Been here 6 months and the loneliness is setting it in Cairns...

[jumpingjellybean]

Well that's how CV is finding it. They're speaking from their own experience,which sounds different from yours.

 

All we can do on here is speak from OUR own experience yes.

 

Obviously CV had an Australian person or two brag, and that is what led to that comment.

 

But to say "Australians" sounds like it is a national pastime conducted by ALL Australians

 

And maybe it is..................although I have personally never heard any neighbours say this.

[Paul1Perth]

Thank you Bungo!

 

Getting our own place is definitely our goal. But with only one of us working we are trying to save up some money and then commit to our own place. I agree I think i am putting too much pressure on ourselves. I think i was a little naive that it would all be magical and everything would just fall in to place when we came.

We both had a large social group at home (mainly from working in a large shop for my husband and I worked in a large fast food restaurant) So we are used to being surrounded by people we know. I think staying positive will help as well! Thanks again x

 

Strangely enough I've never made many friends at places I've worked. I've got a couple where I work that I go for a pint with or to see bands but generally they don't have the same interests. I work in IT but am more into sport than you general IT and software guy. A lot of the younger guys think I'm nuts when I go out for a run or swim at lunchtimes.

 

We live quite far away from where I work too and 30Km out of Perth, so have a lot of friends around the same suburb with the same interests.

[jumpingjellybean]

To the OP,you've been offered some good suggestions from other posters, so I'd look into those.

 

I reckon I made some pretty good suggestions too!

 

Aussies love their sports - so join a sports club

Aussies love their pets - so join a animal group

Aussies love their children - so start popping them out (joke)

Aussies love their beer - so join a beer appreciation or brewing club

 

I met some very odd people in rural Victoria. And some of the small towns were very insular. So where you choose to live will also have a big impact on how and where you make friends. Then again I had loads of Aussie friends in the country too. Which is a shame because I prefer being alone.

[Gbye grey sky]

This is certainly not meant to be judgemental in any way and I suspect many will disagree but I believe it is hard to start forming friendships when you are less than content or feeling unsettled, even if you convince yourself you are disguising it you probably are not.

 

If you think about it, it is better to be in the company of someone who is cheerful and upbeat. So you can be inadvertantly putting people off. Long term friendships are also more easily established when both parties have an element of permanence. So if you are recently arrived, in temporary accommodation, unsettled and considering moving on and people know or suspect this then deeper friendships are less likely to develop.

 

If you are feeling unhappy then, sadly, people are more likely to give you a wide berth. I cannot believe that this is exclusive to Australia. I have never found it easy making friends but I know that is down to my attitude. Making friends not only requires effort it also requires the right sort of positive effort. Even more so when you have different shared backgrounds and interests. I am making an effort to look interested in fishing etc. Some will consider that this is 'selling out' in some way just to fit in. I see it more as good manners as I have entered their environment. I only talk about the UK when asked directly and am happy to change the subject if I sense that I have lost people's interest. To be honest I am not comfortable anyway talking about England with Australians anyway; I live here now.

[flag of convenience]

It is hard to form relationships full stop. Lets not beat around the bush. This is a very common theme to which there is no ready reply. I recall joining different class's and what have you during my early days back in Perth and it was hard going. The dynamics between men and women being different to where I had become used to and unforseen complications arose in that area.

Some of the guys were hardly dependable and in part probably my fault as got a bit bored with some of the early connections.

 

No I do not consider it easy then or now. Just a little different these days from the early years. Very easy to fall out as well.

[bristolman]

Sadly I agree. I am here with my dog, sure there are people who say hi but in 10 years no one has ever made me genuinely welcome.

 

Some people here will be quick to blame and critise you and for a long time I thought it was me, I now realise it's the way it is, outsiders are useful for the economy but don't expect to be allowed in.

 

Some people get lucky and happen to come into contact with people in a similar situation and circumstance and it might work out, but for the most part loneliness is the way it is.

 

Australians actually brag about not being neighbourly, they brag about not speaking to anyone living around them, or ever allowing a neighbour into their home,they are proud of it.

 

Going to 'stuff' is not the same as having real friends, just like Internet hugs are not real affection.

 

Please don't allow people here to put you down, many people are in the same situation. It's a hard thing to admit to not being wanted, admitting it attracts the usual critics and cliches so many people suffer in silence.

 

I'm not sure I agree about Aussies bragging about being unneighbourly, we haven't encountered that. What we did find was that they were mostly superficial and made the usual 'oh you must come round for a meal' type comments. Our last neighbours in Brisbane on one side were a family of godbotherers and were forever quoting the bible in conversation but they were pretty harmless.

[Guest]

To be honest I think the whole discussion about neighbours is largely irrelevant for a 20-something couple, I certainly don't remember neighbours being relevant at that age or to be honest now - I lived in a great neighbourhood in Perth, we'd have a drink or BBQ with different neighbours and the NYE parties were legendary I am still in touch with one neighbour although our connection was cemented by school not just living in the same street but whilst I considered them friendly, I didn't consider them friends.

 

And that's exactly the same in the village I live now, we had a community BBQ in the summer, we got plums and jam from one neighbour last week, another helped my OH de-moss the drive and there is a community Halloween party planned. I appreciate how lovely it is to get along with neighbours but do not think of them as friends. It's rather illogical to think just because you live close to someone you would be friends - of course by chance it sometimes happens.

 

In my 20's my friends were met at parties, gigs and at the pub, occasionally at work though I do prefer to keep my home life and work life separate and always have. My neighbours were a lovely couple in their 70s and a loutish couple in their 50s not people we would have ever been friends with, though we did spend time with our elderly neighbours reminiscing about Yorkshire and they were interesting to spend time with.

[jumpingjellybean]

I am speaking from my own perspective and experience here.

 

If you are feeling lonely or depressed, then Facebook is the very WORST place you can be.

 

I deleted my FB account because I was fed up with the constant inane, boring, mind-numbing and totally pointless never ending updates from friends. I had friends posting a picture of their cheese sandwich for lunch that got 50 likes, or friends commenting that they were having gammon and chips for dinner, and that unbelievably generated 100 likes. I found the whole thing bordering on narcissistic behaviour.

 

I also noticed that I felt depressed on there. I had 15 friends. Although I had to decline about 50 friend requests from people I didn’t actually know, who were friends of friends. The whole thing seems to be one big popularity contest of how many “friends” you can collect. One friend had 700 and another over 1000. And NO way do they actually know that many people, let alone be bosom pals with them.

 

I was actually very happy with my life until I joined FB. Then I made the mistake of comparing my life to “all the fun my friends seem to be having in the photos”.

 

But I came to my senses and realised that photos were just a moment frozen in time of “fun”. Actually properly communicating via person, phone or email with friends about the rest of their REAL everyday lives, and most of them were actually living a fairly monotonous existence on a daily basis.

 

Working in jobs they hated, living in areas they didn’t like, being married to people they had fallen out of love with, having huge stinking mortgages they were struggling with and so on. So FB seems to be fantasy based rather than reality based.

 

I have been a LOT happier since I first started to avoid FB, and I have been much more settled since deleting it entirely.

 

I am not suggesting other people do this avoidance or deleting. But I do suggest that if you are currently feeling sad or lonely, then FB is NOT the best place for you, as it will probably make you feel a lot worse as you compare your current situation to others.

Better to avoid FB friends and get out into the community and work on making some new friends.

 

My colleague at work was aghast when I said I had cancelled FB. Her response was “But EVERYONE is on FB” and implied I was odd for not being on there.

 

The whole thing is a very tribal mentality I reckon.

 

I am not alone in this. Psychologists have reported starting to treat people who are also feeling inadequate or depressed as they compare their lives to others on FB.

[ramot]

I don't actually want to be friends with my neighbours, friendly yes but not friends.

We gladly help each other out, our immediate neighbour sadly started having falls and his wife knew that she could call, and did, at any time day or night for help. We have a Christmas get together, everyone brings a plate and we set tables up outside, have a great time, but leave it at that.

Suits me fine.

[JockinTas]

I don't actually want to be friends with my neighbours, friendly yes but not friends.

We gladly help each other out, our immediate neighbour sadly started having falls and his wife knew that she could call, and did, at any time day or night for help. We have a Christmas get together, everyone brings a plate and we set tables up outside, have a great time, but leave it at that.

Suits me fine.

 

I have really nice neighbours but we aren't in and out of each others houses all the time. I couldn't stand that.

[Keith and Linda]

I have really nice neighbours but we aren't in and out of each others houses all the time. I couldn't stand that.

 

Yep, they couldn't too! so I hear:wink:

[Zack]

We have been here 29 years and have no friends just Acquaintances, all our pommy friends have gone back home.We are heading home as well.We live in Tin Can Bay,Queensland .Our Daughter used to live in Cairns lasted 1 year there. Reading all the Blogs on Here, It seems the other states are more friendly than Queensland, as when I've said anything about the anti pommy attitudes we found in Queensland, other people from different states say they have never had any anti pom attitude. At All. As far as age, Australia is a young country that shouldn't be the problem. I remember applying for a job in Queensland when I was 45,and was told as was over the hill. Read The Tips on Here .How to Get on In Australia.First tip DO NOT COMPARE ,Two. SAY Everything in Australia is better than in the UK. Hope u Cope With The Heat And Humidity in The Summer and Good Luck.

[JockinTas]

Glad you have made the decision to move back to the UK Zack. Hope you find peace and contentment there :smile:

[Guest]

Already an Aussie has started a conversation with me out and about, Not put off by my pommie accent either. Maybe Brisbane doesn't count as proper Queensland...

[ramot]

Already an Aussie has started a conversation with me out and about, Not put off by my pommie accent either. Maybe Brisbane doesn't count as proper Queensland...

 

Luckily Sunshine Coast doesn't count either!

 

Zack I hope you find happiness when you move back to UK.

[Gbye grey sky]

Hope the return works out for you this time Zack. Keep a positive attitude and hopefully all will be good. When do you leave?

[jumpingjellybean]

It seems the other states are more friendly than Queensland

 

It is well-known that Queenslanders dislike practically everybody.

 

And from my own experience I would say that is true.

 

I found a lot of Queenslander men to be racist and sexist, and the women to be racist and very accepting of the sexism. Of course there are some nice friendly people there, as you cannot generalize like this. But I am just speaking from my own experiences of spending six months traveling with a true-blue Queenslander and meeting his family and friends.

 

I love QLD to visit, but have avoided moving there thus far because of this prevailing attitude.

 

You should be OK in tourist areas and Brisbane. But somewhere like Tully or Mt Isa; well they are pretty insular areas.

 

May have improved but it was pretty bad and full-on back in the 1970's - 1990's.

 

They dislike: Aboriginals, Asians, Travelers, Backpackers, Poms, New Zealanders, and also other Australians from NT, WA, VIC, TAS, ACT, SA and NSW. For some reason particularly those from VIC and NSW.

 

Basically anyone who is not a true-blue Queenslander (white) born and bred

[Paul1Perth]

We have been here 29 years and have no friends just Acquaintances, all our pommy friends have gone back home.We are heading home as well.We live in Tin Can Bay,Queensland .Our Daughter used to live in Cairns lasted 1 year there. Reading all the Blogs on Here, It seems the other states are more friendly than Queensland, as when I've said anything about the anti pommy attitudes we found in Queensland, other people from different states say they have never had any anti pom attitude. At All. As far as age, Australia is a young country that shouldn't be the problem. I remember applying for a job in Queensland when I was 45,and was told as was over the hill. Read The Tips on Here .How to Get on In Australia.First tip DO NOT COMPARE ,Two. SAY Everything in Australia is better than in the UK. Hope u Cope With The Heat And Humidity in The Summer and Good Luck.

 

I think you should be saying Tin Can Bay and maybe Cairns have a bit of an anti pommy attitude. I don't think you can comment for the whole of Queensland. If you lived in Brisbane, Gold Coast, somewhere bigger on the sunshine Coast you might be fine. We have some of our best friends from here move to Moolloolaba, their son was my eldests best mate and they love it there. They are poms and I've never heard them mention anything bad about anyones attitude. We've been over there a few times on holiday and I've worked in Brisbane a lot. Not noticed any difference to my accent to the responses I get in Perth.

[flag of convenience]

It is well-known that Queenslanders dislike practically everybody.

 

And from my own experience I would say that is true.

 

I found a lot of Queenslander men to be racist and sexist, and the women to be racist and very accepting of the sexism. Of course there are some nice friendly people there, as you cannot generalize like this. But I am just speaking from my own experiences of spending six months traveling with a true-blue Queenslander and meeting his family and friends.

 

I love QLD to visit, but have avoided moving there thus far because of this prevailing attitude.

 

You should be OK in tourist areas and Brisbane. But somewhere like Tully or Mt Isa; well they are pretty insular areas.

 

May have improved but it was pretty bad and full-on back in the 1970's - 1990's.

 

They dislike: Aboriginals, Asians, Travelers, Backpackers, Poms, New Zealanders, and also other Australians from NT, WA, VIC, TAS, ACT, SA and NSW. For some reason particularly those from VIC and NSW.

 

Basically anyone who is not a true-blue Queenslander (white) born and bred

 

A bit harsh perhaps but point not entirely lost. Cairns wasn't too bad when I lived there but there was certainly 'issues' between Back packers mostly UK and certain locals at night spots. To be fair though it wasn't always clear exactly who was to blame for it kicking off. Probably about even from memory. And I am going back to 97.

 

I certainly found an atmosphere of hostility in a few of the out back towns we travelled and stayed on occasions a night or two in. Mt Isa was one of them. Do they hate everyone? No idea. But remember the Far North does equate to Australia's Mississippi in many ways including some of the attitudes so may well be.

 

I was considering a move back there until very recently to FNQ. While not ruling it out entirely it does look less likely.

[MARYROSE02]

A bit harsh perhaps but point not entirely lost. Cairns wasn't too bad when I lived there but there was certainly 'issues' between Back packers mostly UK and certain locals at night spots. To be fair though it wasn't always clear exactly who was to blame for it kicking off. Probably about even from memory. And I am going back to 97.

 

I certainly found an atmosphere of hostility in a few of the out back towns we travelled and stayed on occasions a night or two in. Mt Isa was one of them. Do they hate everyone? No idea. But remember the Far North does equate to Australia's Mississippi in many ways including some of the attitudes so may well be.

 

I was considering a move back there until very recently to FNQ. While not ruling it out entirely it does look less likely.

 

My experience of Queensland is limited to the coastal region between Coolangatta and Gympie and as far west into the Outback as Cunnumulla - I stayed in Cunnumulla, St George (loved it there), Dalby and Gympie - and I have to say I never encountered any hostility from Queenslanders either because I'm a Pommie or because I'm from NSW.

 

I find it hard imagine that Mt Isa is any different to Broken Hill or Lightning Ridge, both of which I also stayed in and loved. They are Outback towns, or cities, hundreds of miles from their state capitals. Come to that, I also stayed in Wilcannia, Walgett, Bourke and Cobar, in NSW, and Port Pirie and Peterborough in SA, all the same in terms of friendliness. In many of those towns I stayed in pubs rather than motels which meant walking into a heaving, noisy public bar and, somewhat nervously, asking one of the staff if they have rooms? Never had a problem, not one. Never once had the experience I, thought would be commonplace before I came to OZ, of the room falling silent as the hulking shearers and truckies all turn to heap abuse on the unwelcome Pommie.

 

As I said, I loved St George, staying there in the Cobb & Co hotel with a room opening out onto the balcony. The only other occupant was the hotel chef who told me he moved around the country staying for a few months then moving on. Another member of the hotel staff was a young Pommie guy who'd married a local girl.

 

Based upon my experiences in WA, VIC, SA, NSW and southern Queensland, why should I expect it to be any different in northern Queensland? I can remember speaking to a young Pommie on a WHV in a cafe in Bondi Jn who told me she worked a few months in a roadhouse in Queensland somewhere out in the bush. They loved her so much they wanted to sponsor her to stay in OZ. And another Pommie girl on a WHV I know is in Darwin working and enjoying her life in OZ as much as anywhere else.

[akiralx]

Based upon my experiences in WA, VIC, SA, NSW and southern Queensland, why should I expect it to be any different in northern Queensland? I can remember speaking to a young Pommie on a WHV in a cafe in Bondi Jn who told me she worked a few months in a roadhouse in Queensland somewhere out in the bush. They loved her so much they wanted to sponsor her to stay in OZ. And another Pommie girl on a WHV I know is in Darwin working and enjoying her life in OZ as much as anywhere else.

 

FNQ does have a uniquely isolationist bent, fuelled by some of its residents' desire to secede and become Capricornia. It is far distant even from the state capital let alone the rest of the country.

 

You only have to look at its Federal MP Bob Katter, and his assertion about minorities to see the mindset of many up there. I see his latest effort is to demand relaxation of the country's gun laws to allow more dangerous weapons, on the grounds that his rural constituents need such firearms, and that the southern 'townies' can't appreciate what life is like up there (some element of truth I suppose). His efforts were a tad undermined by the revelation that his son-in-law was the sole importer of the shotgun concerned...

[flag of convenience]

My experience of Queensland is limited to the coastal region between Coolangatta and Gympie and as far west into the Outback as Cunnumulla - I stayed in Cunnumulla, St George (loved it there), Dalby and Gympie - and I have to say I never encountered any hostility from Queenslanders either because I'm a Pommie or because I'm from NSW.

 

I find it hard imagine that Mt Isa is any different to Broken Hill or Lightning Ridge, both of which I also stayed in and loved. They are Outback towns, or cities, hundreds of miles from their state capitals. Come to that, I also stayed in Wilcannia, Walgett, Bourke and Cobar, in NSW, and Port Pirie and Peterborough in SA, all the same in terms of friendliness. In many of those towns I stayed in pubs rather than motels which meant walking into a heaving, noisy public bar and, somewhat nervously, asking one of the staff if they have rooms? Never had a problem, not one. Never once had the experience I, thought would be commonplace before I came to OZ, of the room falling silent as the hulking shearers and truckies all turn to heap abuse on the unwelcome Pommie.

 

As I said, I loved St George, staying there in the Cobb & Co hotel with a room opening out onto the balcony. The only other occupant was the hotel chef who told me he moved around the country staying for a few months then moving on. Another member of the hotel staff was a young Pommie guy who'd married a local girl.

 

Based upon my experiences in WA, VIC, SA, NSW and southern Queensland, why should I expect it to be any different in northern Queensland? I can remember speaking to a young Pommie on a WHV in a cafe in Bondi Jn who told me she worked a few months in a roadhouse in Queensland somewhere out in the bush. They loved her so much they wanted to sponsor her to stay in OZ. And another Pommie girl on a WHV I know is in Darwin working and enjoying her life in OZ as much as anywhere else.

 

Well we are all different and likely experience it differently. Having spent part of my youth in small town Australia, I can certainly vouch for a rather aggressive atmosphere, especially after a few amber nectars.

 

My experience in outback QLD may have differed due to several reasons or it may have had minimal effect, who am I to say and can only say how we found it. The Mt Isa incident came within a night club setting concerning local girls and local dudes. I was travelling with two French and a Canadian and all French speaking. I suspect the European style of' courtship' for want of another word, set the ball rolling to the aggressive attitudes that followed but never the less. Difference being not appreciated in those places.

 

We picked up two French girls who had escaped from a truck driver at a roadhouse. One had been bashed and had a black eye after rejecting his advances. They had worked at a meat processing place before in Rockhampton, and found attitudes simply awful. One used the word 'brutal' to describe her experience of the land to that particular date.

 

I could give more accounts of unfriendliness in certain instances but of course not on all occasions. The attitudes of some of the farmers towards Backpackers was something else as well. No wonder why locals don't chose to work their property if behaviour witnessed or heard about was in any sense regarded as normal.

 

You do meet a lot of different sort of folk besides international backpackers, moving around the country with different stories which were interesting to listen to. Some completely 'troppo' but never the less.

 

Met loads of Backpackers in Darwin. Most did enjoy their time in that place. Not forgetting loads of places, at least in those times, catered very well to that market. It was a scene within a scene as well as in Cairns. I met English fellows that arrived in Cairns pretty much, and never left. They preferred to spend their WHV getting wasted every night and notching up as many female back packers as possible. Takes all kinds.