Spanner73 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Hi guys just joined the forum just sounding out really and feeling debased to say the least I'll try to cut down the story I'm a 42 year old UK male married , my wife and I have a beautiful daughter aged 6 it's always been my dream to at least try Australia with hopefully the feeling of liking it and moving lock stock out there full time , it's pretty much constant from my point of view that it's Australia Australia ! After year of being together it has now come a head that I would like to try and she's been quite forthcoming with the idea our home life here isn't bad really we have a lovely 4 bed detached extended home with s big conservatory a good revenue as were self employed and she's now hesitant and has burst my bubble ( her words ) that she doesn't want go go at 42 and 46 this is our lanst chance I'm gutted has anyone else been in a similar position and how did it go ? Sorry for sounding off ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colettemg123 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Hi Spanners we have been in Perth just 2 months, I'm 43, hubby is 51 and we have 2 children 5 and 8. I wen through this numerous times during the whole process, my hubby was very supportive. , and just said if you want to go, we will go and if not we will stay it's fine. It took the pressure off a lot! I even changed my mind after I handed my notice in and had a visa in place! The process is quite overwhelming at times, and the biggest struggle for me was the thought of leaving our adult children. Now we are here I am so glad that we made the move, even people like me who were 100% wanting to go have wobbles. I'm happy for you to pm me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cafp06 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Hi Spanners, as Colette did, at least get the visa and try it out. You then have 4 years from your first entry stamp to decide whether to move permanently but you do have to get that first stamp in the first year. I've been to Oz a couple of times and it's absolutely amazing, a much better standard of life. Personally, I would say go for it, try it, if you don't like it, you can always return. It's new life, a new adventure and heaps to offer. If you don't do it now, in 5 years time, you won't have the option anymore. I hope it works out for you. Good luck with the decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spanner73 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Thanks cafp06 I know your right but my wife doesn't want to go and I do and that's the problem I font want to look back in 10 years and wish I'd done it and didn't we have a beautiful daughter too she's 6 it makes it harder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainR Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 If you are eligible for this visa, what about discussing another option where you got to Australia for a year or two, renting out your UK house (rather then selling), putting everything in storage, negotiating career breaks from employers etc. An extended family working holiday where you get a taste for it without the commitment, and if after 2 years you can either stay or go home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Hi guys just joined the forum just sounding out really and feeling debased to say the least I'll try to cut down the story I'm a 42 year old UK male married , my wife and I have a beautiful daughter aged 6 it's always been my dream to at least try Australia with hopefully the feeling of liking it and moving lock stock out there full time , it's pretty much constant from my point of view that it's Australia Australia ! After year of being together it has now come a head that I would like to try and she's been quite forthcoming with the idea our home life here isn't bad really we have a lovely 4 bed detached extended home with s big conservatory a good revenue as were self employed and she's now hesitant and has burst my bubble ( her words ) that she doesn't want go go at 42 and 46 this is our lanst chance I'm gutted has anyone else been in a similar position and how did it go ? Sorry for sounding off ! The scenario is not unusual. Occasionally you will find people that dragged a partner kicking and screaming and it has worked out for them. But have a read in the Moving Back to the UK forum and you will find very sad stories of people with severe situational depression and families splitting up. In ten years, you might regret fracturing your family a fair bit more than not going to Australia. You do seem to have a good life, not that I think you have to have a bad life to want to move. We had a good life and moved too. But I tend to stick with the reasoning that if you are not both on board, then there is a rocky road ahead that many relationships will not survive. If your wife came on here, asking if she should give it a try for a few years, she would get plenty of warnings about becoming trapped. It is not so easy to just move back and not all partners are agreeable to it if they are happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 If you are eligible for this visa,.....An extended family working holiday where you get a taste for it without the commitment, and if after 2 years you can either stay or go home. I'm not quite sure what "this visa" is....but he's not eligible for a Working Holiday Visa (precluded by age and having a dependent child). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I'm not quite sure what "this visa" is....but he's not eligible for a Working Holiday Visa (precluded by age and having a dependent child). I think it's more the frame of mind than a visa captainR was referring to. I used to feel the same way as you OP. I had spent a year here as a teen and dreamed of coming back. I'd get upset if I saw Australia on the TV etc. Now I'm here, I'm not sure why I was so keen. All the same issues are here. It rains more here than where I'm from, and there are months when it's too hot to do much. My dreams of sitting out having bbqs like I used to do in the summer in the UK doesn't happen here as I get bitten to death by mozzies. You need to decide what is more important to you. Your wife and daughter or some beaches which you'll only get to go to when you are not at work. Personally I believe your family make a home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 If your wife isn't keen then chances are it wouldn't work out anyway. You don't mention extended family but if she is close to them then the chances of it failing (with her not being keen anyway) are extremely high. It's normal for people to have doubts before coming but it depends how deep hers run. Also, what is it that makes you think Australia is for you? We love it here but were very realistic about the pros and cons and potential pitfalls (which were huge for us as we were on a 457 visa for the first 2 years). If you do come, then you have a lot to work out first as there could be a lot of resentment down the line if she feels she was pressured. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freesia Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Have you actually ever visited yet? if not why not come on holiday & see what she thinks - however much I'd read & seen on TV etc I still could not have imagined what it's really like- the space & light is pretty amazing. I've only been in NSW so far & gather the differenr states have very different features , but given that you're time- limited if you did decide to make the move , it has to be worth the trip. At least you'll have had a great holiday together if it still doesn't appeal to her. Some people find change difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Be very careful of dragging your wife into something she is clearly not keen on doing. Australia is not for everyone and it is no paradise. Just another first world country. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It sounds like you are all well set up - just take nice holidays for your adventure hit. If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want to go and until she is beating you about the head demanding that you up sticks and move, I would just draw a line and be glad that you already live in a fabulous first world country. If she were on board with a move and you were both prepared to lose everything you have already established for a whim of adventure then that would be different but still the caution of rent out your home, keep your business running etc. but she's not on board so let it go. One man's dream is another man's nightmare! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It sounds like you are all well set up - just take nice holidays for your adventure hit. If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want to go and until she is beating you about the head demanding that you up sticks and move, I would just draw a line and be glad that you already live in a fabulous first world country. If she were on board with a move and you were both prepared to lose everything you have already established for a whim of adventure then that would be different but still the caution of rent out your home, keep your business running etc. but she's not on board so let it go. One man's dream is another man's nightmare! So agree with Quoll. It seems you have a very comfortable life where you are and your wife isn't at all sure about moving to Australia. Come for a good long holiday instead. Australia is on a downturn now anyway. Life isn't a bed of roses for a lot of people who have given up everything in the UK to move here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Yes i agree with all Quoll has said if your wife isn't up for the whole thing then let it go. Sounds like you already have a great life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainR Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 When we worked away on expat contracts, we enjoyed the adventure and never had any concerns knowing that at the end of the 2 year contract we would go home (or extend if we chose). I do think that a 2 year trial without selling up in the UK is one way to get something out of your system. At least both of you would be satisfied, you would have tried it, your kid would have the experience and your wife could see it as a long holiday knowing you have your old life to go back to. I think any other option will result in tears and regrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Be content,happy and grateful for what you have now.What if you did move to Australia,brought a house,started a new business or profession and still weren't happy?Then what?Australia is only a country.Your wife and daughter are more important to you yes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 When we worked away on expat contracts, we enjoyed the adventure and never had any concerns knowing that at the end of the 2 year contract we would go home (or extend if we chose). I do think that a 2 year trial without selling up in the UK is one way to get something out of your system. At least both of you would be satisfied, you would have tried it, your kid would have the experience and your wife could see it as a long holiday knowing you have your old life to go back to. I think any other option will result in tears and regrets. And what if they go,and at the end of the "trial period"the guy refuses to move back to the UK,and then due to the daughter,the lady is stuck there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spanner73 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Thank you for all your comments and on that note I didn't really explain myself in the opening post , the plan was to come out in March 2016 have 3 weeks in Perth , Adelaide and possibly Sydney with a view to how we felt after that , and if we felt it was right for us we would then move quickly on sorting everything out ie renting our house out, giving up our business and finally moving with no pressure of a long stay and with us saying if it works it works and we stay if not we come back to the UK she'll do the holiday but no more than that which I now feel would be a nightmare if I like it and she doesn't but she's not willing to try it longer term at all and that's where the problem lies really ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Thank you for all your comments and on that note I didn't really explain myself in the opening post , the plan was to come out in March 2016 have 3 weeks in Perth , Adelaide and possibly Sydney with a view to how we felt after that , and if we felt it was right for us we would then move quickly on sorting everything out ie renting our house out, giving up our business and finally moving with no pressure of a long stay and with us saying if it works it works and we stay if not we come back to the UK she'll do the holiday but no more than that which I now feel would be a nightmare if I like it and she doesn't but she's not willing to try it longer term at all and that's where the problem lies really ! So why the holiday then? It feels like you are saying she should do this holiday and then you expect her to decide that she wants to move and if she doesn't well then that is not fair on you. Or maybe I am reading that wrong? If the holiday is to help you make a decision then you both have to go with open minds, if you both have already made up your minds then it can be a nice holiday but it is pointless as a decision making process. By the way, if the holiday does go ahead and as part of a decision making process, I would maybe concentrate a bit more on one or two places that you think you will move to. Three cities in three weeks is definitely more of a sight seeing trip than a reccie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Are you aware of the visa eligibility requirements for Australia? It's possible that you may not be eligible even if you do like it - in which case the "problem" won't be spousal differences at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Are you aware of the visa eligibility requirements for Australia? It's possible that you may not be eligible even if you do like it - in which case the "problem" won't be spousal differences at all. Good point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spanner73 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Yes I guess so and I guess that is selfish i just want what I feel is best for us especially our daughter with the UK as it is today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Yes I guess so and I guess that is selfish i just want what I feelis best for us especially our daughter with the UK as it is today Well I'm sorry but we bought our kids TO the UK with the UK the way it is today, whatever that means. We would not have done that if we didn't think it was a fantastic country to live in. Are you one of these people that thinks Australia doesn't have first world problems ? Sorry to say that Australia has every problem every other first world country has with (for some) better weather. Maybe you would be better just moving to a nicer area ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Yes I guess so and I guess that is selfish i just want what I feelis best for us especially our daughter with the UK as it is today Do you qualify for a visa? To be honest, I would understand where you were coming from if you just said you always loved Australia and felt like living there. But whe you (or anyone I mean) start to says that it is best for the child or is something to do with the state of the UK, then you are possibly pining for some idyll that doesn't even exist. There really is not that much difference between two first world countries, all countries have issues as well as good points. You won't escape social or economic issues by moving to Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Yes I guess so and I guess that is selfish i just want what I feelis best for us especially our daughter with the UK as it is today Which things in the UK are you trying to escape for your daughter? The reason I ask, is that you are likely to find them all here waiting for you. Oz is just another developed country with the same pluses and negatives - crime, drugs, violence, gangs and all the rest. Some are a bit less, such as gangs, some more, such as drugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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