilt that may flow from that selfishness. In my own case I couldn't have given a toss that as an only child I was taking my parents only grandchild to the other side of the world and that was partly I suspect because I saw my own resilience reflected in my parents. However, fast forward to their late 80s I could no more leave them unsupported than I could fly to the moon. They never asked nor expected what we have done for them but it takes a good deal more selfishness than my hard old heart would countenance to leave them to their own devices. What if they had popped their clogs in their 50/60/70 - dunno but we would have dealt with it the best way we could. I think if you are a new migrant and already enmeshed in the what ifs you'd go bonkers.

[Croft]

Easy - I don't mean selfish in that pejorative sense that it usually invokes but you have to be able to move without giving a care to whatever carnage you may leave behind you. If you worry about everyone else, what they think, what they say etc then you are continually Looking over your shoulder just when your vision needs to focus on the road ahead.

 

It doesn't mean you love anyone the less and you have to work harder to keep relationships going (as the leaver I think it behoves you to do the visiting) but if you can't focus on yourself and your migrating family then you're going to find it hard. Personally I reckon it was much easier back in the day because you weren't continually picking at the scab of a life left behind via social media - aerograms and £1 per minute phone calls were somewhat restrictive. You have to be prepared that other people are going to get on with their lives with nary a thought to you too so no point in getting your knickers in a knot if you don't get invites to weddings, birthdays, christenings etc.

 

However I suspect there may come a point for most of us where we draw the line at our selfishness and determine how/whether we can live best with the guilt that may flow from that selfishness. In my own case I couldn't have given a toss that as an only child I was taking my parents only grandchild to the other side of the world and that was partly I suspect because I saw my own resilience reflected in my parents. However, fast forward to their late 80s I could no more leave them unsupported than I could fly to the moon. They never asked nor expected what we have done for them but it takes a good deal more selfishness than my hard old heart would countenance to leave them to their own devices. What if they had popped their clogs in their 50/60/70 - dunno but we would have dealt with it the best way we could. I think if you are a new migrant and already enmeshed in the what ifs you'd go bonkers.

 

Interesting. We all have different circumstances of course.

 

My parents response when we said we were moving to Australia? "Well, we can't complain as we did it when we were young." When my son was born we lived about an hour apart. They came to visit us once (the day of the birth) - all other visits were instigated by us. No offers of support, no babysitting. When he was born my son, the only grandchild, was given a set of babygrows. My sister, who still lives at home, at the same time was given a brand new Fiat 500 with insurance. To be honest, my son sees my parents more often now on Skype than when we lived in the UK. As for my mother in law, she lives in a remote part of Spain have emigrated there in 1998 and we only ever saw her every few years anyway (she had made it clear she would never return to the UK).

 

We had moved around a lot in the UK and Germany with my OHs job too, so had not put down roots. Our friends were spread across the UK. We are now making some good, lasting friendships here in Brisbane.

[bunbury61]

Interesting. We all have different circumstances of course.

 

My parents response when we said we were moving to Australia? "Well, we can't complain as we did it when we were young." When my son was born we lived about an hour apart. They came to visit us once (the day of the birth) - all other visits were instigated by us. No offers of support, no babysitting. When he was born my son, the only grandchild, was given a set of babygrows. My sister, who still lives at home, at the same time was given a brand new Fiat 500 with insurance. To be honest, my son sees my parents more often now on Skype than when we lived in the UK. As for my mother in law, she lives in a remote part of Spain have emigrated there in 1998 and we only ever saw her every few years anyway (she had made it clear she would never return to the UK).

 

We had moved around a lot in the UK and Germany with my OHs job too, so had not put down roots. Our friends were spread across the UK. We are now making some good, lasting friendships here in Brisbane.

 

Everyone is different croft .....you have probably heard my story ....iam the youngest ,all 3 of us in oz ...mom had 6 ,now 7 grandchildren,and wouldn't have seen any of them .

How have I dealt with I ? .....from my point of view ,these 2 siblings ,who always looked up to ,have now become very selfish ,almost dismissive of their responsibilities ....i watch on quietly when they visit the u.k ,and its all about them .

So as a self defence mechanism ,and to stop me tearing the family apart ,I have told them that in protest ,iam cutting ties with them permanently .

Sadly ,we used to be very close ,and the extended family were very close .....in a time when family was everything .

This in my opinion has been replaced by greed and selfishness .....very sad

[bunbury61]

I have been here 15 years , and still feel it , some people manage to be here and never think of the U.K. In my experience with ex pat friends that's quite rare, its the curse of migration , like you I wish I had never done it , although still love the life I have here but would also go back tomorrow

 

Shaun ,I respect and admire your honesty .

Now if you were my sibling ,you would have my full support and assistance

Best of luck to you .

[Petals]

I have been here 15 years , and still feel it , some people manage to be here and never think of the U.K. In my experience with ex pat friends that's quite rare, its the curse of migration , like you I wish I had never done it , although still love the life I have here but would also go back tomorrow

 

I think you are right, some people can just do it and never think about it. Others yearn. If I said to my Mum who is 96 going on 97 I might move back to UK will you come? She would say when. When talking to Mum we have to watch our ps and qs nothing detrimental can be said about the UK. She has been away since she was 36 years old. She went back a couple of times and lived and hated it, came back put on the rose coloured glasses and it goes on.

 

I say again if you don't dislike the weather, have a good job, everyone is doing what they want, as Quoll says it a set back for people to migrate. It costs a fortune these days. Its not about a better life because we all have our idea of what is better.

I love Aus and my children were born here its so different.

 

I did suffer from the isolation as a young person with my parents migrating all over the place, lost touch with parents, did not see my grandparents etc but that made me more independent and the friends I have made from being very young have filled that void.

 

Its a big big move. If one gambles have a go if one does not like losing money very happy then may the wrong decision to migrate.

[Gbye grey sky]

Interesting. We all have different circumstances of course.

 

My parents response when we said we were moving to Australia? "Well, we can't complain as we did it when we were young." When my son was born we lived about an hour apart. They came to visit us once (the day of the birth) - all other visits were instigated by us. No offers of support, no babysitting. When he was born my son, the only grandchild, was given a set of babygrows. My sister, who still lives at home, at the same time was given a brand new Fiat 500 with insurance. To be honest, my son sees my parents more often now on Skype than when we lived in the UK. As for my mother in law, she lives in a remote part of Spain have emigrated there in 1998 and we only ever saw her every few years anyway (she had made it clear she would never return to the UK).

 

We had moved around a lot in the UK and Germany with my OHs job too, so had not put down roots. Our friends were spread across the UK. We are now making some good, lasting friendships here in Brisbane.

 

I agree that it comes down to how close the ties are. I have been here just 7 months but have had 4 skype calls with my brother and sister in law here which is the equivalent of 3 years of contact when we lived less than 2 hours away. Even more so for my parents. Have had 5 skype calls with them in 7 months which is more contact than the previous 7 years! Emigrating to the other side of the world has brought us closer together lol!

 

My wife's parents are deceased and she has just one brother and his family in UK. Again we have had 2/3 Skype calls with them which is probably as much or more than we would have otherwise.

 

I am fully prepared for the day in the distant future when our (now) 12 year old informs us that she is going to fly the nest. Would not be the least surprised if she went off to live in the UK. I am determined that she has to live her life for herself and not feel obligated to stay close to us.

 

There is no right answer though and I accept that others feel a sense of obligation so strong that they cannot do this.

[Thom]

Some interesting perspectives, can I add mine, it may be a bit unusual.

 

I was living in Cornwall, Land's End, single and with no intentions of leaving the area as I loved it, (I was 41.)

 

I started conversing online, through a forum not dissimilar to this in format, but one dedicated to philosophy, a woman in Australia.

 

We grew to develop an affection for each other, even though she was living with someone, the partner of her daughter, (I'd never wanted kids and had avoided them like the plague.)

 

Over two years we built a serious relationship, via email, webchats and instant messenger, as a consequence of this she left her partner.

 

She came to Land's End for 3 weeks, I came to Aus for three weeks, and after six weeks (very) physically together, we got married.

 

We agreed that it would be terribly unfair to deprive her daughter of contact with her father, and so I had to move to Aus, (even though I think the man a complete tw@t.)

 

I've been here for 14 years now, and although I like and respect the country, my heart remains in Cornwall.

 

We've returned to the UK for a holiday, every two years since I moved here.

 

Our daughter, ( I consider her as much mine as his,) turned 21 this month, I hope to retire in 4 years time, we've agreed to move back o Cornwall then.

 

Luckily I rented my house out when I emigrated eh?

 

That's my story,

 

Thom

 

PS. us in Cornwall in Nov 2015

Edited February 14, 2016 by Thom

[Thom]

Whoops!! For "the partner of her daughter," read "the father of her daughter". :-)