Tbinozz Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I keep looking for the right answer but can't seem to find it Moved to Sydney 16 years ago after meeting hubby in UK. Decided to come to Oz when he ran out of time on his visa and 16 years on we are still here. I've never felt completely at home here but then again I've always thought I might go back so haven't radially allowed myself to feel completely at home. We have a home, I have a good job and a lovely child. A year ago in a trip home I had a big soul searching session and decided I needed to go back to the UK to be closer to my small family (mum, dad, brother). Thought I would live in the country in a big house, have a super simple community and a great well paid job. Complete fairy tale!!!! Convinced hubby to give it a go and he agreed to try it for a couple of years. After having his visa refused for failing to meet the ridiculous financial requirements we are looking to apply again. But I'm not sure it's right for our family. i still have the longing to be home (I want to find out if I can ever get rid of the heartache for family), but I am taking off the rose tinted glasses now. We will both need to get jobs (and it took me a year to find the one here), take a big salary cut each when we eventually find a job, live in a smaller place further out, have a big commute, see less of our child and incur a big moving expense. hubby says it's unlikely he will want to stay longer than a couple of years if that, but has also said "you never know". Moving is my call and I am torn in two. The rational side says it's completely nuts and not worth it for 2 years (with a remote chance it could be more) But I have that homesick pull. Worried that my parents will die and I will regret not going back forever. But I guess something could happen to them anytime. anyone got any wise words? My head and heart are battling it out and no one is winning right now, but a decision has to be made. feeling miserable about it all!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Hi, My instant thought after reading your post is that you seem to be worrying about things that might not even happen (pay cut, long commute etc) Start thinkng about al the things that you know WILL happen, seeing family, friends etc....for me that would out weigh the other 'things' that only MIGHT happen. All the best in your choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I should wait and see if his visa is granted this time. Then cross the bridge and make the decision. I'm a big "bury my head in the sand till I absolutely have to confront something" person though - just thinking if he doesn't get his visa this time either (and they still have the ridiculous financial requirements - possibly worse now than last time you applied) then you've have done all the soul-searching for nothing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 How old is your child as that is a major factor to take into account particularly if there is an intention to return in 2 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest112248 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 If you don't mind me asking, how do you intend to get past the financial requirements this time? I am about to apply for my wifes visa and had to secure a role in UK which meets the requirements. Just interested to see if this was a route you had used previously. Good luck though, and he may change his mind. My wife (Brissy girl)loved the UK and cannot wait to return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainR Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Just an idea; What about not fully committing, just rent out your house here and see if you can get a temporary leave from work (6 months or a year) and get some things out of your system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Wait and see if your visa is granted then as Catain R suggests, take a career break, rent out the house and go for it (providing your kids are young enough ie under 15). If you love it and it works you win, if it doesn't then you know that you need to move on. Some of your dreams are just that - the reality won't be quite as rosy but it may hit the spot, you never know! Life is too short not to have adventures! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 As a fully paid up member of the MBTTUK crew I don't often say this but there seems to be too much against you moving back. If you were posting about a move to Australia with lower salary, longer commute, and particularly less time with your child I would be screaming DON'T DO IT, there's nothing that different about Australia so the same must apply the other way too! Of course you family are in the UK and that is important but perhaps find different ways to tackle that - pay for them to have long holidays in Australia every year, have regular trips to the UK or meet elsewhere for holidays. In the end my parents were a factor in my decision to move back in 2013 and my mam died suddenly this year, I cannot comprehend what it would have been like if I was still in Australia so I understand the importance of your decision but for us we moved back to better paid jobs, shorter commute, living in a better area as well as the heart reasons. Scotland is not my birth home but I have made it home and I do think it is 99% attitude, I spent what I consider to be 13 years in exile living in the SE England and with maturity and hindsight I realise now I had a chip on my shoulder and refused to 'belong' . No where is perfect but wherever you bring up your children is home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Moved to Sydney 16 years ago after meeting hubby in UK. Decided to come to Oz when he ran out of time on his visa and 16 years on we are still here. I've never felt completely at home here but then again I've always thought I might go back so haven't really allowed myself to feel completely at home. That bolded phrase stood out for me. I know what you mean - I feel like I've been in a "holding pattern" for six or seven years, while we've been dithering about where we would live in retirement. My oh can't understand it (after all we've had a perfectly comfortable life in various nice homes), but something about it being "temporary" means that I can't fully commit myself - I'm always holding something back, and that affects my ability to enjoy life 100%. I know that's not the right attitude but I can't seem to help myself! With that in mind, is it worth delaying your decision for a few more years? Set a date for a review, and decide that you're not even going to THINK about a possible move until then. Start approaching life with the view that Australia IS your forever home, and see if that makes a difference? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I am with Wattsy on this one. Who says that you will have a lower salary / worse commute and things? Many jobs are as well paid in the UK as Australia and some better paid - my role earns about 40% more in the UK. Do some research and try to see it objectively in order to make a decision. However, I know then, the heartstrings of the pull of home still apply. If so, as others have said, maybe see if you can take a career break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
namron1 Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Have been living in Oz for 5.5 years now and can echo what many on here about having no feeling of belonging to Oz, it feels more like I live here because that is what I have to do due to OH loving the place Have just returned from the UK where I have spent the last 5 months on my own, OH came over for a 3 week holiday during that time, felt really connection while in the UK and actively involved every day. Since coming back last week struggling every day to motivate myself to do anything, and experiencing usual problems finding work here whilst in UK had no problem getting work Our situation is difficult as I 3 sons and 2 are settled in Oz and 1 is in the uk so the move to oz has split up our family in a way that I cannot ever see us getting back the close family life we had in the uk, I am going through the process trying to understand what is best way forward to make the most of the life situation we have now created, and that probably means returning to the uk on my own Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imapla Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 We were in your situation and eventually we decided and came back to the UK in July (for the same reasons). I was v happy in Aus - I am finding it very hard here and working out how I can back to my Aussie life again. If its only going to be for 2 year it won't benefit your family much as they will have to say goodbye to you all over again whereas now they are probably used to the fact that you live in Aus. I wish we had taken a 'gap year' and done it that way - would have been cheaper (don't underestimate the expense of leaving) but then again if you know you are somewhere only temporarily - you don't really commit. There is no easy answer - you can read about everyone's experiences but I think most ping pongers have to go through it themselves because if they don't they will always be wondering if they made the wrong decision. I would leave it to fate - as someone else said - if your OH can't get a visa well that is your answer - you didn't decide it - fate did. Giving up a job that you like in this economic climate is also not ideal, I wish I had said we would only do it if we lost our jobs or something like that. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 We were in your situation and eventually we decided and came back to the UK in July (for the same reasons). Just to clarify, were you the one homesick for the UK or was it your oh? Do you think you (or he) will suffer from homesickness again if you go back and how will you deal with that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Sixteen years is a long time and visiting the UK rather than living there is a whole different ball game. As you both have jobs and nice home and your child is settled whey would you want to rock the boat. Yep we all have parents and family but them being on the other side of the world can work well. My children do not live near me here, so if I pop my clogs today they are not around. Do I care no, as long as they are happy where they are living I am happy. We cannot live our lives through others its 'our life". Why not take an extended holiday to see if you really want to live there, also discuss it with your family. We spent three and a half months over there and there is no way I am returning anytime soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kasisalo Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Have been living in Oz for 5.5 years now and can echo what many on here about having no feeling of belonging to Oz, it feels more like I live here because that is what I have to do due to OH loving the placeHave just returned from the UK where I have spent the last 5 months on my own, OH came over for a 3 week holiday during that time, felt really connection while in the UK and actively involved every day. Since coming back last week struggling every day to motivate myself to do anything, and experiencing usual problems finding work here whilst in UK had no problem getting work Our situation is difficult as I 3 sons and 2 are settled in Oz and 1 is in the uk so the move to oz has split up our family in a way that I cannot ever see us getting back the close family life we had in the uk, I am going through the process trying to understand what is best way forward to make the most of the life situation we have now created, and that probably means returning to the uk on my own I am in the same situation as you, I feel just the same as you. I have 2 girls in Oz and 1 in the UK, my hubby likes Oz. I am going back to the UK but my husband is not sure, i Have told him i understand if he couldnt live back in the UK, and he also understands that Australia isnt the life for me, we are used to spending long periods apart with his job but Im not sure how things will go, I have been here nearly 3 years and I just know i wont change my mind, and like you I struggle to motivate myself. I have always been the sort of mother thats happy so long as my family are happy, but now ive realised that i need to be happy as well. Good luck in whatever you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 These situations are so difficult as there is no one size fits all solution. We made the move to the UK and we love it, even our Aussie kids love being here and have no interest in returning. For others of course the thought of returning to the UK is, well, unthinkable. It's very hard to think of a compromise really, you either have to live in one country or the other. I do feel for anyone stuck in limbo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 These situations are so difficult as there is no one size fits all solution. We made the move to the UK and we love it, even our Aussie kids love being here and have no interest in returning. For others of course the thought of returning to the UK is, well, unthinkable. It's very hard to think of a compromise really, you either have to live in one country or the other. I do feel for anyone stuck in limbo. There are other countries It's easy to get a visa for NZ as a Australian PR and as a British citizen the EU is at your disposal (for now at least) - it might be possible to find a place that suits both partners. If it wasn't for our son we may have given NZ a try after deciding Perth wasn't for us, may do yet once he's flown the nest. Though a property in France is on the cards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I keep looking for the right answer but can't seem to find it Moved to Sydney 16 years ago after meeting hubby in UK. Decided to come to Oz when he ran out of time on his visa and 16 years on we are still here. I've never felt completely at home here but then again I've always thought I might go back so haven't radially allowed myself to feel completely at home. We have a home, I have a good job and a lovely child. A year ago in a trip home I had a big soul searching session and decided I needed to go back to the UK to be closer to my small family (mum, dad, brother). Thought I would live in the country in a big house, have a super simple community and a great well paid job. Complete fairy tale!!!! Convinced hubby to give it a go and he agreed to try it for a couple of years. After having his visa refused for failing to meet the ridiculous financial requirements we are looking to apply again. But I'm not sure it's right for our family. i still have the longing to be home (I want to find out if I can ever get rid of the heartache for family), but I am taking off the rose tinted glasses now. We will both need to get jobs (and it took me a year to find the one here), take a big salary cut each when we eventually find a job, live in a smaller place further out, have a big commute, see less of our child and incur a big moving expense. hubby says it's unlikely he will want to stay longer than a couple of years if that, but has also said "you never know". Moving is my call and I am torn in two. The rational side says it's completely nuts and not worth it for 2 years (with a remote chance it could be more) But I have that homesick pull. Worried that my parents will die and I will regret not going back forever. But I guess something could happen to them anytime. anyone got any wise words? My head and heart are battling it out and no one is winning right now, but a decision has to be made. feeling miserable about it all!!! Yes ,its a tough call . If you relatively stable in Sydney ,with a good job ,stay where you are . I said exactly the same to another poster the other day . If you've got a spare million ,and can move into a nice area ,with nice schools then come home ...if not it could be a titanic struggle . Britain is a tough place to cut it . There is loads of work about .....but its finding work that pays a good wage . The powers that be ,use recessions to hammer pay and conditions ( wait till the dust settles on australias current dip ) Come home on holiday as often as possible ,if you haven't got something solid lined up . That's the only crumb of wisdom I can offer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Have been living in Oz for 5.5 years now and can echo what many on here about having no feeling of belonging to Oz, it feels more like I live here because that is what I have to do due to OH loving the placeHave just returned from the UK where I have spent the last 5 months on my own, OH came over for a 3 week holiday during that time, felt really connection while in the UK and actively involved every day. Since coming back last week struggling every day to motivate myself to do anything, and experiencing usual problems finding work here whilst in UK had no problem getting work Our situation is difficult as I 3 sons and 2 are settled in Oz and 1 is in the uk so the move to oz has split up our family in a way that I cannot ever see us getting back the close family life we had in the uk, I am going through the process trying to understand what is best way forward to make the most of the life situation we have now created, and that probably means returning to the uk on my own I get your sentiments ...i went on holiday to the u.k whilst in w.a ......i walked back into my brand new home,with its manicured lawn ....i should have felt like the luckiest man alive ,but I just felt empty ...no other words to describe it I realised I had responsibilies and too many loose ends in the u.k .....and I couldn't leave it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Yes ,its a tough call .If you relatively stable in Sydney ,with a good job ,stay where you are . I said exactly the same to another poster the other day . If you've got a spare million ,and can move into a nice area ,with nice schools then come home ...if not it could be a titanic struggle . Britain is a tough place to cut it . There is loads of work about .....but its finding work that pays a good wage . The powers that be ,use recessions to hammer pay and conditions ( wait till the dust settles on australias current dip ) Come home on holiday as often as possible ,if you haven't got something solid lined up . That's the only crumb of wisdom I can offer I really can't agree with this, Britain is no tougher than anywhere else to cut it and you certainly don't need a million quid to move into a nice area with good school, nowhere close to a million in fact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I really can't agree with this, Britain is no tougher than anywhere else to cut it and you certainly don't need a million quid to move into a nice area with good school, nowhere close to a million in fact. yes, I agree - live in a nice semi-rural area. 4 bed detached under £200k, local school is sought after and being just 20 miles from Edinburgh I earn more for doing exactly the same job I did in Perth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imapla Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Just to clarify, were you the one homesick for the UK or was it your oh? Do you think you (or he) will suffer from homesickness again if you go back and how will you deal with that? We weren't actually homesick - we just felt we needed to spend some time with the family in UK. and I now wish we had come back fro extended stays (holidays) rather than uprooting ourselves as we have done I don't know if everything will all be okay again if we go back ............... don't know what the answer is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 As I see it one will moan whilst having to live in Aus and one will moan having to live in the UK. Sad but not a nice life. My Dad would never return to the UK and my mum returned on two occasions lasted 12 months each time and came back. My husband would never return to live in the UK either. Its difficult and I don't know the answer. I think the answer is do not migrate in the first place unless you are prepared for this scenario and worked it out. My friend Australian moved to Queensland with her husband who said if you do not like it we can return to Victoria in 2 years. They have just returned after 17 years. For 17 years she would tell me they were coming back this year, next year and the year after. Sometimes I think we need to decide whether we need to stay together or separate and both have what is wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tbinozz Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 I've buried my head in the sand for years!! I'm very good at it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tbinozz Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Only 6. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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