kiwiathome Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Hi all, some might remember me , some might not. Have kept one eye on this occasionally, and this is what I have learnt. I feel this forum really lets posters seek help, emotional advice, or just wanting to be heard. The practical is less interesting, the emotional dilemmas are more interesting. First of all, bless our moderators, what a good job they do.! Imagine trying to control everyone's thoughts or opinions! Well done them. I feel this forum for some of us "lost" and tyring to do better, this forum can be great. There is great debate England vs Australia, but if we really listen to what we want deep down, we already know the answer. Sometimes posters come on here because they have no one else to listen.! How about all opinions are welcomed, but the focus is on the OP! Advice over, here's my story! We are looking into going back to UK next year for a holiday visit to check out! This year and next year will be about seeing best areas for my kids schooling, university for eldest, and where I want to live and hopefully part time job in health for me. This is not a whine thread, or advice thread, just me and hubby facing reality. Next two years getting back to UK, setting our kids up, best for us, and spending this year seeing our parents in NZ, before "you know what". We all need to forward plan, seek positive encouragement from others who join a forum, and go for our dreams in the long run! Just to finish, I have observed all the comments, and briefly been involved. Always trust you gut instinct, in the end you are right. The fact this is a "moving back to UK forum", the chances are, you should mainly have support. I have lived in Ausi for nearly 8 years, I have never grown to like it with every year. If the truth, I hate it every year that goes on! I have noticed a lot of feedback that says "wait it out, you'll like it", well, no. You either love this lifestyle or you don't" Best of luck all. I look forward to the new comments and feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Yes i'd agree you know if it's not for you no amount of " Waiting it out " will change your feelings if in your heart it's not for you. Good luck with your move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish.01 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I would disagree. I would say for some waiting it out doesn't change things and for others it does even after being convinced it wouldn't change. I've observed all outcomes over the years on here. Just makes sense I guess as everyone is different. Good luck with all your plans kiwiinaus...always exciting once decisions are made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Just interesting I have observed over last few weeks, the more practicaly responses little interest, but once the more emotional and confused threads are started, or England v's Australia, lots of input! I think just shows, like me, a lot of people can get comfort from this forum just to get heard, or get an opinion heard. My family and I have even more confirmation than ever, with the last turn of events over the last few months, that we are going back to England. Next year to visit and sort out, following year to move. It will never get better for me here, my immediate family want to go back, my "grandparent" family in NZ are all sick and not around much longer. Soo, eventually you do what is right for you. In a way a kind of freedom. But hopefully it is done with honesty. I have never liked Australia, but well done to the ones who make it work here and want to be here. But I hope the ones who do want support or advice, or want to go back to England can have the guts and freedom to post here. Just saying this because I tried to stay of this forum, but, sometimes you just need to express your feelings. So I hope anyone who wants to be heard, can come on freely and be heard, with support!. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish.01 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Just interesting I have observed over last few weeks, the more practicaly responses little interest, but once the more emotional and confused threads are started, or England v's Australia, lots of input! ... Yeah, definitely. Though I guess in peoples defence they often won't know the answer to many practical questions but anyone can have an opinion. I'm the opposite usually....find the practical threads safer and more personally rewarding... I also hope people wanting to vent can find support here. I guess sometimes people mistake venters for haters so it's best sometimes to just sit back and take a breath before posting and put yourself in others shoes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Good Luck - I agree with Fish that over the years there's been all outcomes and it really just goes to show that there is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to migration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I used to try and help with a lot of practical questions but my knowledge is now way out of date, having started the process 7 years ago, so I tend to steer clear and leave it to the "experts" now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I tend to agree that first impressions count. I do think you can grow to appreciate life here and take it for what it is....BUT...if you don't really..'feel' it....I don't believe you ever will...much like the feeling you get when house hunting. Some people just 'connect' with the place....it feels 'right' other people are less emotionally driven...more pragmatic. We fell in love the minute we got off the plane. We still 'feel' it. I have friends who never felt what we feel.....they wished they did, but it never happened... they ping ponged....appreciate it now but I know they don't feel the way we do. Trust your Gut and save yourself years of angst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Sometimes posters come on here because they have no one else to listen.! How about all opinions are welcomed, but the focus is on the OP! . Exactly. That's exactly the situation I found myself in after arriving in Southampton and the whole reason I posted. When you've just arrived in a different country you often don't have anyone to whinge to that would understand! I was very grateful to those who posted understanding comments, it does help. It'ss a pity that some people take that kind of post as an attack on the whole of the UK, and get all defensive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Yes, some understanding replies, but some that seem to attack or take the topic off completely. I hope u are feeling more settled now and feel more supported. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adelenaylor Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I have loved this site and enjoyed reading everyones stories. its given me the " im not on my own" and they are others out there. I enjoyed Australia for the first 6 years, but for the last 4 years have been different. Unsure if that's the fact of a relationship break down or, missing the uk is the cause of my relationship breakdown. But as of yesterday I became an ozzie and feel if I walk away I always have that option of coming back. ive had some lovely people message me. im new on here and still getting used to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I have loved this site and enjoyed reading everyones stories. its given me the " im not on my own" and they are others out there. I enjoyed Australia for the first 6 years, but for the last 4 years have been different. Unsure if that's the fact of a relationship break down or, missing the uk is the cause of my relationship breakdown. But as of yesterday I became an ozzie and feel if I walk away I always have that option of coming back. ive had some lovely people message me. im new on here and still getting used to it. Good luck and best wishes for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 I wish you all the best adelenaylor. I am so sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown, that must be so hard. Congrats on becoming an aussie, just out of interest, what did this mean to you?? It is great you have options as you say. It is an interesting balance on here, some posters are looking for the practical advice, or some like me, prefer the more "chit chat" emotions. That is because I don't have a lot of friends in Australia, I don't particularly like Australia, and my family are not really that interested. And whether for good or bad, I am just such a talker! My hubby is lovely, but not a talker. I firmly believe we are all entitled to our opinions, why not, because we are all unique individuals who matter, and who expects us to be the same. It's wonderful to support those of us who love Australia, have made it their home, happy to be here. For a lot of us, myself included, I count down the days till leaving. But I still attempt to make the most of each of those days, and count my blessings every day. I appreciate so much and am generally very happy. Just know their is more. So just wondering, do you have any plans? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 I meant to say my extended family are not that interested, not my immediate family. I see my mum (lives in NZ) two or three times a year, and my sister maybe once or twice a year. Interestingly, we all met up last week in Brisbane for lunch. They know our plans to return to UK. My sister enjoyed telling me about people she knows who have gone to UK who don't like it, she does not like UK etc, and what are we doing! Well, she has never been to UK or anywhere! Just NZ to Brisbane. My mum is always influenced by my elder sister, who then agrees and says "what are we thinking". Well when we lived in the UK mum come over on two separate occasions to visit, and loved it! Go figure! I just smile and nod at each of them and say nothing. I keep the peace. The funny thing is I would never judge their lives or tell them what to do. In a way, going back to England and seeing my mum on my terms away from my sister, would be a relief. Family dynamics can be hard I guess, just like marriages. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I think things can change over time too. When we got here we "got" it and loved it and spent 5 years having fun and travelling around and doing all those Aussie things, then we drifted into the work, home, sleep, work routine, kids in high school and running around after them didnt seem to leave time to do those things. Plus having done lots of things around Brisbane, the journeys started getting longer to see new stuff. Then the last 2 years we got really itchy feet, a general feeling of dissatisfaction with what was on offer. I remember in the early years, standing on my back deck saying to my husband, OMG we live in Australia! - with full Aussie upward inflection, And now its OMG we live in Australia with out any :-). To be honest we have just stayed put for too long so plans are well progressed to do something else. It took pain and heartache to get here and it will take the same to leave. I dont post much because I suffered the put downs and sneers for wanting to leave but I do enjoy reading the posts, seeing the optimism of those and the beginning of the process and the angst of some of those at the end. Its not for everyone, it is for some, and what I have learnt is that nothing is for every and for me 5 year blocks are a great way to plan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Oh I hope you can continue to post and seek support. We all get caught up in the "day to day", but go go for your plans and believe in them. It can be foreign and take guts to join a forum, I hope you can come back on and post and get support.' All the best to you. x. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adelenaylor Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I wish you all the best adelenaylor. I am so sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown, that must be so hard. Congrats on becoming an aussie, just out of interest, what did this mean to you?? It is great you have options as you say. It is an interesting balance on here, some posters are looking for the practical advice, or some like me, prefer the more "chit chat" emotions. That is because I don't have a lot of friends in Australia, I don't particularly like Australia, and my family are not really that interested. And whether for good or bad, I am just such a talker! My hubby is lovely, but not a talker. I firmly believe we are all entitled to our opinions, why not, because we are all unique individuals who matter, and who expects us to be the same. It's wonderful to support those of us who love Australia, have made it their home, happy to be here. For a lot of us, myself included, I count down the days till leaving. But I still attempt to make the most of each of those days, and count my blessings every day. I appreciate so much and am generally very happy. Just know their is more. So just wondering, do you have any plans? Hi Kiwiiinaus When I went to ceremony I must have been the only one that didn't have a smile on my face, that's because my hearts not in it at the moment. I would say for me getting it just meant I could keep my options open with what ever I decide to do. I have my partner here and my 2 boys and no one else so I miss all my family back home. My 2 boys are adults and one has flown the nest so im worse than ive ever been living here. Im generally a happy person too and of late I haven't been so im working on that first and trying to figure out what im going to do. My heart wants to move back home but its also pulling at staying here for my boys, they wouldn't come, maybe down the track they might but not now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 The thing is, though, places change all the time . We rarely visit the UK now, probably never will again but I know that each time we went there it was very different from the previous time. Maybe because of being from the South where you get loads of immigrants and all the houses are changed and the old people gone away? Last time I went in 2002 it was truly a foreign country. Lovely old buildings, heaps of history but I couldn't really relate to the people in the same way. I had changed and so had those I met. Nothing is forever I guess, shifting sands and all that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Hi Kiwiiinaus When I went to ceremony I must have been the only one that didn't have a smile on my face, that's because my hearts not in it at the moment. I would say for me getting it just meant I could keep my options open with what ever I decide to do. I have my partner here and my 2 boys and no one else so I miss all my family back home. My 2 boys are adults and one has flown the nest so im worse than ive ever been living here. Im generally a happy person too and of late I haven't been so im working on that first and trying to figure out what im going to do. My heart wants to move back home but its also pulling at staying here for my boys, they wouldn't come, maybe down the track they might but not now. I'm in a similar boat. I've often said, "Australia has been good to us" but I'm beginnning to now think, "who is that "us"? It's been brillaint for the the career of the ex who dragged us out here, and brilliant for the two kids that came with us, but, although I defend most things Aussie, it isn't really what I ever wanted as it took me away from all that I was familair with and more importantly, my 3 older boys who stayed in the UK. I guess I got "caught up in the moment" a moment when my home town was succumbing to crime and a growing "underclass" and the NHS seemed to be changing for the worse, so I went along with the ex and "baled out" to "better my kid's future" I realise now that my reasons for moving were wrong. I was trying to keep someone else happy whilst foolishly denying that I wouldn't miss what was familiar to me..........quite simply.........the UK countryside, my life long friends, and even, <howls of derision> British bacon and sausage, although Robinson's cordial never was a big pull for me (some may remember the news article) Riddled with doubts these last 12 months, I'm still in the place where I can't let it be about me. The boys here have a good home and life. Uni for one, a good job for the other, the likes of which he could never hope to have in the UK. I could argue that I can't afford to go back because my pension would be halved, but even with that considered, or not, it has to be about my kids. They love the UK and would move there in a shot, but I'm staying shtumm till they say it is that which they want. I don't want them to decide based on their considerations of my future happiness. Isn't that the awful position that I got us into in the first place? Decisions being based on what you think is best for others, and not yourself? Decisions, that although arrived at with the best of intentions, pay more consideration for others and less for self, which, short term, is admirable, but long term, can devastate familes which has so often been shown in this forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 Johndoe, you need to let it go. Put yourself first. Your ex, is an ex. Sure enough respect her, she played a part in your past. But, we all change, and time moves on. Your kids are older. Happy you, will encourage them back. You can not force. You be the best you can be, eventually they will seek you out. You list many reasons for why, what, wrong etc, but has not the time come to put yourself first. Don't feel gulilty, just let it go. Go to where you want, invite them back, whether they turn up or not. Eventually they will always seek out the good. I saw my sister recently, first time in many years. I am only 44 but I knew I did not want to see her again. Many reasons, not necessary. I have just grown stronger and more honest. We are going back to UK, and hope my mum, and mum in law will visit. But sometimes you need to cut the whatever applies to you "guilt, losses, disappointment" etc, and get on with it. Just we all only have one life, don't hold back for others. I am soooo excited to be going back to UK. No matter what sometimes this forum says. And yes, we have to acknowledge what others experience, fair enough, but why stand still and not seek out what you believe is right. I soo look forward to great education for my daughters, my hubby in a less demanding job, and me just experiencing beautiful countryside, sheep, "high teas",cold cosy weather with decent TV, better education for my children, back with our old friends etc. Put yourself first johndoe. Your kids will follow if all is right and meant to be. You'll be right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 The thing is, though, places change all the time . We rarely visit the UK now, probably never will again but I know that each time we went there it was very different from the previous time. Maybe because of being from the South where you get loads of immigrants and all the houses are changed and the old people gone away? Last time I went in 2002 it was truly a foreign country. Lovely old buildings, heaps of history but I couldn't really relate to the people in the same way. I had changed and so had those I met. Nothing is forever I guess, shifting sands and all that. So true! In my early years in Oz, I used to go home to see my parents every two years. I remember saving my money so I could go shopping, because the choice of clothing and quality leather shoes was so much better (and cheaper) in the UK. I also loved wandering round Boots and buying up all the gorgeous cosmetics and toiletries I couldn't get in Australia. However, each time I went back, there were fewer bargains to be had - until I realised that for the price I was paying in M&S, I could buy clothes and undies at David Jones! Boots also lost its charm, as the range of products available in Australia equalled and even (in some areas) surpassed what they had. It's only a minor thing but it's another illustration of how things can change quite dramatically so you should never assume "home" will still be the same if you return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Johndoe, you need to let it go. Put yourself first. Your ex, is an ex. Sure enough respect her, she played a part in your past. But, we all change, and time moves on. Your kids are older. Happy you, will encourage them back. You can not force. You be the best you can be, eventually they will seek you out. You list many reasons for why, what, wrong etc, but has not the time come to put yourself first. Don't feel gulilty, just let it go. Go to where you want, invite them back, whether they turn up or not. Eventually they will always seek out the good. I saw my sister recently, first time in many years. I am only 44 but I knew I did not want to see her again. Many reasons, not necessary. I have just grown stronger and more honest. We are going back to UK, and hope my mum, and mum in law will visit. But sometimes you need to cut the whatever applies to you "guilt, losses, disappointment" etc, and get on with it. Just we all only have one life, don't hold back for others. I am soooo excited to be going back to UK. No matter what sometimes this forum says. And yes, we have to acknowledge what others experience, fair enough, but why stand still and not seek out what you believe is right. I soo look forward to great education for my daughters, my hubby in a less demanding job, and me just experiencing beautiful countryside, sheep, "high teas",cold cosy weather with decent TV, better education for my children, back with our old friends etc. Put yourself first johndoe. Your kids will follow if all is right and meant to be. You'll be right. Thanks for your reply but my kids are with me and one most likely always will be as he isn't fully independent. TBH, I couldn't imagine a life without them. Being somewhere I would like to be revolves not really about where I am, but who I am with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Then bless you Johndoe, my opinion should not be important to you, but wow, you are amazing and selfless. Good will come to you. I have been on such a rollercoster this year, and you should be v proud of yourself. I just hope when the time is right, and only you can tell, you go chase what you want! you deserve it! I am am making peace with my mum, and my mom in law! long story. We might be going back to UK earlier by two years than expected. I am now seeking help, and hope to leave in peace from my mum, and my mother in law. They want us to look after them in England (not Australia) and respect our ways and our wishes, they are very welcome. To avoid paying international fees for our 14 year old (turning 15) we need to think. I have such good girls, but Australia is not home. NZ is or Englanad. Now my mum came and visit and tells me (before anyone else) kidney cancer. I have a plan. We are going back in August to care for my mum, see my dad, care for my mum in law. Then, they have an invitation to move or to visit us in England. Eventually it has to be about us. Please be nice with your responses, just have learnt, eventually put yourself or your family first. Let got of grudges (or go to counselling if can't) but issue out care to our elders. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 I read above and not sure made sense, so I'll try again. We are now seeking to return to England earlier than expected. To all out their who have posted about children, best time to return to UK for schooling, well, my year 10 year old, very mature, adapted and sane (maybe more than me) said, mum, we should go back to UK earlier. Keeping our costs down, letting me get to know the country, research universities in person, meeting friends, more important than here! Bless her. We should listen to our children. We are going back to NZ in August. Already decided. Spend one lovely night with the family at my mother in laws in Wellington. I want nice memory for my children. And my mum in law, and my mom. My mum has now told me she has kidney cancer. But we still aim to go back to England. My mum, once recovered, and mother in law welcome to visit or move by us. But for once we putting our "immediate family first". Just wondering of thoughts. or opinions. I have learnt always care for our parents, but find a fine line to put ourselves first. Forget your struggles, make peace, and move forward. life is precious. Invite in, but end of day, you create you own destiny!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 And interesting Marisa, because my memories of Boots or Marks and Spencers have far outdone any memories of here! I am glad you had those memories, each to their own. But for me it actually made me want England. I tried to explain to my two daughters tonight as we played card games (as we normally do) that back in England we use to go out to family pubs and have meals and conversation, or dinner parties. Just not the same here in Australia. I will always fight to put family time, walks, games, animals, over any time we seem to "settle for here in Australia"! Just my opinion, each to their own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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