Greta Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I've been reading this forum for the last year and have read so many stories and dilemmas that I can totally relate to regarding moving back home. This is was my dream to move to australia and I started the application back in 2007, we made the move permanently last April, so it's just a year we've lived here. I had had really bad cold feet at the last minute before we left, but never said anything as I thought that this was probably normal. I came feeling optimistic that we could have a nice life here, I wasn't expecting it to be better than what we had in the uk, but then I also wasn't,t expecting it to be worse. We we had a hard journey, over 30 hours with 3 children and we were all tired when we arrived. We stripped out of the airport stressed, and then annoyed that our hire car was a wreck', I remember feeling very underwhelmed by what we had come to. I immediately thought we'd made a mistake, but then thought that it was tiredness, stress, crap car, breaking down on he 20 min drive to the rental, then being told we would have to pay for a new battery for the car we'd had less than an hour just finished me off, then to finally finish me off going into a filthy infested holiday rental we had paid ridiculous money for, all in all we felt quite down, but we put it down to the journey and hoped we would feel better the next day. We initially said that we would give it 2 years, 12 ,months on and I have disliked being here more and more each day. The initial bad feelings never went away, we never experienced the 'holiday feeling' that people talk about, we just felt something wasn't right from day one. People say never regret, etc. but I do feel massive regret. My children are different people, miserable, withdrawn, have no real friends and miss the friends and social life that they had in the uk. I thought they would adapt in time but if anything they seem to be getting worse. I've been applying for jobs daily for the last11 months and only had one interview, financially we are in a bad position, we have spent just under £100,000 and this is part of my regret, we have nothing left, we can't afford to come back, I miss my old life, i have no friends here so no one to talk to, I've not spoken to my mum in 6 weeks because I just can't face calling her and pretending everything's great. Our relationship is now over but were stuck living together because there is no other option. My husband has a friend here that came in January, he has a job here but is flying back for good in 3 weeks, he knew within a week he had made a mistake so has decided not to stick it out. I can't help wondering why I keep thinking things will get better in 2 years, just because that's what I read somewhere? Just feel like life's passing by and I'm stuck in limbo, I'm crying everyday and I've no idea why I'm feeling this much sadness, then trying to put on 'happiness and smiles' for the sake of the children, I knew it wouldn't be easy, but never expected it to be this hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Oh mate, so sorry to hear of your bad journey. I too have had all of what you are describing if that help's i think so many people who emigrate go through it at some level, ok your's sounds very dark and some of it rings bells in my head too. That said we did start off like it was a holiday, just doing holiday typed things for a few weeks while looking for a good rental, and applying for work etc, all the things you have been doing. I think you probably never really wanted to move just liked the whole process and the fact that you got accepted here, a lot of people don't even get that far. It is fully understandable that you feel this way, especially not having made friends or got a job, it is hard i know, the friends thing doesn't bother us one bit not high on our list coming here, if things happen that way then fair enough. The whole job thing here can be so hard at times very frustrating and a real wake up call, to a lot of people. You have to keep going or stop at some point and say enough's enough, the down side is you end up spending lot's of money getting to that point (that's the gamble for some). Ask yourself this would going back make you happier or make you feel safer? Bottom line nothing wrong with trying and admitting you tried but eventually decided to go back 'home', regardless of what others might say, for those are the ones thats don't really count are they:wink: Good luck in your decision, you will do what you have to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsmen Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Hi Greta I know i don't know you but I'm sending you a hug! i can so relate to what you are saying, i myself have only been here a year and knew from the day i landed oh dear what have we done ( no offence to anyone who loves oz) i put the feelings down to tiredness stress the journey etc and soldiered on. I remember 2 months in crying at the check out at woolworths! i literally couldn't stop and cried all the way back to our house questioning what is wrong with me am i depressed is this normal?? I looked at other brits and they seemed to be relishing their lives and enjoying it and i couldn't understand why i didn't. When we had days out visiting new places it was great but coming home to the house and on a daily basis i felt something was missing and it began to dawn on me there was nothing wrong with me Oz just wasn't the place for me. Regardless of what another people think you are unique to your experience and no one can tell you how you will feel 2 months or 2 years on only you will know what is right for you and your family. We initially said four year then it was three then it was two and when my sons left to return to Scotland we thought ok now is the time to end all the tears and doubting and torturing ourselves with will we stay will we go.... and we decided to go. People back in scotland think we are mad why would you not like it?? you are living the dream??? but its not my dream my dream is my lovely house back home frosty mornings and being with the family i love dearly. So we set a plan in motion to get home as quickly as we could we have sold everything and we feel a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders. Its not because we didn't try its not because we didn't want it enough it just simply wasn't for us, we haven't failed we've only closed a chapter on one part of our life and starting a new one. We are lucky we still have our home to go back to. If i can give you any advise start a plan to go home if you know in your heart its not right then its not right you are NOT a failure in anyway for thinking you were doing the right thing at that time. I wish you all the best x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Hi Greta I know i don't know you but I'm sending you a hug! i can so relate to what you are saying, i myself have only been here a year and knew from the day i landed oh dear what have we done ( no offence to anyone who loves oz) i put the feelings down to tiredness stress the journey etc and soldiered on. I remember 2 months in crying at the check out at woolworths! i literally couldn't stop and cried all the way back to our house questioning what is wrong with me am i depressed is this normal?? I looked at other brits and they seemed to be relishing their lives and enjoying it and i couldn't understand why i didn't. When we had days out visiting new places it was great but coming home to the house and on a daily basis i felt something was missing and it began to dawn on me there was nothing wrong with me Oz just wasn't the place for me. Regardless of what another people think you are unique to your experience and no one can tell you how you will feel 2 months or 2 years on only you will know what is right for you and your family. We initially said four year then it was three then it was two and when my sons left to return to Scotland we thought ok now is the time to end all the tears and doubting and torturing ourselves with will we stay will we go.... and we decided to go. People back in scotland think we are mad why would you not like it?? you are living the dream??? but its not my dream my dream is my lovely house back home frosty mornings and being with the family i love dearly. So we set a plan in motion to get home as quickly as we could we have sold everything and we feel a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders. Its not because we didn't try its not because we didn't want it enough it just simply wasn't for us, we haven't failed we've only closed a chapter on one part of our life and starting a new one. We are lucky we still have our home to go back to. If i can give you any advise start a plan to go home if you know in your heart its not right then its not right you are NOT a failure in anyway for thinking you were doing the right thing at that time. I wish you all the best x :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I would say though that you get what you pay for anywhere in life. If you rent the cheapest place available it will a dump. If you rent a cheap car you will get a crap car. Your comments are not representative of Australia that most people experience. But you do need to put in and be the sort of person who can get out there and make friends etc. Australia is not that different to the UK that you cannot have a great life here if you want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsmen Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I would say though that you get what you pay for anywhere in life. If you rent the cheapest place available it will a dump. If you rent a cheap car you will get a crap car. Your comments are not representative of Australia that most people experience. But you do need to put in and be the sort of person who can get out there and make friends etc. Australia is not that different to the UK that you cannot have a great life here if you want to. Her comments are representative of how she feels and that is all that matters in her world, I have a nice house with a pool, i have a car that is less than a year old, I have friends, we put everything into our life here but what i don't have is far greater than material things and that is a sense of belonging and to be part of my families life on a day to day or week to week basis. Australia is not the dream life for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Her comments are representative of how she feels and that is all that matters in her world, I have a nice house with a pool, i have a car that is less than a year old, I have friends, we put everything into our life here but what i don't have is far greater than material things and that is a sense of belonging and to be part of my families life on a day to day or week to week basis. Australia is not the dream life for everyone. That is true, but it sounds like she has done it on the cheap and then been disappointed with the results. Imagine the difference if she had maybe planned a better flight, better holiday rental, better car and got off to a great start. It could be totally different now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I've been reading this forum for the last year and have read so many stories and dilemmas that I can totally relate to regarding moving back home. This is was my dream to move to australia and I started the application back in 2007, we made the move permanently last April, so it's just a year we've lived here. I had had really bad cold feet at the last minute before we left, but never said anything as I thought that this was probably normal. I came feeling optimistic that we could have a nice life here, I wasn't expecting it to be better than what we had in the uk, but then I also wasn't,t expecting it to be worse. We we had a hard journey, over 30 hours with 3 children and we were all tired when we arrived. We stripped out of the airport stressed, and then annoyed that our hire car was a wreck', I remember feeling very underwhelmed by what we had come to. I immediately thought we'd made a mistake, but then thought that it was tiredness, stress, crap car, breaking down on he 20 min drive to the rental, then being told we would have to pay for a new battery for the car we'd had less than an hour just finished me off, then to finally finish me off going into a filthy infested holiday rental we had paid ridiculous money for, all in all we felt quite down, but we put it down to the journey and hoped we would feel better the next day. We initially said that we would give it 2 years, 12 ,months on and I have disliked being here more and more each day. The initial bad feelings never went away, we never experienced the 'holiday feeling' that people talk about, we just felt something wasn't right from day one. People say never regret, etc. but I do feel massive regret. My children are different people, miserable, withdrawn, have no real friends and miss the friends and social life that they had in the uk. I thought they would adapt in time but if anything they seem to be getting worse. I've been applying for jobs daily for the last11 months and only had one interview, financially we are in a bad position, we have spent just under £100,000 and this is part of my regret, we have nothing left, we can't afford to come back, I miss my old life, i have no friends here so no one to talk to, I've not spoken to my mum in 6 weeks because I just can't face calling her and pretending everything's great. Our relationship is now over but were stuck living together because there is no other option. My husband has a friend here that came in January, he has a job here but is flying back for good in 3 weeks, he knew within a week he had made a mistake so has decided not to stick it out. I can't help wondering why I keep thinking things will get better in 2 years, just because that's what I read somewhere? Just feel like life's passing by and I'm stuck in limbo, I'm crying everyday and I've no idea why I'm feeling this much sadness, then trying to put on 'happiness and smiles' for the sake of the children, I knew it wouldn't be easy, but never expected it to be this hard Well when I started reading, I was wondering why you were focussed so much on initial hiccups and was just going to suggest you need to stop dwelling on that. After reading the whole thing though, the answer is very clear what you need to do. You need to book those flights and get on the plane, perhaps with your husband in three weeks. Maybe you can salvage the relationship, I don't know, but perhaps the joint adventure of returning home will help to rebuild something. There is nothing special about two years, it is just a self set milestone that some couples will set themselves in advance. It helps to have that review period built in and agreed, we set four years for Australia so that we had citizenship. Also if you were mildly unsettled then two years might be a reasonable amount of time to work through niggles and feeling a bit homesick. But that does not mean you cannot know sooner. In your case, this is clearly not working. Before Australia, I lived overseas somewhere else, great initially but I was unhappy from the six month mark. I had no choice but to stay for two years (contractual reasons) and I did two years, but no it did not get any better. I can understand that you would be devastated about spending GBP100k on this "adventure" but it is gone now. We all lose money from time to time, some of us will lose that amount of money too, say on a house. You cannot control it now, make sure you don't stay because you want to get your "money's worth" or something. Go home and start enjoying the rest of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 £100k is a lot of money who ever you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsmen Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 That is true, but it sounds like she has done it on the cheap and then been disappointed with the results.Imagine the difference if she had maybe planned a better flight, better holiday rental, better car and got off to a great start. It could be totally different now. Im not surprised the poor woman has had enough of oz with responses like that when she is obviously distressed. SHAME ON YOU! Greta all the best don't let people drag you down i think i shall remove myself from this website before i say something i will regret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Where are you based Greta? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 That is true, but it sounds like she has done it on the cheap and then been disappointed with the results.Imagine the difference if she had maybe planned a better flight, better holiday rental, better car and got off to a great start. It could be totally different now. Thank you you for all the advice everyone, I've got a lot to think about. Nothing in my mind was done on the cheap, we booked through stayz in the uk and paid £1750 per week for 3 weeks in a sea view 3 bed apartment, but we only stayed 4 days so had to pay out again for somewhere else. Our car was also booked through europcar and we collected from the airport we just thought it would be a brand new car like we had always had in the past, again it wasn't done on the cheap it was the going rate for a 4x4. We flew with qantas and virgin, again all pretty standard, the way most people would do it. The way we feel has nothing to do with any of this, what I was trying to say was that because something felt wrong so early on I put it down to these things initially because I couldn't understand why I wasn't loving it the way I thought I would. It is nice to know that others feel the same and I'm not totally crazy, (not that I would wish feeling this way on anyone else), thanks again for the support x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Oh sweetie! ((((Hugs)))) no magic answers from me either I'm afraid other than to say that there is nothing magical about the 2 years. If you don't belong, you don't belong (even 32 yrs didn't make me "belong"). If I were you I'd cut and run now! Hanging on, IMHO is a bit like continuing to bang your head against the brick wall in hopes that it'll make the headache go away! Marriage counselling may be a good first start if you and your OH are struggling with all this. If that isn't a goer, it sounds like your feelings are impacting your daily life at the moment and a visit to your GP could get you some counselling - a half decent CBT or ACT therapist should equip you with tips and strategies to get through each and every day (exogenous depression is a bugger!). But NEVER think that you have failed in any way. I hope that things turn around for you soon (maybe a job first!) so you can begin to see the wood from the trees! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I would say though that you get what you pay for anywhere in life. If you rent the cheapest place available it will a dump. If you rent a cheap car you will get a crap car. Your comments are not representative of Australia that most people experience. But you do need to put in and be the sort of person who can get out there and make friends etc. Australia is not that different to the UK that you cannot have a great life here if you want to. Bit below the belt PC! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I don't think it was below the belt. Okay maybe a bit insensitive. But I think she unfortunately got off to a bad start which has ruined Australia for her. It sounded (to me) like she must have gone cheap in choosing rental and car to get such poor quality services provided. But I take her word for it is she says she didn't. Quoll. Can you honestly say you provide unbiased advice in these matters ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3FatCats Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 OK, I feel as though I have to comment considering my story is so similar to yours, Greta. We arrived 2011, the flights were awful, company put us up in a hotel in a crappy area (see shootings), the room had fleas (FFS!), I also got a crap rental car (1 out of 3, so not too bad), we could only afford a really old house, the loo was in an outhouse type part of the building, mouldy and freezing (we found out when winter came along), I was unemployed for 10 whole months, we struggled financially and to be honest, it was a pretty demoralizing experience. To give credit to Parleycross (although the post was a tad insensitive maybe) had we been put up in a nicer place, been welcomed properly, been able to afford a normal, decent house, had I found work sooner, had it all been just 5% better, then I am sure we wouldn't have felt so down and out and like the world had kicked us into a corner. So yes, the way you go end up coming to Australia does influence how you settle IMO. However (and I really am trying to be impartial here), there are folks who just know a place isn't for them right from the start, folks who settle immediately and folks who need some time and eventually end up settling. I am one of the first category, having moved about quite a lot and lived in different countries, I can say hand on heart that I knew as soon as we arrived it wasn't going to be a match made in heaven (before all the crap happened too). There is nothing wrong with Australia at all, but it is not for me and not where I want to be ultimately. For Greta what I suggest is to stop punishing yourself, there are hundreds of threads on here of people who are in your same situation, there will be hundreds more in the future and indeed hundreds in the past. Before you all start screaming at me that my experience "is not a true representation of Australia jajjajajajajaja" I actually agree with you, I was a bit unlucky, and also agree that most of the happy, settled folks are probably not on this forum and out there just getting on with life. Indeed, if I didn't feel so out of kilter I probably wouldn't be on here myself seeking solace in some of the MBTTUK posts. At the same time, you can only feel how you feel in the present moment, and I have yet to meet anyone with a magic button to press which makes them have a change of outlook overnight :wubclub: If you have that solution, I would welcome the name of your pills! :laugh: Greta love, sit down and try to think rationally of what your "ideal world" would look like, and work backwards from there to try and understand where you want to be. Have a hug :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I were you Greta..just book a flight and get your stuff booked into a shipment going back. Not worth worrying about and your not going to die if you leave, you just might be a bit skint when you return I was in a totally cockroach infested place when i got here, didn't rent a car either and stuck to trains etc.. the place i got was truly awful, the next place was awful which i had to stick at for a year. emigrating: Its all an uphill struggle in the beginning and talking to others they were the same but I think after a year you start to chill out a bit or decide to leave. I guess not finding work is the major point, if I hadn't found work i would have gone back very shortly after arriving. There are many things which grate on me about Australia and Australian people and i know i wont ever call it home but its OK and i know I can stay for a while. I think much of your experience may be down to a relationship ending though. I read somewhere the percentage is very high to break up when emigrating as people change so much. would you have been just as unhappy in the UK with these circumstances? Either way just get it booked, its not jail like where the british criminals were sent 100 years ago :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 and also agree that most of the happy, settled folks are probably not on this forum and out there just getting on with life. Oh comments like that I don't get at all ... there are loads of people on PIO that are perfectly happy with life. It is the 21st century and t'internet is a normal part of life these days you know, using it doesn't mean one is unhappy. :wink: I read and sometimes post in the MBTTUK forum even though I am perfectly happy with my lot here in Australia and could well be here until the day I die. I do recognise though, that just because I am happy it does not mean that the move suits or should suit everyone else. My unhappy experience living overseas was 8 years ago now and I know too well that sometimes it just isn't right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 To the OP, everyone is different...but for you, please don't try and make it work any longer. start putting plans in place and move back to where you are happy.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Greta, I certainly know how you feel when things just don't feel right, sometimes you just have a gut instinct. If your marriage was happier, you'd got a job and were more settled the rental car and lousy apartment saga would be something you'd be laughing about instead! For your own sanity you probably need to soon make a decision as to whether you want to stay or go back to the UK and only you can do that. If your marriage was happier and you'd found a job, would you feel any different? If you do make the decision to go back then devise a plan. Honestly however broke you are, with some careful planning and budgeting you can do it. Maybe not straight away but once you know for sure that's what's going to happen then just making that decision can take some of that anxiety away. Of course you will have people questioning you and saying you're crazy etc. but at the end of the day it's your life, your happiness and your money. I'm planning on going back at end of next year and that will be after 14 years here. I can't afford it but am doing everything I can to raise that money. I'm also getting people saying I'm stupid etc., only this weekend my EX mother in law told me it was a very "unwise" and I'll regret it - she can take a running jump - and I certainly won't be visiting her when I'm back either! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Greta, :hug:I think you know what you need to do, please do not cry alone, go and cry with your mum as she will be there for you and with you, that way you can make it your last cry and go onward & upward from there, forget the money as that has gone and like your recent experience's should be left in the past. You need to look to, and make the future how you want it to be, and I believe that you can do it. I wish you well and the best of luck. Keith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melbpom Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Greta, I'm not sure I understood your first post. Are you saying your OH is going back to the UK or his friend is? I'd be going back to the UK with OH if you can. You don't want to be restricted in your movements because of his rights to have access to the children. Forget the money, pack up, sell up and go. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Greta - You are not alone Even if things go well, sometimes Oz just isn't for keeps - Things were great for us to start - I had a brilliant time for the first few years, scratched an itch and now like many I'm just ready to go home. It has taken enormous bravery to come out here, I am really sorry that it hasn't worked out, but if you can cut your losses and head back - and if you can't get a plan together to get you back home. I got some great advice on this forum about making definite plans, and feel so much more positive about Oz now I know I can get home. The knowledge that it's not forever is priceless - and this is just as applicable to you - this too shall pass. We do get fed a lot of bunkum about lifestyle down under from the UK and however well researched you are, you can't always prepare yourselves for some things like the poor quality of housing that people earning a 'normal' wage tolerate. I know some people who are extremely happy out here, and good luck to them - but don't beat yourself up. Sure, you sound like you've had some bad luck - it can be bloody tough out here, particularly without friends and family to support you. Emigration is also a huge test of relationships, and things may improve when you feel a bit more positive. Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 You sound as though you are in a dark place just now and in need of a couple of close friends. If you can get a job ( anything!) I am sure it would make you feel better and help you save to go back- plus you would be meeting people and interacting with them. Maybe your kids are miserable because you are? They are pretty sensitive to moods these youngsters. How old are they? I was also wondering where you are- Perth? Maybe if you seek out a few expats you might feel a bit less homesick, at least someone to talk to and understand what you are going through without calling you a whinger! Good luck and I hope things improve for you very soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3FatCats Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Oh comments like that I don't get at all ... there are loads of people on PIO that are perfectly happy with life. It is the 21st century and t'internet is a normal part of life these days you know, using it doesn't mean one is unhappy. :wink: I read and sometimes post in the MBTTUK forum even though I am perfectly happy with my lot here in Australia and could well be here until the day I die. I do recognise though, that just because I am happy it does not mean that the move suits or should suit everyone else. My unhappy experience living overseas was 8 years ago now and I know too well that sometimes it just isn't right. Good for you, I like my opinion too :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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