For those thinking of moving back to the UK

[Perthbum]

Thank you for this topic

 

We moved back to the Netherlands 2.5 months ago. It felt like a mistake after a bloody week and it still does. I hate not being able to analyse myself!

 

When we left I thought: out lives in Holland are good, but we think we can have a better lifestyle down under. We love summer, hate 4 seasons, love nature, space and a challenge.

 

When we were in the airplane I was depressed already! Finally feeling I said goodbye (farewell?) to friends and family. Felt bad the first six months. Every day I was questioning where I wanted to be. After 6 months I decided to go back home, but not when. The six months after that were great. I had peace in my mind and enjoyed Australia.

 

then we went on holiday and saw friends again. When we left it wasn't easy, but not so hard as the first time. However my company went down the drain (bad partner) which made me feel depressed again. I wanted to go back to the Netherlands again: finally family and friends around me, easier when we are having a baby with our extended family and better work opportunities.

 

and as soon as we landed I feel bad again. But different than when we landed in Oz. I don't have a lot of doubt where we should be. I want to go back!! I feel miserable here. The weather sucks, it is cold, raining and windy. It's boring (for our lifestyle) and family is driving us nuts. There are two (maybe three) things that keep me from moving: finance wise I have a massive opportunity in the Netherlands, but that might take 2-3 years to deploy. My girlfriend didn't want to leave Oz, but can't leave her friends and family behind now and. I don't want to get frikking homesick again...

 

if it wasn't for the finances I would go back in a heartbeat. Now we'll probably make a decission the end of the year. But I hate waiting so long! I can't talk to my girlfriend about it as she wants me to try it here fiest. But I just feel so miserable

That's life...what made you dislike oz that you had to return.

[FOL]

That's life...what made you dislike oz that you had to return.

 

I thought I knew, but maybe I don't... I thought it was that I missed family and friends. In retrospect it was probably also that I couldn't work with my business partner any more (yep work has a big influence on my life).

 

But I find it hard to determine id those are the reeeeal reasons. I am pretty sure, but how can I know for sure?

 

I did notice by coming back that I loved Oz more than I thought and although we have good friends in the Netherlands, we also made some friends in Oz. And our daily lives are less great then back in Oz (partly because of the opportunities Oz provided). That is by no means a generic comment that Oz provides a better lifestyle, it just does for us.

[Guest]

Thank you for this topic

 

We moved back to the Netherlands 2.5 months ago. It felt like a mistake after a bloody week and it still does. I hate not being able to analyse myself!

 

When we left I thought:ere. The weout lives in Holland are good, but we think we can have a better lifestyle down under. We love summer, hate 4 seasons, love nature, space and a challenge.

 

When we were in the airplane I was depressed already! Finally feeling I said goodbye (farewell?) to friends and family. Felt bad the first six months. Every day I was questioning where I wanted to be. After 6 months I decided to go back home, but not when. The six months after that were great. I had peace in my mind and enjoyed Australia.

 

then we went on holiday and saw friends again. When we left it wasn't easy, but not so hard as the first time. However my company went down the drain (bad partner) which made me feel depressed again. I wanted to go back to the Netherlands again: finally family and friends around me, easier when we are having a baby with our extended family and better work opportunities.

 

and as soon as we landed I feel bad again. But different than when we landed in Oz. I don't have a lot of doubt where we should be. I want to go back!! I feel miserable hather sucks, it is cold, raining and windy. It's boring (for our lifestyle) and family is driving us nuts. There are two (maybe three) things that keep me from moving: finance wise I have a massive opportunity in the Netherlands, but that might take 2-3 years to deploy. My girlfriend didn't want to leave Oz, but can't leave her friends and family behind now and. I don't want to get frikking homesick again...

 

if it wasn't for the finances I would go back in a heartbeat. Now we'll probably make a decission the end of the year. But I hate waiting so long! I can't talk to my girlfriend about it as she wants me to try it here fiest. But I just feel so miserable

 

If in doubt do nowt as they say where I come from which means if you are unsure don't do anything.

 

In the end I believe it is about country and culture and not about friends/family/work etc. - sure those things make a difference but they are the icing on the cake. It sounds like you went home for the icing and have now realised that. It also sounds like, having made one mistake you are paralysed with fear of making another.

 

People often advise making 'pros and cons' lists - I suggest a different approach which is less prone to 'getting the answer you want' - make a list of what is important to you, mine would have things like - short commuting times, professional development opportunities, affordability of a 4-bed house, being able to cycle/walk in pleasant surroundings without having to drive somewhere first, friends I can be myself with and so on.

 

Just brainstorm and then order the list in priority order - then compare each country against each criteria. Neither country is likely to be a perfect match but which one is the best fit? You can get very mathematical about it if you are that way inclined, but really once you do this the answer should be obvious.

 

Of course your girlfriend needs to do the same and the tricky part comes if your conclusion is different - you will both of course have different priorities so you are aiming for the country that has the best fit.

 

You mentioned the Netherlands being better when you are having a baby - I am unclear whether this is now or a future plan - one thing I've noticed is an awful lot of women (and men too maybe?) feel the pull of home much stronger once they have a child. It is not just about support but about wanting your child to grow up as you did, being able to share your childhood experiences with them. My son was 5 when we moved to Perth and I still found that aspect a surprise - I didn't want him to have Christmas on the beach, i wanted him to have the sort of Christmas' I remembered as magical - it makes no rationale sense, to Aussie children Christmas on the beach IS magical but in the end you have to throw away pros and cons lists and any other kind of rational decision-making tool and go with what feels right at the time - sometime you'll get it right and sometimes you'll get it wrong you just have to keep swimming!

[Gbye grey sky]

Far more than 20% over say 5 years, I have heard it is as high as 60% it says in the link below 33% but that is within a couple of years over 10 it is far higher.

 

http://www.australiantimes.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/overview.jpg

 

Interesting that the majority cited financial reasons for returning but when reading MBTTUK threads you would expect it to be family reasons.

[Perthbum]

Interesting that the majority cited financial reasons for returning but when reading MBTTUK threads you would expect it to be family reasons.

i think family and missing friends is a good get out instead of saying you just did not like oz

[Johndoe]

i think family and missing friends is a good get out instead of saying you just did not like oz

 

Yet another assumption of people's dishonesty

[Perthbum]

Yet another assumption of people's dishonesty

Yep.....not dishonesty but just the embarrassment of saying you could not hack oz after all the good bye parties, what better than to say "i missed you all so much I had to come back" sometimes john you have to think outside of the box.

[Guest]

Interesting that the majority cited financial reasons for returning but when reading MBTTUK threads you would expect it to be family reasons.

 

Not in the MBTTUK group and not amongst those of us who were in Australia 2 years plus. I think amongst those that return quickly it is probably the majority reason and most should probably stick it out as I suspect those are the people most likely to ping-pong (not that it's a problem if you do but there is a financial toll if nothing else)

 

I do wonder if 'financial reasons' are increasingly a reason for people returning though - it was definitely a factor for us.

 

I do agree with Perthbum in that I have been guilty of citing 'family reasons' as I certainly didn't want to upset my Australian friends - in my case I guess closer to the truth is i didn't find Perth was 'worth' being away from my family for - I wasn't particularly missing them day to day (since I had never lived close to them in the last 30 years) but I know my parents missed me and their grandson and it seemed 'cruel' to stay in Australia for no good reason.

 

I do like the way you read and comment intelligently on MBTTUK threads GGS - I think you will have your eyes wide open when you migrate next year and your journey will be easier as a result.

[Guest]

Yep.....not dishonesty but just the embarrassment of saying you could not hack oz after all the good bye parties, what better than to say "i missed you all so much I had to come back" sometimes john you have to think outside of the box.

 

Or as I found not wanting to be offensive to the nice people you have met in Australia - a white lie if you like.

 

You only have to look at the response on here to negative comments about someone's preferred country to realise it doesn't always go down well.

[Marisawright]

Yet another assumption of people's dishonesty

 

Not really. I also wonder how reliable that survey is. I've just been on another thread, where the OP doesn't like living in Australia but feels she has to make up a reason for returning before she books her flight home. If she just goes home and says she doesn't like it, she feels everyone will think she's a failure.

 

On these forums, I think we get the real reasons because people are discussing the pros and cons and wanting advice, or trying to help others. For that survey, people chose the reason that reflected best on them.

[Guest Bora]

[quote= I've just been on another thread, where the OP doesn't like living in Australia but feels she has to make up a reason for returning before she books her flight home. If she just goes home and says she doesn't like it, she feels everyone will think she's a failure"

 

I think that is a really sad thing to have to do. As if the lead up to this kind of decision is not stressful enough, she then feels the need to cover her tracks with smoke screens.

 

I say just be yourself and everyone can go hang if they choose to be prejudice. Personally I couldn't give a stuff what anyone thought of my own decision to return (and boy did I tell everyone to) it is your life and anyone who has not experienced it first hand have no right to judge. IMO your a failure if you don't try, there's no shame in returning for the sake of your health and happiness. Intrinsically linked, without them life's pretty miserable no matter where you are.

[Sharpe718]

Simply Don't do it,

 

I have been following Poms In Oz threads for a while now, but this is my first post. I had to reply as I feel that your statement is unfair. It is your opinion and that is fine, but everyone has their own story and reasons. What is right for some is not right for others.

 

Here is my story;

 

I have lived in Adelaide for 5 years, but am planning to move back to the UK. (we have Aussie citizenship)

 

The simple reason is that I feel that my (and my families) quality of life will be vastly improved for myself and partner for having our family around. (We are planning to start a family in the next few years)

 

Yes, the weather will be c**p a lot of the time compared to here (and I could go on about the economy and jammed motorways and lack of jobs etc.) But, to have my children growing up with their grandparents, aunties and uncles and cousins is far more important than nice weather and going to the beach at the weekend.

 

I grew up in the UK and was never particularly unhappy there. We came to Oz to try it out and enjoy it. We love it here and to leave is going to be hard as we have a lot of happy memories here and do really enjoy the outdoor lifestyle and great weather.

 

But in the long run I want my children to have relationships with their family. To have the Christmases I so fondly remember growing up and to be English! (if that makes sense?!)

 

I believe that we can make it work, and firmly believe that you make your own happiness. I am greatly looking forward to the next chapter of my life with my family around me.

 

Thats my 2 cents anyway for what it is worth.

[Gbye grey sky]

I have been following Poms In Oz threads for a while now, but this is my first post. I had to reply as I feel that your statement is unfair. It is your opinion and that is fine, but everyone has their own story and reasons. What is right for some is not right for others.

 

Here is my story;

 

I have lived in Adelaide for 5 years, but am planning to move back to the UK. (we have Aussie citizenship)

 

The simple reason is that I feel that my (and my families) quality of life will be vastly improved for myself and partner for having our family around. (We are planning to start a family in the next few years)

 

Yes, the weather will be c**p a lot of the time compared to here (and I could go on about the economy and jammed motorways and lack of jobs etc.) But, to have my children growing up with their grandparents, aunties and uncles and cousins is far more important than nice weather and going to the beach at the weekend.

 

I grew up in the UK and was never particularly unhappy there. We came to Oz to try it out and enjoy it. We love it here and to leave is going to be hard as we have a lot of happy memories here and do really enjoy the outdoor lifestyle and great weather.

 

But in the long run I want my children to have relationships with their family. To have the Christmases I so fondly remember growing up and to be English! (if that makes sense?!)

 

I believe that we can make it work, and firmly believe that you make your own happiness. I am greatly looking forward to the next chapter of my life with my family around me.

 

Thats my 2 cents anyway for what it is worth.

 

The thing that I take from this post is that there is a right place at the right time. Life moves on and our needs change. If you have that great opportunity to be able to choose then you should take it. You have citizenship in both countries and later in life you should have the option to return if it suits you at the time.

 

Good luck with the next chapter........

[Gbye grey sky]

i think family and missing friends is a good get out instead of saying you just did not like oz

 

I think it may be that too many people have unrealistic expectations about potential earnings and lifestyle. Maybe it was the case years ago but I suspect that for Mr & Mrs Average find that, climate aside, life is too similar to what they left behind. Working hard to pay the bills etc and still unable to afford to live in the nice neighbourhood.

 

Programmes like WDU gave a bit of a false impression in the past. Though I have noticed that recent series have been much more hard-headed about the finances they still show people around homes they probably will never be able to afford to live in. I also suspect that the job prospects are often given a rosy glow too.

 

Those who go with their eyes open and feet on the ground may be the least likely to cite financial reasons. There will be exceptions such as redundancy of course.

[grahamffc]

I think it may be that too many people have unrealistic expectations about potential earnings and lifestyle. Maybe it was the case years ago but I suspect that for Mr & Mrs Average find that, climate aside, life is too similar to what they left behind. Working hard to pay the bills etc and still unable to afford to live in the nice neighbourhood.

 

Programmes like WDU gave a bit of a false impression in the past. Though I have noticed that recent series have been much more hard-headed about the finances they still show people around homes they probably will never be able to afford to live in. I also suspect that the job prospects are often given a rosy glow too.

 

Those who go with their eyes open and feet on the ground may be the least likely to cite financial reasons. There will be exceptions such as redundancy of course.

 

I think that is a very valid point, it is easy to be of the impression that no matter how good your life is in the uk it would be even better in the warm and uncrowded surroundings of Australia. This was the mistake I made, I left England with my Australian partner probably at the best time of my life, had a well paid job I enjoyed, was seeing lots of my friends and family.

 

Once I had got over the I initial homesickness and had found a job (that took six months mind), made some friends and was finally settled I couldn't see much difference in either place. Both places are safe, both speak English (important if that's the only language you speak), and you will have to work 40 odd hours a week and pay bills in either. All my family, most of my friends, and everything I was familiar with were back in England while weather was better in Melbourne compared to London. For me the former was more important especially since the weather in Melbourne is essentially only three months of summer much the same as home, and milder winters but not shorts and t shirt conditions for the other nine months. I also really missed the proximity to other places as I love having a long weekend in a European city or a week in a villa somewhere.

 

The only way I could have stayed would have been if I could come back to the uk for regular visits (once a year minimum), and I simply couldn't afford that and knew that if I one day had a family it would be even less likely and I'd effectively be trapped.

 

Everyone is different and others will have their reasons why Australia offers them far more, their job might be much better paid in oz, o or if you are a family not being able to go on city breaks probably in Europe isn't concern anyway. I can see how it could work rather than making a blanket statement.

[tina0101]

It's going to be hard saying goodbye when we move to Australia - we'll have no family or friends out there.

 

If it doesn't work, we'll come home. We've agreed to give it two years (min) to give us time to settle into a new country and, if after then it is not working, we will look to come back. I'm fully aware that life in Australia will get as mundane as life gets here sometimes - there will still be traffic jams on the way home from work, rather than rain we'll find it too hot to do things, we'll get into a 'routine' everyday as we do here.

 

Life is what you make of it - I don't want to regret never having tried something. It would be boring if everyone was the same and all liked the same places and things.

[Lakaal]

I think most of us go over committing to two years to settle but that's all very well but not easy when u get there - 2 yrs to a very homesick person feels like a lifetime. The goodbyes are beyond traumatic and yes in an ideal world we would all stick to our commitment of 2 years. But about to become a ping pong after staying in oz only 3 months convinced like you would give it 2 years. Life happens - nice to have commitments in your mind but u wot know how you feel

About that commitment till you get there. Kinda like committing to eating the same dinner for 2 years when you have seen pictures of the dinner and researched it but have no idea what it tastes like.

 

 

 

 

 

It's going to be hard saying goodbye when we move to Australia - we'll have no family or friends out

there.

 

If it doesn't work, we'll come home. We've agreed to give it two years (min) to give us time to settle into a new country and, if after then it is not working, we will look to come back. I'm fully aware that life in Australia will get as mundane as life gets here sometimes - there will still be traffic jams on the way home from work, rather than rain we'll find it too hot to do things, we'll get into a 'routine' everyday as we do here.

 

Life is what you make of it - I don't want to regret never having tried something. It would be boring if everyone was the same and all liked the same places and things.

[grahamffc]

It's going to be hard saying goodbye when we move to Australia - we'll have no family or friends out there.

 

If it doesn't work, we'll come home. We've agreed to give it two years (min) to give us time to settle into a new country and, if after then it is not working, we will look to come back. I'm fully aware that life in Australia will get as mundane as life gets here sometimes - there will still be traffic jams on the way home from work, rather than rain we'll find it too hot to do things, we'll get into a 'routine' everyday as we do here.

 

Life is what you make of it - I don't want to regret never having tried something. It would be boring if everyone was the same and all liked the same places and things.

 

That is the best attitude to go with, you need to enjoy yourself and be open minded but also limit expectations. It is also nice to think how lucky we are that we can comeback relatively easily if we decide to, either permanently or for a holiday. Ten pound poms aside, most immigrants spent their entire life savings on a one way ticket. Good luck to you all.

[Marisawright]

If it doesn't work, we'll come home. We've agreed to give it two years (min) to give us time to settle into a new country and, if after then it is not working, we will look to come back. ...

 

Life is what you make of it - I don't want to regret never having tried something. It would be boring if everyone was the same and all liked the same places and things.

 

 

That's great, if you're in the financial position to do that. For those with two incomes and no kids, I'd say go for it! Unfortunately there are too many people for whom the cost of two migrations would gouge an enormous hole in their savings which they will never recoup (moving countries with a family costs $20,000+). They can't afford to get it wrong, or plan for a temporary move.

[Marisawright]

I think most of us go over committing to two years to settle but that's all very well but not easy when u get there - 2 yrs to a very homesick person feels like a lifetime. The goodbyes are beyond traumatic .

 

If the goodbyes were so traumatic, why on earth did you go? How did you imagine you were going to survive if it was soooo hard to leave your family?

[starlight7]

You will get rain too- quite a lot of it- especially at certain times of the year. Look for a house on a hill! Not too many of us had family or friends to come to when we emigrated but mostly things have a way of working out so long as you have an open mind. Good luck, I am sure you'll be fine!

[Lakaal]

If the goodbyes were so traumatic, why on earth did you go? How did you imagine you were going to survive if it was soooo hard to leave your family?

 

I guess like tina0101 I felt the goodbyes would be hard but we would get through it. I was not prepared for my 70 year old mother to be in tears and stressed so much the week we were leaving she had to be taken to the emergency room as she made herself so ill with anxiety . Knowing we were responsible for that was very traumatic. I knew it would be hard but god the guilt is something I didn't know would be as bad.

I guess my point was that in my case anyway it's very different saying you are going and goodbyes will be hard but be prepared the goodbyes are very very hard.

[tina0101]

I'm not looking forward to the goodbyes!! I'm hoping that if I anticipate the worse, it'll help, but I'm envisaging lots of tears and sobbing - from us and them!

 

We've set the 2 year limit as our son will be going into Year 11 when we get out there, so we will have to stay the two years so he can finish his education. Personally, I do not think that anything less than a couple of years is giving it a proper go, but everyone is different!

[Lambethlad]

It seems many people come here with the view "we will give it 2 years". That's a huge upheaval and expense for such a short commitment. I would say don't do it. If you're the type of people who live their lives surrounded by family and friends it won't work - don't do it.

[tina0101]

The two years is the length of time if we get out there and things do not work out. The same as when you start a job - if you hate it you say to yourself that you'll give it a set amount of time, rather than just quit.