LadyCroft Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I know I am not on here very often any more but I am looking for some help and advice. My Dad is in his 80's and has always been very fit and healthy. He broke his arm a few years back and apart from that he was always years younger than his actual age. Very independent, loved being out and about, always helping everyone and never a minute to himself. Well, time catches us with everyone I guess and he has been very ill with various infections etc that have turned out to be due to cancer that they seemed to have misdiagnosed. He is very ill but it is unclear if it is short or long term. Everyone is telling me I don't need to head back over just now even though the first thing you want to do is jump on the plane and go home. The stone cold reality of it all is that I can not afford to go back just now as we only arrived a year ago and it would be too expensive to go for a visit and then have to go back again in the near future if he gets worse. It makes me feel sick to say that. Who wouldn't be able to go and visit their sick parent??? I feel so bad. It is reality though. Sorry if this is disjointed but I am really stressing at the moment. I feel very guilty for leaving him now. Apparently it's the case where at the ripe old age he is, he could live on for years even with cancer but he is very weak and not looking after himself properly as he has become depressed because of the diagnosis. I have lots of family members close to him who are always visiting him and trying their best to help him. I think there is a feeling of resentment towards me because I seem to be over here hiding away from it all while they are in the midst of everything and have no break from it all. I feel terrible. My poor Dad. I just feel sick and worried and guilty. I wish none of this was happening. It was hard enough to leave him in the first place as he was sure he was never going to see us again but I was saying we would be back for a holiday in a few years as soon as we get ourselves back on our feet and settled here. Again from the logical and sombre side of things, our visas have expired and we already needed a RRV (we got for 3 months) to validate our baby's visa when it was granted after we arrived in Australia. How easy is it to get a further RRV under my circumstances? I don't know when I should apply for one as I have no idea when I might need to use it - will need to use it. I just can't believe this is happening. Thanks for reading to anyone who has any words of advice. I know some people back home have been saying that it doesn't mean it's the end for him and all that but my close family seem to be a bit more pessimistic about everything so I am not sure if they know more than they are letting on but they do say there is no point in coming back just yet as there is nothing I could do just now and I should wait until they know more about the situationl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pommy girl 21 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 We applied for a rrv in August 2013 when we'd only been here a year because we left it so long after getting our visa to make the move. They made us jump through hoops! They finally granted it because I own a business and employ staff but it took about 4 weeks. I totally understand your dilemma, my mother in law fell ill Christmas 2013 and in early January 2014, we got the call to say she had hours to live, I talked hubby into going back and said ... You have to at least try to get there so we booked a one way ticket. He got there in time but took his suit preparing for the worse. After sitting at his mums bedside for 3 weeks, she improved and was moved to a nursing home so he came back to Australia. 1 week later .. We got the call to say she'd passed away so we both flew back for the funeral. Financially, it crippled us, 3 weeks off work, last minute flights etc. If we had to do it all again ... I'd do exactly the same thing. Whatever you decide, good luck. Speak to immigration about a RRV just in case and see what they say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxlornaxx Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I would def try to get back..sounds like it would mean alot to your dad n also make u feel better..just what I would do..everything else would come second Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Without doubt. Return. Don't live to regret something that can never be rectified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 You must go. Do NOT listen to what they say- I have very, very bad experiences with this sort of thing which I won't go into ( it still makes me quite upset) but , really, you have to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Yep I wm another that says you must go back. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you do not. Put the fare on a credit card, beg or borrow, but find it. In years from now, the strain on money will be forgotten, your dad, never. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCroft Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Thanks for replying. Yes, I know you're right. I am going to go back. I think maybe its still the bad news making my brain foggy and I don't really want to face up to it all. I hope it didn't sound like I wasn't planning on going back to see him. I guess I wanted to see what those of you have been through this did. So thanks. I see now that I'll just have to get my act together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Yep, I'm with everyone else on this one and like Bungo says, in time you overcome the money worry. Though not a financial worry for us now, when we arrived in 1999 it would have been, but we maintained that should anything like that happen, then whatever the cost we would go back either individually or as a couple and not let the financial side of things worry us at all as it would mean having two worries not the one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Sorry Ladycroft I know nothing about rrvs, but was in a same situation about a year ago. got a message saying my dad had been taken to hospital, I wasnt too worried, he was only 65, fit as a fiddle.. fast forward a week and I got told it was terminal cancer and he had 6 weeks to live. like you I had no money, just put all that I had saved as a deposit towards a house. Thankfully I could borrow it off my daughter. got the first a available flight I could....so glad I did, cos he only lasted one week, and I only had 1 day with him while he was able to communicate. horrible horrible...I still forget he isn't here, then remembering is like being shot. Im gong back in may to scatter his ashes. its truely awful to have to do it.....my heart goes out to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I think if you can only do one it is better to see someone when they are still alive than go back for a funeral after they have died. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 (((Hugs))) Being firmly in the "people first" camp I'd be going back for as long as it takes (which is what I've done) but I'm an only child and there aren't too many options. If you have siblings then I guess you have breathing space because someone else is doing the hard yards and doing the caring. My parents always said not to bother going back for their funerals (though of course I would have!), neither did they expect us to give up our lives to care for them (but of course we have!) but it all boils down to whether you can live with yourself if you don't. It's a very hard decision to have to make but it's what happens when you move to the other side of the world unfortunately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I know I am not on here very often any more but I am looking for some help and advice.My Dad is in his 80's and has always been very fit and healthy. He broke his arm a few years back and apart from that he was always years younger than his actual age. Very independent, loved being out and about, always helping everyone and never a minute to himself. ...The stone cold reality of it all is that I can not afford to go back just now as we only arrived a year ago and it would be too expensive to go for a visit and then have to go back again in the near future if he gets worse. I was in exactly that situation with my Mum - it wasn't even a full year, just a few months. My sisters all told me not to come back. She passed away. I can't tell you how often I wish I could go back and rethink that decision. Not only did I miss seeing my Mum for the last time, it's made a big difference to my relationship with my sisters. We were never that close, but the three of them forged a bond when my Mum died - they were there with her, and I wasn't. It's hard to explain, but I'm now definitely on the outer, the odd one out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Roberto Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I would agree with everyone else. Go back home and see him ASAP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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