Making friends in OZ is as easy as saying 'let's go for a coffee' (or a beer!)

[MARYROSE02]

One of the many things that irritate me about the endless 'us versus them' arguments, is when people say 'you can't make friends with Aussies. They're different. They are insular, unfriendly.' etc. etc.

 

On Wednesday night I was in the 'Strawbo' for the weekly quiz night, standing at the bar on my own, and a guy near me heard a question and said something to me. I said 'why don't you do the quiz with me?' He was in Sydney on a business trip for a couple of nights from Perth.

 

We did the quiz together, then arranged to see each othe again on Thursday night, when I took him to a couple more pubs in Surry Hills, 'Shakespeare' and 'Trinity' and we had dinner in the second pub. I saw my neighbours there and introduced them to him. He also showed me phots of his sons. He said he'll be back in Sydney next year for AFL games, and we'll probably meet up again for a beer. (He was suitably amazed at the cheap Sydney prices for pub meals. '$12.50 menu!? It would be $20 in Perth!)

 

Earlier on Thursday, I was at the doctors, and got talking to some people in the waiting room. When I went to the cafe nearby - 'Kurtosh' - they were sitting there on the pavement and I got talking to them. 'Join us' they said. I gave them my phone number, and will meet up again for coffee some time.

 

In the space of 48 hours, I made three new friends. Easy as! (As long as you smile and don't be a 'Grinch!')

 

I'm sure I could do the same thing in England

[Guest]

You certainly can get some good lunch deals in Sydney. I've noticed Brisbane seems to be following suit lately which is good news!

 

Yeah Aussies are no more or less friendly than Brits I find.

[Freckleface]

I think those who claim Aussies are unfriendly or hard to get along with are simply projecting their own inadequacies onto others.

 

Friendly people attract friends - unfriendly ones (and those with their heads up their own bums) repel them.

[Parley]

Good on you Dave for having the courage or whatever to make the first move.

That is all it takes isn't it.

 

It is probably not natural for me to strike up a chat or a friendship with someone standing on their own, but when I do do it you almost always get a friendly response.

[Guest Guest66881]

Every Time i have spoken with an Aussie i always, always gotten the same ending comment from them, 'no worries' and i love that.

[MARYROSE02]

I've just come back from the cafe outside my unit where I was joking with the staff - one 'Aussie', one 'Pole,' one 'Italian.' They know my names and I know theirs. An Indian mynah bird hopped into the cafe and one of them shooed it back out again. I got a good, if blurred, photo - actually added to the photo, if I say so myself. I was telling the Italian lady to get the train to Cronulla and she'd go through Como, which is named after Lake Como. (I Googled 'Como' and was interested to find out that the pub there was built by German rail workers in the 1880's and was actually a club for them. It burnt down in 1996 and was extensively re-built. I never knew that!)

 

I'm sure it's like somebody said above; if you project friendly image, people warm to you.

[MARYROSE02]

Every Time i have spoken with an Aussie i always, always gotten the same ending comment from them, 'no worries' and i love that.

 

I was joking with the young Italian girl in the cafe (Juice and Java) by my door the other day. She brought me my coffee, and I said 'thanks', and she replied 'No Worries,' and I said, 'Hey! You've only been here a few weeks and already you are an Aussie!'

 

Come to think of it, I was in another cafe yesterday arvo, in Crown St, new one 'The French Touch Creperie' and the lady who served us, from France, also said 'No Worries' and I said the same thing to her.

 

The other thing I was thinking about was about people saying things like 'The Aussies are all insular, never want to move out of their suburb.' Well the reason, it seems that way is that we have all moved 10,000 miles to a strange country and we are all in 'exploration mode', just as Aussies are when they come to the UK. But here, they are just 'locals', just like 'us' in our English villages and towns. You know, you have your own local pub, and that is where you go, because that is where your friends are. You might go to the next village once in a while but why put up with the hassle of driving, and worrying about RBT, when you can walk to your local? If I went back to my old village, it meant leaving at 1010 for the last bus, or an expensive taxi ride. But in my new village, I had a two minute walk to the pub.

 

When I first came to Sydney, with my brothers, we used to roam all over the city, and also lived in various parts of the city. We'd go for nights out in Avalon, Manly, Castle Hill, Parramatta, Cronulla. But now, we live in our own suburbs. I mostly stay in Surry Hills where my friends are. I don't even want to go to Newtown or Paddington.

[shak]

Im a quite a friendly person,but im also very timid,and I have a little voice,so when I come across a friendly aussie either they dont hear me lol or I come across as too shy

[Lindor]

I can strike up a conversation with someone in the UK and Australia.

[jimmyay1]

I've been here 2 years and not made any friends yet, and no social life here other than with partner. I get on with folk at work but we don't socialise outside. I find Aussies friendly on the whole. I guess I just haven't really made the effort properly. Other things have taken priority over the last couple of years, buying house, moving , getting established and secure in job. Perhaps a New Years resolution for 2015, get a proper work life balance and some friends. i have/ had a close and long established friendship group built over a lifetime in the uk. it's lonely sometimes without that support here, though I've learnt to manage. But I also need to make an effort .

[MARYROSE02]

Im a quite a friendly person,but im also very timid,and I have a little voice,so when I come across a friendly aussie either they dont hear me lol or I come across as too shy

 

I'm both timid and shy myself, and I have had to push myself to talk to people. Which part of Sydney do you live?

[MARYROSE02]

I've been here 2 years and not made any friends yet, and no social life here other than with partner. I get on with folk at work but we don't socialise outside. I find Aussies friendly on the whole. I guess I just haven't really made the effort properly. Other things have taken priority over the last couple of years, buying house, moving , getting established and secure in job. Perhaps a New Years resolution for 2015, get a proper work life balance and some friends. i have/ had a close and long established friendship group built over a lifetime in the uk. it's lonely sometimes without that support here, though I've learnt to manage. But I also need to make an effort .

 

That's a pretty good resolution for the New Year. I keep saying I'm going to try to do some voluntary work, maybe just visiting someone lonely in a nursing home.

[Quoll]

There's friends and then there's "friends" I think. I had plenty of Aussie acquaintances but very few "friends". There's certainly no need to be lonely but whether you can really click with someone to lurch into the "friend" realm is altogether another matter. And I guess "friend" means different things to different people - some are quite happy with casual friendships, others seek something deeper and more connected.

[Parley]

There's friends and then there's "friends" I think. I had plenty of Aussie acquaintances but very few "friends". There's certainly no need to be lonely but whether you can really click with someone to lurch into the "friend" realm is altogether another matter. And I guess "friend" means different things to different people - some are quite happy with casual friendships, others seek something deeper and more connected.

 

Can you see the racism in these types of statements ?

[Jacaranda]

Actually MR2 as I was reading your posts I kept wondering why you were mentioning the nationalities of people,when its not important.

[Guest]

One of the many things that irritate me about the endless 'us versus them' arguments, is when people say 'you can't make friends with Aussies. They're different. They are insular, unfriendly.' etc. etc.

 

On Wednesday night I was in the 'Strawbo' for the weekly quiz night, standing at the bar on my own, and a guy near me heard a question and said something to me. I said 'why don't you do the quiz with me?' He was in Sydney on a business trip for a couple of nights from Perth.

 

We did the quiz together, then arranged to see each othe again on Thursday night, when I took him to a couple more pubs in Surry Hills, 'Shakespeare' and 'Trinity' and we had dinner in the second pub. I saw my neighbours there and introduced them to him. He also showed me phots of his sons. He said he'll be back in Sydney next year for AFL games, and we'll probably meet up again for a beer. (He was suitably amazed at the cheap Sydney prices for pub meals. '$12.50 menu!? It would be $20 in Perth!)

 

Earlier on Thursday, I was at the doctors, and got talking to some people in the waiting room. When I went to the cafe nearby - 'Kurtosh' - they were sitting there on the pavement and I got talking to them. 'Join us' they said. I gave them my phone number, and will meet up again for coffee some time.

 

In the space of 48 hours, I made three new friends. Easy as! (As long as you smile and don't be a 'Grinch!')

 

I'm sure I could do the same thing in England

 

I reckon you've been in Australia too long if you consider you've made three new friends - I remember when I resigned my manager, struggling to understand my decision asking 'do you have friends', when i said no, he asked about other families at my sons school and I said, oh we have people we go camping with, or to BBQ's or dinner and he looked completely confused and said 'well you have friends then'….I remember talking to my husband afterwards and for us it summed up the difference in attitude to friends.

 

Knowing people, socialising with people isn't having friends - in fact my social life in Australia was probably better than it's been since I was in my 20s in the UK and yet I had never not had friends before. I can only conclude it's a cultural difference as I am nomadic by nature and everywhere else I have lived within a fairly short period of time had a few people I would call friends and friendships that have endured. My mum periodically asks me if I have heard from anyone in Australia - I feel quite embarrassed saying no beyond Facebook.

 

Friendship was a big factor in our decision to return and we didn't even plan to move back to the same place in the UK but it wasn't coming back for specific people I was coming back for a type of people. As it happens we temporarily moved back into a house we had rented out and were so warmly welcomed back by the friends here (that we'd known for less time than we'd been away!) that we decided to stay put.

 

To say there are cultural differences is not being racist - surely the cultural differences are why people migrate in the first place? Not all those differences are 'better' though. You probably can adapt, and at risk of being accused of being sexist men tend to be happier with friendships that are about going for a beer and taking the piss out of each others football team and I think that it is often women that find it harder to find what they consider friends in Australia.

[Parley]

You have to be open to friendship and it doesn't sound like you really are.

[Quoll]

Can you see the racism in these types of statements ?

Um, no.

I daresay my "friend" profile may have been different if I had made connections during more angst ridden periods of my life but I didnt go to school in Aus (still have some school friends) or do my first degree in Aus (still have Uni friends) - had I done so there may have been differences. As it was, the best "friends" I have found in Aus have been long term expats like myself and, coincidentally we mainly clicked while working on Disasters (which is pretty angst ridden). I didn't mention race at all!

[Parley]

Quoll it is implication you and others make that Aussies can only ever be mere acquaintances whereas Brits will be true friends.

 

Aussies will be only friends while Brits will be "friends" , whatever that is supposed to mean.

 

Racist hogwash.

[starlight7]

Personally I prefer lots of casual friends that I can go out with, have a chat with, even go on hols with. I don't want really deep relationships- that is just for family members. Guess we're all different.

[Guest]

You have to be open to friendship and it doesn't sound like you really are.

 

On what basis have you concluded that?

 

The fact I went camping several times a year with other families?

 

Or went to BBQ's/dinners and every other social event I was invited to? (And hosted the same)

 

Or maybe because I have good friends in each of the 6 towns in the UK I lived in, almost all of which I have kept in touch with - had 30 people from all over the UK at a party for my Silver Wedding in July

 

Oh silly me I didn't mention that I haver made two new good friends in the 18 months since I returned to the UK.

 

No seriously what makes you think I wasn't open to friendship in Australia?

[Parley]

Exactly.

The fact that you did all those things in Australia but refused to consider those people friends.

The ones you went camping with etc and had bbqs and dinners with.

 

And magically you have made wonderful new friends in the UK.

 

The difference must be your attitude.

[Peach]

 

I reckon you've been in Australia too long if you consider you've made three new friends

What makes you more of an authority than MR2? Such a pompous statement if you ask me.

[MARYROSE02]

What makes you more of an authority than MR2? Such a pompous statement if you ask me.

 

I'm not THE 'authority' on making friends in Australia! (Or the UK for that matter.) I would say, however, that if you can make friends in the UK, you can make friends in Australia, or vice versa. There are so many Pommies in OZ, that you could choose just to make friends with them, which presumably, is exactly the same as making friends with Pommies in the UK, unless we all change when we come to OZ?! Then again, if you only mix with Pommies in OZ, you may as well just go to Spain and live in one of the 'Costa Colonies!'

 

Personally, I don't distinguish between Pommies, Aussies, or any other nationality when I making friends, and their nationalities currently comprise, Pommies, Aussies, Irish (North and South) Serbian, Chinese, Thai, Argentine, Mexico, Croatian, Greek, Italian, etc, etc.

[Quinkla]

These are all semantic arguments based on different people having different definitions of "friend" and "friendship". There is no point trying to persuade anyone, but it might offer sone insight into different people's perspectives and why some people find the social scene in their location satisfying or unsatisfying. Nobody is right or wrong, they just have different preferences.

 

Me: I would like three close friends I could share everything with than a hundred people I could talk to at parties. But I have known people in both Australia and the UK who would think the opposite.

 

I do think, though, that it is harder to make intimate friendships with Australians than in some places I have lived. But I remember both Belfast and London as being pretty tough.