Had enough (for now at least)

[Guest]

I am getting more and more frustrated with the main forum - the same people making the same comments (& I don't just mean from those that love Australia or think they will) and the fact that every comment I make is viewed differently because I moved back.

 

There have been a couple of final straws recently - and actually it was a tiny thing that pushed me over the edge, I made a VERY jokey comment about Australian Men's Sheds and it was picked up the link I had posted a .co.uk link (it was just a book!) and why was I talking about Men's Sheds in Australia!! FFS this is an Australia forum!!! And I have only ever come across the Men's Sheds organisation in Australia.

 

I am sad because I would like to see how you all get on and there are others too on the main forum - if you would like to keep in touch outside of the forum do PM me, it's linked to an email account I don't use but i will check for a few days. I am already friends with some of you on Facebook and happy to accept more friends

 

For my peace of mind I need to take a break at least - my journey with Australia is over and I have only stayed around because I think my experiences can be valuable to others.

 

To end on a positive note, I got a PM from a member, not a regular poster, to thank me for advice I had given several months ago - someone in Australia, not thinking of leaving and unrelated to that. She said I had 'kept her feet on the ground' and as a result had made good decisions and life is working out wonderfully for her. It made my day

[3FatCats]

Wow! That could have been written by me. I understand and wish you all the luck in the world :wubclub:

[Perthbum]

Stay....do not let them win, be like me and post what you think as it only winds them up...stay

[Guest]

Thanks @Perthbum but it's not a game I want to play - I don't want to wind anyone up! Well apart from maybe Sprintman/Wendee/Coventry/Wen123

[amibovered]

Just put them on ignore, you won't see what they've posted then, they'll soon realise they are wasting their time, you shouldn't have to leave because of other peoples insecurity.

[Quoll]

You beat me to it! Last night I was thinking just the same then I thought, no, screw you, I won't let them win, if I'm going, I will go in my own time. I do see where you're coming from LR! I'm on here much less than when I was back in Aus, and it's almost a drive by if I need a break from my knitting thinking! Or am in a coffee shop after walk or gym.

 

If you do take a break, we will miss you so please don't take your good sense away for too long!

[Perthbum]

Thanks @Perthbum but it's not a game I want to play - I don't want to wind anyone up! Well apart from maybe Sprintman/Wendee/Coventry/Wen123

if you give your honest opinions and it winds them up then thats their problem, dont let a few stop you from posting what you want because they will see it as a victory.

[Helz980]

I must admit I feel more comfortable posting here. I don't understand why some...one in particular....who hates the uk & says its the biggest mistake they ever made going back...why post there!!!

 

Youve always given me good advice ? xx

[Guest]

I think I know the one you are talking about @Helz, I think in that particular case he is genuinely in pain and can't see beyond his own world view.

 

It's just got so boring & predictable what certain people are going to say. And like I said that includes people in MBTTUK too. I think it is a game for some people - I have more positive interests to pursue! It isn't about letting them win because it is a game I wasn't participating in.

 

Jules x

[emmab1995]

..... i to know who you guys are talking about and i think it is a shame that just because there are in pain they try and make us feel the same ...

 

I am sorry to read that you will be going if only for a while i have found reading what you have wrote has helped me so much and thanks to you the advice you gave someone on a post a while back i read and took that advice and guess what me n kids are heading back to uk in july hubby will do fifo for a yr then come back to uk .....

so thank you and if you dont mind i would like to be friends on facebook so i can catch up from time to time if that is ok :cute: if you dont mind please look me up its Emma N Scott Bragg xxxxxxx

 

take care xxx

[Guest]

..... i to know who you guys are talking about and i think it is a shame that just because there are in pain they try and make us feel the same ...

 

I am sorry to read that you will be going if only for a while i have found reading what you have wrote has helped me so much and thanks to you the advice you gave someone on a post a while back i read and took that advice and guess what me n kids are heading back to uk in july hubby will do fifo for a yr then come back to uk .....

so thank you and if you dont mind i would like to be friends on facebook so i can catch up from time to time if that is ok :cute: if you dont mind please look me up its Emma N Scott Bragg xxxxxxx

 

take care xxx

 

Done

[Aunt Agatha]

I am sorry to see you go (and also glad to hear that Quoll is not joining you!) I'm a relative newbie here and have found your posts very helpful in making our decision about a move back to the UK - thank you.

 

I think I must be a boring poster as I always try and post a balanced view and genuinely like both Australia and the UK - not a popular stance I don't think, most probably see me as a fencesitter/Pollyanna but it is truly how I feel. I can't stand the games and the insults and the same responses whatever the topic. But there is still so much useful info on PIO and many nice people so I'm sticking around. I hope you'll consider coming back after a break.

 

Take care

[Melbpom]

I'd like to second Aunt Agatha's comments and those of Helz. I'm a newbie here also and there are issues I'd feel uncomfortable discussing on the main forum. There is a gentler feel to this group and I hope that if you do leave it will just be temporary.

[emmab1995]

Thanx lady rainicorn .... i can now say jules lol xxx

[Jacaranda]

Really sorry to hear that LR!I've always loved reading your posts,informative,intelligent and balanced!Don't you find though (I do)that even in "real life"if you say anything negative about Australia to ANYONE they almost look like you have shattered their dreams (which are'nt realistic and dare I say it,deluded!)I love both places,but if someone ask me something related to Australia and they don't like my honest reply,thats really too bad!I'm not about to start bullshitting just to keep someone happy!I have taken a break from PIO,mainly due to being here in Adelaide at present and staying periodically with my Mum (no internet)and I hate to say it but it has made me feel better!I guess I compare it to say living with someone who is argueing all the time!lol It can become repetitive and boring,and you then know its time to have a break.

Its weird!If someone said my OH was perfect,I'd laugh and disagree.So why can't people who love Australia acknowledge its good AND bad points.If they think either country is perfect,they are deluded!

I will miss reading your post LR,and hope after a while you return.Take care hon xxxxxxxx

[Marisawright]

I am sorry to see you go (and also glad to hear that Quoll is not joining you!) I'm a relative newbie here and have found your posts very helpful in making our decision about a move back to the UK - thank you.

 

I think I must be a boring poster as I always try and post a balanced view and genuinely like both Australia and the UK - not a popular stance I don't think, most probably see me as a fencesitter/Pollyanna but it is truly how I feel.

 

 

 

Me too. I liken it to a marriage break-up - when everything goes wrong, many people feel they need someone to blame, and refuse to accept either (a) it was just a mistake to get together in the first place or (b) there's fault on both sides. They have to demonise the other person to cover up their feelings of failure. Likewise, some people feel the need to demonize Australia - it makes them feel better.

 

On the other side - as a childless woman, I have been demonized (literally - one evangelist once called me "the work of the devil"). No one asks me why I'm childless, BTW. Anyhoo... I see the UK-bashers as akin to those mothers who verbally bash me for not having kids. I suspect they secretly regret having children themselves, and they're just trying to convince themselves their choice was the right one. I know plenty of mothers who don't feel that need to justify themselves!

[Aunt Agatha]

Marisa I can't understand how anyone could be so disrespectful as to comment on your status re children. It's such a painful topic for many and for others simply a considered decision that was best for them - either way I cannot fathom why it would attract judgement or comment of any kind. I think some people are just sheep and feel threatened by anyone/anything that is out of THEIR perception of the 'norm'.

[Guest]

Really sorry to hear that LR!I've always loved reading your posts,informative,intelligent and balanced!Don't you find though (I do)that even in "real life"if you say anything negative about Australia to ANYONE they almost look like you have shattered their dreams (which are'nt realistic and dare I say it,deluded!)I love both places,but if someone ask me something related to Australia and they don't like my honest reply,thats really too bad!I'm not about to start bullshitting just to keep someone happy!I have taken a break from PIO,mainly due to being here in Adelaide at present and staying periodically with my Mum (no internet)and I hate to say it but it has made me feel better!I guess I compare it to say living with someone who is argueing all the time!lol It can become repetitive and boring,and you then know its time to have a break.

Its weird!If someone said my OH was perfect,I'd laugh and disagree.So why can't people who love Australia acknowledge its good AND bad points.If they think either country is perfect,they are deluded!

I will miss reading your post LR,and hope after a while you return.Take care hon xxxxxxxx

 

I'm back already

 

I took my break and it did me good (though I did take a peek to see how you were all getting along!) but I logged in to post a '12 months back' update and decided to stay. I was going to keep to the MBTTUK group or section at least but already I find myself chewing the fat!

 

I am avoiding certain posts, as soon as it becomes Australia V UK I'm outta there

[Guest]

 

On the other side - as a childless woman, I have been demonized (literally - one evangelist once called me "the work of the devil"). No one asks me why I'm childless, BTW. Anyhoo... I see the UK-bashers as akin to those mothers who verbally bash me for not having kids. I suspect they secretly regret having children themselves, and they're just trying to convince themselves their choice was the right one. I know plenty of mothers who don't feel that need to justify themselves!

 

That is dreadful, I came quite late to motherhood (by choice) and whilst I never experienced anything so extreme certainly assumptions were made about me. I went to a school reunion, I was one of only two people from my year at school that went to university, all anyone wanted to know was whether I was married and had children. I remember saying to one women (who had not been a close friend at school) that I didn't have children and she looked at me with genuine pity laid her hand on my arm and said 'don't worry there is still time' I don't think I was even 30 at that point!

 

I 'shocked' everyone when I announced I was pregnant (again by choice) however I only have one child and that seems to provoke similar outrage.

 

I must admit I do find it difficult to know whether to ask why someone doesn't have children. Depending on the context it can be completely irrelevant of course but if someone says to me they don't have children, do I ask why? do I say lucky you? or what a shame? Is it prying to ask why? For those who are not childless by choice it can be years of heartache and to be honest even for those that are. My childless by choice was really my OH's choice and a bit like couples split between Australia and the UK there was no easy compromise.

 

Do you want people to ask you why you don't have children Marisa? It's no-one else's business or is it better for people to ask than make assumptions?

 

I am generally a very nosy person, I would like to think it is for the right reasons - the better you know someone the better you understand their viewpoint and the more you can get along with them, help them etc. so right now I am bursting to ask why you don't have children :laugh:

[3FatCats]

Me too. I liken it to a marriage break-up - when everything goes wrong, many people feel they need someone to blame, and refuse to accept either (a) it was just a mistake to get together in the first place or (b) there's fault on both sides. They have to demonise the other person to cover up their feelings of failure. Likewise, some people feel the need to demonize Australia - it makes them feel better.

 

On the other side - as a childless woman, I have been demonized (literally - one evangelist once called me "the work of the devil"). No one asks me why I'm childless, BTW. Anyhoo... I see the UK-bashers as akin to those mothers who verbally bash me for not having kids. I suspect they secretly regret having children themselves, and they're just trying to convince themselves their choice was the right one. I know plenty of mothers who don't feel that need to justify themselves!

 

Me too childless, me too face same derision/pity/lack of tact (choose one) when really, if someone asked because they were genuinely interested, I would happily tell them my story!

[Aunt Agatha]

Having had friends go through years of heartache, failed IVF attempts etc. I would never ask why someone didn't have children. I am also a bit nosy (though to be fair is based in genuine interest) and do sometimes wonder I confess!

[Jacaranda]

I'm back already

 

I took my break and it did me good (though I did take a peek to see how you were all getting along!) but I logged in to post a '12 months back' update and decided to stay. I was going to keep to the MBTTUK group or section at least but already I find myself chewing the fat!

 

I am avoiding certain posts, as soon as it becomes Australia V UK I'm outta there

Lol apologies LR,I havent been on here for a while so I am out of the loop!Welcome back!:cute:

[Marisawright]

 

Do you want people to ask you why you don't have children Marisa?

 

No, but if they're about to criticise me for it, I'd rather they asked first! I don't see why it needs any response if it comes up in conversation - it's just a fact.

 

And to put you out of your misery, it's nothing to do with health, just bad timing in the marriage stakes - I delayed having kids and then my husband inconveniently decided to take off with a younger woman. By the time I'd found my second husband it was all too late (49)!

[Guest]

No, but if they're about to criticise me for it, I'd rather they asked first! I don't see why it needs any response if it comes up in conversation - it's just a fact.

 

And to put you out of your misery, it's nothing to do with health, just bad timing in the marriage stakes - I delayed having kids and then my husband inconveniently decided to take off with a younger woman. By the time I'd found my second husband it was all too late (49)!

 

Thanks for the insight Marisa.

 

You really didn't need to tell us though

[thinker78]

I've been off PIO for a few weeks whilst busy with life stuff. Glad you didn't leave! Will be requiring your input when I'm back in the motherland. I have stopped posting on the main forum too- how annoying is it when people who HAVE NEVER EVEN SET FOOT IN AUSTRALIA start to give advice to those who want to move back to the UK?!!! I can't abide this. I've had to give it a wide berth. How they can even comment when they don't even know the myriad of emotions longer term migrants go through is beyond me. Even if it's dressed up as 'nice' and 'balanced' they are all so seething with their absolute truth that people will regret leaving Australia.....

Anyway. Deep breaths.

As for kids- whatever your choice, people feel a need to comment. I'm a bit of a leper in the school yard with my one child- i've had several people say to my face 'i don't like only children'....whatever.

If people just got on with their own lives perhaps they'd realise that we're only here for a short while and as long as you aren't hurting anyone, what you choose to do with your time is your own business.